This is gonna be long :)

Since 2 weeks im meeting my ex gf. Nothing serious, just kuddling and sex. In between no masturbation / Porn. First time meeting her ever since, she was astonished about how honest I was about my feelings towards her, even sexually. Notice that I havent seen her since 7 years. And im 26 now, having gone through several transformations, also in the area of nofap and semen retention if you will and generally being less anxious about fucking things up.

Before we come to the main message, some foreword: Last month I became so frustrated that I went to a prostitute. My fetish are woman who can give good,deep,sensual BJ. If she got good ass, I might as well fuck them, the BJ one is just my number one priority. I never ever searched in any porn sites other than blowjob/Deepthroat.

This prostitute was not only charging 240 dollars for her service, but also refused to give BJ, since her description was: Tantric massage ( On a Xdating site, mind you!) With additional WISHES IF WANTED And then she was upset since I basicly wanted a erotic massage with BJ at the end.That prostitutes face was in shock, and she sent me out, me with an empty feeling that not only did i fuck up, but also invested several hours in searching Xdates, and a potential money loss of 200-300 bucks.

I was fucking mad not only at me but at that prostitute. my thoughts after I left her room: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CLAIM TO GIVE TANTRIC MASSAGE WITHOUT EXPECTING ME TO THINK ABOUT BJ, HAVE YOU EVEN EVER READ SMTHING ABOUT TANTRA SEX YOU FUCKING BITCH, ME INVESTING HOURS INTO FUCKING NOTHING!! Maybe thats the standart in switzerland, idk, it was my first visit to a prostitute, and no shame since at 110 days you go fucking mad and insane, one wrong thought can lead to this conclusion that you somehow can fulfill all ur dreams by visiting prostitutes So anyway, weeks pass and my ex gf writes me, congratulated me for my birthday. Not only was I happy to hear smthing from her, my dick seems to remember as well :D

So here we are, chill in her apartment. Im telling her that my fetish still is blowjob, and that im not asahmed to tell you this, its just how it is, cant explain it rly She then gives me the absolute best BJ ive ever had in my fucking life thus far! She even let me choose one of her many dvds while she was at it. And she was so into it, basicly she loves to have power over me in giving me head, something I only imagined was a fantasy in our head! That my friends, is something, no blowjob video could ever give me, no fucking site, no fucking prostitute who claims to know "Tantric massage". (WITH FUCKING ADDITIONAL WISHES THAT WILL BE DENIED ANYWAY)

Anyway, after that blowjob from my exgf, the feeling for the next DAYS is like, and I think some of you can feel relate to this, that if you go outside, and you would encounter Death with his scythe, telling you "time is up", i can easily say "no problem, im rdy"., then proceed walking through the portal to the underworld. The problem here tho is, that she was so good, that im in no mood to watch porn or even fap. And constantly get flashbacks from her, my underwear getting wet and wet again throughout the days to come! something no porn flashback ever could do to me, or if, i had to think for 5 min, in her case its only one thought, and my dick alrdy will begin sobbing ;/

Anyway, now a week passes, i wanted to thank her, in going to watch her favourite movie in the cinema, afterwards we go to my apartment, BUT: She was fucking tired, and I was fucking horny! I havent masturbated for 7 days, and she tells me that I just should do that myself. FUUUUUCCCKKKKK, again, woman have no idea how good a blowjob is, that its not easy to shake it off with masturbation! And it was no excuse, she rly was tired! 8 hours of struggle and pain my friends, i was so awake like the sun, both loving and hating her, for being almost naked beside me, and just say "fuck it , im tired, go do it urself" my dick was thinking: FUCK U BITCH, I WAS FUCKING SOBBING DURING THE ENTIRE CINEMA, AND NOW THAT U ARRIVE IN MY NEST YOU REFUSE TO SUCK ME DRY

Something happend inside me, my inner sexual rage, transforming, growing, steadily, restless, with rage, it was something out of my control, a second entity of energy has finally been awakend! "Slap her in the face, wake her up, do smthing!" This energy, the sexual drive indeed knows no limits. So i stood up, sit in the cornor, with bright eyes, being possesd by this desire, the demon somehow getting anxious, missguided thoughts "What if she doesnt like me? What if she just used me to go watch her favourite film, paying for it, and now got even the guts to refuse giving me the best gift a woman can do to me! TRAITOOOUUUUUURRR!!!

I became cold. But heres the turning point! The difference between last week and this time is, that now im in fear that she has total control, and who knows, abusing me and not giving me BJ afterwards, I was ready to drop her, thats how mad I went.

And suddenly, it struk me, something that Patrice Oneal always preached, and which I was in control last week! Its called Honesty. Being desperate for BJ, and the probability of not getting it, makes me manipulative and trying to get my reward against all costs! So after she woke up,( FUCKING 9 HOURS) I told her that I cannot imagine seeing her for the next weeks. She then says "Oh, did i do smthing wrong?" I said (As usual some whiteknight would say, desperate for pussy), nono, its just that I have some exams coming up in the next weeks... See? I was ashamed of telling her the truth. She could have accepted it and walk away. However, after she asking again, if she did somthing which made me mad. I couldnt hold myself, i said her straight in the face:

"OFC IM MAD, you just fucking slept within the first 10 minutes we arrive at my room, if you were so fucking tired and not in the mood, just fucking say it before you even come here in my fucking bed, so i dont have to make myself fucking hopes! I couldnt sleep the whole night, my testosterone level was probably through the roof, why the fuck cant you understand this fucking shit, sleeping over always equals to sex to me!If you cant give that, i feel abused because i fucking spend hours with you in the city, and my dick was suffering. in the cinema when you fucking teased my dick with ur hand. In the restaurant when you fucking eat ur food in this dick teasing way! Thats how i told it to her. And then my friends, the most impossible thing happend i only could dream about before. Every whiteknight would think that if you tell some woman this shit, she will leave, get mad, or think that ur a perv that deserves to die for objectifing her to that degree. BUT

She understood! She fucking apologized ! Even said "Im sorry, it was a bit egotistical from me to go to sleep that early". I can postpone the bus and giving you head right away! She was happy for my honesty, and I was happy to Patrice Oneal, that fucking king, listen to him on yt if you havent yet friends :)

And yes, so here I am, approx 3 hours before she left my room, writing this thread to hopefuly give you some wisdom, insight of the womans psyche, a mystery to me still, that they somehow work differently.

I mean, can you fucking believe it? A woman apologizing that she was too egotistical in being dodging giving head to a men? Something in each newspaper, in each society members head would be "OUTRAGEOUS" Something one would expect hundreds if not 1000 of dollars depending on the service. And she was a master in it. For one straight hour, like last week, and total into it. She told me that I dont love her, but her mouth. I said: Thats because I love you

That is all