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I(25f) drunkenly confessed and kissed my best friend(25m) on Saturday night. He rejected me, I am so embarrassed and ashamedRelationships (self.relationships)

justfriendissues が 投稿

Tristan and I have been best friends since we were born. Our fathers we in the military together, and my dad even saved his dads life once(So they say). They planned with their wives for thier sons to grow up together, except for the fact that I am a woman.

Tristan and I were born 3 days apart, and we grew up right down the block from each other. Our parents use to call us Bonnie and Clyde because we were partners in crime. We were inseparable. We both got good grades in school, and we were both popular and in sports teams. I played softball, and Tristan was an all-American in 3 different sports.

The girls at school loved him, and he loved them back. What he didn't know was that I had been in love with him since I could feel what love was. Tristan never saw me in that way though. As kids we bathed together, and as teenagers we wrestled, and horseplayed, and slept over in each other's rooms, with no parental oversight. Tristan never once made a move on me. We stayed just friends.

That is pretty much how things have stayed over the years. Tristan is my very best friend in the whole world, and I am his. We went to the same college, and even work at the same firm.(I have made it my mission to stay close to him).

After all of these years, Tristan has never had a girlfriend. He only has flings and one night stands. Our parents take that as a sign that we will be together one day.

Saturday night, after dinner with our parents, we went out drinking. I had a few more than I usually have, but it was fine, because I knew I'd be safe with Tristan. Back at my place, we started talking. We shot the shit for a while, then Tristan said something amazing. He said that he had thought of something crazy. He said that after all of these years and all of the women, he had realized. He realized that I am the only woman that he ever loved.

So, at this point, I busted into tears. All of the emotions that I kept bottled up just kind of exploded onto him. I told him how I had always loved him, and how I had planned out our entire lives together when I was 9, And much more. Then I kissed him. He kissed me back for half a second, then he pushed me off.

Tristan said that he loves me, he might even love me in the way that I love him. But he doesn't think it's a good idea for us to be together in that way. He said that he would end up hurting me. He isn't the type of guy that I need. I am the one woman he can't lose out of his life. With tears in his eyes, he apologized and left.

I haven't talked to him since then. He has been calling and texting me non stop since then. He wants to meet and talk about things. He apologized again. He doesn't want to lose me. I haven't been replying, I don't know what to say, or how to say it. I am so embarrassed and so hurt. I don't want to lose him either, but I don't know how to put things back to the way they were. I can't put those feelings away again. I feel like I ruined everything. I don't know how to face him, and my parents, and his parents.

We are all supposed to have thanksgiving dinner tonight. I feel like skipping it for the 1st time in 25 years.

tl;dr I got drunk and confessed to my best friend. He rejected me, I don't know where to go next.

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[–]WitchoftheWasted 573ポイント574ポイント  (3子コメント)

I'm not saying to give up on Tristan or not talk to him - in fact I think you really need to talk to him if you're ever going to sort this out.

But I would agree with the sentiment expressed here that you are a bit too invested in this. This is not a fairy tale and Tristan is not the prince. He's a person with his own issues, imperfections and unique ways of fucking things up. I know you'll say you know this but look at this situation - he's acted in a way a lot of people would: confused, anxious, unsure, and you're so freaked out by it that you're refusing to speak to him and considering bailing on Thanksgiving. You need to chill.

Just because he didn't react the way you imagined he would, doesn't mean that's it. You need to let him have some time and space to figure this stuff all out.

Also - and I don't mean this as you should give up on the relationship - you both sound very co-dependent. You say you've planned your lives together since you were nine. Have you made any proper, long term plans for your life that aren't centred on a life with Tristan? I'm not saying it's wrong to consider a life with him but to devote yourself to this one outcome is kinda unhealthy and if it doesn't work out - could leave you quite bereft. What if he had never said he loved you? What if, one day, he told you he'd met someone and thought she is it?

I'm not saying this to be unkind but rather to wake you up because you seem like a nice person. If Tristan really is in love with you then fantastic but he only has the importance that you've given him and maybe you need to take some of the passion and dedication you've invested in him and put it in your own independent life that is not linked to Tristan at all (and if you haven't got one that's not linked to him - get one. That shit's unhealthy).

That is my advice - you can take it or leave but for what it's worth, I really do hope this all turns out alright and most importantly - TALK TO HIM.

[–]redhairedDude 70ポイント71ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is the right answer OP. I've been through two relationships where it was 'fate' and we were going to be together forever. It is too much pressure to put on a relationship. Chill, talk, consider their feelings and don't carry around a big load of your own expectations. Normal people will freak out when you tell them and as the above poster explained it is not a healthy view to hold even in private. If you guys do have a full relationship you'll will feel all the bumps on the road so much stronger and even end up causing more.

You both sound sweet and obviously care for each other. Just don't let your own grand expectations get in the way of it. Call him and tell him he has nothing to be sorry for and discuss things. I hope it works out for you both in whatever happens.

[–]justfriendissues[S] 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

Honest truth. I am have always been a little brighter than Tristan. So with the help of our parents I have steered our lives in the same direction since high school. For instance, I got a job at the law firm he was applying at before he applied.

We learned to play baseball together, his parents pretty much forced him to stay close to home for school, and the only school with a good sports program was the school I had already gotten into.

Lots of coincidence, I always rationalized it by telling myself all's fair in love and war, but I think I always knew that it was unhealthy.

As for plans without him, I don't know. I have never been without tristan, from the moment I was born, until now Tristan has never been out of reach.

[–]Squidipus_Rex 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

Damn girl, talk about putting too much pressure on a guy.

[–]ceelar 255ポイント256ポイント  (0子コメント)

Try looking at things from his perspective. What you did was maybe a little too much too fast, OP. Here he is trying to come to grips with the fact that he loves his best friend, opens up to you and suddenly he's bombarded with YEARS of unrequited affection, there are tears, suddenly you bring up marriage*... and he's drunk, and you're drunk, and you're kissing, things are racing so fast and he can't compute.

You unloaded on him so many expectations that he doesn't know that he can live up to. So what I'm saying is that maybe he just panicked? Maybe he said those things because he was thinking he was bound to screw up?

Like everyone is saying, you need to talk to him. With a cool and sober head, preferably! I hope everything turns out ok, I'm a sucker for love stories.

*Rereading, you didn't say marriage, you said "lives together", my bad.

Edit2: Anal about switching pronouns halfway through.

[–]euphratestiger 38ポイント39ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't know what to say

What's wrong with this below?

I am so embarrassed and so hurt. I don't want to lose him either, but I don't know how to put things back to the way they were. I can't put those feelings away again.

It's accurate, it's relevant and it's uncomplicated. It's a great starting point.

[–]pinkdolphins96 240ポイント241ポイント  (3子コメント)

What the last person said was bit insensitive.

I don't think you should skip thanksgiving tho. And I think that you should talk to him before the dinner so as not to make it awkward. Hear him out.

At least you now know he has feelings for you. You've waited this long for him what's a little more. He didn't flat out reject you like he didn't want you. He just said he wasn't ready basically.

Talk to him. You never know how this could end.

[–]justfriendissues[S] 32ポイント33ポイント  (2子コメント)

Thanks for the advice. I wi think about it.

[–]briefaspossible 80ポイント81ポイント  (1子コメント)

He didn't reject you. He told you he feels the same about you but can't trust himself. Very different to straight our rejection. Be cool. Don't be embarrassed. Go to thanksgiving. Let him have a chance to explain himself in person .

[–]blueseashells 50ポイント51ポイント  (0子コメント)

He told you he feels the same about you but can't trust himself.

What? No, he didn't at all. Nor, did he say he can't trust himself. He made three VERY clear, very important statements. Don't encourage OP to ignore what he is clearly telling her.

he doesn't think it's a good idea for us to be together in that way. He said that he would end up hurting me. He isn't the type of guy that I need.

  • He doesn't think it's a good idea for them to be together romantically.

  • He will end up hurting her.

  • He isn't the type of guy she needs.

"I am not the type of guy you need" is a COMPLETELY different statement than "I can't trust myself." Nor, is it in the ballpark of "I feel the same way that you do!" He sounds, in fact, like he very much trusts himself in the sense that he can confidently tell OP how things will be.

Give this guy the RESPECT of listening to what he actually said and not just brushing it off.

OP needs to internalize these 3 statements that he made.

It's not good to ignore and gloss over CLEAR statements that people make just because you hope for a different outcome.

[–]botnan 26ポイント27ポイント  (0子コメント)

Honestly, even if he does actually like you, you sound way way way too attached.

You have rearranged your life for this dude for years, and as soon as he admitted to liking you you started talking about getting married and overloaded your feelings. That's a lot of pressure to put onto somebody.

A lot of people are saying you should keep trying but I think doing so is doing a disservice to the statement's that tristan has already said, namely that he doesn't think it's a good idea for you two to date and that he doesn't think you would be a good fit.

Your investment in Tristan sounds unhealthy. You have spent years pining over this guy and this is the sort of relationship that will be an edge in all of your future relationships if you let it continue.

The best thing for you and tristan to do is to have some space. It almost sounds like you've put aspects of your life on the backburner for him and regardless of whether you get together or not, you can't keep doing that. It's unhealthy and damaging to be this wrapped around another person.

[–]mynuname 19ポイント20ポイント  (0子コメント)

The Silent treatment is a bad response. What you need is straight and sober communication, not doubling down on awkwardness.

[–]kimposibl 27ポイント28ポイント  (2子コメント)

What about you? Have you ever had a relationship before? I don't know why you're focusing on Tristan when you could be dating someone who wants to be your husband someday. Don't give up on your childhood friendship with Tristan but also don't envision your lives together where you end up married.

[–]xwhatevsx 39ポイント40ポイント  (0子コメント)

OP says she's dated other people (not seriously) and that she's arranged her life around Tristan's. OP sounds like she's been seriously holding out for him in an unhealthy way.

[–]The_Bravinator 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

The sticky part is that this seems like a friendship that her potential future spouse would end up coming to this sub about. A LOT of sorting out of feelings to do before they're even close to having relationships with other people and keeping the friendship as well.

[–]thrownsomeplaceelse 108ポイント109ポイント  (2子コメント)

Your behaviour is validating his concerns that an intimate relationship would ruin your friendship.

[–]justfriendissues[S] 8ポイント9ポイント  (1子コメント)

I know... :(

[–]thrownsomeplaceelse 43ポイント44ポイント  (0子コメント)

So show him it won't ... you have nothing to lose. You shouldn't feel embarrassed about what happened. See what it leads to. He probably feels the same way but is scared.

[–]Joey0_0 90ポイント91ポイント  (8子コメント)

If you push him away now you might regret it the rest of your life. If he is your best friend and you love each other, I can't think of a better reason for both of you to be together.

[–]justfriendissues[S] 15ポイント16ポイント  (7子コメント)

I do want to be with him. He doesn't want to be with me. I don't know if I can go back to the way things were

[–]Formergr 101ポイント102ポイント  (0子コメント)

But maybe he does want to be with you? He said he wants to talk, and you don't know yet what he'll say. At least hear him out.

[–]nolancamp2 57ポイント58ポイント  (1子コメント)

I think he really does want to be with you. He was just incredibly surprised and overwhelmed with all those bottled up emotions releasing at once. He just loves and cares about you so much and he fears that your guys' relationship could like his past ones and he can't bear the possibility of losing you. He didn't realize that fighting his true feelings would be the real breaker of a relationship, and that the best relationships are formed by those who are best friends first and foremost, and a couple second.

I think after spending time to think about it that he's realized what I've mentioned and he recognizes that he truly wants to be with you too. Absolutely meet up with him and hear him out.

[–]TheIceCreamPrincess 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's exactly what I came here to say. OP, my best friend and I grew up together, dated and stayed together for 10 years, the only reason we aren't together till this day is because he passed on. It was the most beautiful, incredible thing I've ever experienced. It took us a long time to mutually get over our fears of screwing our friendship up, but eventually we moved forward and it was 110% worth it.

Even if at some point we had broken up, I firmly believe that our friendship would've remained. Hear him out girl, best of luck to you!

[–]r3discover 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

he didn't say that. in fact, if i read correctly, he said the opposite. just play it cool. relax. it will be okay, i promise. just take it easy, give him space and see where the wind blows

[–]Femme0879 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

If you reread his response to your overwhelming TMI confession (planning out your lives together since you were 9??) you will see that he DOES love you, and does not want to lose you. He simply has realistic concerns about a serious relationship with his best friend whose job and life choices have been molded around being close to him, and he needs time to think it over.

Your pride and your fear will be what ends this. Your extreme investment in this man will be what ruins a potential relationship. You need to a) chill the fuck out and go face him as a sober level headed adult to see where this goes, a b) get. A. Life. Of. Your. Own.

You have out way too much on a man you don't even know you will have a relationship with. You have no chance of being in any other relationship because they would come second to him; you'd probably cheat on a boyfriend if Tristan had said this to you when you were taken. It blows my mind how you have followed this man to school and a law firm when you have operated under the assumption that he doesn't see you that way. This is some deeply dépendant behavior. Being best friends and doing everything together should stop around adulthood at the latest. You could still be close without being joined at the hip.

Have you even thought about the consequences of jumping into something and it not working out? You'd have to see him everyday because you've molded your world around his presence. You'd have to uproot your life to get away from him and start over. You have all these fantasies about what a relationship with him would feel like; what are you going to do when you realize your best friend has flaws and imperfections and a relationship is not a romantic movie all the time?

Calm yourself down, go and talk to him, be honest while being LEVEL HEADED, and figure things out from there. Regardless of what happens, it is imperative that you prioritize yourself and your goals and dreams outside of romance. He sure as fuck isn't working his whole life around you the way you are around him. It's severely unhealthy.

Please get it together and do what you have to do. If it turns out you have to separate, take it as a lesson not to make a man your whole world. If you end up trying something out or taking some time, take this whole experience as a lesson not to make a man your whole world.

Good luck.

[–]justfriendissues[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I decided to not skip thanksgiving. I apologized for dumping everything on him. I told Tristan that I would be happy to talk things over, and no matter what happens I will always be there for him. We didn't really have time to talk though, almost directly after dinner he had to fly to Dallas for an emergency client meeting.

Our parents know that I finally told him though (They have all known for a while). They said they are rooting for me.

Tristan said that we would finish our talk when he got back on Monday. Then he hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. I feel like he lingered a bit though, unless it's my imagination

[–]ObviousNo 14ポイント15ポイント  (0子コメント)

telling him like that wasn't exactly the best of plans but its also not the end of the world.

what have you got to lose by talking to him? (sober this time)

[–]humansubjects 22ポイント23ポイント  (1子コメント)

Try again sober. Tell him you're ok with putting a relationship on the back burner for a while because you don't want to lose him in your life, but it would be a tragedy to not give it a go after 25 years and mutual feelings.

[–]humansubjects 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

Also don't be embarrassed or hide. You didn't ruin anything, but being weird now will make stuff weird for a while.

[–]blueseashells 20ポイント21ポイント  (3子コメント)

Is it possible that Tristan is questioning his sexuality?

[–]mothpiss 12ポイント13ポイント  (1子コメント)

That was my immediate reaction, he tried to explain it to his best friend and her response was an interruption to explain how they'll live happily ever after and he feels worse because now he has to break her heart.

[–]Jman8497 55ポイント56ポイント  (3子コメント)

Sigh..

If you really liked this guy, you should have talked to him about it one on one in a normal setting. Getting drunk and talking to him about your feelings was one of the worst things you could have done.

Just talk to him again. Let it be known that you do have feelings for him, and stand behind it. Don't be like thousands of people it there who just cling on to their feelings. Talk to him.

You are making this WAY more dramatic than it needs to be...

[–]justfriendissues[S] 11ポイント12ポイント  (2子コメント)

That was never the plan. Drunken me mistook his words for a confession and the rest just happened. I would like to go back in time and fix it. But I can't

[–]Jman8497 25ポイント26ポイント  (0子コメント)

Talk to him. That's all you can do now - communicate.

[–]kirashi3 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

As /u/Jman8497 stated, communicate with him - no matter how embarrassed you may feel. People do silly things when they're drunk, but that shouldn't exempt you from having a normal conversation with him once sober. It sounds like he wants to chat about what happened, either to clear up what he meant, or to see where you guys stand as friends.

I'd see this as an opportunity to maintain the wonderful sounding friendship you two have, at the very least, and laugh about it together. Maybe he'll open up to you once you chat; he might just be scared of where this could lead. I know how much it hurts to like someone but not have the same feelings returned - but you definitely don't want to lose a good friend over it.

[–]mirrordonut 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

Talk to him and see what he has to say.

[–]impasseable 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I was in Tristan's position a while back, except I truly only saw her as a friend (granted, I do love her to pieces). It was awkward for about a year tbh. We are back to being friends and she was able to move on and is now engaged with 2 beautiful babies :)

First off, he didn't reject you. I think you came on a bit too strong and he got spooked. He's probably as confused and embarrassed as you are. Don't avoid him, but don't act like nothing happened either. It sounds like you both really do love each other. Be an adult and talk to him. Best of luck.

[–]nyezz 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

Is... Is your name Isolde?

[–]justfriendissues[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

No, but our parents did give us names that compliment.

[–]inanimatecarbonrob 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Stay calm. You've got this.

To be the focus of someone else's dreams is a heady thing to have to deal with, and that's a lot to put on someone. To be the focus of a lifetime of someone's dreams and to learn about that in one night, that's a near-impossible thing to wrap your head around. Those are a lot of emotions and a lot of responsibility to process. No wonder his first instinct was to run away! The status quo is always safer and easier. What you need to do is not run around like a crazy person and make that status quo even more attractive to him. You don't need to play games, and avoid him when and if you need to, but don't freak out on him or pressure him. This might take a long time.

In the meantime, start thinking about cultivating dreams that don't involve him, career goals, hobbies, travel, friendships, relationships. Be an interesting and well-rounded person. It's healthier for you and will make you more attractive to him. You will have a rich life whether or not he wants to be a larger part of it.

For what it's worth I'm rooting for you. Let us know what happened.

[–]AJStyles62 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

It's alarming that you work at the same firm as him because "I have made it my mission to stay close to him". Please get over your obsession, this isn't healthy.

[–]justfriendissues[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

His mom gave me a heads up on his top job prospects, and I ended up getting hired before he ever applied. So to him it's pure coincidence

[–]Femme0879 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I told him how I always loved him and how I had planned out our entire lives together when I was 9, And much more. Then I kissed him.

Imagine you had a friend for years that you've never been romantic with. Then one night you come to the realization that you may actually love him, tell him so, and then have him respond to you in THIS way? The first part was sweet. The planning out your entire lives since nine, and much more? That is a HUGE thing to out on somebody who is just easing into it. Then he kisses you, right after he tells you these extreme things.

Wouldn't you feel overwhelmed? Especially when drunk?

I think the problem is, you feel like you put your entire heart on the line, but your friend is still unsure because he doesn't know if it will ruin the friendship, but you can't see that part. All you see is how YOU feel, and what YOURE dealing with. Despite the fact that he said he loved you, despite the fact that his "rejection" was him telling you he's afraid of hurting you and you're the one woman he can't lose in his life, despite the fact that he was crying when he left.....you still can't see past your own emotions that had twisted his words into a cold rejection.

If anything, his words reveal just how much he loves you because he is terrified of hurting you! Do you not see the chance you have here to maybe ease into this slowly? You know, give it TIME? Or did you expect to just jump into a relationship without a second thought and everything would be fine?

He's been trying to talk to you about things as two SOBER adults, and your pride and fear won't let you Face him like you should. YOU will be the reason why this friendship might end. Not because of his "rejection", but because of your refusal to try and work things out in a better setting.

Is that the legacy you want to leave this friendship? A guy who had feelings he needed to work out and the girl who loved so much that at the first setback she couldn't bear to keep the friendship, JUST AS HE FEARED WOULD HAPPEN IN A RELATIONSHIP?

Go talk to him for the love of god.

[–]Jilltro 19ポイント20ポイント  (7子コメント)

Do you think there is a chance Tristan might be gay? I absolutely know that not all men who choose not to date women, or don't seem interested in dating are gay, but it is a possibility and would explain a lot. Him saying you're the only woman he has ever loved, but he can't be with you, him never having a relationship with a woman despite woman fawning all over him.

From your side of things, it's unsettling to an outsider to see how many eggs you put in that basket. You arranged your life around this guy, assuming someday he would want to date you, and turns out he doesn't. That sounds like the plotline of a manga.

Give him some space. Tell him you're not angry with him, you want to remain friends, but you feel very emotionally exposed after that night and you need some time. Go out and make some new friends, get some new hobbies, and maybe go on a couple dates. Get over the notion that you are destined to be with Tristan.

[–]OpionatedLulz 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is along the lines I was thinking. People often discuss past relationships when investing in new ones to gauge the new partners compatibility with their own. If you've met someone who has had 3 girlfriends ever and each one for multiple years, you know this person most likely seeks monogamy but if they've had 20 girlfriends that lasted weeks or months you know they are most likely just addicted to the high of fresh lust. This guy though.. he doesn't even date. He has flings and one night stands. Nothing about that screams "I want to commit myself to someone to love forever"

[–]justfriendissues[S] 3ポイント4ポイント  (5子コメント)

I can't say 100% that he isn't gay. But who can? He hasn't said, or given me any reason to assume he is though. I have arranged my life in order to stay near Tristan. I have had boyfriends tbough, admittedly I haven't gotten serious with anyone, just in case.

[–]Jilltro 67ポイント68ポイント  (2子コメント)

Arranging your life to stay near someone (who isn't sick and ailing and doesn't need your help) isn't exactly healthy. Denying yourself opportunities to be serious with other people, it's not good and doesn't make you look desirable. I think you need to back way off here.

[–]xwhatevsx 16ポイント17ポイント  (0子コメント)

Also agreeing.

OP, you really need to stop this. Knowing this, Tristan has a VERY good reason for not wanting to get into a relationship with you. That comes off as incredibly clingy. It doesn't matter that you've had other boyfriends; you're revolving your life around a guy who may decide to continue rejecting you. What will you do then, if he does decide that?

[–]shezabel 10ポイント11ポイント  (0子コメント)

Agreed. That is seriously setting yourself up for a fall.

[–]blueseashells 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

OP: I'm sorry, but I have to use blunt language. When you were teenagers doing horseplay and wrestling, did he ever get an erection?

How about when you slept over in bed together?

I'm sure you've chalked the above up to him being The Perfect Gentleman, but I find it extreeeeeeemely unlikely that a hetero male teenager wouldn't pop up anything during any one of those times.

That's just one piece of what makes me think he might be questioning his sexuality. I feel like the signs are running through your whole post. He said "I am not the type of guy you need." What "type" would that be?

Does he have the type of family that would be easy to come out of the closet to?

Here is what I suggest you say to him. Say to him that if there's ever anything he needs to tell you, you will be there for him, you will be his friend no matter what, and you won't tell anyone.

[–]alliandoalice 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

Don't listen to this guy OP, you need to go talk to your best friend.

[–]CommonAncestorLives 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think your emotions are complicating this. You have several options. 1) Enjoy having him in your life, while knowing that he is not interested in being in a relationship with you, hoping that this might change at some point in the future; If you enjoy his company a lot this is not so bad, but you are indeed excluding yourself from other opportunities. 2) Cut him out of your life. I don't think you'll do this because of your history. I don't thin you should do this, personally. It is trivial, and you can move on while also being friends unless your proximity to each other becomes an issue for future relationships (insecurity for a partner, etc.). 3) Continue being friends and exploring a possible romantic relationship while also looking out for other options. Give those options a fair chance if they organically happen if Tristan is slow to progress. Let Tristan know that you will move on if you meet someone great. Don't make it an ultimatum, but make it clear that he needs to think about his feelings and to move towards making a call. Yolo.

Enjoy your life.

[–]bigguy762001 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

A SOBER conversation is in order. You can't force something that isn't there, but based on his history he sounds scared of commitment. So feel him out, and suggest baby steps. Yes, you've known each other your entire lives, but no need to jump to "Happily ever after."

[–]Empty_1 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Please. Just talk. Communication is the most important thing. You are important to him. He's important to you.

-from someone who can't communicate with those he cares about

[–]itsbloodlustduh 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

As a bartender remember you were both drunk. Mistakes happen and things were said. Be an adult and talk about it sober.

[–]Stamps_dot_com 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think you need to have a sober conversation about it face to face. Maybe he freaked out after you confessed as well.

[–]uvailfg 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Talk to him. My advice is to pretty much copy and paste what you wrote on here

[–]Slutlala 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

You two need to figure out what his fears are and it can't just be "im afraid to lose you." because hes going to lose you no matter what if you guys don't try. Your relationships with other people will never be healthy.

[–]justfriendissues[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

He promised to talk about everything when he gets back from Dallas on Monday.

[–]Eloweasel 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Meet up, or call, tell him how you feel, let him tell you how he feels. That will probably sort out a lot of shit, because right now you're both going to be assuming eachothers' feelings and thoughts, and they're probably both incredibly off the mark.

I dunno if you ever watch any of those chick-flicky type movies (I hate them personally) but when all this drama starts because two people won't just fess up about their feelings and talk when it's clear they both have feelings for eachother, and then it just gets worse and worse because they avoid eachother and then you just want to punch the screen until the plot resolves itself? That's you guys right now, you definitely just have to talk it out! I wouldn't take it as an outright rejection, I think he's confused, and being drunk wouldn't have helped either of you, so just talk!

[–]bacon_and_mango 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Tristan and I were born 3 days apart, and we grew up right down the block from each other

Disco 2000? :-)

Here's what Tristan might be thinking: I'm young, I'm inexperienced with women - I'd like so sow my wild oats (I'd like to have sex with lots more women). To be thinking like this, and have be in a relationship with you would be dishonourable to you. Or so I presume. In 10 years time, I would seriously consider settling down with you (we'd be great together) - but not today - I have some exploring to do.

[–]justfriendissues[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

He has been sowing those oates since highschool.

[–]YouAreCompletelyFine 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

After 25 years of growing up together I am sure you guys can find a way to sort this out without losing each other, be it one way or the other way.

[–]justfriendissues[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

We did, and we will. I am much more hopeful now

[–]Jerg 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

If you can't communicate at this point, you WILL lose both any possibility of romance, and the life long friendship in one fell swoop. Don't make a mistake you'll regret for the rest of your life.

[–]justfriendissues[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

We talked a little after dinner, but promised to talk more on monday

[–]Crusty_Crabs 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sounds like he maybe does have feelings for you but is too afraid to risk the friendship when he isn't necessarily ready to settle down romantically. You guys are so close, the only dating option for you two is pretty much a really serious relationship that leads to marriage. Otherwise itd be risking too much for a fling. Yes some people can stay friends after they try it out but most of the time that doesn't work out.

If you guys were ever gonna get together I don't think this is going to be the time. Either way you need to move on from this and re-focus your life. The same thing happened with my boyfriend, I met him when I was 16 and we were best friends for a long time. But although he wanted a relationship I know it would have to be a serious one and I rejected him for a few years because I wasn't ready for that yet. But eventually when the time was perfect and he had moved on for a while we finally got together and it's been perfect ever since. I am so thankful for the time I got to spend until I was ready, I'd say your best option is to move on and if it's gonna happen it'll happen.

[–]SoKillme -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Why are you embarrassed. You took your shot, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. That is life, that is love, you have to try.

He also didn't reject you he told you he isn't adult enough to love you the way you want. That was actually honorable and not a rejection.

I think some distance would do both of you good however, you to recover a little and him to see what he may be missing. Best case he changes his mind, worst you will move to get over him.

One other thing if you move on, MOVE ON, I don't know how many posts I have read on here where the friend figures it out once the other friend is taken. Even after they are married. If you move on then understand he lost his shot forever. And if you still want him don't make some poor sap plan b.