The initial stages of living with Jenny were wonderful. Days spent in bed fucking and talking. I told her everything; my dreams, my outlook on life and most tragically for me, my insecurities. I was an open book and I thought she was too.

I told her of my struggles with losing my faith in God. My father is a minister and it was always assumed I would be as well. My father means everything to me and I was struggling with the fact that I was a disappointment in his eyes. She supported me and reassured me that my dad loved me no matter what.

At 21 I was really starting to lose my hair and I hadn’t come to terms with it yet. It was a deep source of insecurity for me. Once again she was there to comfort me. She constantly told me how sexy I was and the mind blowing sex was confirmation in my eyes that I was desirable. I was young and while physically a man I was not yet a man mentally or emotionally. I needed validation and she gave it to me. I began to base my sense of self-worth around her. If this beautiful woman, who could realistically get almost anyone she wanted, chose me, I must be worthwhile.

If we are being honest, this was probably the happiest time in my life up till that point. We wanted nothing more than each other’s company. I neglected friends, family and school. My world was that little house.

Despite my bliss, there were little moments that challenged my delusions. They were few and far between at first but as time went on increased in frequency. She would seemingly at random blurt out very cruel things to her friends. The comments were always aimed to their core. Her “friends” seemed to be terrified of her disapproval. I was appalled but I rationalized it away. Jenny has her issues, I would think, but she loves me. She wouldn’t ever turn her cruelty on me, our bond was once in a lifetime.

Another early sign of trouble was Jenny’s jealousy. It manifested itself in small ways even before she dumped her fiancé. Her “friend” I had been trying to hook up with was forbidden from coming over. Jenny ostracized this girl from the friend group. She would get upset with me if I even mentioned the girl’s name. If we were out and about she would get upset with me if she thought I was checking out another girl. Once again, I rationalized this troublesome behavior away. She loves me so much that the thought of losing me to someone else makes her act irrationally.

Despite the warning signs the first three months or so were amazing. I decided that I would introduce her to my parents. She wanted to make a good impression so she got rid of her piercings and covered up her tattoos. My parents are very traditional in matters like that. The transformation was stunning. She played the part of a conservative, family oriented girl perfectly. At my grandfather’s birthday party she wooed everyone. She was the charming but shy beauty that doted on me and I had multiple people come up to me and tell me she was a keeper.

I shouldn’t say everyone was wooed. My father was not impressed. A few days after the party I met him for lunch and he voiced his concerns. He couldn’t give me a concrete reason he didn’t like her. He said something along the lines of he “sensed some sort of depravity” in her. I had learned over the years to trust my father’s insights on life. His council had always been important to me. This was the turning point in my story of Jenny. I had the person I trusted and respected most voicing the concerns that I had been stubbornly repressing.

It wasn’t enough, I had built my entire self around this girl. She was perfect and our love was perfect. She had her flaws, and I mine, but together we would build each other up and there were no limits to what we would achieve together. It was with these thoughts that I cheerfully marched towards my destruction.