To who it may concern:

I'm writing you today because I feel that I am the most qualified applicant for this management position. The reason is simple: I have absolutely no qualifications whatsoever. I do, however, have a number of qualifications in a different field, and some very smart people are saying that I am very, very smart.

Further, I've done some research on the demographics of your office and find that my opinions will be very popular with the majority of the guys in the office. I've already been in contact with them; some smart people are saying that they'll throw a fit if I don't get fired. The rest of your office seems to hate me for some reason, I never understood how the blacks and Jews think, though. Don't worry, though, if you hire me (and if you don't, it would be very unfair) I will promise to represent everyone fairly whether they're good people or if they're a minority.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

regeya