Wife surprised me with credit card debt.

zonination · 42分前

Hey all, just a reminder:

This poster came to /r/personalfinance. They did not come to /r/relationships. Please keep your advice relevant to finances. Relationship advice will be removed. Read here for more information.

Also, this is thread is not a proxy for your gender war. There is no excuse for some of the comments we've seen here and we've made bans accordingly... so be warned.

nkdeck07 · 3時間前

So something no one has mentioned here, you need to make sure your wife hasn't also opened accounts in her own name. The situation could be a lot more dire then you think

new2bay · 7時間前

First, you should freeze your credit file with the credit bureaus to make sure your wife doesn't apply for any more credit in your name. Follow the steps in the Wiki for identity theft to the extent that you can (e.g. you might not want to make a police report), because this is essentially what has happened to you.

As far as paying off the cards, you need to get on the horn with the CC companies and figure out what exactly the status of the accounts is. If none have been sent to collections, you have a possibility of working something out so they don't. This may involve closing the accounts and some sort of payment plan.

If $5600 is a "crushing amount" to pay back, you may need to scramble to get more income to make this happen, or find a way to borrow the money from family or friends.

You may also want to talk to someone at school about your situation, to see if there's any way to get into the state troopers even though your credit score has been trashed.

whiteraven4 · 7時間前

Is your wife working? If not, she needs to get a job and your mom can watch your kids.

Dieingfromdebt · 6時間前

Just want to say thanks to everyone who has replied, and I am honestly surprised at the absolute lack of ridicule and judgement. It give me a bit of happiness in this hard moment I am having tonight.

UncleLongHair0 · 4時間前

Wow tough situation. I wanted to try to mention a few things that haven't been mentioned already.

It sounds like the immediate goal is to get your credit score high enough so that you can get a better job which might be the troopers. This doesn't necessarily mean you need to pay off the cards, just get them out of delinquent status and cure the worst parts of your credit. To figure this out I'd call each credit card company, ask them how to do this for each account. For some they might just say make a payment or two, others might put you on a payment plan, etc. Credit card companies often have some flexibility in charging interest and fees and if you plead your case you might be able to get them to drop some of the finance charges and late fees if you get onto a payment plan. The minimum monthly payment for credit cards is usually 1-3% of the outstanding balance, 3% of $5600 is $168, something you can afford if you can get the cards back to a normal status. Note that at this payment you will be paying only the interest and no principal so this is just a holding pattern until you can get a better job. You might have to pay these down somewhat to get your credit score up but probably not all the way off.

I think you said you've pulled your credit in which case go through it and make sure there isn't anything else on there. You could also call the credit bureau and tell them that you are interested in fixing up your credit and ask the best way to do that. I am no expert in this, it used to be that you had to pay things off and then get something in writing from that company and send it to the credit bureau and keep bugging them until they took it off your credit. It isn't as easy as just paying it off, you have to bug them afterwards.

This will take some time so you might look at the other side and figure out what your finish line is. Ask someone at the troopers what the minimum credit score is so you know where you need to get to, and ask them when they check it, like do they check it when you take your fitness exam or whatever. This will let you know what credit score you need to get to by when so you have a goal.

It sounds like your wife opened these accounts with your SSN? This is obviously not cool and you need to explain to her that she can't do this, I mean she must have signed your name and everything. Some people honestly just don't understand credit cards and the implications but she should understand going behind your back. In any event, if she is spending money on these credit cards for necessities like groceries, she's going to need some other source of money for those things. Guessing you can't support the entire household on $600/week so more money has to come from somewhere.

From a financial point of view, I know you said everyone is a "quadriplegic" but you might look at ways to bring in some money, not only to help with the credit cards but to keep everyone busy (idle hands and all that) and to make them part of the solution instead of part of the problem. Your mom, wife or even sister could watch someone else's kids for example. Even if it's for just a few dollars per hour and they couldn't contribute that to the credit cards, that would give them spending money. There are minimum wage jobs, a greeter at Walmart, a sorter at Goodwill, etc. Maybe not an option but getting them out of the house and into the community would probably be good for everyone.

You seem really smart and haven't lost your sense of humor which helps. Good luck.

Talks_To_Cats · 7時間前

You have to figure out one decision before you can move on to the others. Are you going to throw her under the bus and force her to take responsibility for these cards, or are you going to take responsibility for them under your name?

After that you'll need to sit down and talk to your wife, call up the credit card companies and explain the situation, and try to work out payment plans with them individually. Or if you made the other choice, let them know the cards were opened fraudulently and try to get them closed and off your credit report. You'll probably need a police report or court order, but it can be done.

You could also file bankruptcy, screwing your credit for 7 years, but that seems foolish for $5000. It may seem like a lot to you right now, but it's very little in the big picture once you've retrained and gotten a real job.

alek_hiddel · 4時間前

Job wise I was in a similar situation to your back in 2012. Laid off from my IT job, and burned out, so got a degree in criminal justice and eyed a career in law enforcement before landing another IT job that paid too well to pass up.

I actually made it completely through the hiring process with a local metro PD before they had to cancel my job offer due to budget issues.

The police hiring process is highly invasive. They will look at your credit extensively. Major debt, bad score, etc are all red flags for them. Someone with money trouble is more open to corruption, and it speaks to a general inability to manage your business.

It will go beyond the credit stuff though. A detective came to my neighborhood. He spoke with my neighbors, he interviewed my wife.

I say all of this not to discourage you, but to prepare you for what likely lays ahead. Any troubles in your life, be they financial or marital are likely to come out in all of this, and cause you some problems. Be prepared to speak about it. None of these things are absolute deal breakers, but your ability to explain them may be.

Wicked_smaht_guy · 4時間前

Follow this flow chart. https://i.imgur.com/1rPEkGQ.png

You need to prioritize your dollars to where they can have the most affect. food and a roof.

You will need to have talks about what the root of the money spending was. Have you always been spending beyond your means? Has she been spending money on just herself? Are there drug or alcohol problems?

If you make 1000 a month and she has been spending 1100 a month on the basics(e.g food, clothing, rent etc), over a few years you can hit 5k easy. if she is buying luxury goods that is different.

has she already been missing payments? late fees can add up quick too.

Take away any credit and debit cards. Set a budget that you both agree upon. Get receipts for everything that is purchased so you can track everything.

are there any government assistance any one in the house can get? If your mom is out of work with a kid, can she get help?

What bills can you cut? Cable? Internet? Netflix? do you or your mom own the house? Can you get a home equity loan? it would be a lower interest rate

What can you sell? How many cars do you have? need? you might need to sell 1 if you can.

your credit score probably is not going to allow this, but you could switch to a new card that is 0% for a year.

alhoo · 3時間前

1) Who is paying you $600 to go to school? Are you sure that's not a loan? 2) Seeing as how there's no real income here, I think we can put two and two together and see that your wife was paying bills... with the credit cards.

TheSaltyFlipper · 5時間前

You absolutely need to see where the money went. Contact the credit card companies and get copies of the past statements. Requesting proof of the debt is the first step most credit repair places do anyway.

If it has already been handed off to a debt collection agency you still ask them for proof of the debt. Then offer them $500 or something and say "that's all I got, take it now or you get NOTHING from me EVER". Good shot they'll take the $500 or whatever. Make them send you something in writing stating the debt will be settled in full for $500 or whatever, otherwise they may screw you over.

Find what she spent the money on, maybe you can sell it to get funds for the debt collection haggling.

Good luck to you and your family, stay strong!

talbottron · 1時間前

I think you should sit down with your wife and ask what this money is going toward. Based on the finances you outlined, there is a chance that you cannot actually afford to live the way you have been and she's been keeping everyone afloat with credit cards. There's just no way you can support 6 people on your current salary and it sounds like your savings are depleted. I do not understand people telling you to leave as if she spent it on sweaters and glitter. Maybe she was just doing what she thought was the only way to keep everyone fed. Also, do not file bankruptcy over $5700. But first thing you need to do is talk to your wife and go over statements.

valid900 · 2時間前

..."I don't need personal advice"...

well, the adults all still need to have a discussion out loud, about the situation, together.

1) Has your household considered applying for govenment benefits?
You list a household of six persons, with limited income coming in, but no indication of this. ie SNAP benefits, HEAP (gas and electric help for the winter), medicaid, child care coverage so your wife could work part time.
2) Read the rest of the postings, there is mixed advice here.
3) A budget sheet, on paper if need be.
4) Where is your money going today and for the next two months?
5) If the bare minimum on the credit cards can be paid does the budget work?

some of the wiki information for you off to the right side bar.

redditlady999 · 1時間前

You just found out this news a few hours ago? Have you discussed this with your wife? Since she paid the bills, could it be that she was panicking and trying to maintain your standard of living and fearful of discussing how bad things had gotten?

I'm not going to assume you are getting a divorce, etc. - even though you said that. You have two kids, a wife, a mom, a sister, and you are the only person bringing in money in the household? Your mother could take a job that may not be her ideal choice or your wife could take a job that may not be her ideal choice. Someone else could be working in this scenario.

The point is: two incomes are better than one, and there are children involved. I'm looking at this from a purely practical point of view, I know, but you are paying a mortgage, supporting several people - and it may be that this is where you got in over your head ($600 a week may not be enough).

I don't know why your wife was handling all the finances but you could be sitting down together every week and assessing where you are financially and get out of this hole you're in. Someone should be the caregiver for the children - will it be your mother or your sister - it should be one of them, unless you can pay a child care provider and have both your mother and wife working.

You're doing a lot alone; even in the best of times, that is putting all the responsibility on your shoulders. It's way too much for the position you are in, retraining and struggling with a financial crisis.

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Juicekid313 · 2時間前

Out of nowhere it starts sounding like you are going to have a divorce.

1: this would be easier with two paychecks going in.

2: money is (I think) the #1 cause of divorce. And I don't think that this is worth it. A divorce is also expensive. And if money is the main culprit then it may be a mistake.

3: she clearly fucked up, and I'm sure you can pay it off in a year or two. It's 233$/month if you pay it off in two years (not accounting interest) and that's by yourself.

My advice... Make sure she can't open up another card and start working together to get those paid off. I would also look into other government assistance programs (like food stamps) Because the point is to help you get out of poverty, that you technically are in.

I don't know your relationship, maybe it is awful and this is the last straw. Or maybe this is just one thing you fix together because that what getting married is about.

ajsmitty · 1時間前

I would think your first action should be to find out if a bad credit score actually would keep you from being accepted into the Trooper position... Seems like that whole idea is in your head just because you "heard from a guy who knew a guy who..."

I mean, it makes sense, I can see how they would prefer someone with a better credit score (bad credit = bad judgment?), but your situation can obviously be explained pretty easily if that's the case...

pokemonboy2003 · 1時間前

In this entire post you've emphasized that you need no help other than this debt that you now have to deal with, but the less information you provide the harder it is to help you. You don't know where the money your wife spent went? Well there's one of your biggest problems and it can't really be ignored.

throwaweight7 · 3時間前

$5600 is not all that much money in the grand scheme of things. Call these creditors up and see if you can make a deal.

NoFapShare · 1時間前

Honestly, i would call each credit card individually. The ones that are only 30 days past due , you may be able to get them to reverse the 30 day late by way of good faith and making up the payment. If the seriously delinquent ones have high balances, i would call and ask to settle and close. Settling will be around half of what you owe and the rest will be writen off.

Ultimately you will be better off credit wise by trying to keep open your oldest cards and settling the newer high delinquent cards. I don't know your exact situation, but I've been repairing my credit for awhile now.

OnceKittenTwiceHigh · 1時間前

If the monthly payments are too much to handle (or interest rates too high), consider contacting a local Consumer Credit Counseling Service (CCCS). There is a wonderful and legit one in my local area and they contact credit accounts, negotiate lower interest rates and payments, and give credit counseling in general. Normally you pay a monthly lump sum directly to them, including a very small fee, and they handle your bills. You will have to close all the credit accounts. Many people will take issue with the fee, but I feel the reduced interest rates pay for it and then some. Just make sure you find a legit, non-profit one if you do this.

Also, please do a search for ways to make some extra money online. It may seem gimmicky, but there are some legit options and many forums and blogs that can point you in the right direction. You or your wife may not bring in a ton of extra cash, but it could be enough to pay for your kid's lessons that you had to cut. My friend has a current gig they found on Flexjobs (I think) that pays $12 an hour and she puts in anywhere from 5-20 hours a week - it varies.

Best of luck!

somewhat_pragmatic · 1時間前

I honestly have no idea where she spent the money, and at the moment it isn't my main concern, I just need this problem solved.

You should, you potentially have a short window to make this easier. Paying off credit card debt with a high interest is harder. Simply not having part of the debt is MUCH easier.

Find out where the money went. If any of it was spent on retail goods in the last 30 days, you might be able to straight-up return items and get 100% of the money back. $200 of debt at 24% interest rate (what you likely have now with defaults) will be $243 of debt only 1 year from now. That same $200 of debt 2 years from now is $315 of debt.

Return what you can right now as your chance to do that is closing every day that passes.

douchecookies · 1時間前

You may want to see if you can get a credit report for your kids too. If she took 8 cards in your name, she may have faked their age and taken some out in your kid's name as well.

Motobtom · 45分前

In your current situation is it possible for you to ask your mom to sign over the deed to the house since you've been paying the mortgage so long? You can continue to allow her to live there and pay the mortgage, but you could consolidate a lot of your debt with a lower interest rate secured against the house.This may save you from filing bankruptcy, but considering your current living situation with mom bankruptcy might not be worst case scenario. I would weigh the time of credit rebuilding vs the value of saving the credit but paying off the debt. Liquidating what you have and filing bankruptcy doesn't seem like that bad of an option considering the circumstance.

mrbear120 · 41分前

I may get buried, but I want to speak from a personal level on another side of this. I also dont have good credit. (Upper 500's) But I was a police officer a few years ago. Most police departments don't really care about your credit score. It can in theory prevent you from getting a job, but it most likely wont. I cant speak to your exact states protocol, but if there is reason to suspect you will be a good officer, you will have the upper hand. Just be upfront with your recruiter about the debt. If you don't get the trooper job look to work for the city, if you dont get that look to a school district, and if you don't get that look to a hospital. (Yes, most of those guys in hospitals you think are security guards are actual bonafide cops.)

This isn't life ruining like it sounds. There is work for you in this field. Pay off the debt as soon as you can and for the love of god don't let your wife near credit cards again.

nine_t_nine · 1時間前

If your wife can't work but she can care for your two kids, maybe she can add one more? Watching someone else's kid during the day is an easy way for stay at home mom's to bring in some extra cash every month.

7時間前

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decaturbob · 5時間前

This situation happens more often than not and you have my sympathy for sure. There is no easy fix except spend less and earn more.....

BeefiestName · 2時間前

If credit would keep you out of the troopers a bankruptcy almost definitely would too. You're making more money than I do, and $5600 is not enough to consider bankruptcy, ever. You'd probably owe the attorney more than that lol. If you're getting a divorce, etc, you can get it in the divorce decree that the debt is actually hers and keep it a civil matter and then dispute it with the agencies using the divorce decree as your documentation. My dad had to do this with some debt my mom racked up where she used him as a cosigner.

xspacess · 1時間前

freeze your credit first so she cant do more damage,then shut down credit cards,change passwords on everything

tmitchell2889 · 1時間前

Cannot believe this has not been suggested:

Find out what she spent the money on! She kept this from you for a reason. If the cause is left unaddressed and you simply fix the problem your wife has created without any repercussions, this problem could happen again and again, potentially getting worse. (Drugs, gambling, etc) This should be a top priority considering the children involved. Sounds like you still care about your wife (you are a better man than I) and if you do, I would take measures to ensure she is physically/mentally healthy.

Some pretty sound advice regarding the debt. With some hard work you will have it paid off in no time. Like many have already suggested, sit down and develop and written monthly budget/payment plan, negotiate with credit companies, gov't aid, additional income, and have an in-depth, detailed discussion with your wife about how/why this happened and how it will not happen again. Good luck!

Takemetoyourmaker · 58分前

I'd recommend calling the companies and asking about a forbearance/ hardship program. I use to do this for Citi Bank, and I know other companies do similar programs. They can lower or completely eliminate you interest rate and allow you to make smaller monthly payments to pay down the account over a long period of time. However, 8 credit cards is alot, you may even want to consider a debt consolidation loan.

Also stay away from settlement companies, if you want to settle, the CC companies will give you the same offer they would any company. No need to waste more money.

kuj0317 · 46分前

I am not a lawyer, but if you are poor, you generally should have access to some low cost or free legal insurance.

I would claim identity theft, and then when asked to impilcate your wife, don't (you can't be forced to).

Send certified letters asking for validation of every single debt. Do this all via certififed mail, never phone or email.

See what debt just falls off, and what sticks. For the things that stick, offer to pay to have the debt removed without admitting to the debt. Then, after paying, dispute the validity of the debt again.

Its gonna take work but just disputing debt can save you thousands.

BlocksTesting · 46分前

I just want OP to know this is shockingly common. I used to volunteer for a state credit program and lots of people coming in had found their credit was bad because a parent or spouse used their name to take out a loan or credit card. I want to assure him that the people he needs to talk to have heard this before and he doesn't need to be embarrassed or worried about them judging.

Ccarmine · 38分前

5600? Get a job on the weekends at a restaurant or something, start paying the cards?? That actually isn't a crushing amount of debt for anyone unless maybe someone who lives in a 3rd world country.

BaneFlare · 31分前

Look, the trooper plan is not dead OP. It's a shit situation, yeah. But you need to go ahead with your plans right now. You don't abandon ship in a storm because lightning struck the mast, you try to put out the fires and survive. Having bad credit makes you look unreliable, and you can fill in the blanks why. What you need to do is pursue this trooper option for now. It is still possible to get the job with bad credit, just harder. You'll need to persuade the people deciding that you are an outstanding candidate, and that your family is going through tough times. If you can find some work as private security, like at concerts or bars etc, then do that and absolutely kill it. Be absurdly good at that and get a reference from whoever cut you a check for that job. Find out who decides about hiring for the trooper position, see if you can talk to them face to face. Best of luck brother, your road ahead is going to be rough.

Beeonas · 22分前

Lots of great advice here, I am just going to mention something i haven't seem in the comments. While everyone is giving you advice on fix the current debt, I think it is more important to fix this issue moving forward as well. $600/week = $2400/mo. for 6 people which 3 are kids. am curious of know what you spend on, but since you don't deal with the bills, i am guessing you don't know. I also saw you mentioned you are the only person working? How doesn't your wife or mom works? Working at McDonald full time can take home decent amount, the work is not hard/. You don't need 2 adults to attend to 3 kids at all time right? so either your mom or your wife works. I am not going to judge you, but solving current debt does not mean you can prevent future debt. What if the next time it's your mom? then you have no place to stay with 3 adults and 3 kids. Just saying.Take over your bills and pay them urself, set up auto pay if you don't have time. get another adult to work.

Jehovacoin · 4時間前

Reading all of your responses to others' advice, I think your problems will only grow. It sounds like you enjoy being in shitty situations where people take advantage of you, and not realizing it until much later. Until you fix that, you are just treating the symptoms and not the cause.

neverempty · 1時間前

One thing to look into: were the credit card actual purchases or were they cash withdrawals? If cash, I think it would be important to try having the discussion with your wife about possible gambling issues. Gambling addiction is a disease and it's not uncommon for credit cards to be used for obtaining cash for this purpose. If you were to have this conversation consider having the discussion as someone who wants to help her. If you love your wife don't just presume you are going to divorce her. In fact, don't ever bring this up with her. If she is gambling please know that people with a gambling addiction have little to no control over this. Similar to alcoholics they need the fix and I can assure you they feel worse over their situation than you can imagine.

Just something to consider.

EDIT: If gambling were an issue there very well may agencies that can help with spousal/gambling support as well as working with the banks for resolution.

mrcreditcard123 · 54分前

I feel for you because I am in a similar situation where my wife did not tell me that she had 8-10 credit cards with ~$16K in aggregated balance, this came a year after after she came clean to me about having $25K in cc debt, which we paid off immediately with my life savings since the interest payments alone were most of her monthly income. To say that either of these situations, separately or together were demoralizing would be an understatement. My situation is different to yours in that these ccs are all in her name and aren't on my credit report, but there's something you need to seriously think about for your family's financial future if you stay together: your wife might have an addiction to spending and even knowing better might not be enough to have her stop this sort of habit cold turkey. In my own situation, I decided to stay with my wife and try to get help for her habits. My wife and I are on year 2 of therapy, I monitor her cards through mint every month, things have gotten better, but she periodically relapses into very unstrategic patterns where she starts charging a couple hundred bucks to her credit cards again and/or charging more than she pays on them in a month when she really needs to just refrain from using them (and we've discussed this point many times). Me paying her cards for her isn't an option this time, if I helped pay her cards, together we could tackle her 16K in debt a lot sooner and not have to live with it for years and years, but I already know from spending my life savings a few years ago that simply paying the cards for her and getting her to start from a clean slate isn't going to solve her underlying emotional/mental issues that cause her to do this in the first place. I think about this issue every day, it delays everything in our life (kids, saving for a house downpayment, etc) and since a year of therapy and me and others talking to her about her spending issues and coaching her and monitoring her has not been enough to change her habits strongly in the other direction (currently she's basically treading water, paying about $400 on her cards a month but still charging about the same amount on her cards) and make significant traction on spending the debt down, I guess I might need to face the facts and seriously consider a divorce at some point.

hyrle · 49分前

One option might be to see if your wife is willing to do some crowd tasking work, like through MTurk. It's not a traditional job, but would allow her to earn some money doing tasks. The money isn't great, but it's a better contribution than zero.

Shiftyund · 32分前

Im sorry somebody you love took advantage of you. When this happens it really hurts. People on this thread are correct though you need to contact the credit companies and get all the accounts up to date. Finding odd jobs might help you pay down the debt faster. Think of some things people will pay you cash to do. Could be raking leaves or shoveling snow. Next when it comes time for a job interview just be honest and up front about your credit score. My experiance is people wont run a credit check before an interview. So just make sure you explain how you love your wife even though she did this yoyr marriage and family is more valuable to you then money. Just be honest and up front about the situation and you future employer will respect that more then a number

Stang1776 · 32分前

Join the club man. Two weeks ago my wife was having a breakdown with her depression. She finally let me know she had just under $7k in credit card debt. Luckily she's been making payments I guess.

Long story short I'm going to sell my Mustang and pay that off.

StevetheEveryman · 30分前

As someone who is divorced I can give you the best financial advice you will ever have. Your wife is not honest with you and not on the same page with you financially so your goal of being financially free is unlikely to ever occur. So here is some Financial advice. You are supporting someone who doesn't work who thought she could fix a financial debt that she created herself while knowing she did not have any income. And you have compromised your retirement and you have compromised your dreams because of this person. it sounds like you know exactly how to fix the issue of financial difficulties in your life. You coming out and blatantly stating you don't want relationship advice is the very reason that you will never be financially free. Either get with the program or accept that this is your life now.

Swampland_Flowers · 28分前

It sounds like you've already started having the discussions within your family to look at your debt, consider ways to earn additional income, and work your way forward.

I think the most helpful next step would be to create a budget. I strongly recommend utilizing a program like You Need A Budget (ynab) to track your spending. They have a 30-day free trial, and it is a surprisingly powerful tool. They also have a lot of good advice on their website about how to get your finances under control and start paying down your debt. My wife and I started using YNAB a year ago, and we were both surprised how much power it gave us just to see where every last dollar is going. I can't overstate how much this changed the game for us.

If you post your monthly budget here, the community should also be able to give you some helpful feedback on how to trim your expenses to help get you into a better situation. Post your total income, total debts, interest rate on each, and minimum monthly payments as well. Get on the phone with your cable, phone, Internet, and credit card companies and ask them to reduce your bills. EVERYTHING is negotiable.

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, but you CAN get a handle on things and we're here to help. :)

ycgfyn · 28分前

There's not enough information there to give financial advice really. You should include your income, hers, monthly debts, card amounts, etc. At this point, there's likely not a ton to be done if you don't have any financial resources, but people need more information.

noobsandwich · 27分前

Since your credit already got pretty destroyed with this it will make it a little more difficult to get out but since the debt is relatively not that much it is very possible to get out of it. I work in the financial sector and I see people in a lot worse situations than you every day.

First off you are going to want to try and find and cut up any credit cards that you have. You may have to rely on one, but there is no sense paying on them you or your wife keeps charging on them.

Second off don't beat yourself up about it. That's not going to help and just be happy you found out now rather than a lot further down the road. It's good to manage and check up on these things and now you know to keep an eye on it in the future.

As far as debt consolidation you have very little options with your mom not working and your credit score so this is something you are going to have to strong arm yourself and eat a lot of interest.

This is a great time to make a budget and really examine your finances. The only way you can pay off debt is by examining where your money is going, cutting expenses, or making additional money to pay it off. Determine how much you need for basic expenses and bills and find ways that you can reduce your spending. Any time you can cut your spending apply the extra to debt.

In the grand scheme of things $6000.00 in debt is not terrible bad. Paying $500 a month could get you out of this in a year. Try not to stress about it and come up with a plan.

Hope this helps and good luck!

KT_ATX · 26分前

Freeze your and your wifes credit. Keep in mind that all of your debt is joint. If shes opened accounts under her name, you will end up liable for those as well. Stop letting your wife manage finances. But her on a budget for her own personal expenses. You should do the remainder or all the spending. Talk to your wife about her alcoholism. She may need professional help. 5600 of debt in your name AND a spent 401k isnt a small debt and it doesnt indicate "small misuse". It indicates a huge problem and her alcohol abuse may be more severe than you think. If that is the case, you should consider whether she is a safe care-giver for your children. 8

What you have is identity theft but you may not be able to go that route because it would most certainly lead to your wife going to jail.

The best thing I think you could do is call and speak to the CC companies. Make it clear that you have every desire to pay these debts but that your income is limited. Can you close the account and develop a payment plan? Can you consolidate these debts? Without claiming identity theft or divorcing your wife and forcing her to accept the debt in the divorce proceedings, really all you can do is ask and pay.

And its time your wife applies for ANY jobs, not just those she is trained for. The reality is that you guys need money and if she has been blacklisted from her previous profession, her training in that field is now moot unless she can show she has gone through successful substance abuse treatment. An alcohol treatment program may help her get back into her desired field.

Really, you may need to be real about your wife. How bad has her alcoholism gotten that she has put your family in THOUSANDS of debt, trashed her chances of working in her field of training, has potentially trashed your chances of working in your field of training, and has hidden all this from you? My guess is pretty bad. If thats the case, you need to address your current financial situation as much as you need to address the likelihood that she will manage to do this again.

Vvbb1915 · 24分前

You might try some credit counseling that is free. They will get a hold of all the creditors and try to get you a deal with what is owed. You would be consolidating all of your debt into one monthly payment without the crazy interest. Good luck. Not the end of the world.

cdbjr · 13分前

Personally being this late in my life - I would turn her in for identity theft. Then while she is in jail file for eviction notice, & divorce. Don't put up with that deceitful crap.

SixCrazyMexicans · 13分前

Hey man, maybe it might be a good idea to sit down and set up a budget with your wife. And then make sure that you're the one that is in charge of the bills now. Or at least until this situation is fixed up. Best of luck man

Glock_17ccw · 12分前

I'm sorry about your situation with your mom I as well am in the same boat I had my mom move in with me because she is an alcoholic and can't find a job and it's hard to just let her go and be homeless even when someone doesn't want to help themselves. As far as your wife goes I'd divorce the fuck out of her and worry about the academy later on after maybe claiming stolen identity?

sfled · 10分前

Hey OP, no judgement, the situation is not of your doing. The fact that you're cowboying up and shouldering says a lot about your character.

Lay down the law about money. All expenditures have to go through you for the next six months or so.

Please take a look at this column, I hope it gives you ideas as well as the strength to see them through.

Finally, best of luck in your studies and your goal of making a career in law enforcement.

fatcat99 · 6分前

Credit Checks for employment disgust me for this very reason. Don't tell me they're more likely to steal, it's economic discrimination at its finest. Case in point, this family is struggling to have their basic needs met and is now being reprimanded and barred from employment. There are much better ways to assess an employee's trustworthiness than this. We need to end and criminalize this practice.

mrricherelax · 5分前

You can probably contact the credit card company and obtain copy of the bills for the last year.

This way you can at least have a clear picture on what the money was spent on.

ductoid · 4分前

You should examine the credit card statements for the last year. You need to see where the money went. "Fast food" doesn't sound believable, and while you aren't looking for relationship advice, I get that, you still need to figure out whether the money was being spent as others said for an addiction or dates with someone else while you were out working - because those answers might determine your best course of action for dealing with the current financial situation.

If she really is spending it at starbucks or mcdonalds, how is she getting there? Is she nonworking with a car? Can you sell her car and use that money to pay off her debts?

You mentioned locking up the credit cards - I think you need to cancel them and maybe get one in your own name that she doesn't know about for emergencies. Locking up credit cards does not prevent her from using them online if she has the account numbers stored. For many websites, you can add a card for an autopay option - another reason you need to pull the statements and review where all the money was spent.

If she's a clothes/shoes/jewelry junkie, time for her to go to a capsule wardrobe and you should bring everything she doesn't need to a consignment shop or sell on ebay/craigslist. She does not need a fancy wardrobe to be unemployed.

If you haven't already done it, cancel cable.

Review your grocery bill. If she can't work outside the home, her new job just became reading frugal cooking blogs.

PizzaPlanetExpress · 3分前

OP. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's a one-two punch, you're being hit financially and it's a blow to your relationship. Unfortunately, whatever choice you take will affect both areas of your life. You'll probably need to make some decisions about your wife before you make decisions about this debt. A lot of people here will not take the monetary amount seriously, but the severity of debt is always relative to income. I get how overwhelming this must be.

That said, the Nuclear Option:

You are literally the victim of identity theft. Spousal Identity Theft.

If you go this route, you must be ok with the fact that it will likely have legal ramifications for your spouse. You'll have to file a police report, etc.

It will be a little trickier than a regular Identity Theft case, but it's still an option for you. If you prevail, not only are you no longer liable for the debt - the entire history of the accounts will be removed from your credit history. Every missed/late payment, every balance. All of it.

http://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news/spousal-identity-theft-fraud-fight-1294.php

https://identitytheft.gov/

PC_2_weeks_now · 2分前

Never getting married! So much nonsense. Its not about love, its about finances. Its about money

w3djyt · 1分前

A lot of other advise has already been had in this thread, so I just wanted to add:

Your mom is never getting a job.

You all need to come to terms with this and decide how to move forward. Can she qualify for Social Security? Can she get some sort of welfare, given there's a child involved?

zultdush · 1分前

What about enlisting in the navy, air force, or coast guard as this could help your trooper application after a couple years, or give you a proud career with a 20 year plan to retirement? Doesn't the armed forces have bonuses for positions without many applicants (air force maintainer, army medic, etc?) of course you would want to go over to the military subredits.

I'm thinking: you do a couple years in the military, and that helps you with your trooper job when you come back home? It's a quick way that many people in tough situations solve their problems. Just make sure to have someone with experience guide you through the process so you don't get screwed. remember: the recruiters are like used car salesmen, they are not your friend!


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