I decided to open up because i think that you guys are worth it.

My high school friend just left and after 5 hours, he told me that in 4 years of HC he never saw me so emotional and vulnerable. We had fun but overall, i cant accept what my ex did to us and how she left, probably for someone else, and we werent classic story. He told me that that you can see sadness in my eyes and all he remembers about me is being HC athlete winning everything and going against everything.

I just called my mother and it was awful, she was half asleep and i couldnt have any sort of conversation with her. Not only my brain is ruined but there is no one when i need them, she left me in pain to feel horrible pain of leaving.

Im not suicidal, im fighter, really heavy one. But i must be honest with myself, im all alone and in shitty country. All the potential that i brought into this world, is locked in Alcatraz. Im not living, just existing and spriting. My knee hurts, surgery is possible, my brain is almost dead and im tired of life.

When i see that young kid that i was at 3 or 6 years old, smiling blonde little fella running for football, i think that life made me to disappoint him. Im at my lowest point and im not sure what is next move.

No one understands me, yet 99% i wouldnt care for that but brain let my guard down. Therefore i feel so alone and lost, nothing makes sense and i really feel that its not worth anymore. From philosophical and reasonable standpoint.

Feel free to write whatever you want, im alone in my apartment, in heavy pain and this is only sub or group that I care to even put energy into.