Sponsored links

A Voice for Men

Humanist Counter-Theory in the Age of Misandry

SocFreeSpeech
You are here: Home / Featured / DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender
Darvo1

DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender

By 35 Comments

Have you ever marveled at how your abusive wife, girlfriend or ex is able to do and say the most hurtful, underhanded and contemptible things and then portray herself as the innocent victim? Have you ever wondered how she is able to convincingly accuse others, usually her victims, of the abusive behaviors and attitudes of which she is actually guilty? Wonder no more, the answer may be DARVO.

Dr Jennifer J. Freyd, PhD of the University of Oregon identified DARVO in the 1990s at the tail end of the repressed sexual abuse memories hysteria. In spite of its dubious origins, DARVO is a helpful concept with broader applications than Dr Freyd seems to have originally intended. Freyd writes about DARVO in conjunction with her work on betrayal trauma, which I discuss on the original Shrink4Men blog. According to Dr Freyd’s webpage:

“DARVO refers to a reaction that perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim into an alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of “falsely accused” and attacks the accuser’s credibility or even blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation.”

DARVO seems to be a combination of projection, denial, lying, blame shifting and gaslighting. Dr Freyd notes that other observers have identified the same phenomena using different terms. My male clients experience this behavior when they try to hold the abusive women in their lives accountable. It also seems to be common behavior in most predators, bullies, high-conflict individuals and/or abusive personality-disordered individuals. DARVO especially seems to occur in high-conflict divorce and/or custody cases.

Of course, not everyone who denies wrong doing is engaging in DARVO. Many partners and exes of abusive women are accused of things they didn’t do or of things that never happened. Naturally, when this happens, you deny the accusation and perhaps feel a little (or a lot) bewildered. How do you know if an individual’s denial is the truth or an instance of DARVO? Freyd (1997, pp. 23-24) proposes:

“It is important to distinguish types of denial, for an innocent person will probably deny a false accusation. Thus denial is not evidence of guilt. However, I propose that a certain kind of indignant self-righteousness, and overly stated denial, may in fact relate to guilt.

I hypothesize that if an accusation is true, and the accused person is abusive, the denial is more indignant, self-righteous and manipulative, as compared with denial in other cases. Similarly, I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes threats of lawsuits, overt and covert attacks, on the whistle-blower’s credibility and so on.

The attack will often take the form of focusing on ridiculing the person who attempts to hold the offender accountable. The attack will also likely focus on ad hominem instead of intellectual/evidential issues. Finally, I propose that the offender rapidly creates the impression that the abuser is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed. The more the offender is held accountable, the more wronged the offender claims to be.”

This is similar to how William Eddy, LCSW, Esq describes the persuasive blaming tactics of high-conflict individuals.“Persuasive Blamers persuade others that their internal problems are external, caused by something else or someone else. Once others are persuaded to get the problem backward, the dispute escalates into a long-term, high-conflict situation. One that few people other than persuasive blamers can tolerate” (Eddy, 2006, p. 29). Getting the problem backward is precisely what happens when DARVO occurs. Figure and ground are completely reversed.

“It’s only the Persuasive Blamers of Cluster B who keep high-conflict disputes going. They are persuasive, and to keep the focus off their own behavior (the major source of the problem), they get others to join in the blaming” (Eddy, 2006, p. 30). This is why many Narcissists, Borderlines, Histrionics and Antisocials effectively employ smear campaign and mobbing tactics when they target someone—be it a spouse, attorney, court evaluator or therapist. By blaming others for everything that’s wrong in their lives they keep the focus off the real problem; themselves. This seems to be the exact denial-attack-reverse victim and offender behavior Freyd describes.

Freyd (1997, pp. 23-24) states:

“The offender is on the offense and the person attempting to hold the offender accountable is on the defense. ‘Deny, Attack and Reverse Victim and Offender’ work best together. How can someone be on the attack so viciously and be in the victim role? Future research may investigate the hypothesis that the offender rapidly goes back and forth between attack and reverse victim and offender.”

This behavior is crazy-making if you are the target of it. You know you’re being attacked while your partner/ex plays the victim role for all she’s worth, insisting on her distorted version of un-reality. Worse yet, many people believe her; their reasoning being, “She’s so upset it must be true.” Even some of my male clients who know their wives’accusations and lies aren’t true, sometimes doubt themselves and what they know to be reality. I believe that many women and men who engage in DARVO come to believe their own lies after they repeat them enough times. I call it the “O.J. Simpson Effect.”

Abusers typically employ different types of denial. Perhaps you’re familiar with some of the following ones:

  • Outright denial or gaslighting. “That never happened.”
  • Minimization. “It wasn’t that bad.”
  • Amnesia. “I don’t remember doing that.”
  • Redefinition. “I have a bad temper, so you shouldn’t upset me.”
  • Projection. “You’re abusive and controlling. You hurt me.”
  • Conversion. “I did wrong, but I’m a changed person and won’t do it again.”

Freyd (1997, pp. 23-24) concludes:

“The offender takes advantage of the confusion we have in our culture over the relationship between public provability and reality (and a legal system that has a certain history in this regard) in redefining reality. Future research may test the hypothesis that the offender may well come to believe in [her] innocence via this logic: if no one can be sure [she] is guilty then logically [she] is not guilty no matter what really occurred. The reality is thus defined by public proof, not by personal lived experience.”

It may be difficult to sort out who is telling the truth in these cases. However, I’ve found that high-conflict individuals who engage in this behavior often can’t substantiate their claims or, if they just make up more lies to try to substantiate their claims, they’re inconsistent over time, so pay close attention and document their lies. This may help you hang her with a rope of her own making, if and when you need to prove your version of events as opposed to her ever evolving versions of the truth.

If she is threatening to call the police and make false allegations against you and/or you’re considering divorce, it’s extremely important that you document the abuse you’re experiencing in a journal, a digital recorder or some other medium. Abusive, persuasive blamers rely on the force of their emotions to sell their lies, half-truths and distortions. Since most people are suckers for drama, especially in the form of a tearful, self-righteous woman, you’ll need proof if you want to be believed. Think of it as making yourself DARVO-proof.

References:

Eddy, W. (2006) SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist.

Freyd, J.J. (1997) Violations of power, adaptive blindness, and betrayal trauma theory. Feminism & Psychology, 7, 22-32.

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

About Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Main Website
View All Posts

Filed Under: Featured, Featured Men's Health, Women

Want to say goodbye to that crazy woman?

Buy the instruction manual here.

Support us by becoming a member

AVFM depends on readers like you to help us pay expenses related to operations and activism. If you support our mission, please subscribe today.

Join or donate

Sponsored links

Gynocentrism.com

Elsewhere on AVfM

  • Bewildered

    Frightening netherworld of the human mind ! People who spout dumb stereotypes must be the court jesters here.

  • CloudKicker

    Indeed, the entire ideology of feminism is based upon DARVO.

  • Bluedrgn

    This is particularly dangerous with the legal system we have today, where there is so much institutional bias against men.

  • HieronymusBraintree

    I don’t doubt that DARVOs believe their lies. The memories of even honest individuals are made up of both accurate recall and fiction, which is scary but, alas, unavoidable.

    Abusive people need to FEEL as if they’re in the right. It’s a lot easier to do that if, mnemonically speaking, you have little or no quality control and are simply able to believe whatever lie you need to tell yourself in order to feel the way you need to at any particular moment. While the stated reality may be utter bullshit, as a rule people attempt to determine truth based on the apparent sincerity of the teller. This gives sociopaths an unfair advantage over the normals.

    How I wish I were a sociopath.

    • Lorenzo Benito

      Most things in biology appear as a spectrum: most individuals are clustered close to the average, but there are a few outliers above or below the average. I would be surprised if this were not the case with the only too human tendency to confabulate. I expect that most will edit their memories to some degree, but there will be a few rare individuals who almost never do this: they remember things accurately, or not at all. On the other hand, there will also be people who can edit their memories, or create new ones from scratch, and believe them as sincerely as anyone else would belief theirs.

      I do, sometimes, wonder if this is one of the things that distinguishes Feminists from the rest of us. Maybe they are members of the minority that adopt any fiction as a memory, and believe it with total sincerity.

  • externalangst

    “…identified DARVO in the 1990s at the tail end of the repressed sexual abuse memories hysteria. In spite of its dubious origins,…”

    As the repressed sexual abuse memories were false to begin with and DARVO was devised to further set up the falsely accused, DARVO itself seems to have been the product of projection.

    This kind of epistemological (knowledge) value is often seen from feminism. All you have to do is reverse the feminist claim as a way to gain knowledge.

    For example, the feminist claim that men use sex for power (as in rape culture) is actually a better description for women. Men use power (wealth, status etc) for sex. It is women who use sex for power.

    It’s telling that along with the claim that men use sex for power, feminists also claimed that that was the worst thing anyone could do. Thanks Dr T for helping to right the world.

    • Thanks Dr T for helping to right the world.

      A million thumbs up.

      There are tens of thousands of psychotherapists, psychologists, counselors and coaches across the western landscape. How many Dr. T’s?

      Modern psychology is a gynocentric trap for men. And it makes no difference that so many men are abused, they get “hauled in” to therapy where they are told to be patient with abuse, to offer compassion and understanding to their abusers and take responsibility for all the nonsense these abusive women can cook up.

      Dr. T is a one of a kind item that stares that bullshit down and provides real help for men dealing with this insanity.

      If this movement catches wind, and I think it already is, people will be looking back on her as the Harriet Tubman of our cause.

  • AntZ

    For men, there is only one strategy that will provide reasonable certainty of equitable treatment by law enforcement or family court:

    ABR.

    If it is not on tape, the woman is telling the truth and the man is lying; so everything always needs to be on tape. I have always believed that a moderate priority for the MHRM should be to support efforts to change the law in the remaining 11 states which require all parties to a conversation (rather than just one) to agree to having that conversation recorded:

    California
    Connecticut
    Florida
    Hawaii
    Maryland
    Massachusetts
    Montana
    Nevada
    New Hampshire
    Pennsylvania
    Washington

    When I was in Florida, I recorded an ex- threatening to falsely accuse me of rape and assault to the police if I dared to leave her. I left, she called the cops, and when they came to arrest me I told them that I had a recording of her false accusation on tape. They refused to watch the tape and told me the recording was illegal under Florida law. The tape still saved my behind because they went back to the ex- and told HER that they had seen the tape (which was a lie) and she withdrew the accusation (I know, the cops actually did me a solid on this occasion). However, I will never forget the sense of powerlessness when I first heard that my “salvation” was actually a fragile house of cards.

    • VAWAVictim

      I had a similar but less fortunate experience in DC. My ex threatened to call the cops and accuse me of DV if I put her out of my place via text. I recorded what happened when I went home on my iphone. When the cops came I told them I had I had been recording and that she had threatened me via text. The cops took my phone as “evidence” which was conveniently “lost”.

      Always Be Recording but never tell the cops you were recording.

      • Chris Wedge

        Better yet, back that crap up. And record you handing evidence in, so if they lose/”lose” it, you have extra.

        And if they keep “losing” it, you have evidence of their negligence.

      • Lorenzo Benito

        The ACLU, or one of their sub-organizations, created a service a few years that automatically backs up video recordings made on phones. The purpose was to allow people to record the police engaging in illegal acts (since cops caught red-handed will usually confiscate or outright destroy recordings). I wonder if that service could be used for purposes other than recording cops?

        I do believe that Windows Phone, at least, allows you to automatically back up recordings with OneDrive. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the other phone OSs have something similar. Even if these services were originally intended to help you keep backup copies of your cat videos, they aught to work just as well to help you keep backup copies of recordings of illegal acts.

    • Jack Strawb

      Well said. In fact, I ran into a similar situation, with a female relative who was in the process of trying to steal the bulk of her parents estate while threatening male relatives with 911 calls if they stepped out of line. I had to keep encouraging her to cross the line and come to NY to talk in order to make the recordings of her threats and illegal behavior legal.

    • Kronk

      WOW you got lucky with those cops. I guess the jail must have been full that night or your fate would have been very different friend.
      I mean, you were the one with the penis, right?

  • SineNomine

    Having been on the receiving end of DARVO, I can tell you it’s frightening, confusing, and crazy-making for sure. You don’t know what to do with it while you’re in the middle of it, as by its very nature it keeps you off balance, and it’s impervious to reason. I’m very glad to be away from it.

    • I watched one of my ex’s deal with DARVO over a course of several years. It was extremely distressing, especially because it convinced some individuals I had thought were rational people into believing that he was a sexual aggressor, especially when I know better from 1st hand experience, and especially (if I can use that word again) because I couldn’t do anything about it, being a legal male myself. I don’t know why we let womyn-born-womyn get away with it.

  • Strange

    I’ve noticed what seems to be an aspect of the DARVO phenomenon that makes female aggression virtually invisible.

    I was in a pub once with a mixed group and a woman stormed in, marched up to a bloke at the bar and started hitting and slapping him, all while yelling and shrieking incomprehensibly. He just absorbed it all for a bit then turned and barked “for fuck’s sake, pack it in” to her.

    She stopped, looking shocked and outraged and said something like “God that’s so typical of a man to get all aggressive!” then stamped away.

    The girls in our group were also critical of the man for ‘being aggressive’ – they were totally unable to see that the woman was the actual aggressor. When it was pointed out that it was her that started it all out of the blue, this was waved aside as irrelevant – the important point being that he shouldn’t have shouted or been rude to her!

    It’s no wonder the men that Dr T helps need it so much – at least half the world is wilfully blind!

  • yinyangbalance

    Doh! You let the cat out of the bag. DARVO was to be my part II of “Abusive Women cause more harm” video on youtube.

    See Part I here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7YqsOHnRFY

    I actually have more time now to actually make part II. At the time I was unemployed and was out there fulltime looking for work. When I did get work, I was working all the time, and had little time to make anymore videos. But now I’m actually quite comfortable and can actually work on Part II. The beautiful thing is I didn’t know someone coined it DARVO, I was going to make this case myself in the video but thanks to AVFM I have a term to use for it with actual research to back it.

    Thanks!!!

  • Falland

    I would also say that if you are undergoing this type of abuse, not to become isolated from friends, family, and potential allies. My ex-wife was very much like this but she knew that it only worked when we were alone. One by one, she tried to push away the normal functional people in our lives because it made it harder for her to always have control.

    • Lorenzo Benito

      What you describe is in the very first paragraph of the abuser manual. Indeed, Feminists who focus of domestic violence will loudly portray this behavior as a sign of future abuse, but only, of course, when men do it.

  • DARVO is the same pattern as articulated by Tim Field of the timfieldfoundation.org. His books “Bully in Sight: How to Predict, Resist, Challenge and Combat Workplace Bullying”(1996) and “Bullycide: Death at Playtime”(2001) were both best sellers.

    In profiling “Serial Bullies” fields made the following observations, which are DARVO by any other name:

    “The serial bully
    How to spot signs and symptoms of serial bullies, sociopaths and psychopaths
    including the sociopathic behaviour of the industrial psychopath and the corporate psychopath

    Types of serial bully: The Attention-Seeker, The Wannabe, The Guru and The Sociopath

    Avoiding acceptance of responsibility – denial, counterattack and feigning victimhood

    The serial bully is an adult on the outside but a child on the inside; he or she is like a child who has never grown up. One suspects that the bully is emotionally retarded and has a level of emotional development equivalent to a five-year-old, or less. The bully wants to enjoy the benefits of living in the adult world, but is unable and unwilling to accept the responsibilities that go with enjoying the benefits of the adult world. In short, the bully has never learnt to accept responsibility for their behaviour.

    When called to account for the way they have chosen to behave, the bully instinctively exhibits this recognisable behavioural response:

    a) Denial: the bully denies everything. Variations include Trivialization (“This is so trivial it’s not worth talking about…”) and the Fresh Start tactic (“I don’t know why you’re so intent on dwelling on the past” and”Look, what’s past is past, I’ll overlook your behaviour and we’ll start afresh”) – this is an abdication of responsibility by the bully and an attempt to divert and distract attention by using false conciliation. Imagine if this line of defence were available to all criminals (“Look I know I’ve just murdered 12 people but that’s all in the past, we can’t change the past, let’s put it behind us, concentrate on the future so we can all get on with our lives” – this would do wonders for prison overcrowding).

    b) Retaliation: the bully counterattacks. The bully quickly and seamlessly follows the denial with an aggressive counter-attack of counter-criticism or counter-allegation, often based on distortion or fabrication. Lying, deception, duplicity, hypocrisy and blame are the hallmarks of this stage. The purpose is to avoid answering the question and thus avoid accepting responsibility for their behaviour. Often the target is tempted – or coerced – into giving another long explanation to prove the bully’s allegation false; by the time the explanation is complete, everybody has forgotten the original question.

    Both a) and b) are delivered with aggression in the guise of assertiveness; in fact there is no assertiveness (which is about recognising and respecting the rights of oneself and others) at all. Note that explanation – of the original question – is conspicuous by its absence.

    c) Feigning victimhood: in the unlikely event of denial and counter-attack being insufficient, the bully feigns victimhood or feigns persecution by manipulating people through their emotions, especially guilt. This commonly takes the form of bursting into tears, which most people cannot handle. Variations include indulgent self-pity, feigning indignation, pretending to be “devastated”, claiming they’re the one being bullied or harassed, claiming to be “deeply offended”, melodrama, martyrdom (“If it wasn’t for me…”) and a poor-me drama (“You don’t know how hard it is for me … blah blah blah …” and “I’m the one who always has to…”, “You think you’re having a hard time …”, “I’m the one being bullied…”). Other tactics include manipulating people’s perceptions to portray themselves as the injured party and the target as the villain of the piece. Or presenting as a false victim. Sometimes the bully will suddenly claim to be suffering “stress” and go off on long-term sick leave, although no-one can quite establish why. Alleged ill-health can also be a useful vehicle for gaining attention and sympathy. For suggestions on how to counter this see the advice on the FAQ page.”

    http://bullyonline.org/workbully/serial_original.htm

    http://www.webcitation.org/6O4ez7C9m

  • Damian

    This is exactly what the gay community will do to you if you are a victim of a crime committed by someone gay and they have all agreed to help cover it up. It’s sickening in some ways because it’s kind of cold blooded and there you will have someone be all polite and courteous to you even while he is pretending that you didn’t say what you just said, like about something that happened to you, or otherwise very politely acting like you are saying something inappropriate but he is too polite and too nice to call you on it.

  • fidelbogen

    Feminism practices what I like to call political DARVO.

  • Jack Strawb

    I’ve had the good fortune since I was fairly young to bail when confronted with this sort of nonsense, but I’ve watched my nephew’s mother damage and nearly destroy his life starting when he was 16 years old by cleverly pushing and pushing and pushing his buttons until he became angry enough to raise his voice to her, at which point she’d call the cops and he’d bolt out into the night (sometimes in the middle of Massachusetts winters) to avoid arrest.

    She inflicted this dance on him for years, claiming his anger was the problem. He’s in his mid20s now, and as he says, is ‘waiting until he’s a famous rapper to have a relationship with a woman.’ It’s very, very sad to see. He’s never been able to get started in life, drifting from crummy job to crummy job, unable to experience real intimacy with anyone. What a damnable shame.

  • roobydob

    Yes. My ex-wife (‘X’) did/does this. She would create double-bind situations that would result in me being angry and then turn round and say that I needed to be able to control my anger and that I had an anger problem. Oddly enough, I’ve never had an anger problem with anyone else except her. I’m a very non-angry, peaceful person, and I’m know for my calmness!

    She manipulates situations so that her victims end up looking bad because of their response to her. A good example is when my mother came to stay for Christmas and the NZ summer holidays. She lives in England but I live in New Zealand. She doesn’t get to visit very often. I had the children for some time so that she could spend time with them but X interfered several times with the times and arrangements and said and did things that caused chaotic drama situations.

    Things got particularly bad in the final week of her visit and my mother kind of exploded and said some unsavoury things about X that the children heard in their bedroom. Normally she is very careful not to criticise X in front of the children.

    Not long after this, X attempted to use the Family Court to limit my access to the children to short, disjointed times. A “Lawyer for Child” was appointed. During the process, my mother and I got rapped over the knuckles by this lawyer for talking negatively about X in front of the children.

    My mother’s response possibly was inappropriate, I fully accept that, but it was in response to some considerable ongoing aggravation from X.

    The pattern of behaviour where a situation is created and them people blamed for their responses is very familiar.

    • TrishRan

      My mom used to tell me I was a very angry little girl – when she wasn’t screaming at me, hitting me, blaming me for what my sibs did (being the oldest meant it was my”responsibility” for preventing their infractions), berating me for not doing a perfect job on all the housework (which was my “responsibility” as the oldest kid) or telling me that my friends really didn’t like me – they were just too polite to tell me to leave them alone.

      Funny – I rarely get angry in adult life.

      • emojisequence

        that’s intense, seems like you’re pretty well adjusted now despite everything. just don’t recreate their abuse

        • TrishRan

          Believe me – I have no desire to inflict abuse onto others – even people who have done me wrong. My policy when dealing with abusive people is to learn to spot them faster and run faster. I wold rather spend my life doing constructive things than scheming revenge.

          I find the best recipe for not visiting abuse onto others is is found in many civilizations including the secular ancient Greeks – Treat others as you would wish to be treated.

  • For most of us, IF we even had the capacity to stoop this low, pulling this off, often on the fly, would be very hard to accomplish. I mean, this is scheming and calculating on steroids. Thus, I wonder if the culprits who behave this way are just desperate in their reality-skewed minds so much that without actually having to plan this out, they just operate. They operate in away that is conducive to having this effect, matching behaviors that make it look—to the trained eye— like they are planning, but likely being oblivious to this defined phenomenon.

    At any rate, I am glad that some people have the drive to learn more about dysfunctional behavior—that I am sure feminists will cringe when they learn of it, for this information is sort of letting the cat out of the bag of a best kept secret.

    Good work. I hadn’t paid attention to this article when it first posted. I wish I had.

  • TrishRan

    Abusive parents do this to their children, too. One or more of the kids – sometimes as a group, sometimes in sequence, sometimes only one kid – is identified as the “problem child” and the parents who run a terrible household claim it’s because of the kid.

    I remember my mother saying that other people might classify her behavior towards us kids as “child abuse” because the didn’t understand that it was because of how bad we were that she had no choice but to resort to screaming, isolating us, & hitting us with whatever was at hand. Yardsticks & hairbrushes were frequently broken over our butts. The biggest offenses I can remember were things like not doing a perfect job of cleaning the kitchen, crying when it was time to leave the park, not wanting to go to school, saying “I have a stomach ache” (found out in my 20s I had several GI birth defects that cause chronic nausea that tends to be worst in the morning). As the oldest, I also got punished for anything my younger sibs did as it was my responsibility – from age 7 – to keep them in line (even though my next younger sib was larger than me from before kindergarten)

  • Karl Dawg

    My ex-wife was full tilt DARVO, one day she asked me to change the motor-oil in her car, I decided to take it a step farther and clean the inside and give it a wash also, while cleaning the inside I found a book titled: “How to manipulate people and get what you want” I flipped through it reading bit and pieces …. I began to feel creepy and started to think I was in deep shit ! She went off on me when she figured out I lit it on fire in our burn barrel.

  • “Have you ever marveled at how your abusive wife, girlfriend or ex” or Mother, sister etc etc

  • NightmareNear

    Hmm so this is what Nick Nybergs followers might do if he goes to prison for pedo charges. It will be really sick and disturbing if they blamed his cousin, who was eight years old at the time when he was obsessing about her a decade ago.

  • bloke

    I use to play drums in a band with this fully blown NPD singer. We were friends,or so I thought.
    At the time I knew nothing about cluster B. Imagine ALL the typical patterns of behaviour,me being fooled
    by them. Anyway, long story short, when the histrionics became too much , over a period of months , I calmly made myself boring(grey rock ) and escaped this singer from hell,only to find the DARVO punishment that awaited me.
    She then wrote songs that projected all her own loathsome “qualities” such as her tendency toward sexually predatory behaviour, her superficial charm and con artistry,shallow talent,her dead,cold empty void of a heart.her victimhood….etc etc onto me as a way of permanently enshrining continued covert abuse all the while
    dramatically espousing her innocence to an extensive cocoon of true believer/sycophants. She wrote,recorded,and toured these songs and still does even years later,she has written songs to shame her own husband also, ,she sings the song at gigs to punish him and gets an orgasmic power rush .Some songs she intentionally writes to instill a menacing fear of her invincible talent to destroy anyone she wants with her all powerful words. This confabulated grandiose self image is reflected back by her hoards of gullibles. It’s a creative take on DARVO that achieves denial,reversal of blame ,character assassination,libel,slander,covert psychopathic abuse etc.. all while revelling in her own schadenfreude .

Advertisment ad adsense adlogger