Don't Date Single Moms

[Bill McNeal]

I managed to rescue the classic Don't Date Single Moms post from the old forum. Even though Nacho posted it, apparently it was a re-post from the HB forum. So with proper attribution below, here it is...

Don't Date Single Moms
Written by Zen King (Taken from Happy Bachelors Forum)

I thought I would set down a "rough guide" for men thinking about starting a relationship with a single mom and what some of the ramifications are of dating and entering into a deeper relationship with a single mom could be. Of course this guide does not apply to all women or all men but it will list the main problems I have observed through over the years.

Contrary to popular media-myth I have yet to meet a single mom who was career driven, carefree, balanced, happy; doing it all type gal as often portrayed in most media outlets. The reality I have seen over the years is usually a stressed out, overworked, debt stricken woman who really had no idea children cost so much in time, effort and money. Their careers are on hold as they need to balance their child with sickness, school activities etc versus moving up whatever career ladder they are on. Most single moms are raising their children with help of an extended family member (usually their mom), a bevy of friends and other single moms they find in support groups. It is usually not a pretty picture at all.

Somewhere along the way, usually quite quickly they come up with the idea that they need a "partner" to help them in their new enterprise of having a child and the sooner they can get one the better. Realizing they have a bit of a disadvantage with having a child and being in the dating scene they resort to several well known strategies to get a partner.

One of the first strategies is to engage men who do not have children of their own. This allows the woman to portray the semblance of having and raising a kid is easy and there will always be a balance between their relationship with their partner and their child. Sometimes they will portray themselves as helpless victims, victimized by an evil and absent father they need saving and you can save them. Another popular scheme is to make themselves look accomplished and together by extending their debt to ridiculous levels to portray they are all right and don´t really need a partner. There are quite a few more, but like I said, this is a rough guide.

One of the strategies is to involve the child with the prospective "partner" almost right away and foster a relationship between the man and her child. This allows a lot of leverage on several levels as time goes by. It allows for huge amount of guilt and shame if the man wants to break off the relationship, allows a bonding to take place that is hard to shuck off and other factors... You will hear phrases such as any man who loves me must love my children! etc.. All designed to appeal to a mans sense of chivalry and protection. This hopefully facilitates a sense of belonging together and in the end marriage.

Most single men are unaware of what is going on when they start to date a single mom. It seems that the child is around, but it is pleasant, there is a clear distinction between adult and child time etc, it seems actually for most men, not a bad time at all. This allows the single mom to get the man closer and farther into the relationship. What is really going on is a shit-load of help from the single moms friends and other helpers. Tons of babysitting services, tips on dating, comparing notes and plans etc. No matter what you see as a man there is something else going on do not forget that. Her plan is to eventually get a partner one way or another. You are the prize and she is going to earn it.

One trait that seems to come to the forefront with most men who are dating single moms is just how wonderful a woman they really are. Most men cannot for the life of them figure out why another man would abandon a woman like her. It has been stated that single moms are more caring, compassionate, great lovers, excellent cooks, laugh at all your jokes etc they seem to be ideal mates.

What is actually going on is well planned and orchestrated strategies to get a man into a relationship. I don´t know how many men have loudly complained that after marriage they were suddenly now doing most of the cooking, cleaning, and repairing around the house with zero time like they had before. I don´t know how many have said it was like night and day after they moved in. The kind compassionate woman the men met had some how now been replaced by a truly different woman, it was like another personality type than the one they married. In short a single mom knows she has to work harder to get a man and she will work harder, but for many the act cannot last that long and the real woman reveals herself. Usually this occurs just after marriage.

A lot of men though go for it and involve themselves in marriage with a single mom and do not really know some of the problems they will encounter. Here is a short list of several common problems that begin to creep up:


Being a "partner" means you get to pay for half- if not more. I have noticed after marriage a single mom works at dizzying speed to make sure her mans name is on all of the bills. She also will usually demand money also for a huge amount of her child´s expenses. It is also expressed as a part of "loving her and showing it". I have seen men putting money away for college for a kid that´s not his. Buying ridiculous amounts of brand name clothes, expensive homes etc all in an effort to be in a so-called "family".

The Family you just got into is by invitation only. In most traditional marriages that produce children, the man, woman and child or children make up he basic family unit. In being a step- parent you are not the basic unit. The mother and child together are the basic unit. You are invited in and can be un-invited whenever mom feels it to be so. No matter what is said or mentioned before marriage, you will never come before her child. You will always be in a family and relationship where you come second, maybe third.

No matter what you think her ex is going to be there forever. In just about every case the child´s father does not seem to be in the picture during the dating and courtship stage but seems to suddenly show up after. The reality is he was always there, your partner just never mentioned it. The father will most naturally want to have a relationship with his child and he is going to be quite involved most of the time. Just about every time you will be dragged into the endless bickering and fights they have and you will not be liked by him "its only natural remember" also be sure to take into account the grandparents, uncles and aunts and all the family functions you will be attending with him, his child, his ex (your partner) and his side of the family. Get used to being uncomfortable.

Her kid will most likely not like you very much. Let´s face it you´re sleeping with their mom and most of the time the child will see you as a roadblock to his parents getting back together. Most likely the mom has made you the giver of discipline in the relationship, being the man and all which results in the kid hating you. Or after watching the child run amok for weeks after you arrive you change juniors´ schedule to include some discipline and then you also hated even more. An amazing amount of men involved with single mothers report how the child hates them, but he can keep buying gifts to try to win their affection. Some call it the ATM effect of diminishing returns.

All that time you had together with your new love will end after marriage. The number one job of a single mom is simply to be a mom. She is not a party girl, hiker, camper, biker, clubber etc. Just be prepared for a frontal assault on your time and money after marriage. You will find your weekdays taken up with homework, PTA meetings, suppers at home, and early bed times. Weekends will be the time for the child´s extra-curricular activities and other activities. If a single man is wondering what happens ask any father of children how their time is spent, it will not be on hobbies. You will hear endlessly the phrase "we are a family now and this is what a family does" of course your idea on family will differ, but it is her family and she will make the choices.

You will wonder what happened to all your money. Most men involved with a single mom report that their money seems to dry up. Children are expensive and expensive like most men have no idea. Between school supplies, clothing, vast amounts of food, babysitters if you ever want to go out, medications, fees, sports, supplies, toys and such; well, there will be little left.
As a footnote there is also another ploy by some single moms that men also forget about. The child´s father is paying for a lot of these things. Quite a few men have reported that their wife or girlfriend was getting them to pay for such things as sport fees, equipment, university funds, school supplies and such but at the same time getting the child´s father to pay for these things also. Double billing, also called fraud, is quite common but it does allow the single mom to have almost zero expenses for her child as two men are now paying for junior. Another ploy that is quite horrific was a man whose wife owned a home and he moved in with her and her child. Although he fixed it up, paid half the mortgage and expenses- she had willed the home to her children. When confronted she said since she would be dead she did not care if he had a home or not, her child came first. So be careful with matters of money. Very careful.

You will never really be accepted. I have observed time and time again the heartbreak of a step parent as the child gets older. After putting them through school, providing a place to live, food, getting the child all kinds of gifts and honestly really caring about the child and such I keep hearing this one story over and over. The time comes for a grad or a wedding, the step parent thinks he might be lauded for his sacrifices but instead is shunted to a back seat or not invited as the child invites mom and dad to the party; and thanks them for all their love and work. Usually there is not even an acknowledgment of effort.

You will now be part of the single moms´ network. Be prepared to help out all her buddies as they helped her out. Endless weekends and nights of babysitting the other single moms kids so that they too may date and get a man. You will also discover why 75% of all people in jail come from single mother households. Try not to have any expensive items around.

Now that the single mom is now married she will need to impress her single mom friends with her new found happiness. Her happiness will usually include a new home in a good neighborhood, new clothing, new items for the home, new car etc; there is an unwritten law it seems among a lot of single moms that they compete ruthlessly with their friends. If she does get married she needs to show them her new found prestige. Be prepared for huge new expenses.

You will have no time for errors. A lot of single men get involved with the single mom and her kids when the child is a bit older. Being inexperienced with children becomes a huge burden as the single man has no time to learn parenting skills; and mistakes are not readily forgiven nor forgotten when a kid is 4 compared to 14.

You may think it ends, but it never does. I know many men whose single mom wife promised them a completely different life after junior turned 18 or so. At the beginning of the relationship it looked like just a few years and then total privacy and freedom. Then years later they found out that junior is going to go to university for 6 years after taking a gap year off and not worry about a job as he will live at home. After that the story usually is that the child gets married and has kids and needs a ton of babysitting services. The dream of trips abroad, moving to a nicer place etc. evaporates for most men. They just wind up being early grandparents. The other option that happens a lot is the girls have children early and stay at home. Not only is the man taking care of his wife´s child he also has to care for her grandchild now!

You will have nothing to show for it. In the end when most men have their own children the work and effort is well worth it. The men did their best and raised a family, continued a line, get grandchildren etc. As a step-parent you have contributed as much but you have nothing. Nobody carries on your name and most men realize they are not even ever thanked for their sacrifice.

The legalities can kill you. There have been numerous cases where a man has divorced or left a single mom and then found himself liable financially for her child. Although not the father he will be responsible for child payments, extra fees and most certainly university far after they are 18 check the laws out, it´s a raw deal. Couple that with some alimony and you get the whole effect of being a divorced and homeless dad with not one child of your own.


In the end women have asked for their freedom to make their own choices now for decades. I would advise all single men to let single moms make their choice of having a child by themselves and then live with it. Don´t involve yourself with these women under any circumstances. It can be in many ways, the death of a man.

Well it´s a rough guide and you were warned.

[WheelBarrow]

Just, say no.

This is an excellent repost and if only it would be required reading for every male upon reaching the age of 18 it would likely do a lot of good. Long before I came here I was the target of such a scheme (and probably still am) but had decided a long time ago that raising another man's spawn is not my cup of tea. I've seen a lot of guys take that shit sandwich and seemingly enjoy it. Nope. None for me, thank you.

[Entreri]

Lads and lurkers, take heed, and let me serve as an example. Yes, that's right, I was dumb enough to not only date a single mother, I went FULL retard and wifed one up.

Let's just say it didn't work out for me AT ALL.

[Notorious GIT]

Lads and lurkers, take heed, and let me serve as an example. Yes, that's right, I was dumb enough to not only date a single mother, I went FULL retard and wifed one up.

Let's just say it didn't work out for me AT ALL.

But would you have ever got the name for a band "Psycho Hellbitch and the Wombfilth" without having done so?

[Entreri]

Lads and lurkers, take heed, and let me serve as an example. Yes, that's right, I was dumb enough to not only date a single mother, I went FULL retard and wifed one up.

Let's just say it didn't work out for me AT ALL.

But would you have ever got the name for a band "Psycho Hellbitch and the Wombfilth" without having done so?

No.

But what's the chances of Psycho Hellbitch and the Wombfilth ever being more than just a joke between me and Pimpmaster Antoine Rothbottom III?

[Bill McNeal]

Lads and lurkers, take heed, and let me serve as an example. Yes, that's right, I was dumb enough to not only date a single mother, I went FULL retard and wifed one up.

Let's just say it didn't work out for me AT ALL.

Ooh, so sorry to hear that. I guess ignorance isn't always bliss.

[Fray Bentos]

Lads and lurkers, take heed, and let me serve as an example. Yes, that's right, I was dumb enough to not only date a single mother, I went FULL retard and wifed one up.

Let's just say it didn't work out for me AT ALL.

[MisterPho]

Lads and lurkers, take heed, and let me serve as an example. Yes, that's right, I was dumb enough to not only date a single mother, I went FULL retard and wifed one up.

Let's just say it didn't work out for me AT ALL.

Likewise. Ended poorly.

[The Hat on the Cat]

Don't be a single mother's knight in shining armor.

[Matt Foley]

I also dated AND married one.

You know all those stories about what a horrible, abusive prick her ex-husband was? Just go ahead and marry one. In a few short years, you'll be the new and improved horrible, abusive prick.

These women aren't content unless they're being victimized. And if they aren't, they'll create situations to give the illusion that someone is abusing or taking advantage of them.

Just stay far, far away.

[McCracken]

Timeless advice!

[Neo]

Been there, got the T-shirt. But luckily the force is strong in me, my sense of self preservation always won out in the end, and I Ejected to safety.
Single mums can be fun to begin with, because they are SO eager to please you, but they're never long term prospects for all the valid reasons given in the impressively comprehensive article above.
The thing you must have always in the back of your mind while she is being the most amazing woman in the world with wild sex and blowjobs, is why would anyone get rid of such a great woman???
The reason is that she probably got rid of him, in all but wallet, and one day you will be just as easily replaced.

Remember, a single mum is just for Christmas, not for life.

[Notorious GIT]

No.

But what's the chances of Psycho Hellbitch and the Wombfilth ever being more than just a joke between me and Pimpmaster Antoine Rothbottom III?

*Sigh* When the n00beroos come along and read this they'll have no idea WTF we're talking about half the time.

So I'll explain: Entreri is a multi-gender service male prostitute, and Antoine Rothbottom III is his Pimpmaster.

[Entreri]

No.

But what's the chances of Psycho Hellbitch and the Wombfilth ever being more than just a joke between me and Pimpmaster Antoine Rothbottom III?

*Sigh* When the n00beroos come along and read this they'll have no idea WTF we're talking about half the time.

So I'll explain: Entreri is a multi-gender service male prostitute, and Antoine Rothbottom III is his Pimpmaster.

I fucking LOL'd.

If we can recover the threads from the other forum, that one needs to be recovered.

[Entreri]

Old forum is up in read-only but the fucking popup ads are killer.

EDIT: I tried to find it. Waded thru 19 pages of General Discussion, numerous pages of Lad's Night, a few others, cuz I couldn't remember which section it was in.

No dice.

[bob]

Old forum is up in read-only but the fucking popup ads are killer.

What are these "ads" things everybody keeps talking about? I don't get it.

[Editted to subtract links to the old place. - bob]

[EddieS]

I was going to say something about how stupid it would be for me to date or marry a single mum. But it's really a job for git. But only in his absolute prime.

[Older and Wiser]

I also dated AND married one.

You know all those stories about what a horrible, abusive prick her ex-husband was? Just go ahead and marry one. In a few short years, you'll be the new and improved horrible, abusive prick.

These women aren't content unless they're being victimized. And if they aren't, they'll create situations to give the illusion that someone is abusing or taking advantage of them.

Just stay far, far away.

Been there and have the scars to prove it.

As for being painted as the "abusive prick" even my son's believed it since being the full blown "mangina" that I was I did NOT tell them about her multi years of sleeping around and they failed to remember her constant screaming etc. etc. (I never once, not a single time ever screamed at her, and was totally faithful).

Eventually my son's grew up, moved out, I FINALLY told them about her sleeping around for many years, which they did NOT want to believe at first - and attacked me for making up "lies" about her, but suddenly the light bulb came on in their heads as they observed their mother's behavior AFTER I told the about her actions and how she treated me (she may have started to attack them ... they may have observed her sexually use other men ...I don't know for sure, but when they switched it was SUDDEN).

I can't say I wasn't warned.

My best friend tried to warn me away, as did some casual friends, but as mentioned here during the "courting" phase the she-beast turns into a hyper sexualized version of Mother Teresa .... and oh, it is an earthly version in real life of "Heaven". (stop over early before work, to give you sex and fix you breakfast. stop over after work to have sex and fix you dinner. ANYTHING you want to do is fabulous with her. NEVER gets angry about anything. well, you get the picture).

AVOID SINGLE MOMS!!

You are merely a tool to be used, and then discarded once you are "used up".


Older and Wiser

[cnmcdee]

Yah I've always had an aversion for the single mothers and somehow always kept them at arms length. I dated enough of them, but when I would not allow myself to integrate with the kids in any fashion things would end in short order as they soon realized all they would see from me is the hookups.

I'm glad I'm free!

[bubbagumpshrimp]

I've been there too. I've dated two single moms and married one. Big fucking mistake.

As others have said...early on...things will be all peachy. The two of you will have time to yourselves, she'll appear to be a functional parent, and it will look like she's capable of supporting herself and her kids.

The reality of it is that the alone time that the two of you will get is the result of friends and family watching her kids (this will go by the wayside once you move in together. It won't become apparent until too late that she is an ineffective parent (at best). It won't become apparent until you're in the position to foot the bill just how much her family was paying for.

[Live Free or Die]

What's this "dating" thing you lads speak of?

I figured out long ago that "generous" means sucker and that "dating" means women get free meals.

[Darth Sin]

Dating and marrying a single mother is like having a big bottle of rancid milk with some ink drops spilled onto it for you to drink.

Only do this if you want to either kill yourself of experience severe pain.

[DrunkenMaster]

Dated a few myself , just dated , that's all instinctively I ask the question "why is she single?". Wait. patience my young padeauoine , the sith reveals itself .

[Lester Burnham]

I can't believe I'm saying this, but for more casual arrangements, I have generally found single mothers in their thirties to be better prospects than their childless counterparts. Quite frankly, the 'baby-rabies' makes the average childless thirty-something woman quite unpleasant to deal with - she's an anxious person, and she's only interested in you in so far as you can help her pursue her agenda of playing happy families. With the need for a child already satisfied, I get the sense that single mothers can relax and enjoy a casual relationship for what it is - rather than what they want it to be.

Again, I think this is true only for women in their thirties. Teen and twenty-something single mothers are a nightmare, but the script seems to get flipped around thirty (the wall basically).

[bubbagumpshrimp]

I can't believe I'm saying this, but for more casual arrangements, I have generally found single mothers in their thirties to be better prospects than their childless counterparts. Quite frankly, the 'baby-rabies' makes the average childless thirty-something woman quite unpleasant to deal with - she's an anxious person, and she's only interested in you in so far as you can help her pursue her agenda of playing happy families. With the need for a child already satisfied, I get the sense that single mothers can relax and enjoy a casual relationship for what it is - rather than what they want it to be.

Again, I think this is true only for women in their thirties. Teen and twenty-something single mothers are a nightmare, but the script seems to get flipped around thirty (the wall basically).

Seriously? From your post count, I'm going to have to assume that you're a Troll. Just in case you're not, I'll expand on my answer. Like myself and the others above said...that care free attitude is an illusion. The only reason that she's able to "enjoy a casual relationship" is that she has friends and family watching her kids. They're doing that because they're banking on you...sooner or later..."putting a ring on it." If you date a single mom for a length of time and imply that you want a long-term relationship (whether or not that means with her)...count on it endly badly when you attempt to "punch out" of the relationship to pursue tail with less drama.

If by "casual relationship," you mean one night stands/pump and dump...then yeah...single moms are a guaranteed lay. Again...I wouldn't recommend going that route. If you're naive enough to think that they're able to relax and just enjoy a casual relationship, you're exactly the kind of guy that's stupid enough to eventually wife one up. Again...been there and done that.

Keep in mind...with all women...there is an end game. With a single mother, that end game is marriage and the security that it affords her and her children.