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SupportGirlfriend stabbed herself and hit the kids, SWEARS she doesn't have BPD. Is this true? (self.BPDlovedones)

badsupreme1 が 投稿

My girlfriend stabbed herself completely through the hand and one time back handed our child so hard it left a handprint shaped welt. She withholds sex/interaction for months at a time. When she finally talks she sends upwards of 15 messages in a row. She has this one out of town girlfriend that she lies to about every aspect of her life. When confronted on the behavior she swears she is okay and doesn't need therapy. She uses excuses like "our child healed" or "there's no nerve damage in my hand" to justify why its okay that she did that. When confronted face to face on concrete evidence of her shitty behavior she actually refuses to use words and pretends to have "anxiety attacks" that prevent her from answering questions. She refuses to get help and consults reddit in an attempt to diagnose me with mental illnesses. Is this BPD? Am I crazy?

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[–]cookieredittor 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

This is really crazy. First, get legal help to protect your son from her abuse. Assume she will self harm more in the future and blame you for it. If she self harms, call emergency services ASAP. This is not normal, this is terrible for all involved.

[–]Shanguerrilla 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Depends on where you are in YOUR journey: your needs and your wants... How clear are they to you?

I recommend therapy. FOR YOU. Find someone who understands PD's. Give a little take a little.... she wants to pin it on you. Find a GOOD therapist, on your own. And go. Then do what you can to bring her into the fold. Therapists don't judge or hold grudges. So find a good one, you need them. Then do all you can to get her individual therapy with them as well. Later some couples interspersed.

But you are in a FUCKED relationship and something in you is keeping there. I get 'staying for the kids'. I did that, and it wasn't the right move for me.

Your situation is untenable.

Record interactions. Journal the day to day. And get your own ass into therapy. Then try to lure her into there too.

That is the only path that helps you see you aren't crazy--- but WILL GO CRAZY if you stay.

You sure as shit cannot fix her, you can't even help her. Your efforts will serve the opposite purpose.

I say this so 'matter of fact' because it is. It isn't just you that you need to protect. You need to protect your children and recording with therapy and help for YOU is the only and best path available.

If she won't go and go consistently later, that's her choice, your next choice needs to weigh that fact HEAVILY.

[–]jperez19 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

BPD or not that behavior is far from normal.

Forget about the diagnosis, you might never get a formal one. Start working on yourself and prepare to leave with your child. Get into therapy, get a lawyer and read Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

[–]-whycantistop- 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If OP is aware of the child abuse and continues to stay, CPS may take the child. Being aware of, and not providing protection is almost as bad as being the abuser in the agencies eyes.

Leave now.

[–][削除されました]  (2子コメント)

[removed]

    [–]badsupreme1[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Thank you! That is actually VERY helpful. I will keep "no armchair diagnoses" as a take away.

    [–]oddbroad 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

    The poster you responded to has BPD. People with untreated BPD however are very abusive to their loved ones. Though nothing you describe is specifically BPD and doesn't change the situation. You could argue all abusers have a personality disorder or mental illness. Do you want a diagnosis of BPD thinking that will get her help? Because of all the diagnoses you could ask for PDs are the most resistant to treatment. That's the last thing you want. It doesn't excuse her behavior either. Nor what you're child is being exposed to. If there's physical violence you have a good custody case, LEAVE.

    [–]AatroxIsBae 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Also get very, very far away from her

    [–]skaterjuice 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

    I once hit my son and left a handprint mark, and year later I stabbed a screwdriver through my hand. But the last one was while frustrated the my BPD spouse was telling me one thing and acting like it was another. In fact my psychiatrist told me I have no underlying mental health issues or PD's, but some codependence issues, boundary issues. He believes it was learned during my 13 years with a BPD spouse. And he feels that is what led me to do it. She had convinced me I has a few PD's and I was a liar, bit my psychiatrist, HER family, and our friends over the past decade set me straight while I was in a psyche ward. So anyway, no it's not enough to say that your spouse has BPD. Not at all. As for hitting my son. The stress I was under was ridiculous, but it doesn't make it better. It was however the only time I've hit either of my children in 9 years. And It won't be happening again.

    [–]CheeseStrudel 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Doesn't matter what she has, if she hits the kid she has to go.