There is a small kernel of truth to this, as far as my experience goes. Me and my friends do argue quite a lot ingame, but we rarely mean the insults directed at each-other. It's just good natured ribbing and jabs.

Where it goes so wrong are the assumptions that;

A. That the trash talk is all there is to the experience. The thought that it's just "guys being guys," that the insults come with no context and are exchanged between strangers, and that men can't act appropriately and speak to each other without a screen of invective. The assumption that it's appropriate or kosher to speak that way to random matchmade opponents ingame. To just randomly start shouting insults at someone you don't know isn't bonding; it makes you come off as a douche.

B. That women can't join in, and that they're all unilaterally hypersensitive to friends joking around. Plenty of women throw themselves into it. The idea that they "don't belong" and can't participate without getting upset is just base sexism.