So after the cutting incident with Jenny I had a new focus. Her breakdown made sense to me. She was a girl adrift without a purpose in life and without a tribe to dedicate herself to. She was a mess for over a week after the incident, and while she laid in bed I made plans and got to work. I talked to my father and explained the situation (leaving out the most graphic details). He agreed to bite his tongue, simply for the fact that I was an adult and could make my own decisions. For the week that she was invalid, her delivery job would only take so many excuses. She was terminated and we were left with one income for the household.

I was left to fund the household, while still in school. Let me give you a little backstory to help you understand my predicament. My father was, and continues to be, a country preacher in the rural Midwest. We’ve all heard the tales of wealthy televangelists and their private jets and megachurches. My father was not of that breed, a true believer whose earnest demeanor and simple, but effective, way of communicating endeared him to his flock. From my earliest years I remember bouncing around the state we lived in. He was the guy they called in to revive a dying church. We had faith, respect and community but we never had enough money.

It was made clear to me at a young age that I was going to have to work for whatever education I got after high school. I had my first job at twelve and I never looked back. My trouble was that I had a passion for subjects that would never allow me to pay off the crushing debts that a poor student must incur. The liberal arts are a luxury of the affluent. If I really wanted to pursue my dream, I would end my education with hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt and I still might not find a position.

Thus I found myself, working 40 hours a week and inching towards a bachelor’s degree that gave me nothing but the privilege of 6 more years of school and a mountain of debt. On top of that, my whirlwind romance with Jenny distracted me from my studies. There was a chance I wouldn’t even make it into my grad school of choice. When Jenny lost her job, I faced a crisis. I could support myself and keep chugging along, or I could support us and focus on making money. In my weakness, I chose the latter.

For the 2 years prior, I had worked as a waiter at a corporate Italian restaurant. The money was good and I could leave my job at the door. They had offered me a job in management the year before my crisis and I had turned them down. I had my goals and I couldn’t accomplish them with the added stress of management. After Jenny lost her job, I went to my general manager and asked if there were still positions available for promotion. There were, but corporate training meant three weeks in Florida and the position was in a town 40 minutes from where we lived. I dropped out of school and prepared for my trip to Florida. I was going to make a life for us, Jenny was so supportive. We talked about kids. I was going to give her the family she never had.