Hello All: I want to share my story, a long wall of post coming. I am a first generation immigrant from China. Came here to study, then found a job, started working as an engineer. English is not my first language, so I took English lessons. I met a local woman. Older than me, about 8 years. She had a girl from a previous relationship. When we first met, the connection was automatic and the sex was mind blowing. I had no previous relationship experience. I grew up in a farm, would walk to school and back, so no social experience with women. I fell in love with her, after 2 years of up and down dating, I asked her to marry me. We got married. We had our own kids. The older kid(her kid) started to behave differently. No matter what I tried nothing worked. I had not been a father before and so I did not know what to do. Plus in my country, the kids don't disrespect their elders.Strong cultural baggage here. From here, the things started to go downhill. Her parents, especially her mother started ganging up against me.Insinuated many racial things, which I did not like. My kids, 2 boys and a girl, they look distinctly asian, and she did not hesitated to show favoritism to the first kid against my kids. My parents are too simpleton to interfere. They warned me against marrying a white woman, and that too someone who had a kid. But I remember my struggles to get out of my village in china, the determination that I had experienced before, encouraged me to ride this out. Which I admit was a mistake. Anyways, because I was the only child of my parents and because of 1 child policy, I wanted more kids. As the kids kept on coming, I kept myself more and more busy with another grad degree and then starting my own start-up.The more I stayed away from home and the more MIL started intruding in our life, and becoming hostile to me to the point that she refused to hold or talk to my kids. I could not take it any longer and I contemplated divorce. However, she was already planning on this. So, she emptied our joint savings account, surprised me on new year with a divorce demand. I was contemplating divorce, but when she did it, it hit me with a punch in gut so hard, that I cried for hours. I asked her why on new year, and her response was, you people don't even celebrate the western new year anyways, so what do you care!

I lost my house, my children were taken away from me, lost my savings, lost my car. Lost my sanity. Lost everything. But the problem is despite all the horrible things that was said and done to me, I still love this woman. She is the mother of my kids. I am having hard time getting over her. I have tried meditation, workout, I read RedPill, random dates, which I end up because I see her in every woman I meet. So I started to keep myself busy. Extra workout, more work, parenting my kids. All of that helps during the day, and it helps during the night, but when I wake up to her dream in the morning, and then my brain boots up and I start to miss the wonderful woman(in my eyes). You can call it oneinitis. I love this woman and I don't know how I can forget and move on. I took my marriage vows seriously. We were about 6 months in separation when she started banging this dude from no where. He is younger than I am, she is 46, he is 36 and I am 38. I wake up at night, with images of him caressing her breast and having sex with her, things that I used to do, things that we loved to do, how easy was this for her to replace me. We were married about 7 years. How can someone throw away 7 years and find a man and become romantically involved with someone and start having sex (by the way, the pattern with this man is eerily similar to things that she did with me) in such a short time. My heart hurts. I wake up many nights tears wailing out of my eyes, my heart racing, after having dreamt about them to gather in the bed. Am I wrong in still loving her? Isn't their a thing called loyalty and honor? This is the hurt part. Now, the embarrassment section, In my quest to discover what happened, I stumbled upon this gem http://www.mgtowhq.com/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=104, and I tell you unequivocally, that it is spot on. Which brings me to the another type of pain. I feel that I was taken for a ride and all those talks about how we loved each other was just a talk to make me commit and trap me. Whenever I think of this guide, I think of everything that happened with us, and man, I feel I was taken for a ride. I pay child support and alimony, live in a shitty apartment, have kids every other weekend, while she sleeps with that man in my house, in my bed, and I was informed that they even made out on the couch that I am still paying for. This is not fair. The justice system as failed me immensely, just because she is a woman. She had no contribution in making me who I am, all of that goes to my courage and determination and parents who instilled feeling of hard work. My salary should be going to them, and not this woman who is screwing somaeone else on my money.

Please tell me what to do now? It hurts as hell. The mental health is a joke. They can't understand my heart-break. My heart is heavy as I write these lines. There are times, when the subway tracks looked way too friendly to me. Only my children's love have kept me from doing that.

I am so thankful Hillary lost, by the way.