Hi, you - yes, you; beautiful people, who have been my lovely confidantes and tragic sportschamp'd targets of ridicule for e'er these long years.

I've been shitposting and laughing and cajoling since the very inception of this sub. Or shortly thereafter, memory fails in moments like these - but no matter, none can deny I've been a staple, regardless of where the long- and short-hands sit.

In my time here, we've brought down some massive figures (who can forget the fall of /u/mayonesa, and the long reign of /u/propshaft, brought to a halt several times!) and even some not so massive figures (not worth even mentioning their names) but that was never really the point. We came here to giggle at the righteous indignation, the absolutely poisonous rhetoric, and mostly the completely fucking anti-Conservative stances of what calls itself /r/Conservative. In that, I feel this sub has accomplished every goal it's ever set out to accomplish.

Not that there isn't work to be done, mind - now that they've elected the exact opposite of a Conservative (with joyous applause from the woodwork hypocrites) and realized every last little thing we've poked and prodded them for (seriously? a wall? that's like a child's idea of immigration reform) it seems to me that the rest of you have your work cut out for you.

However, being the libtard that I am, it's simply insufferable at this point. I used to visit /r/Conservative for the pure, unbridled sadness and defeatism, to watch them scurry back to their worthless talking points as if I were seeing a dying rat scratch out its last gasps in a glue trap. Watching them shit all over libertarians and hold up evangelical nonsense as the future of the party was hilarious. In retrospect, that were the golden age of /r/ShitRConservativeSays, but those days are over.

They've been nationally validated, and someone like me is a relic now. The things I used to laugh at for being the antithesis of "Conservative" are now the very things they worship in their newfound leader.

Where this sub goes in the future, I have no idea. I've made some solid friends here (shoutout to /u/jiandersonzer0, happy birthday man) and some solid enemies (fuckin /u/baldylox lol j/k i still luv u buddy) and even some solid I-don't-really-know-what-you-believe-but-good-luck pals (/u/CarolinaPunk, #NeverTrump until your state went red) and I wish them the absolute best.

But like a salty little coward, I'm bowing out. After Tuesday's results the joke just isn't funny anymore for my LGBT/muslim/black/female friends. I have to quit for my sanity.

I bequeath to /u/savois-faire the term "ARCON", which I so lovingly crafted after the rage over ACORN. To FCD's estate, I bequeath several high-ranking reddit comments which he inspired. To namecaps, I bequeath my spot in Canada which he already owns anyway and I'm just living under until I get my bootstraps in order.

I love you all, it's been a blasty-blast.

• IFMP