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So I rejected a nice guy... (imgur.com)

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[–]terminator3456 115 ポイント116 ポイント  (6子コメント)

"I was bored & feeling lonely so I went on a date with you but now I actually have some good things going so bye felicia" is a really shitty thing to say to someone. Should've phrased that very differently.

You done goofed OP.

[–]JosefTheFritzl 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is definitely one of those exchanges that fuels the 'nice guy' rhetoric, especially with the context in the comments here.

They went out a few times, he never made a move, she's over it and tells him he's cool but she doesn't want anything serious. Then it's 'Serves me right for being a nice guy and not forcing anything' blah blah blah.

Let's hope he doesn't fall down the rabbit hole from this and become really bitter.

[–]itwasmeberry 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (0子コメント)

nah, especially with the backstory, it sounds like they had different ideas of what they wanted. It was phrased a little weird but it makes sense in context. She was lonely and wanted company, he didn't want to be that company.

[–]kittenlover27 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (1子コメント)

OP could have just said "i was confused on what i wanted and i dont think this is what i want, i don't want to lead you on"

[–]UnicornBestFriend 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Phrase it differently? Please. She was straightforward and even apologized! Look at how quickly dude retrofits the situation with the narrative he's adopted for himself. It wasn't personal and he made it all about how he's a soft loser who sucks. He would have twisted any rejection into a pity party.

Healthy adults don't require validation from other people, especially not strangers. That's why healthy adults don't have a problem being straightforward about their needs.

If you need someone to coddle you, you're not fit for a relationship with anyone but your parents.

Are these comments defending the guy for real or is this some hella high-level sarcasm I'm not getting?

[–]FlyingFailure 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yea, that's kind of shitty... With the backstory, maybe just "You should've made a move earlier" as opposed to "life got interesting again, bye"...

[–]dish-tech 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (0子コメント)

A lot of these guys need to realize there's a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. You can be assertive and confident while still being nice and respectful to people

[–]Razi_ftw 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'd say he dodged a bullet by not going out with you to be honest

[–]glass_magnolia 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (1子コメント)

'you were entertaining while I had nothing better to do..'

There are so, so many less shitty ways you could have said that. You basically admitted you used him until something better came along and then tried to say you didn't mean to hurt anyone. If I were this guy I'd thank you for helping me dodge a fucking bullet.

edit: ok I didn't scroll down. Which in doing so only lead me to the conclusion I'm reading a story about two crappy human beings instead of one.

[–]UnicornBestFriend 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

She cops to it and apologizes. That's the adult thing to do. Moreover, she made it clear that it wasn't about him but that the defect is in her character. Humans are flawed, why are people acting like this is a shock?

[–]ItsJonesey94 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Just so you know, OP, you sound like an awful human being.

[–]UnicornBestFriend 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Have you never changed your mind on something? If something isn't right for you do you proceed with it anyway?

[–]Blackaria 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (3子コメント)

This is actually kind of sad. It's not your fault, genuinely, but I feel bad for this guy. He has self-esteem issues and depression. He's obviously been taken in by some of the stupid nice guy rhetoric that is rife on the internet, but he lacks the entitlement and ego that usually go with it. I hope he finds someone who's right for him and realizes all this nice guy stuff is bullshit.

[–]UnicornBestFriend 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

He does have the entitlement and ego. That's why he went off on her when she said she wasn't interested.

People change their minds. It wasn't personal and he made it all about "me me me me me."

[–]uber1337h4xx0r 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You shouldn't diagnose someone as having depression based on a simple nice guy post.

[–]baref00tmama 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't feel all that bad for him. Instead of accepting this explanation, he's decided to write his own narrative to villainize a woman who was nothing but honest with him.

[–]hawkster9542 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

the weather is nice so I can go tramping

Based on whether you meant "camping" or "tramping" that message could be taken VERY differently.

[–]autumnrain2103 36 ポイント37 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Sounds like you are a big part of this problem. If anyone dodged a bullet, it was probably him.

[–]TheKocsis 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (4子コメント)

yep. I can totally understand if someone breaks after a message like that. It's okay, she was sad and in a bad place, happy she's better now, but that text was cold and heartbreaking. That guy's confidence is in pieces for a few months

[–]UnicornBestFriend 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (3子コメント)

It was in pieces before he met her.

She said: I changed my mind because my life circumstances changed and I apologize if I hurt your feelings

He said: No. You liked me and then you met me and because I'm such a freaking loser and I never get anyone you don't want me because no one wants me bc I always come in second forget we ever even met.

She never said any of that to him. He's the only one tearing himself down.

[–]TheKocsis 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I might will explain it wrongly because English is not my native, but basically my argument is: don't expect a proper , well-thought answer after a message like that. what blue wrote is cold and is bad. I understand why the guy feels cheated after a message like that. I'm not saying he's not on the niceguy spectrum, but definitely wasn't like many others in the pics of this sub. maybe he's deeper in that after this, dunno.
But, in all fairness, blue ( or the girl, I assume ) is a bad person in this story too. not just by what she said to the guy, but by thinking that she is rightfully laughing at this guy.

[–]UnicornBestFriend 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

She's not laughing at him though.

What should she have said?

[–]TheKocsis 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

she shared this pic, saying she's a "niceguy" on this sub, which makes fun of niceguys. of course she is.
I don't know. Really. I don't know the whole situation, I don't know the girl, I don't know the guy, and I'm not the one who should put the words in anyone's mouth. Maybe she said the best possible thing in the situation, but even then, the reaction is not as far off as most others in this sub. I'm not saying is 100% normal, I'm just saying it somewhat understandable.
I can't open the pic now as I'm in work so I'm writing from memory, but she could've said something like : i was looking for someone more dominant who doesn't afraid to make a definitive move.
this would make clear what was the problem, and also wouldn't involve the "i was lonely, but not anymore, bye" narrative.

[–]itwasmeberry 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

did you actually read the exchange or the backstory? because it doesnt sound like it

[–]thomascoopers 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Why did the nice guy screenshot this

[–]thedeadpill 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (1子コメント)

So, are we to understand... you're single? /s

[–]dish-tech 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Respond you RANCID SWINE

[–]Mac290 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Nice Guys need to be told it's because they didn't make a move. You can make a move without being aggressive or disgusting. It's always worth trying. If you get shot down or misread the situation, then what's lost?

[–]Throwaway244555 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This guy is awesome tbh, he's self aware, has self respect and he's honest. This guy is a cool person.

[–]capliced 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This seems like it might be the birth of a nice guy.

I'm glad OP is ok now, but when get rejected and one of the reasons is "the weather is better now so I can go tramping (camping?)" That definitely would make you question your worth.

Apparently backstory is he never made a move, and if that part of the problem, you could see him try and fix that with the next woman he meets by making his intentions known from day 1, skipping the get to know someone stage and coming off as creepy, which makes him more upset and resentful and eventually he becomes a full on niceguy.

[–]mohatmapanda 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Too many people are taking what she said the wrong way. To me it sounds like they had only a few dates and it was 'fine', but not what either of them wanted. It wasn't as if they'd been dating for years and she summed their relationship up in a text. She has the right to stop seeing someone, it was not appropriate to go off on her, and it isn't her fault this guy has self-esteem issues.