0
0

Need some advice! Parents being ugh. (self.askgaybros)

ReturnTheSlab420 が 投稿

So today I was talking to my parents who "claim" to be super supportive of me. And to their credit they do a nice job of faking it. they pretend well enough to be interested in my dating life to sound fairly convincing among other things but I know they will never truly understand me or who I am.

Anyway, we were talking about politics today and I brought up how I've continually been oppressed my entire life. They immediately got offended (of course) and said that while it's certainly possible that i could be oppressed sometimes they say for the most part I've had it fairly easy because 1) i come from a fairly affluent family 2) according to them I've never been directly bullied or fired or generally shamed for my sexuality or race (im a gay minority) my entire life and 3) im surrounded by people that "support" me and love me unconditionally, and to claim that I've constantly been oppressed my entire life is both insulting to them and to people who've actually been oppressed. They then had the AUDACITY to tell me that I should be more grateful for my life because there's a lot of people who aren't as lucky as I and that I was born at a time where gays and minorities are relatively accepted.

How can I possibly explain to them that oppression is relative? And that im constantly oppressed simply by virtue of being who i am? I'm gay and a minority, therefor I'm oppressed no matter how many things I have going for me. It doesn't matter that I don't have any concrete examples of being oppressed; I still am anyway. And how can I explain to them that how exactly can I be grateful for my life when I've been dealt such a shitty hand in the first place by being gay and a minority?

And how the fuck do I respond to the "gays and minorities are accepted now" when objectively things have never been worse for us?! My parents are unfuckingbelievable sometimes. I'd seriously like any advice on how to move forward after this and if there's anything I should say or do to make them see how wrong they are about everything.

Thanks in advance!

全 85 件のコメント
並べ替え:
ベスト
トップ新着論争中古い順Q&A

[–]Stonn 10ポイント11ポイント  (27子コメント)

So you are oppressed not because of what others do but simply by definition. SJW style.

Read what you wrote because it sounds irrational.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (26子コメント)

It sounds perfectly rational to me. I'm oppressed simply by being a gay minority. There's no way around it. Just because I've nobody has ever directly oppressed me doesn't mean society hasn't indirectly oppressed me all the time, because it has. You've been constantly oppressed, too, since you're gay. Do you get it now?

[–]PyroSpark 3ポイント4ポイント  (11子コメント)

Based on what you wrote literally no one is oppressing you personally, though.

I wouldn't even say gays are really oppressed in first world countries tbh.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (10子コメント)

Really? Not even the massive anti gay hate crimewave that's been going on lately?! We've never been more oppressed than we are right now.

[–]PyroSpark 4ポイント5ポイント  (9子コメント)

That would be just...discriminated against. Not necessarily oppressed.

Like, gays in Russia and the middle East are oppressed. You're misusing the word.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (8子コメント)

Isn't being discriminated against a symptom of oppression though?

[–]PyroSpark 2ポイント3ポイント  (7子コメント)

Not necessarily.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (6子コメント)

Please explain

[–]PyroSpark 2ポイント3ポイント  (5子コメント)

We can come out and legally hold hands in public (if we wanted to) and sue for hate crimes if someone tried to hurt us over it. Our existence is protected by the government and most people, assuming you're out of the the bible belt. Technically you can say that states with no lgbt discrimination laws for work, are a tad oppressed in a way.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

Okay but what about the casual homophobia that has infected the vast majority of society for a really long time now?! That's oppression!

[–]Stonn 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

Not in an extent to actually call it oppression.

You are basically saying that there always will be oppression, which just sounds wrong.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

You don't think there will always he oppression?!

As long as the straight white man has all the power (and that's not changing anytime soon) then there will always be people who are oppressed.

[–]jeanoisxlouise 2ポイント3ポイント  (11子コメント)

You're being so lame. Please get a life

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (10子コメント)

Wtf how am I being lame?!

[–]jeanoisxlouise 2ポイント3ポイント  (9子コメント)

You're fuckin overreacting dude. Oppressed my ass. Lol it's better to feel "oppressed" in the family than die in fucking famine

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (8子コメント)

Suffering is relative. My pain is just as real as those starving in the Middle East.

[–]bacchusisbae 3ポイント4ポイント  (3子コメント)

😂

[–]RedEyedWarrior 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

At least you're not starving, and at least you're not going to get pushed off a building just for being gay.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

That doesn't mean we're not oppressed.

[–]SeerPumpkin 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

So is some Kardashian crying over a diamond earring lost in the ocean

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

What's that supposed to mean?

[–]EVILGR33NRNGR 8ポイント9ポイント  (14子コメント)

You sound like a terrible, entitled person. Goddess have mercy on your parents.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Why?! What makes me what you say I am?!

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (12子コメント)

Plus my parents are the bad guys here! They're being intolerant bigots!

[–]EVILGR33NRNGR 6ポイント7ポイント  (11子コメント)

What they did wrong was raising a spoiled brat with no coping skills. Ppl like you are why the LGBT movement hits so many roadblocks. You're a shit human being or trolling (I hope) who thinks the world owes you anything. I wouldn't be upset if you chugged a cup of knives.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (10子コメント)

Well exfuckingscuse me mister. You're an awful person! You're siding with my bigoted parents and you don't even understand my struggles. FUCK you!

[–]EVILGR33NRNGR 7ポイント8ポイント  (9子コメント)

You have zero struggles, you said so yourself multiple times.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (8子コメント)

Where did I say that exactly? Sure I came from a fairly affluent family that doesn't mean I can't feel pain or that I can't suffer hardships!

[–]EVILGR33NRNGR 5ポイント6ポイント  (7子コメント)

Wtf is wrong with you? Do you just think you have to be hated on to be gay or something? From all your responses your life is fine stop making up imaginary bullshit to be upset about.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

So you're telling me right here that nonpoor people can't be unhappy or suffer in any way?!

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (5子コメント)

Also I don't have to be hated by all people I just am BECAUSE IM GAY.

[–]EVILGR33NRNGR 4ポイント5ポイント  (4子コメント)

Yeah, you're a privileged faggot, deal with it.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

All suffering is real ffs what don't you understand about that

[–]henare 6ポイント7ポイント  (7子コメント)

tell us about how you've been oppressed.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (6子コメント)

Like I said, I may never have been directly oppressed by anyone, but society has oppressed me from day one simply because I'm a gay minority. Doesn't matter my so-called "privileges" that my parents have. And it's insulting to claim that things are never better for gay people when in reality things have never been worse.

[–]Stonn 4ポイント5ポイント  (3子コメント)

You will be majoring in Social Studies won't you?

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (2子コメント)

No I just graduated college with a business degree

[–]RedEyedWarrior 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

You know, not many people can afford to go to college. Who's privileged now?

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Still not me, because of who I am.

[–]RedEyedWarrior 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

things have never been worse

Are you fucking kidding me. Assuming you're in the US, it was illegal to be gay in every US state until 1962, some states did not all it until 2003, gays were excluded from the military until 2011 and not protected from hate crimes nationwide until 2009, and could not get married in any state until 2004. Nowhere in the world had gay marriage until 2001 nor the rights that come with marriage until 1989. Sure, being gay is still a crime in roughly 70 countries, but 30 years ago it was a crime in over a hundred, 60 years ago over 120+. If a gay man who was alive in the 1940s saw this, he'd be envious of you.

And by the way, if you haven't been directly oppressed by anyone, then congratulations, you're not oppressed.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Like I said, it doesn't matter what happened in the past. What matters is now. And what's happening right now is we are all being oppressed by a heteronormative and hateful society.

[–]RedEyedWarrior 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

You're oppressed? Oh you poor pet! Are you mad because manmy and daddy won't hold your hand? You're 23 years old. Act like it.

[–]simple_collision 4ポイント5ポイント  (2子コメント)

I can't even believe how gross this is. OP sounds like a troll. And on the off chance he's not, just plain an awful human being. Your parents are right, but you seem to get off playing victim. And regardless of the opposition you seem to dig your heels deeper claiming you're oppressed.

You need a lesson in humility and compassion. You sound like a 16 year old crying because she wants a Lexus but her parents bought her a BMW.

I've spoken with teens on the brink of suicide because they were truly oppressed. I've seen kids come from broken homes with more appreciation for basic care than you. So for you to casually claim to be oppressed is sickening. The fact that you are 23 is just sad. Sad because I like so many others had their shit together way younger than you. Your temperament is one of a spoiled teenager. Your parents are so right in this. For you to claim being oppressed is insulting to the people who actually are and can't do anything about it.

Here the thing, I too come from an affluent family, the only bullying I have known had nothing to do with me being gay and I stopped it and any form of it I've ever seen in high school. I see my life as privileged and do everything I can to help others who may not have had such an easy life. I see it my opportunity to help because I have been provided for and cared for by loving parents. I would never have taken them for granted as you have. I will admit here something I never would in person, but I do not help others because of any sense of guilt, I do it because I have the means and any person I help get their life in order helps me feel like it honors my parents and everyone who helped get me to where I am today.

You are the opposite of me. Someone privileged but will play the victim card to get attention. In my life I see so many of you. I won't convince you because you will reject anything I say, and my time is better spent on helping people who really need it.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

I do NOT play the victim card because by being gay it means we're always going to be victims of an oppressive and hateful society no matter what. We all have it equally as hard.

[–]simple_collision 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

You say victim, I feel empowerment. We don't have it equally as hard. Being ignorant of that is what makes this so wrong.

[–]ZacEfronsChesthair 8ポイント9ポイント  (9子コメント)

...you're an asshole who either doesn't realize he's an asshole or knows he's an asshole but hides behind the excuse that he's gay so no one can touch him.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -5ポイント-4ポイント  (8子コメント)

I mean I like being petty to people sometimes but who doesn't? It doesn't make me an asshole lol

[–]ZacEfronsChesthair 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

"I like being an asshole to people. Doesn't mean I'm an asshole!"

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Don't tell me you've never been petty to someone lol it's fun and everyone does it

[–]EVILGR33NRNGR 3ポイント4ポイント  (5子コメント)

Yes it does.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (4子コメント)

What so you're never petty or mean to people who deserve it?! Lol

[–]EVILGR33NRNGR 5ポイント6ポイント  (3子コメント)

I'm an adult so no.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

I'm an adult too though haha all my friends are petty and many adults are petty

[–]bacchusisbae 8ポイント9ポイント  (9子コメント)

Sounds to me that you like playing the victim card.

Alot things your parents have said are true. Imagine if you were born 100 years ago even coming from a well off family it would have been pretty much impossible to be gay openly.

Accepting their child's coming out is something no parents practices like giving the first safe sex talk or helping them get over their first break up. Accepting a child's coming out is something they learn on the fly. They aren't sending you for psychiatric help or getting you admitted to a facility or throwing you out. They are learning to accept you and continue to love. This is new for them too. I'm with your parents on this one.

Lastly don't expect anyone to support your case if you don't have examples. There is a reason cases are best won with solid evidence.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (2子コメント)

Also what happened 100+ years ago for gay people doesn't matter, but either way things still have never been worse. I can get killed because of who I am if I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time and nobody would care.

[–]bacchusisbae 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

Are you dense or just plain inconsiderate? It should matter to you because those people couldn't afford the luxury of being openly gay that you do.

Nobody is lynch killing gays. Death comes when it has to come. And you're wrong. I'm pretty sure your parents and friends would be devastated.

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Nothing has changed from 100+ years ago though people are still just as hateful today as they were then, so why should I be grateful for that? I mean yes maybe my parents might be sad and my friends would too but society as a whole wouldn't give a single fuck, just like they never give a single fuck about us

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -5ポイント-4ポイント  (5子コメント)

I don't know nor do I care how difficult the adjustment has been for them, and I shouldn't have to because coming out shouldn't be an event.

Also see above what I said about oppressionS oppression doesn't need concrete examples, you just are by being a minority or gay or a woman. Maybe not directly by people but indirectly by society, because overall society hates us.

[–]bacchusisbae 8ポイント9ポイント  (2子コメント)

You seriously lack empathy and consideration. It's not an event. They aren't making a fuss out of it. You are!

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

And how aren't they making a fuss about it?! They're the ones with bigoted opinions and don't understand me!

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (0子コメント)

How do I lack empathy?!

[–]jeanoisxlouise 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

All you care about is YOURSELF. You have to proof read your statements cause it really sounded like you're a self-centered cunt

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

What exactly makes me a "self-centered cunt?!"

[–]Throwawaytamb 6ポイント7ポイント  (5子コメント)

What a fuckin retard. Your parents should put you up for adoption!

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (4子コメント)

I'm 23 it's too late for that but sometimes I wish they had ya know?

Also fuck you I'm not retarded!

[–]Throwawaytamb 6ポイント7ポイント  (3子コメント)

Well obviously you're not sane. So please do a favor to your family and all gays, cause you're a fuckin annoyance and embarassment, and runaway to a deserted Island where no one will see you or hear you. And where there will be no sign of a living thing that would make you feel victimized for being gay...

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (2子コメント)

Wow. You're a horrible person.

[–]Throwawaytamb 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

Lol ...look who's talking. You sound like a narcissistic sociopath!

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

How do I sound like a narcissistic sociopath?!

[–]SeerPumpkin 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Seems troll. As someone who has been actually opressed for years, I find it pretty offensive, though. Would you really have the nerves to come to my face if you knew all the stuff I've been through just for being gay and say "I'm opressed"?

[–]ReturnTheSlab420[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

What have you been through?

[–]losttypewriters 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Bad troll or just a shit cunt. I can't decide, leaning towards the latter.

[–]GameofWheels 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I hope it's a troll because I can't fathom someone being this dense and narcissistic.