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My life is perfect, but I'm still not happy...Support Only (self.confession)

anon6263 が 投稿

So, as the Thanksgiving holiday approaches here in the US, I take time to think about all of the things I have to be thankful for -- and it's a lot:
-I'm healthy;
-I have a beautiful wife and two spectacular little boys;
-I have a great job that pays me WAY more than it should, and I don't even have to work that hard;
-I'm a recognized expert in my professional field, so I have lots of career potential;
-I have a great network of friends;
-I live in a wonderful house in a perfect town with great schools; and
-The list honestly goes on...

Even with all that, I'm still discontent. Scratching below the service reveals some structural rot that may take everything down:
-At my job, my boss is a peer who I don't respect, and it crushes me that I have to report to her;
-I was one of the few in our department moved from an office to a cubicle -- that's a tough adjustment and it bums me out every morning I pass my colleagues in their offices on the way to my cube;
-Even though I feel like I have career potential, I feel stuck and dont see any opportunities to grow;
-My wife offers nothing by way of support for me; she's entirely focused on the kids and the other moms in the community;
-She also has an anxiety disorder that manifests itself as OCD, and she's almost always anxious now -- I now expect to yelled at about something every day;
-I am constantly helping out around the house, but it's never appreciated or good enough; -My wife is busy (and stressed) all the time, but she never gets anything done; I've hired maids and someone to come once a week to do laundry so we have clean clothes;
-My home life is basically feeding the kids and cleaning/maintaining our home -- I have no idea where people find the time to watch a football game or do anything for themselves;
-My wife and I haven't been intimate in 18 months -- and she doesn't care; and
-Even though I have great friends, I never have time to see them, and I can't invite them over without creating more stress for my wife (see above).

Reading this again, maybe this would be better posted in /r/relationships, but it feels bigger than that to me: with all the things I have to be thankful for, I should just be able to suck it up and be happy. And almost everyone thinks I am. But I confess that I'm not -- even if I should be.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone (even those of you outside the US).

[EDITED: Fomatting]

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[–]Monte47 [スコア非表示]  (2子コメント)

Try to sit her down and talk to her. I bottled all of my stuff up, and one day just stopped caring. That was five years before I got divorced. It would have been worth it to tel him the gravity of the situation and to have given him the benefit of the doubt to change. I'm with the love of my life now, but my ex was my husband, and I should have communicated with him before things were too far gone.

[–]mittencakes [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

Yes to this. Your wife's disinterest in intimacy, extreme anxiety, not getting anything done...these aren't things that are happening to you, they're happening to your wife. They're not things that you should "man up" and accept, because they're not healthy patterns for either of you, or your children. Talk to her and get counseling before it's too late.

[–]Monte47 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

We hold communication as so important in the beginning, then we shut it off as we progress thinking they won't understand or be open to hearing us. We communicate with co-workers, friends, but we seldom give our SO or spouses that benefit after a year or so. It's worth the chat, even if it doesn't help, it's worth it.

[–]Springrayna [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Happy Thanksgiving to you. This post makes me sad... I'm not married yet and do not have a successful career to speak of. I too feel like (on paper) I have so many things aligned & should feel thankful everyday.. and for the most part I do. I just can't shake this sadness that overcomes me, especially around the holidays. I really think you should try to talk to your wife and have meaningful conversations with your boys this break. You're doing so many things right! - maybe everyone thinks your too strong to be impacted by the reality of things just because you don't wear it on your sleeve. Make time for those friends and watch football.. Outlets are important. Check out for a while. I think you deserve to be human and to express the things that aren't making you happy. I hope so much that you enjoy your Thanksgiving with your boys and that somehow sometime soon you can catch your wife's attention. Comparison is the thief of joy.

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[–]boredomhater [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

try telling her everything you've just written.

[–]Tacsol5 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

Sounds kinda typical to me. You need to give less fucks.