I listen to the radio every morning on my way to work. I have an hour commute, sometimes longer, and I’m a big fan of morning radio shows. It’s like my version of reality TV—totally mindless, a bit ridiculous, but wildly entertaining.

My favorite segment is called “Waiting by the Phone” on 103.5 Kiss FM with Fred and Angi. Here’s how it goes down: Someone sends an email to the radio station detailing a date or series of dates they’ve recently had. For whatever reason, the person they went out with is no longer responding to their attempts to reach out, via call or text, which effectively leaves them “waiting by the phone.”

I LOVE this part of the show. It’s the only time in my life that I’ve been aware of what time a certain segment is on the radio and will actively listen through it, even if that means commercials or one of the crappy top 40 songs on the radio.

I love it for its entertainment value and the absurd stories you hear from some of these people, including the totally cringe-worthy moments. Like this morning… a guy called in because he hadn’t heard from a girl he met on Bumble and had taken out on two dates.

For one of the dates, he cooked her dinner at his place. After dinner, they continued to hang out and talk, where at one point—I kid you not, this is the real story—he proceeded to go to the bathroom, leave the door open, and continue talking to this girl. Except, with the door open, it was very easy for her to tell that he was NOT peeing. The guy literally took a shit with the door open while continuing to talk to this girl. On the second date.

You can imagine how entertaining this was to hear on the radio. And believe it or not, it started a Twitter rampage of people defending the guy. But, no matter which way you slice it, shitting with the door open on the second date is absurd. And for that reason, she didn’t want to go out with him again.

Fine. Perfectly reasonable. I completely get it. That’s not my issue.

What bothers me about this segment (and modern dating in general) is that every person who writes into the station about being stuck “waiting by the phone” is getting ghosted. Not sure what that is? Let’s check Urban Dictionary:

Ghosting: The act of suddenly ceasing all communications with someone, the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date.

For the purpose of this conversation, I’m talking about the kind of ghosting that happens on a short-term basis with someone you met in person and felt like you had a connection with. Of course, there are certain situations when cutting off communications is a necessary means (such as abusive or unhealthy relationships). But in the social sense of the word, ghosting is an absolutely ridiculous social norm that has crept its way into modern dating. It happens so regularly that people have just started accepting it as a fact of life. Well, I say enough is enough.

the problem with ghosting

What irked me about “Waiting by the Phone” recently is the number of people who called in to Fred and Angi’s show to defend ghosting. I could not believe the number of people who were like “Yeah it’s totally fine, I do it all the time.” Wut.

Proponents of ghosting will argue that if they’ve only been on a date or two with someone, they don’t “owe them an explanation.” Well, let me tell you. If you only do things in life because you “owe” someone something, you aren’t going to get very far. Sometimes you do things just because it’s the decent thing to do. Letting someone know that you’re not feeling it, rather than just slipping away and disappearing, is the decent thing to do.

Critics will also say that they shouldn’t have to make a big deal out of something if you barely know the other person. But is shooting someone a quick text just to let them know you’re heading in another direction really THAT big of a deal? I get it’s awkward. I get it’s uncomfortable. I get you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, but it’s the decent thing to do.

Unfortunately, the onset of dating apps and technology as a way to communicate has made it insanely easy to ghost someone. Men and women have countless options at their fingertips that burning one person is like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ *swipe*swipe*

But human beings aren’t faces on a screen there for you to judge for 10-15 seconds before swiping left or right. We aren’t relegated to our Tinder profiles. We’ve put forth time and effort into getting to know you and going out with you. We’re invested. The least you can do is tell us that you’re not.

what you can do instead of ghosting

man the f*ck up

Ghosting is a total cop out. I don’t want to say people who ghost are big fat wusses…but if you ghost, you’re a big fat wuss. Seriously, man up.

Breaking things off with people isn’t easy, for anyone, but it’ll likely be over quicker than you think. People in modern society have this nasty habit of avoiding things that make them feel uncomfortable or ignoring it until it goes away. We’d rather pretend it doesn’t exist than stand up and face the music.

But seriously…man up.

Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it. Then, you can exit the relationship with your dignity and grace intact.

be honest

Look, not everyone you go out on a date with is going to be a perfect match. Obviously, but that’s the point of dating. We connect with a bunch of different people to figure out what we want in a partner until we find the right person. There will be certain people you know aren’t the right fit the first or second time you meet them. That’s OKAY.

Getting back to being a generally decent person—the right thing to do in these situations is just to be honest. If you don’t feel like you’re compatible, then tell them. If you went on a date with someone else that you have a better connection with, and you want to pursue that person instead, then let them know. It’s that simple.

send a freaking text

Young Americans age 25-34 send over 2,000 texts per month on average. It’s not going to kill you to send one more.

I don’t think anyone who’s ever been ghosted was expecting some big conversation with a top 10 list and a PowerPoint explaining exactly why you didn’t want to go out with him or her again. And if you were somehow worried that breaking it off would send the other person into a psychotic rampage, don’t give yourself so much credit. Just send a freaking text and get it over with so we can all move on with our lives.

my final thoughts

I’m laughing to myself as I write this because I can hear what people might say…

“Damn, this girl is really butt hurt about this whole ghosting thing”

“She probably gets ghosted all the time, that’s why she’s so mad”

“She really needs to lighten up”

“Stop getting your panties in a bunch”

But to that, I say, “Stop being such a wuss.” I won’t pretend like I’ve never ghosted before, but it never sat right with me and I never did it again. What’s the point? What does it gain, besides you saving a little bit of face? (Wuss.)

Despite my feelings on this, I still love listening to “Waiting by the Phone.” And I’ll probably keep listening to it, but would I be mad if that segment went away because people stopped ghosting each other? Absolutely not.

#endrant