I apologize for what seems like a sidetracked previous post. I wanted to show that I went from a poor but love struck college student to a corporate drone almost overnight. I spent three weeks in a sterile hotel room, listening to generic people talk about generic things. Large corporate restaurants run on focus groups and statistics. I drank my corporate cool laid with a smile on my face and tried desperately to keep my sweet Jenny in mind. I could make it through anything if I kept my eye on our future.
At night though, away from her sweet presence, I had my doubts. I talked to her on the phone every night. She was supportive and loving as always but…..my mind wandered back to the first weeks of our relationship. I remembered the cavalier way that she had discarded her previous fiancé. The doubt wasn’t so bad when we spent all of our time together, it’s hard for your girl to stray when you are always around. When you are away from a woman that you love, that you know has a history of unfaithfulness, every man you’ve come into contact with her is a suspect. Every interaction she’s ever had around you comes under scrutiny. Did I imagine the look she gave the neighbor? What really happened the night I passed out early and everybody stayed up drinking? I did my time in Florida and hurried home, my mind poisoned with paranoia. She was radiant and as loving as ever, but there was something off. Maybe it was the separation, I had nothing but time down there to think. I began to not trust her at her word, I think she could tell the change in me. The first few days back were blissful and I buried my doubts. Surely a woman as devoted as the one lying next to me couldn’t be guilty of the thoughts going through my head.
A week after I returned from Florida I started my management position in a town 40 minutes away from my home. My suspicions had been subdued but not quashed by a nice week alone with my girl. Jenny had changed though. She was constantly worried about who I was texting, or whether I thought the girl on TV was hot. We began to fight, daily. At first they were small fights. She would accuse me of checking out the neighbor girl or being too friendly with one of her friends. I was drained from work and I wanted peace and quiet, so I learned to capitulate. I wanted my happy, sweet Jenny. The life of a corporate manager is one of quiet desperation. I had to treat my employees like small children and I had to eat shit from the fat entitled patrons of the restaurant. Initially I was scheduled 4 days a week, 12 hour shifts. With the drive time this meant I would leave the house at 8:15 am and get home around 10 at night. On my days off she would drag me to her friends’ houses. She had been reconnecting with old friends from her high school. I didn’t necessarily care for them but I was too tired and disillusioned to really care.