i wonder if target shooting is as cathartic as some say it is
posted by pyramid termite at 5:08 PM on November 9 [2 favorites]

I am watching a cat documentary. I can't eat much today but popsicles seem to be ok.
posted by emjaybee at 5:10 PM on November 9 [4 favorites]

It's been a rough goddamn day for a whole lot of people. Be kind to each other, folks.

My wife and I had some intense talks about where we are in our lives and whether that's really matching up with our values, and ultimately decided we need to focus some of our resources in different places, away from the suburban lifestyle that we fell into by default towards something smaller, more intentional and that will leave us time, energy and money to do more good in the world. It's rough, and will entail moving away from my in-laws and her lifelong home area, but we're both feeling good about it. We can't solve the nation's problems, but at least we can live a lifestyle we can be proud of.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 5:12 PM on November 9 [82 favorites]

i'm already in a major depressive episode (since august). this isn't helping. stayed in bed today. shit. i *have* to do work, and travel this weekend. shit shit shit....
posted by j_curiouser at 5:12 PM on November 9 [6 favorites]

I may finally lose a couple pounds from the not eating. Yay?
posted by Justinian at 5:12 PM on November 9 [17 favorites]

Target shooting is indeed pretty cathartic, but cathartic shooting is expensive. I have been binge watching Netflix with my laptop open, which has been moderately helpful.

Also remember to eat. I didn't but then a fellow mefite fed me and the world seemed a little less bleak.
posted by corb at 5:13 PM on November 9 [17 favorites]

What if we don't feel grief?
posted by Ideefixe at 5:15 PM on November 9 [5 favorites]

I alternate between grief and dread. Final jeopardy answer tonight was the statue of liberty and the thought of its motto brought me to tears. I had a bowl of soup to eat today and that's all. I think the only thing that could help me cope would be meaningful action. I donated to SPLC but that doesn't make me feel better. I don't see any actionable paths forward. Just life going on, sanity and peace and love circling the drain. I guess I'll watch a comedy flick or something. But I know when I wake up tomorrow I'll feel the same. I'm completely out of coping mechanisms for this. Just totally lost. It's just the most unbelievably horrific thing. It exceeds my limits.
posted by dis_integration at 5:16 PM on November 9 [10 favorites]

I woke up this morning hoping that last night was all just a nightmare. Loading up news sites and seeing what happened... someone else said it on the blue; the last time I felt that way was on 9/11. The shock, the disbelief that this was happening in front of me, wandering around in a daze all day. I don't know what to do.
posted by indubitable at 5:17 PM on November 9 [12 favorites]

Grief is a funny thing. My dad died a few months ago so I was already legitimately grieving. But honestly? That grief is a lot, a lot, a lot easier to handle than this one, because I knew to expect it. This one was a surprise, and processing it is really difficult.

Having y'all around is great, though, so thanks for being here.
posted by mudpuppie at 5:20 PM on November 9 [22 favorites]

I went through depression overnight and mostly am at -pure, searing rage-. I can't do anything useful with it yet, but that's where I ended up.
posted by Archelaus at 5:23 PM on November 9 [4 favorites]

I'm just totally empty inside now.
posted by pemberkins at 5:24 PM on November 9 [17 favorites]

I feel grief and dread too. I could not sleep last night. I keep trying to reassure myself it won't be that bad. But my brother texted me that he is going to learn the lessons of the Holocaust and leave the U.S., and I cannot say he is over reacting. My dread goes deep. Yet, I feel too much love for the US to give up on it just yet. It was a very close election. The majority of us voted for HRC. And we have a shot at this again to a degree in 2018 and definitely in 2020.

I am sure glad of this place.
posted by bearwife at 5:24 PM on November 9 [16 favorites]

Rum and Cokes are providing some solace. And I believe in a strong pour. #ImKirkarachaAndIApproveOfThisMessage
posted by kirkaracha at 5:27 PM on November 9 [1 favorite]

Thank you for this, thank you all, thank you mods. I love you all.

I've been crying off and on all day; this is grief on top of grief I was already dealing with. I left work today after my boss said in a group meeting, if reading the news is giving you anxiety, just don't read the news. Note, what I feel is ANGER, condescending white male person.

I have the ACLU, local Quaker group, and Devonian's initial links to InfoSec open. I'm so exhausted I won't sign up/make calls tonight, but they will be open tomorrow ready for me.

Wishing peace to your hearts. Grateful for all you awesome, heartfeeling people here.
posted by vers at 5:27 PM on November 9 [3 favorites]

Did anybody else skip work today? I just couldn't get dressed. I called in a personal day. Everybody else powering through it is making me feel kind of like a baby, but I'm a freelancer and I knew I wouldn't feel good about billing my client for hours today that would have been spent clicking news and social media sites and trying to make everything go away.
posted by queensissy at 5:35 PM on November 9 [10 favorites]

a lot of my red state friends tried to power through work today and it wasn't a good choice for them. i can't believe i have to fly to like 10 different states to fight strangers on the street now.
posted by poffin boffin at 5:36 PM on November 9 [15 favorites]

restless nomad: my wife and I had the same conversation, and reached the same conclusion. I read your comment to her too. Thanks for it.
posted by Beardman at 5:37 PM on November 9 [2 favorites]

Thinking about getting a gun or two for the first time in my life. As a white woman, I'm not the target of their hate, but I want to be able to protect the people and places I love.
posted by longdaysjourney at 5:39 PM on November 9 [3 favorites]

I'm currently unemployed so: I woke up, walked in the park. Went to a 10am (pre-scheduled) volunteer orientation at an organization that offers many great programs to the homeless (food, housing, childcare, clothes, training of all kinds, assistance in finding housing, counseling, etc.). I barely thought about the election during that 90 minutes, and now I can volunteer there whenever I want, they're glad to have my help. I took another walk afterwards; it's sunny, warm and beautiful here. I called a friend and my mom. I suggest action, even if it's not directly cause-related; it's the only thing that ever helps me when I am low. The holiday season is a great time to volunteer too.
posted by soakimbo at 5:39 PM on November 9 [6 favorites]

I'm at work in Australia. My boss thinks Trump isn't that bad, has some good points, etc. Several other folks have echoed similar... they just don't get it. At all. I feel physically ill. My assistant kind of likes him...brought up the Muslim thing. Agreed that Muslims shouldn't be tracked and then started talking about how they need to integrate better and blabbering on about how all Muslim countries have problems and "Christian" ones don't, Sharia law blah blah, how the Koran is awful but the Bible has sunshine shooting out it's ass... Listing to podcasts now and... trying to work. I can go home in four hours. Ugh.
posted by jrobin276 at 5:42 PM on November 9 [6 favorites]

First thing my wife and I discussed this morning was emigration (difficulty: non-English ethnicities, chronic medical condition that is better tolerated in colder climes). No part of this is easy.
posted by infinitewindow at 5:42 PM on November 9

Thank you for this. I teach at the fourth most diverse middle school in the country and the kids really really want to talk about this and it is really really hard. I wish I could be a desk jockey for a couple weeks.

When our school district did mock elections in our deeply red state it went about 70% Clinton, 20% Trump. I don't have good answers for my kids, except for that it's hard and it's sad and it's okay to talk about it. And that I am proud they all came to school today, and happy they felt they could talk to me before or after school/class, and that most teachers at school will understand if they are sad or scared. And that I'm sad too and that I'm going to leave work earlier than usual and go for a bike ride in the dark and pet my dog and watch a movie with my husband and what could they do that would help them feel better? I don't know. One of them suggested I break out the chocolate, so we did that. I have so much privilege and things are going to be fine for me. My kids are going to lose their health insurance and many are literally scared for their safety. I am too.

I am proud that I didn't cry in front of them today, but I am tearing up now. Time for that bike ride.
posted by charmedimsure at 5:45 PM on November 9 [17 favorites]

I keep having the problem where I feel like I want to just check out of politics forever and only care about my little family; it would be easier, I'm sure I could justify it to myself.

But then I've basically shrugged while the world goes to hell.

But then, what can I realistically do?

My (UU) church is offering a gathering on Thursday for dealing with the election. I am hoping that there will be people there who can help me find vigils, protests and other actions I can take because otherwise I'm going to lose my mind. I need something to hold onto to find my hope again.
posted by emjaybee at 5:49 PM on November 9 [11 favorites]

Did anybody else skip work today? I just couldn't get dressed. I called in a personal day.

Yep! I intended to go to work, and felt like maybe being around other people who are as distraught and disappointed as I am would be cathartic. But I was also worried that it would just make me cry all day, in public, which is a thing I can do just as well at home.

Also, when I put my pot of coffee on this morning, I set the actual coffeepot on the counter instead of on the coffeemaker. Went away to brush my teeth, came back, and there was a big puddle of coffee and coffee grounds all over the counter and on the floor. It was at that point that I realized a) I wasn't going to be productive today, and b) I shouldn't be operating anything more complicated than a coffeepot. I emailed my boss and was totally honest about both of those things, and he was very understanding.

He also asked me not to use the stove.
posted by mudpuppie at 5:51 PM on November 9 [36 favorites]

Did anybody else skip work today?

My husband called in sick for the first time in four years. I work from home as a freelancer and had already rearranged my deadlines ahead of time to enjoy or despair the outcome.

I went to bed crying and woke up just before dawn planning to tell my husband about the horrible dream I'd had. Reality hit me after about 90 seconds and I started crying all over again. My husband and I stayed in the dark bedroom until 3:00 pm and finally got up to choke down a little food.

We spent about an hour talking about how to get through the next few days as we process this fresh hell (home alone together except for work tomorrow then, mercifully a three-day weekend). Then we watched Luke Cage kick some ass on Netflix. (Non-spoiler, a major scene in the second to last episode is super timely and made me smile for the first time in 24 hours.)

Come Monday, we'll regroup and figure out what part we can play in making sure this never fucking happens again.
posted by _Mona_ at 5:51 PM on November 9 [2 favorites]

I feel gutted. I feel like a ghost. I know America has always been an imperfect nation, rife with racism and sexism and all sorts of grudges and problems, but still... A friend last night said, "This is the most unwelcome I've ever felt in my own country." We cried together and wondered what we could do, moving from grief to rage to numbness. I want to do more than donate/volunteer.

Thank you, Metafilter, for helping to preserve my sanity this election season. The arc of the moral universe is fucking long. 2018, let's go.
posted by ilicet at 5:53 PM on November 9 [17 favorites]

In terms of non-self-aggrandizing work: I signed up to volunteer with the MIRA Coalition (which works on immigration reform in Massachusetts) and the Criminal Justice Policy Coalition (prison reform). One of my Spanish professors works with MIRA, and Gentleman Caller suggested the CJPC because he's worked with them at his day job as a prison librarian. I have all this White privilege and I might as well put it to use.

I feel weird talking about my music right now, but as you may know I busk on the subway in Boston. This weekend I will be playing a set of songs by The Clash, since we need Joe Strummer more than ever right now.

I sound more together than I am. My heart is broken.
posted by pxe2000 at 5:53 PM on November 9 [11 favorites]

Did anybody else skip work today?

I left early. I said it was to enjoy the unseasonably warm weather, which is partly true. But also because I was putting too much energy into holding back tears. And in the back of my mind I keep thinking about the "unseasonably warm" weather's likely connection with the climate change we probably won't be fighting very well for a while.

As it turns out, a Google search for "angry music" is emotionally helpful.
posted by traveler_ at 5:55 PM on November 9 [4 favorites]

We smashed the Royal Doulton with the hand painted periwinkles.
posted by clavdivs at 5:57 PM on November 9 [11 favorites]

I've been home most of the day. Feeling pretty numb, trying (and mostly failing) to get some work done. I ended up going to bed at six am, sleeping for about three hours, and then taking another hour past that to actually get out of bed.

I managed a shower, and that's my big accomplishment for the day. I think I've stopped crying. I'll have to do better tomorrow.

At this point I'm trying to figure out what I can do to help. How do I use my skills to try to make these upcoming years better for the people in this country who are hurting? I don't know where that is yet, or what to do. It all just seems so big and hopeless right now. Maybe I need to find some local MeFites and coordinate.

Thanks, everyone, for being awesome these last few months. Thanks in particular to the mods for your patience. I am still absolutely gutted, but I refuse to stop here and let them beat me.
posted by Salieri at 6:00 PM on November 9 [1 favorite]

I slightly lost it today. Decided to at least try to toughen up for the sake of my nephew, and other people's nephews, nieces, etc. The ugliness in evidence today isn't permanent, or necessary, or the whole story. Our better nature depends on civilization. And that is fragile, and has to be defended, cultivated, all the time. What I can achieve is modest, and I'm not in the best health, but I'm not in the worst, either, and there is something I can do.
posted by cotton dress sock at 6:02 PM on November 9 [6 favorites]

Did anybody else skip work today?

I did. I'd asked for the day off in advance and I really fucking needed it. My boss sent me a couple texts to check up on me, which was kind of him. I'm probably still going to be a wreck at work tomorrow. Whatever. Work needs doing, and I'll get through it, and then I think I'll go catch a showing of Arrival after work at the nice theater with the recliner seats. I'm gonna go visit my parents this weekend because I really want to be with my family right now and I really need it judging by the fact that just typing that made me tear up.

I just--need a minute. I need a minute before joining the fight.
posted by yasaman at 6:04 PM on November 9 [10 favorites]

Woke up this morning still in shock after having gone to bed really late and half drunk.

I was intending to avoid FB, but I went over and I'm glad I did. Lots of support and love from friends of all kinds. The hardcore Bernie fan on my friends feed whose posts I had always just scrolled by I unfollowed--it seemed like self-care to avoid his smug, self-righteous "I told you so" and not just petty sore loserism.

Then I spent the day crying off and on (the local classical music station I was listening to played Barber's Adagio sometime after lunch and I was absolutely inconsolable for a half hour), went for a dog walk, made a big dinner. Listening to the latest episode of Keepin It 1600 podcast helped quite a bit. The guys had a humble, unflinching take on last night and ended with a fairly hopeful message of where to go from here. I feel like tomorrow will be better and I will be in a better place to help those in my community who will be more vulnerable than I if the worst comes to pass.

Thank you metafilter for being my constant companion for this election season. I think I've had at least one tab with an election thread open on my laptop since February. You have provided wonderful insight and have been a way to stay sane. I did not post a ton, but I read every comment.
posted by chaoticgood at 6:09 PM on November 9 [7 favorites]

I haven't really participated in the election threads because they move so quickly, but I have been dipping into them, and checking the thread this morning was the first thing I wanted to do. (I fell asleep in front of the tv late last night and woke up in the middle of Trump's speech, so I already knew the outcome when I got up this morning, at 4:30am, too anxious to keep sleeping.) Thank you all for being around and being you.

I took this whole week off for what was supposed to be some serious relaxation and rejuvenation time. I did end up going to the gym and then to the local art museum today, as I had planned, because it seemed like taking care of myself and looking at beautiful things would be good things, but I felt pretty dazed the whole time. I'm similarly planning on doing the long hike I had scheduled for tomorrow, though mainly in a "I need this" way rather than a "I'm celebrating this" way. Which is ok. I had signed up a few months ago to volunteer at a conference for rural trans people (with a focus on youth, I think), so I'm doing that on Saturday, and I'm looking forward to being able to hold space for the people who need it, or even just to set up folding chairs so that people who need community can have it.

My job is serving clients with severe mental illness who are on Medi-Cal (Medicaid). I'm frightened about what dismantling the ACA is going to do to them, and to me, depending on what that means for our funding. I don't think I'll lose my job, but I think a lot of our future plans just got really complicated. And as someone with a chronic expensive illness, I'm terrified I might end up losing my job and not being able to get insurance afterward.

I've been trying to check in with people, both for my sake and theirs. I live alone, so while it would have been weird going to work, it's also a little weird not having in-person processing. Though my first moment of feeling like there might be moments of ok-ness was watching one of my cats get confused by the stream of water coming from the watering can I was holding; he kept sticking his nose up to the stream and then wrinkling his face because his nose got wet, then looking at me like it was my fault. It was a silly little moment, but I had a realization that I need to treasure those.
posted by lazuli at 6:12 PM on November 9 [6 favorites]

I truly don't know how I'm going to look my Trump-voting aunt and uncle in the eye again, and this is wrecking me because growing up I thought of them as second parents. I can't believe my silly, gracious, loving aunt and uncle who are so good in so many ways - the people who were such a sanctuary to me when my father's alcoholism was so terrifying - are the same people who actively support a presidency that will cause me actual harm as a married lesbian. That will cause actual harm to marginalized friends and colleagues. I wish I could tell them that I know - I KNOW they decided my life and my marriage don't matter, and that when it comes down to it they're fine with denying basic human rights to people like me. I wish I could tell them that I won't ever be able to forget, that I'll be thinking of this at every get-together, on every phone call, with every hug - that it will be THEM I'm thinking of with every new anti-equality bill that they've helped bring about. Fuck, I remember back in 2012, this aunt was crying over Obama's victory and how horrible the future would be for her newborn grand-niece - and today she's totally cool with the fact that the first president this now four-year-old girl will remember is President Grab Her By the Pussy.

And I was talking with my mother this afternoon and she tried to console me that "everything happens for a reason," and that just about broke me. It came from a place of love, I know, but it only stressed for me how deep the divide was - how can you possibly find the idea of a fucking evil shit so-called "plan" like this to be comforting, unless you have very little personally at risk? I feel so cut off even from people I love because they're coming at this from a "oh ha ha, people sure are dumb but oh well we'll get through this!" perspective, while I am genuinely afraid. And I can't even talk to them about it because I know I'm coming across as histrionic, and I'm weirdly angry at them for not sharing or understanding how I feel; as I spin through the grieving cycle, every time I hit "anger" it makes me want to cut them all off, but I know that isn't helpful ...

And don't even get me STARTED on mourning for what we could have had. Hillary described the kind of America I wanted to live in - she spoke to values I could actually identify with and be proud of - and the thought that this is so utterly lost just ... hurts a whole fucking lot.

emjaybee, thank you for posting this. I'm so angry and scared and sad.
posted by DingoMutt at 6:16 PM on November 9 [49 favorites]

Thank you for this thread.

I am grieving and talk about what HRC did wrong or right or whose fault it was is making me sadder.

I can't have the news because it makes me sadder.

My boyfriend is away and he is trying to console me over the phone with how Trump's damage will be contained and his words are making me sadder, because I don't have his faith (although I love him for trying).

I understood 9/11. I didn't anticipate Iraq, but I knew we were going into the ME and it would not be pretty. I mourned the deaths of my fellow New Yorkers. It was a dark time.

I don't know how to grieve for this great disorder except to wail:

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer.

The world has indeed been turned upside down. I have faith that Trump will stack his cabinet full of horribles. I have faith that Trump will use the powers of the presidency to do great harm. We need to witness this event, to chronicle it, to send our screams out and say THIS IS NOT OKAY.

But I also have faith that we will fight. We will fight to rewrite this horrible event and Trump will be a stain on the fabric of this nation and we will work to make things right again.

Yet right now we don't know how to fight.

But sometime soon, we'll have an idea how to fight. This grief, this rage, this disbelief, will not congeal, will not be deferred, no, we will fight and we will win. I will be with you, on the streets, in jail, I will be by your side.

Thank you again for this thread.
posted by angrycat at 6:17 PM on November 9 [15 favorites]

I've been going through a series of Electroconvulsive therapy treatments, and while they do seem to lift my mood somewhat, they can also play all sorts of nasty games with memory. So after I woke up from today's session, I got to re-experience last night's election results all over again. I still haven't figured out how to distract myself for any amount of time - my brain is refusing to follow stories, tv shows, or video games, and I just keep finding myself crying softly and staring into space. I feel so completely ill-equipped to handle whatever is going to come next.
posted by bibliowench at 6:18 PM on November 9 [10 favorites]

I woke up at 5am, having gone to sleep with a faint hope it might be okay in the morning, got up, went to the pool earlier than usual, and swam and swam and swam. I went to work and got a little done, but I'm not sure any of us did a ton today.

I found a women's center near me (education, resources, food in the kitchen, all sorts of things, for anyone who ids as a woman), and I've got an appointment on Monday to talk to them about volunteering (per their Facebook, 7 other people had the same idea as me today.) That felt really good to set up and I'm really looking forward to going over there.

And I've been listening to and talking to friends, mostly one on one, about stuff that might be help, or help take care of people we care about, and sharing resources.
posted by modernhypatia at 6:20 PM on November 9 [4 favorites]

Barber's Adagio

Yeah, that's a piece of music I need to avoid right now. I'm thinking about getting into blues in a serious way. Joy in pain, that's what the blues feels like. I think Langston Hughes would be listening to a fuck-ton of blues were he breathing at this moment.
posted by angrycat at 6:23 PM on November 9 [3 favorites]

Today I took down the American flag at my house. This weekend I'll burn it.

I had some hope for the future but now I know better.
posted by mightshould at 6:28 PM on November 9 [14 favorites]

My job is serving clients with severe mental illness who are on Medi-Cal (Medicaid). I'm frightened about what dismantling the ACA is going to do to them, and to me, depending on what that means for our funding.

Me, too. And if the Republicans do half the things they've been talking about with Social Security, many of my clients may be homeless and broke without even me to help them. We're already struggling to keep people housed and safe.

I've been crying all day. All I can think about are the Dreamers and others who are undocumented and came forward and were given temporary amnesty, and how that might be gone and they're on a list. About how disastrous anti-abortion laws have been in other states and how that could be country wide now; I don't want to be in a country where women die because their pregnancy went wrong and the only way to fix it is coded an "abortion", and where women who have miscarriages are incarcerated. I don't want to live in a world where Congress passes a law against gay marriage or a law against trans people being THEMSELVES. All the people depending on the ACA to stay alive - can we even identify much less help them all?

I keep thinking about Kentucky's economy - how the Republicans there instituted all of their "job friendly" laws and the economy tanked. What will happen to our refugees? What if the worst happens and the national guard is used against protests? What if they really do try to build a wall or round up Muslims into internment camps? People keep saying it can't happen here but it did - less than a hundred years ago!

I'll probably be fine. I'm old and fat and seem motherly, so I'll mostly be ignored. I'm poor and so I won't get the help Clinton would have brought by raising the minimum wage, but I have resources and a place to live. I'm just terrified for everyone else, and struggling to figure out what's the best way to help them.
posted by Deoridhe at 6:31 PM on November 9 [17 favorites]

My family didn't skip work or school but I did decide that I gave no fucks if anyone in my family was an hour late. I am functioning on autopilot. I nearly put enchilada sauce in a pie today. It's like my body is still working but the prime mover isn't there.
posted by corb at 6:39 PM on November 9 [12 favorites]

I'm just really thankful that my son is only two and not old enough to understand what's going on.
posted by beandip at 6:40 PM on November 9 [4 favorites]

Thank you for making this post. I'm not into the horse-race aspect of politics in general, and right now it feels worse to me.

I'm genuinely worried about losing my health insurance when the Medicaid expansion rolls back and then not having prescription coverage. My family would try to help me, but I don't want them to sacrifice their own security for me. All of the plans I've made to secure my future rely on having access to health care.

My sister told me getting out of the house had helped her, so that's what I did. Thank you for being here, everyone.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 6:44 PM on November 9 [2 favorites]

From an old friend:

"Not a single word. Just not one word. It never happened, it's not real. Just put it out of your mind."

He's American, I'm Canadian. Last long political chat we had was after Rob Ford's diagnosis. I'll call him in a couple of weeks.

I feel for all of you. We hope to have leaders we can look up to and be inspired by. So when this happens, we're at a loss.
posted by morspin at 6:46 PM on November 9

I couldn't sleep at all last night. Neither could my fiancee. She's distracting herself with Fry and Laurie, I'm watching Lets Play videos and feeling a deep pit in my stomach.

I'm on the academic job market right now and trying to finish my PhD. This is hell of timing.
posted by dismas at 6:49 PM on November 9 [4 favorites]

I'm alternating between depression and anger.

Prior to this, my non-American wife and I had been debating where to live for the next few years. It was kind of a toss-up, there were points in favor for both of our countries. Now the choice is clear, although it won't happen overnight. Not that we will be immune to all the problems there (as its one of many countries that has been explicitly called out by Trump in a way that will almost certainly be a problem), but at least she won't have to deal with everything here.

I wish we could just leave today. I don't want to be around for this. I will still vote and donate and so on from overseas, and hope someday I could not hate my country, but that will take time.
posted by thefoxgod at 6:49 PM on November 9 [4 favorites]

I feel like a ghost today. I worked (from home) in between crying jags and impulsive internet searching things like "What's the shelf life of Plan B, and should I hoard some?"

I finally figured out one thing I could do. Someone texted me and said, "Are you hosting Thanksgiving? Because I can't go home to my family this year, I just can't." And I'm not hosting, but I found someone who was, and was welcoming to a friend-of-a-friend. I did an intro, and now they have a place to go for Thanksgiving. So I guess if you have a seat at your table this year for someone who can't face their family, that's a kindness you can offer.
posted by juniperesque at 6:52 PM on November 9 [7 favorites]

Right now, I'm out. Daydreaming about moving to Belize and wishing I wasn't too lazy to make it happen.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:57 PM on November 9

I slept 2 hours today, spent the day feeling sick. Kept nodding off and having brief nightmares. Did go and listen to some PoC college students. Currently in bath, waiting for wine and pizza.
posted by happyroach at 7:05 PM on November 9

Seriously, what can one say to the Trumpets?

I mean, I can't just act like we had a minor disagreement over an abstract principle. There are two that I work with, whom I normally respect and get along with, but I couldn't even make eye contact with them today for fear I would blurt out "How could you?" What can I possibly say to the students who come in for my help with smug grins and "Hillary for Prison" shirts? There must be some kind of consequence, but I also have to do my job. I feel like being silent will be taken as assent or acceptance, and I can't stay quiet when so much is at stake.

Is there some perfectly gentle, yet firm rebuke I can deploy? Something like "You disappointed me?" or "It's too bad you feel that way." Just give them the finger when they turn around?
posted by Kitty Stardust at 7:07 PM on November 9 [7 favorites]

Hey Corb, thank you for fighting the good fight. You were in there getting shit right and left and I admire the hell out of you for it.

Also: MST3K is good filler. It has given me a few chuckles, I am away from the election, and it is soothing the panicked part of my brain.
posted by angrycat at 7:07 PM on November 9 [6 favorites]

I had a good meeting today with another pastor, a pastor of an African-American congregation about working together to create a forum for dialogue to improve race relations in our city.

As bad as I have felt all day, it was nice to do something to work for peace and justice. I guess its a start.
posted by 4ster at 7:15 PM on November 9 [9 favorites]

I think what I would love to hear some suggestions for if anyone has figured them out is how to handle my super-left white male friends that are telling me "Oh, it won't be that bad." Because I really don't know how to handle them.
posted by corb at 7:17 PM on November 9 [33 favorites]

I just finished writing the email to the whole rest of the family to inform them that I'm cutting off contact with my mother. I'm grieving for a lot of things right now, but I didn't expect this part to actually make me feel better? And yet it is? There was a poem I saw on Tumblr once, something about: I am my own person, and I can't set myself on fire to keep you warm. And this has basically been how my family has been since forever, expecting that, and meanwhile my mother's political beliefs have gotten further and further out of line with what I can consider "agree to disagree" territory.

I told them I can't keep pretending to love someone who endorses evil, and I don't, and I cried over that, but it was the best I've felt in days--including when it looked like Clinton was going to win.

Trump can win the presidency for four years, but if I win myself, hopefully I can keep that for life.

I went on Twitter and I saw people who seemed genuinely ready to fight, now, and... in this moment I'm exhausted. I've got bronchitis, I just started a new job, I'm moving into a new apartment with almost no help, and I might have just cut myself off from my whole family. But if other people are ready to fight today, I feel like... you know, maybe I can be ready to fight next week, or next month. I really thought this was going to break me, but it hasn't, if I could just stop coughing long enough to sleep tonight.
posted by Sequence at 7:19 PM on November 9 [27 favorites]

I think what I would love to hear some suggestions for if anyone has figured them out is how to handle my super-left white male friends that are telling me "Oh, it won't be that bad." Because I really don't know how to handle them.

I really wish I knew what to say to that; I can only think of what started happening in the UK after the Brexit vote, when assholes felt emboldened to go up to visibly brown or audibly foreign people in public and say things like "so when are you leaving then? We voted for you to leave!" I'm honestly afraid that that sort of thing is going to start happening in the USA with Trump voters telling anyone who's visibly Hispanic or obviously an immigrant that they're going to be deported soon back to where they came from; this is something that anyone who's white, male and Anglo is not going to understand, isn't going to even be able to process, probably, because it's totally alien to their experience. They've never had anyone ask them "no, where are you from, really?" (because some people can't seem to wrap their heads around someone visibly ethnic being an American), never known the experience of having to fear for their personal safety from strangers in public places, etc. Ask them if they'd be saying that if they were Latina, Muslim, anything other than white Anglo Americans.
posted by Pseudonymous Cognomen at 7:31 PM on November 9 [6 favorites]

Along with the election I've had a really shit week at work and on the subway two teenagers got into a screaming match that included a lot of homophobic drivel. Plus my foot (the same one that was injured years back) hurts like a bitch. I wanna get bombed.
posted by jonmc at 7:35 PM on November 9 [3 favorites]

I Can't remember the last time I stressed this much. I could hardly sleep last night, I knew it was bad, but tried to sleep and hope things would be better in the morning. They weren't.

I have a regular group meeting at my house Wednesdays at noon, and was feeling pretty down and a bit resentful I had to see people. But, we talked about the election a little bit, and did some crafts, and talked about other things, and I started to feel a bit better. Not fantastic, but better.
posted by annsunny at 7:54 PM on November 9

My current mood: "The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy." Albert Camus, 1942

I have a feeling the next four years will "make existentialism great again."

It's the nuclear weapons that kept me up crying last night. There will be a wide variety of sleepness-night-generators.
posted by sallybrown at 7:59 PM on November 9 [13 favorites]

I think what I would love to hear some suggestions for if anyone has figured them out is how to handle my super-left white male friends that are telling me "Oh, it won't be that bad." Because I really don't know how to handle them.

I think it depends a lot on what kind of person they are. I'd be inclined to say something like, "I get for you this doesn't seem bad, but for me it is. If you value our friendship, either try to understand me or shut up about it." Hopefully some of them will be less assholic and actually extend themselves for a friend, but others won't and at least then you know that.
posted by Deoridhe at 8:17 PM on November 9 [9 favorites]

Screaming alone in your car is definitely cathartic. I did that this morning, just to try it on for size, and because of the brief relief it provided I didn't stop for a while. This afternoon I joined a political party to try and help head off horrifying demagogues in my own country.

I'm sorry, Americans. I wish it had gone differently. Please stay safe.
posted by figurant at 8:24 PM on November 9 [1 favorite]

Oddly, I've felt better listening to people on TV who seem angry, willing to put up a fight. Most media seem to be attempting to normalize it.. I was so appalled when I heard the commentators on MSNBC actually express that, they felt, "campaigns are full of sh**" and candidates should not be taken at their word. I guess I just prefer to cope through anger and action than through normalization and rationalizing to make everything feel less threatening. It is scary to witness liberal media doing that. I get that politicians have to lead by example and promote peace, but this campaign happened and what came out of it bodes badly for the future, and should not be swept under a rug.

In that sense, I appreciated Bernie Sanders' statement of conditional support of the presidency.

Yesterday I was trying to process the whole thing and I went to bed in denial. Today I have been processing the ramifications one by one, remembering every single little effect that this decision will have has kept me really upset today. I cried when I read the names of the possible future cabinet members in the US. My SO stayed up quite late last night (we're Pacific ST), going through the issues and how the road they will be taken down will make the world worse by increments. I am desolate about the Supreme Court, especially. It seems like there is hope that 4 years will go by fast, but those decisions will have consequences for generations to come.
posted by ipsative at 8:25 PM on November 9 [2 favorites]

After being off line (by design) yesterday and not coming back up until 90 minutes after the polls had closed in Illinois and news was already bad, I haven't been able to stomach the election threads so I really appreciate this thread. I had already taken today off (also by design) and I have no idea how I'm going to get up to go to work tomorrow in an office where I know Trump supporters work right across the cubicle wall from me. And I live in godamn Chicago with a support network of amazing friends and a family who at least somewhat gets my grief and worry and the ability to protest locally tonight and in the future (which still feels like tilting at windmills tonight but sometimes tilting at windmills makes you get out of bed).

I just want to let you all know that I'm thinking about you and thankful for you and will do whatever I can do for any of you. Without the ability to scream to the people from Metafilter (here and through social media) during my 9 to 5 job, the best case scenario is that I'd be unemployed, the worst case will not be considered again.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:25 PM on November 9 [9 favorites]

I can easily say that last night was one of the worst of my life. I ended up drinking way more then I planned. The only light note was I reconnected with someone I hadn't talked to in almost ten years. Made me glad I kept my facebook because he was just there. Ended up commiserating chatting for several hours. He was drinking too and we just sort gelled in the same head space. Finally got to bed at 3am and I think the only reason I could sleep was that I was spinny drunk. I was numb.

Oh and I also posted lots of filled with despair comments on Metafilter. I don't usually drunk post but whatever, I made an exception.

Woke up and I was still numb and it felt totally surreal. I still hadn't cried or really felt any real anger. Just numb. Thankfully I'm not working right now because I don't know how I would have done it. Mad respect for those that went to work today. I just read Metafilter and few news articles but was super careful not to read any comments or go anywhere where I might see gloating. Don't have the emotional capacity to deal with huge gobs of it yet. I also just didn't know what I wanted to do with it. It was either go into a stage of cynical anger and just say fuck and try to live my life or do something.

I know myself enough that I knew my numbness would break at some point. And I felt the first glimmerings of real anger. It was Hillary's speech that broke through, her call out to Pantsuit Nation. I bawled and raged for a good hour straight.

My anger turned to righteous anger and my activist blood started to boil. In the past I was a pretty major activist on climate change and sustainability issues and was also involved in some heavy duty native land claim issues. For various reasons I had stopped doing much of anything. Part burn out and part having to deal with life things. I've done the front line thing and was known to be pretty damn outspoken.

All of that is back now. I'm surprised how quickly it happened. This is what was needed to kick it back into gear I guess. So right now my grief and fear is channeling into defience and hear me roar energy. I'm sure it will go down again. It always does. I will cry again. I will just pure rage. That's okay.

It still feels all sorts of surreal though. Had to take my Dad's dog to the vet in the afternoon and it just felt bizzare to be doing something 'normal'. That feeling made me tear up in the office.

I don't know what exactly I'm going to do. I've already taken the first steps and commented more on my social media. Usually I ignore anything political but not now. I know I'm just going to be speaking out more in genera and calling out things when necessary. I feel like I'm in a place in my life where I can handle that again.

Obama's words have been running through my head a lot I'm 'fired up and ready to go.' Just have to figure out where 'go' is.
posted by Jalliah at 8:32 PM on November 9 [18 favorites]

I forgot. I know I'm on a bit of a righteous anger high right now. Again I do know myself and it will stabilize but at one point tonight I thought, 'I should move to the US. I could do even more there!'
So yeah just a wee bit over enthusiastic there. Processing grief and fear is a funny thing.
posted by Jalliah at 8:43 PM on November 9

Meditation is never a bad thing. Unless you're on the railroad tracks.
posted by valentinepig at 8:45 PM on November 9 [7 favorites]

Just as with 9/11 (and, to some extent, many other "deserving" incidents since then), my overriding emotion is deep, biting, intensely bitter cynicism at the alleged "evolution" of my fellow humans. We could accomplish so much - and have! - and yet...we're still just monkeys sitting in the mud, beating on each other with sticks. Drives me fucking mental.

A Buddhist friend of mine says I should try to become a Bodhisattva, but honestly I don't think I could develop the damn patience, not in a billion lifetimes.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:03 PM on November 9 [2 favorites]

My day was something like this:
Try to sleep.
Fall asleep for 30 minutes wake up because of an anxiety dream OR because my phone rang.
Try to sleep.
Console empath dog who kept butting my leg while whining because he knew I was upset.
Give up on trying to sleep, gross sobbing while listening to Hamilton or 80s musics.
Made myself go out in public by making a trip to Target.
Gross sobbing in car at first to NO music and then to music once I remembered to plug in ipod.
Regret trip to Target and mostly avoid the public by using the self checkout.

I probably got a total of 3 hours of sleep throughout the day. I know my brain is fried (because the last part of this election cycle totally jacked with my sleep for weeks on end and my normal sleep schedule is horrible in the first place.) Right now I'm sitting here in semi-quiet, the empath dog has his head on my leg and is doing some quiet groaning, the asshole pug is being his normal hilarious asshole pug self, and I'm just trying to figure out the best path forward.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 9:05 PM on November 9 [4 favorites]

Also... for people in red places who need to go blue - either temporarily or permanently - I have a spare room and vague plans to rent it out, as well as a surprisingly comfortable air mattress. It could be for free for someone in a serious bind or who is out of options. I'm weird but try to be nice and I have a cat who will snuggle once he knows you. He's very soft. It's a pretty big room and I'll be putting more effort into clearing out all the boxes so if it's needed I can open it up. I live within walking distance of the beach, and I've been told I give wonderful hugs.

MeMail me for more details.
posted by Deoridhe at 9:07 PM on November 9 [17 favorites]

When I realized last night that my state, Wisconsin, would go for Trump, and that he would win the election, I sort of lost it and just started crying and freaking out. I really worried my parents, and my dad had to calm me down. I wish I had done more over the years, not just during this election, but over the past 6 years as my state has become more and more Republican. The voter ID laws had an effect here that could have taken the state, and one of our congressmen, Glenn Grothman, even admitted on TV that it would help do so.

I really shouldn't have been so surprised, I just read a book about our state politics, The Politics of Resentment: Rural Consciousness in Wisconsin and the Rise of Scott Walker , which is completely relevant to what happened this election, the resentment that exists in white rural communities, and how that effects their politics and views. I just didn't realize how many people felt that way, and how many people just wouldn't go and vote.

I just feel so overwhelmed. I felt like giving up completely on America last night, that we should just break up into a bunch of smaller countries, but the reality is this country has always failed its ideals, and its rhetoric, but that doesn't mean we should stop fighting to live up to those ideals of representation and equality. One of my favorite parts of this insane election was Reverend William Barber's speech during the DNC. He has been fighting for years against the regressive laws passed in North Carolina, and I find him completely inspiring. I did not know about him before the DNC, so even tho Hillary will not be president, I will carry with me the people that her campaign introduced to me, as well as my respect for her.
posted by airish at 9:09 PM on November 9 [13 favorites]

Last night I got reminded of what it feels like when you're too sad for alcohol to provide any kind of buzz. I hardly ever drink when I'm sad, but the election results were literally sobering in a way I didn't expect given the amount of straight whiskey I consumed as the map got more grim.

Woke up repeatedly in the pre-dawn without even a half second's respite from remembering the news. Instead, every wake up was to a voice screaming the word no in my head. Driving to work, the highway safety sign flashed one of those warnings against distracted driving: ONE TEXT COULD END IT ALL. First thought: don't tempt me.

I'm an older PhD student, so my workplace is a safe place to grieve but my peers don't have much memory of the Bush years, and many of them, even the gay and POC folks, figure this loss is, if not equivalent, at least reasonably equivalently survivable. I'm closer in age to my boss, and we both agreed that on a purely personal (non New Yorker) level, this felt more like our emotional experience of September 2001 than any political defeat we'd ever lived through. I've cried a bit, but mostly just feel numb and hollowed out inside, waiting to see the exactly unfolding of the awfulness to come.
posted by deludingmyself at 9:10 PM on November 9 [7 favorites]

Left work early. Hugged the cats a lot. Drank too much wine. Called, texted and hugged friends and family. Ranted on FB. Tried to unpuffify my eyes from all the crying. Watched movies with cartoon animals because I'm so fucking done with people. Maybe tomorrow I can think about what to do to help fix this horrible mess.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 9:18 PM on November 9

Did anybody else skip work today?

I write a weekly column for two blogs; that's paid work. I wrote to both of my editors late last night explaining I wouldn't be able to write anything this week. They totally understood.

I'm semi-coping by totally shutting myself off from the news, and I'll have to do that for four years. It's weird and hard to do; I slip a bit because my Twitter addiction is hard to give up. But just seeing his name or photo throws me into deeper anger/depression.

I keep reminding myself I have two cats that need me. That's all that keeps me going right now.

Thanks for this thread.
posted by jeri at 9:21 PM on November 9 [1 favorite]

I've set up a recurring donation to ACLU, so that I know I'm doing a small thing, I will be doing a small thing every month, and as the donation comes up I will be reminded to do a bigger thing if I can. Emotions are high right now, and there's some energy and activity coming out of the despair, but memories are short. For me, a reminder to do more will help.

Also alcohol and ice cream are helpful.
posted by pearshaped at 9:26 PM on November 9

I came down with a cold and today and feel all gross and floaty, topped with election wooziness. Today I went to work for precisely 4 hours, for a training session. I work on the research side of HIV prevention and things were grim, to say the least. No one was sobbing but everyone was bleary and some of us were downright teary. The training was a nice distraction, actually. Then I went home and put on my pj's and sat on the couch with my cats, and sent cat pictures to sad coworkers. Finally I pulled out my credit card and set up recurring donations with an assortment of organizations doing good work. I should probably go to bed...I have a full slate of meetings tomorrow, plus interviewing a job applicant. I plan to get through on gallons of tea and then crash hard on Friday. When my head is clearer and I can deal, I will volunteer for something, anything. Finally. It's been awhile.
posted by esoterrica at 9:31 PM on November 9 [2 favorites]

I'm glad this thread is here.

I talked a little bit in the main thread about being scared because I was transgender, but this is even more personal for me; when the White House was lit up rainbow, that was the beginning of my journey towards transitioning. When Loretta Lynch wrote the Dear Colleague letter and gave her statement, when she looked me in the eye and said "We see you, and we stand with you," it shook me to the core; I felt possibilities bloom before me.

I'd been in denial. I was kind of transphobic, in my own way. I felt like transitioning was just not a real option for me, and I was very, very afraid of the bigotry and the life I would lead. I thought, it's not literally killing me to be a woman.

But with the federal government on my side, I realized, I could tackle anything.

More than that, when the federal government said they recognize the humanity of transgender people, I suddenly saw myself as more human too.

I can't go backwards, in that respect. That bell can't be un-rung. But god, I don't know what's going to happen.
posted by Rainbo Vagrant at 9:34 PM on November 9 [22 favorites]

Grief is exactly how I feel about this, and a different kind of grief than I experienced last week, when my young, beautiful friend succumbed to pancreatic cancer after 18 months. This is the grief that comes of a shocking loss, when you've had no time to prepare. Last night, I grieved and cried for the widespread hatred and indifference I never truly believed was still possible, and catastrophized because the only way I know how to rebound is to face my fears of the worst possible things.

Today, I cried for my friends (known and unknown, of all stripes) who will continually be "othered" and endangered. And I cried for myself, because Obamacare has meant the absolute difference between health (with a chronic illness), solvency, and the continuation of my business -- and utter loss.

I consider myself, and am generally considered by others, to be resilient, but I didn't see a path. Finally, strength came from where it always does for me. In part, here is something I shared with my friends, at the end of a long post detailing of why I was grieving:

I have no words of succor. But my mother does.

In the latest email thread, [my mom] wrote, "Love you. Gonna have some lunch, go to Dash and then I'll be home. Didn't let OUR asshole take me down and I won't let DumpMcFuckface do it either."

Colorful. Iconoclastic. And filled with love and resolve. My mother is 80 and those of you who know us know she has bravely withstood half a century of incivility and incalculable cruelty. And still she stands. And still she eats lunch. And still she loves. And still she goes to the grocery store and plans to return home and move forward. She is my hero. If you need her today, she can be yours.

So, I'm coping with grief with: the outpouring of love and affection for my cool AF 80yo mother from my friends and colleagues, bottles and bottles of water to rehydrate after crying, and lots of phone calls with friends who are equally distraught, but who feel better knowing that friendships create safe spaces. Thank you, MetaFilter.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 9:36 PM on November 9 [14 favorites]

I actually went in EARLY today (to my second job).

If I had stayed at my office, I wouldn't have practiced law, I would have just read about the election on MetaFilter.

So I left there and went to Target a couple of hours early. I was closing anyway, and I wanted to be there instead, doing things away from a computer and a television.

It was nice.
posted by yhbc at 9:37 PM on November 9 [1 favorite]

What if we don't feel grief?

Help & encourage someone who does
posted by scalefree at 9:38 PM on November 9 [3 favorites]

Because I really don't know how to handle them.

lead in with the People's Eyebrow and finish up with the People's Elbow
posted by poffin boffin at 9:47 PM on November 9 [20 favorites]

I had to man a booth at a conference, but I was basically another piece of furniture. I talked to my Egyptian coworker about how he's feeling -- he's contemplating escorting his daughter to school in person now, where she used to ride her bike by herself. His wife has decided not to wear a headscarf for the foreseeable future. This is in the Bay Area. We both teared up, and then someone came over to ask us about our software.
posted by invitapriore at 9:52 PM on November 9 [3 favorites]

Is there some perfectly gentle, yet firm rebuke I can deploy?

i've been going with "you are a disappointment and a burden to everyone you have ever loved; you will die alone" so that doesn't really fit your stated criteria at all actually i guess
posted by poffin boffin at 9:53 PM on November 9 [28 favorites]

I also skipped work then I rode for several hours all over mixed wilderness and development on my MTB listening mostly to Fuck Buttons.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:54 PM on November 9 [1 favorite]

I'm Canadian, so my grief and fear is nothing compared to how those of you in the US are feeling, but I'm scared for my friends and loved ones and I'm scared for the world. I'm dealing with an injury right now and I have to admit that if there was ever a day when I was happy to take a muscle relaxant, this was it. I've watched this John K. Samson video at least a dozen times today to remind myself that I'm here to fight and I'm not alone. Progressives in the US are going to have their hands full for a while, so those of us that can should do some extra heavy lifting on issues that affect us all. We've got your back!
posted by atropos at 10:00 PM on November 9 [1 favorite]

I keep thinking about my beautiful baby girl and how excited I was for her to help vote for the first woman President and how relieved I was that we were going to have a President who cared about things like childcare costs (a HUGE expense for our family) and how instead it turns out she was born into a world where people elected a racist fascist sexual predator President. Whether they somehow didn't know he was a racist fascist sexual predator, didn't care, or actively approved, I am 100% fucking terrified for what this means for her.

Also, I mean, I'm a new parent, I think it's normal to be obsessed with my child's future, but I also think about all the other families who are going to have an even harder time than we are. I'm terrified by the fact that it seems like, once Donald Trump was willing to be openly racist and misogynistic, there was no way to beat him because people actively want that. I just think "do they hate us so much?" where "us" is women and LGBTQ people and Muslims and PoC and liberals. I really thought we were better than this and the whole situation is depressing and fucking disgusting and I can't believe my daughter and her peers have to grow up in a world that so nakedly doesn't value so many of them.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:32 PM on November 9 [22 favorites]

I think what I would love to hear some suggestions for if anyone has figured them out is how to handle my super-left white male friends that are telling me "Oh, it won't be that bad." Because I really don't know how to handle them.

The suggestion above is probably better but I am inclined to get really, really specific about the tangible consequences I expect. Over the next few months you'll able to get more and more specific. These guys are hearing a lot of panicked hyperbole right now - some of which is not hyperbole at all, but some is, especially when there's a wide range of possibilities for how awful our new president elect can be. I do think that if you get serious, specific, and concrete it'll cut through their preconceived notions.
posted by Rainbo Vagrant at 10:34 PM on November 9 [4 favorites]

I haven't really gotten out of bed and I'm still wearing the clothes I was canvassing in on Tuesday.
posted by dogheart at 10:38 PM on November 9 [6 favorites]

Donald Trump has also helped me feel more confident in my ability to conceptualize Roko's Basilisk; I knew what the idea was but felt like I didn't really understand it and now I have a horrifying, living example of a malevolent force that wants to punish anyone who didn't help create it who wouldn't exist if we'd all agreed not to bring it into being. Basically, I feel like a spiteful artificial intelligence is now our President and I have no idea what he'll do. Maybe the nuclear winter will cancel out the effects of global warming. I am so scared and sad and I don't know how to talk to people about this.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:40 PM on November 9 [7 favorites]

I guess I will just keep making my funny HUAC jokes and crying at my desk.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:41 PM on November 9

[It didn't occur to me that anyone might mistake this, but because someone has, a clarification: in my note about the letter from my mother, above, "OUR asshole" refers to my father, not POTUS44, whom we love.]
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 11:23 PM on November 9 [1 favorite]

Ladies and gentlemen, poison doesn’t always come in bottles. And it isn’t always marked with the skull and crossbones of danger. Poison can take the form of words and phrases and acts: the venom of racial and religious hatred. Here in the United States, perhaps more than ever before, we must learn to recognize the poison of prejudice and to discover the antidote to its dangerous effects. Evidences of racial and religious hatred in our country place a potent weapon in the hands of our enemies, providing them with the ammunition of criticism. Moreover, group hatred menaces the entire fabric of democratic life. As for the antidote: you can fight prejudice, first by recognizing it for what it is, and second by actively accepting or rejecting people on their individual worth, and by speaking up against prejudice and for understanding. Remember, freedom and prejudice can’t exist side by side. If you choose freedom, fight prejudice. —Vincent Price (yt)
posted by christopherious at 12:00 AM on November 10 [6 favorites]

I didn't make it to work. And I was stupidly short-tempered all day and I begged off going to drinks with family because it meant talking about Trump in German. With children of the war. People who grew up with Hitler looming over their childhoods.

9/11 was the absolute worst year of my life - the insanity, the uncertainty and the blazing wrong-headed certainty of those looking to mislead. I woke up yesterday morning and the radio was blabbering on incomprehensibly about incomprehensibilities. After a moment trying to orient my brain to the other language I still couldn't make sense of what it was saying and after I cross checked it with the internet I thought I might stay in bed.

Drinking coffee with a friend he reminded me that Putin now will likely start seizing up the Baltic states. And the Ukraine. And, hell, throw a little support to the emerging despots of Eastern Europe. Good times all around! (For once I had worse news than he did - his bad news is chronic, malignant and irreversible centered around glioblasts)

But you gotta protect your children - you gotta let them know you'll take care of them and they have to try and see things in a measured, dispassionate light, especially in a crisis. So I told them we don't know, yet, that Trump will be a disaster and we will still go back and visit their grandparents. And Trump will only be four years, tops.

The truth, though, is that I heard Trump is looking into a climate change denier for EPA, and that Giuliani and Christie and Gingrich will have anything to do with any choice of any import in the future and there's fucking Mitch McFuckface.

I'm furious at the Democrats for not... I don't know what. On FB a friend writes that her adopted 8 year-old asked if she would have to go back to China. Are there words for that? I couldn't find any.

18-25 year old voters - for the love of all things American please stage a revolution and drag us into the present. I'll come back and join you on the barricades. I'll bring us all lunch.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:06 AM on November 10

2016 can DIAF! *still crying*
posted by _paegan_ at 12:09 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

Last night for me was mostly a numb feeling. After messaging with friends and reading MeFi well into the night, I eventually got about 4, maybe 5 hours of sleep.

I had work today. Before I started, I spent a few quick minutes checking the latest activity in the election thread, and caught Burhanistan's comment that said HRC was sticking around to comfort supporters after her concession speech. I had been keeping it together until then, but that's when I choked up and had to close the thread.

Part of work involved a conference call where it felt everyone (including me) was somber and simply wanted to get through the meeting. Thankfully, I didn't have to talk to anyone (as far as I know) who was happy about the election results. I had another meeting scheduled that would have required a lot of thought and creative brainpower and I was fortunate to be able to reschedule it for later in the week, and work on other things instead. The day involved a lot of deep breathing.

I haven't caught up on the last couple of MeFi threads or her actual speech (I'm not really ready yet), but throughout the day, I thought of HRC having the strength to stay and comfort her supporters. If that's not a prime example of empathy and understanding the importance of emotional labor, I don't know what is.

Music is a big part of my life coping system in general, but today I couldn't find anything that would work for me, which is pretty unusual. I might dust off the guitar and try to come up with something for the latest MeFi Music Challenge.

I agree it's helpful to get outside, if it's safe for you to do. I'm in a fairly diverse area. This evening I went to a place where I grab some food every so often. Many of the folks who work there are PoC; today, one of the employees recognized me and said hi, even though it'd been months since I'd seen her. And although we just exchanged some greetings, it was a nice moment on this really tough day.

Thank you for this thread and for sharing your stories here and elsewhere. I've never met any of you but so many of you have changed my life for the better in so many ways. I'm glad to be here... the place where I myself learned about emotional labor, and to know that it is valued here; the place that helped make me confident enough to make phone calls to strangers. I don't really have anyone I'd feel comfortable enough to talk to about all this in person, so it really helps to know I'm not alone. We're not alone. And that's how I know we'll figure out how to get through this.
posted by rangefinder 1.4 at 12:09 AM on November 10 [6 favorites]

my friends had their baby today. from her:

It has been a long day and it will be a long night. Birth is like that. I am thankful for the love of friends and family to help me through a process that is still going with a little healthy kicking being at the center of it all.

I am trying to find words for what is happening beyond my hospital room and I am falling short. Focusing on words like love, hope, and a word that visited last weekend -- epiphany -- are helping. Epiphany spans literature and religion -- I mean it to apply widely here -- it happened recently to someone I know who realized that being happy does not mean you are weak.

Anyway, my favorite quotation: we are all in the same boat.

We may think and act divided but we are not. We are connected; we need each other. I guess our first forgetting of this fundamental principle happens at our birth when we enter this gorgeous world and must be physically cut from our mother.

This is my offering, it is a love letter, and it is my wish to the world, for a world wide epiphany along these lines.

posted by j_curiouser at 12:15 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

I feel like I did when Bowie died, but with fear added. So seldom in my life did I want to be so wrong. I'm on multiple of Trumps lists. I keep telling myself it can't be/won't be as bad as he promised he'd make it. I keep telling myself I'm just being fearful and paranoid from shock. I burned dinner tonight, the first time since immediately after my Traumatic Brain Injury over a decade ago.

I've marched in the past and I'll march again. I'm old and tired now, didn't want to have to do this again. I'll never give up. But, damn, I'm hurting right now.
posted by _paegan_ at 12:19 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]

Okay, so I've spent the last 24 hours wallowing in despair and before that at least 48 hours of nervous anticipation. And now at this late remove, after so much time distracted by metafilter or twitter or livestreams of horror or the ever-growing pile of nested origami post-it note boxes I keep compulsively making, I realize to my horror that something went terribly wrong when I upgraded to Vim 8.0 and my swap files are missing. And I let the power die instead of hibernating. And now I've lost days of work and I have a deadline tomorrow morning.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 12:21 AM on November 10

How I managed to not do a single save, let alone a commit, since last week. It's like my brain is crippled.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 12:23 AM on November 10 [4 favorites]

I've been a metafilter lurker for about a year now. This election pushed me to get my wallet out and actually join. These elections postings have been one among all too few forms of solace. Thanks
posted by Puddle at 12:23 AM on November 10 [10 favorites]

I studied anthropology. I've seen humans do this to themselves time and time again. Overall, after a while, it does make the species stronger via adversity. But it sucks to be the ones living through it.
posted by _paegan_ at 12:27 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

If you get Planet Earth II where you live, watch it.

Either for the incredibly calming swimming sloth.

Or the Terrifying Chase of Death snakes.

Depending on your mood.
posted by threetwentytwo at 12:39 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]

Welcome, Puddle.

I joined Metafilter as part of the first wave of $5 newbies so I had somewhere to commiserate with like-minded people over the re-election of George W Bush.

12 years later, and the world frightens me immeasurably more than it did then, but I still can take some comfort in coming here.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 12:56 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]

I'm getting a lot of "at least you get to go back to fucking Canada" on my FB right now, and while that is true, I'm here now to see friends and family and I was here when my nation decided they'd rather have a fucking fascist than an amazingly compentent woman. I can I'll not return for four years but my family is here and I'm terrified for the future.
posted by Kitteh at 1:10 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]

I was on vacation, got back yesterday, supposed to go back to work today (Thursday). I don't know how to do that. I can't imagine.

I know that many of the people I work with voted for Trump, and many others (regardless of how they voted) are going to be just, here we are, business as usual, expecting me to be at 100%. I... I can't imagine ever getting to 100%, not today, not tomorrow, not anytime soon. Not knowing how half the country wants the people I care about to die. Not knowing (given the likely changes to the Supreme Court) that the country I live in will take a hard turn away from the pursuit of equality and civil rights and self-determination (particularly for women) that we've been seeing in the last few years and head in exactly the opposite direction. It breaks my heart to imagine how the rights we've fought so hard for will disintegrate in the next few years as radical conservatives rethink and revise everything we've worked on for the last ten years.

I honestly don't know how to move forward from here, guys. I'm lost. I have so much anger and sadness and frustration, and I don't know what to do.
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 1:16 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

Here is a picture of one of my cats, Eero, sat on top of my other cat, Flo, sat on my lap. The shelter told us that black cats are getting hard to adopt out these days, because they don't show up well in photos. This is a true thing, so you can only see one of his eyes. He is a perfect little kitten who eats way more than is good for him. Even though they are Canadian cats, Eero is named for Finnish-american first generation immigrant Eero Saarinen, and Flo for way-ahead-of-her-time designer and CEO of the Knoll company, Florence Knoll.

The point being, there are so many of us outside (and inside) the US who haven't forgotten what made it great in the first place, and we're still here for you. That, and snuggle at least one kitten if you get a chance. Hugs to you all.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 1:25 AM on November 10 [4 favorites]

The news that Trump had taken Florida and Ohio, and was far far far more on track to win than even my worst nightmare had been, arrived as I was sitting in my one-to-one English class on a dark, cloudy day, and perhaps appropriately our topic was disasters. I was wearing my Hillary shirt.

I ended it a few minutes early because we had finished all the material, and once my student was safely out of earshot, I closed the door of the classroom and I lost myself for a few minutes in full-blown weeping. The customer service staff peeked through the window that leads into the corridor and saw me sitting on the floor and looked at the interactive whiteboard screen and came back and gave me a hug and some tissues.

I met an American friend for lunch after class at a bar that thankfully had some tennis thing on and we had a few beers and talked about how he'd ever be able to take his fiance home to Georgia now, and whether or not she'd ever be able to become a citizen.

Some British friends who aren't that political joined us, and while they started out being quite jokey, they soon got that this was a lot more serious to us than Brexit had been to them.

Got the train home and just closed my eyes to try to block out the world, and avoid the stares from people looking at my face, and the shirt, and back at my face that I'd been getting all day. I felt like a fool. I got home and took a three-hour midday nap - I just felt that drained and disgusted.

Later in the evening I had planned to meet some of the Dems Abroad here at a bar on the other side of town, but in the end I ran into an acquaintance working here and we headed to that same bar, hid from the other mopey Americans, and had a nice meal. Her French friend joined us and blissfully, we talked nothing of politics for hours and hours.

The one thought that stuck with me today is that I remember sitting and eating my lamb bolognese pappardelle and drinking a good beer and talking to this French lady about ripe avocados, which she was pronouncing reep, and thinking that I was still here, alive, surviving, still present, chuckling to myself about the annoying fibrousness of one of my favourite foods. I don't think about that much, being present, presence. Or that presence matters, that being in a place is a contribution to that place, that it's not the same without you.

And then America woke up as I went to bed. Reader, I can tell you: November 10 is better than November 9. I went to work but wore headphones all day, and sent round a little "hi i have a lot on today and a lot i'm thinking about so could you kindly just email me instead of talking to me face to face thanks" email. I taught a bit. My students laughed at a terrible joke I told and when I joked with them that my joke wasn't funny, they said "you deserve a laugh!". I took another nap. And I listened to the string quartets in misteraitch's incredible FPP.

This weekend I'm deep cleaning my house. A friend refolded all the clothes in his closet to do something meditative.

Wishing everyone here the best. Thanks for being a great community.
posted by mdonley at 1:33 AM on November 10 [12 favorites]

I'm "lucky" in that the time difference means I'm asleep while my US friends are finishing their workdays and eating dinner, so once I wake up I'm able to talk with them, and likewise in my evenings they're just waking up getting ready for the day, and are able to chat as well.

It is worse than heartbreaking.

"so when are you leaving then? We voted for you to leave!" I'm honestly afraid that that sort of thing is going to start happening in the USA

It's already happening. I have an Aussie friend who's lived in San Francisco for 15 years, married a Latino, had two kids. One's in second grade and has been worried about the elections. Yesterday (Wednesday) morning, her daughter was told "you're going to be deported!" by other kids. When she said "that's not nice!" they laughed at her. No teacher stepped in. San Francisco.

Another friend, originally from Nebraska, white from a Catholic family, lives in Arizona and married a guy who came to America as a child with his Cantonese family. They've been in love since childhood. They have an adorable toddler now. She thought her family were either voting third-party or Clinton. They all told her yesterday that they had voted Trump.

We're all talking, trying to make sense of our grief and feelings of betrayal. Alongside the deeper betrayals are also friends who had claimed they had new appreciation for Clinton and were voting for her. Only to see them, yesterday, crowing about how they'd fooled us "violent liberals" good. I was seeing a lot of "violent liberals who doctored Trump's words" and outright denials that Trump ever said what he did; that violence and hatred were all on the part of the left. They're no longer friends. Even weirder and more incomprehensible is that I saw no one campaigning for Hillary in a way that could even remotely be characterized as evangelizing – everyone on my feed was reasonable, there were no blowups. There weren't even any memes. The "violent liberals" stuff is just not connected to reality... where does that come from?? Yeah, psychological projection, okay, but still... what?? these are not people who did this kind of thing before. I had known many of them for 30+ years. It really does feel like dating someone, getting to know them, moving in with them, and then all of a sudden finding out they'd been living a double life that knowingly put you in danger. There's no way to bridge the gulf. They had been doing this for years. They knew what they were doing, and they knew how it would affect you. They knew it would hurt. I don't know how people who do that can live with themselves. We all have painful experiences; why do they choose to dump it on others? It helps no one.

Then there are friends who, like me, have lived through sexual assault. A dear college friend works with women and was telling us yesterday that she saw a lot of women instinctively holding their stomachs protectively; that it was triggering so many of us.

Secret/private Hillary groups are already planning to mobilize in constructive ways so we can take actions to defend our ideals. What heartens me is that they're listening to the rage. There is so much justified rage against straight white people.

Tomorrow is a holiday here, for the 1918 WWI Armistice. I've been able to hold back my tears with numbness, rage, and shock for now; I imagine they'll come tomorrow. I have to work, I'm a manager. Everyone here is shocked, by the way. People who've talked to me have all commiserated.
posted by fraula at 1:46 AM on November 10 [9 favorites]

I fumbled through a day of work, and managed to get through two classes. I'm empty inside, and like another upthread, I've been in a pretty severe depression for most of the fall, and I can't see how I'll cope other than the fact that I'm better at coping than I should have ever needed to become. I have routines, I follow them I do things I used to derive enjoyment from not because I'm still enjoying them, but because they keep me from staring into space.

I'm giving serious thought to leaving teaching because I can't figure out how to have no hope and still teach without it being a betrayal of my students. I had faith in humanity,mi had hope things would turn out right, I was even the person trying to calm down others who were starting to panic, telling them it would all be okay. Hell, I wrote in thread that killed the server about how I was worried that Clinton not having a mandate would make her first term a nightmare.

I was wrong. I was so wrong about America that I doubt my ability to be right. I feel as if, to paraphrase Sherlock, the very heart of me has been burned out, and it's just empty and pain inside. I'm not drinking, because alcohol and depression aren't a good mix.

And, because I know I've alarmed some people here, and elsewhere, no, I'm not going to do anything rash, or self harming. I don't see the point. I have responsibilities, and I'm going to do them. I'm going to keep waking up and going through the motions until I'm able to act like its something resembling living again, but I'm done with hope.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:19 AM on November 10 [8 favorites]

I went to work and spent the morning apologizing on behalf of my country to coworkers in the UK (who were all, "no worries! Brexit! we know how it goes! take care of yourself").

Then a walk in the rain at lunchtime, without an umbrella. Because I had run out of fucks to give.

I stopped at the store after work and currently have a trunk full of food to unload at work this morning for the Thanksgiving food pantry drive.

Thank God for benzos is all I can say.
posted by wheek wheek wheek at 3:36 AM on November 10

I've been in a pretty severe depression for most of the fall, and I can't see how I'll cope other than the fact that I'm better at coping than I should have ever needed to become.

Yeah, in retrospect it turned out to really come in handy that I was already on antidepressants!
posted by en forme de poire at 3:37 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

I found this link useful, some body else might as well - https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources/school-safety-and-crisis/trauma/managing-strong-emotional-reactions-to-traumatic-events-tips-for-families-and-teachers

Look after your headspace s everyone
posted by Faintdreams at 3:45 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]

At church on Sunday we're going to have our first conversation about what we're going to do as a congregation if and when the government comes for our neighbors. If you're not part of a community that eats and talks and works together at least a couple of times a month, please find one. We're going to need each other more than ever, and we need to start making plans for what we're going to do together when the worst comes. When it gets here, it'll be too late to start getting ready.
posted by EarBucket at 4:17 AM on November 10 [6 favorites]

I've donated most of my remaining salary for the month to places like the Muslim Family Services of Ohio and the local chapter of NAACP.

I went to a campus community meeting last night organized by the multicultural center, and I'll go to the one this evening jointly organized by the Black Students Association, African Youth League, and Association of Latinx Students.

I got into an accidental fight last night with my boyfriend, who usually catastrophizes everything but was trying to convince me that the congressional Republicans wouldn't fall in line. I told him he had far too much faith in, for instance, Paul Ryan, especially when people like Elizabeth Warren are already saying they'll work together. He got really mad and hasn't spoken to me since last night, left for work about an hour earlier than usual, and didn't say goodbye. So. That's where I'm at.

I was also supposed to leave the US last night for several months but had to postpone my trip. I'm really regretting this. I would love to be in the middle of the forest with my monkeys and no news but what the well modulated voices of BBC World Service care to pass along.
posted by ChuraChura at 4:20 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

I'm pretty sure this is the saddest I've ever been. I'm just so fucking sad. All I can think about is how sad I am all the time, and there's no room for anything else. I'm sad for me, I'm sad for other people in the specific, I'm sad for other people in general, and I'm sad for my country and our world. Just sad sad sad.

I know, in time, I'll be angry, which is my comfort zone in times of stress. I do love me some righteous anger, and this presents opportunities to use it for good. And I'll be worried, too, I expect. But right now all I can be is sad. It sucks.
posted by phunniemee at 4:38 AM on November 10 [12 favorites]

My neighbor called me up last night and the first thing out of his mouth was "We won!" over and over increasingly loudly. I hung up.

Later on his wife called (she's a Hillary supporter) and I was starting a conversation (with her apologizing for him), when he got on the other line and started yelling again. I hung up.

I feel awful because she's a nice person and he used to be.

I cannot face this abuse.
posted by mightshould at 4:43 AM on November 10 [10 favorites]

Yesterday I was looking at facebook, and was beside myself with rage and sadness after seeing a number of tone-deaf posts from some friends that made me feel even more worthless and not-human than I had before. I told my ex why. He said his girlfriend was inconsolable as well, and resolved to try to articulate this feeling in a way that would let people know what was going on without anybody having to out themselves.

He did a good job. A lot of people have found it really helpful. I did.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:04 AM on November 10 [26 favorites]

say things like "so when are you leaving then? We voted for you to leave!"

The one I'm having the hardest time with is not actually terrible people saying in sincerity that I have to go back, though I have heard it - it's actual friends who are making a joke about it because they think it's somehow funny. These are guys who generally engage in edgy humor, and they're all, "You have to go back! When are you going back to Mexico?" (I am Nicaraguan and have been here all my life) And I get that they want me to laugh because for them it's just some silly thing that will never happen, but every time my first mental response is, "Why the fuck do you think this is funny, you asshole? You're supposed to care about me!"
posted by corb at 5:12 AM on November 10 [33 favorites]

Every thought I have about what this is going to do to the U.S. and the world feels like it's crushing the air out of my lungs. I stayed home from work and was solidly drunk for over 24 hours. Right now I'm just sitting and watching the shower run because I can't make myself go back out into the world yet. My brain feels wrapped in cotton and I feel like a ghost.

But the worst part of grieving so far, for me, has been the relentlessness of all the people on 'my side' crowing about how Bernie so totally would have won (polls said so!!!). Like what the fuck do they want from us right now? A bent knee and a plea for forgiveness for having dared to genuinely believe Clinton was the superior candidate ignore their impeccable prognostication skills? The circular sneering squad is too much for me. Probably always, but especially at this specific point in time.
posted by amnesia and magnets at 5:18 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

NOTHING WAS ENOUGH

BEING THE BEST AND SMARTEST AND HARDEST WORKING WASN'T ENOUGH

BEING THE MOST QUALIFIED CANDIDATE IN HISTORY WASN'T ENOUGH

IF YOU'RE A WOMAN, NONE OF IT MATTERS

A FUCKING INCOMPETENT, BIGOTED IDIOT CAN WANDER INTO THE RACE, AND IF HE'S A WHITE MAN, THEY'LL FUCKING GIVE IT TO HIM

THE NUCLEAR CODES, THE TREASURY, THE HOUSE AND THE SENATE

ALL JUST GIVEN TO HIM

A MAN WHO HAS NEVER EARNED ANYTHING IN HIS LIFE

I CAN'T TAKE IT
posted by Rumpled at 5:25 AM on November 10 [49 favorites]

I mean ...

There are so many massive macro-elements to this, so many consequences I can't even begin to fathom, that it's almost silly to focus on one woman's emotions, but I can't stop thinking about what Hillary must be feeling. It's devastating. I can't take this, you guys. It hurts too much. Trump blocked the way of the first woman president, and on his very first day in office, he'll undo most of the achievements of the first black president. He is regression personified; he is the opposite of everything good in this world. And they chose him over her.

It makes me want to scream.

It's a terrible cliche, but this really does *feel like a bad dream*. It has the warped logic of nightmares.

In nightmares, nothing makes sense and everything tries to kill you.

They chose the abuser. They chose white supremacy. They chose the asshole boss. They chose the rapist. They chose patriarchy. They chose hatred and fear and contempt. They chose stomping on the person below you, rather than lifting each other up. His voters had agency, and they chose this nightmare.

I feel like I'm holding the world in my arms as it's bleeding to death. I don't give a fuck how stupid and melodramatic that sounds; that's what it feels like. I feel like a mountain being hollowed out by steel machines, silently screaming in a language only other mountains can hear. I feel I’m imploding, with everything getting sucked into my hollow center and crumpled like a coke can, with me soon to follow. America just elected a fascist. That’s literally what just happened.

I think this has fundamentally scarred me. I don't know that I'll ever be as optimistic a person as I was yesterday morning. Something is gone that's never coming back.
posted by Rumpled at 5:28 AM on November 10 [41 favorites]

I'm worried for all the ways that this fresh wound can be re-opened by watching media and conversations from the days leading up to the election. I remember my glee at watching Lin-Manuel Miranda's "Never Gonna Be President Now" interlude on SNL, and now it's a jab in the side - close, but not nearly close enough.

At least it's not a contested election, so we can move on with the fights ahead instead of holding out with a sliver of hope that something might still shift.
posted by filthy light thief at 5:43 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

Pearl Jam's Ten also hits the sweet spot in terms of music. And say that as not as their biggest fan.
posted by angrycat at 5:50 AM on November 10

Mercifully, I'm not on Facebook -- and I'm seriously considering closing my Twitter account -- but the thing I've observed in the people I work with is a surprisingly blase attitude. Like, "Yeah, he's a nutjob, but whatever, it's just another election."

I want to smack them, even the ones I like, and grab their lapels and say "WRONG. HE IS OUR FIRST TRUE DEMAGOGUE. THE BLOODSHED HAS ALREADY BEGUN. HE HAS A BLANK CHECK FROM CONGRESS AND THE SOON-TO-BE DEEP-RED SUPREME COURT. TOGETHER THEY WILL DISMANTLE WHATEVER REMAINS OF THE FUNCTIONALITY OF AMERICAN DEMOCRACY. THERE IS NO LONGER A GLOBAL BEACON OF HOPE FOR PROGRESS. THE NUCLEAR THREAT NEVER WENT AWAY. CIVILIZATION ITSELF IS THREATENED, IF NOT ALL OF HUMANITY. YOU WANT TO STOP INVITING ME TO OFFICE PARTIES? FINE. BUT FUCKING PAY ATTENTION."

I mean, so many of the great lefty doomsayers (Chomsky, Kunstler, etc.) predicted basically this exact turn of events, but many years ago. And I saw the logic in what they said, but allowed myself to be lulled into a sense of…not complacency, but reassurance. Faith in fragile social systems.

That is shattered now. Even the inevitable Trump backlash does not reassure me, for no matter how enlightened or well-organized or effective it is, the ensuing bloodshed and destruction may very well rival the first half of the twentieth century.

I am too old and too constrained by my life circumstances to get angry and active. The only thing keeping me out of the very bottom of despair is the youth of America, who may be the only thing that allows America to persist in any recognizable way, eventually. But that sliver of hope lies a decade or more away, and is thus too vague to cling to. So I'm pretty much dissociating: choosing not to pay any but the barest minimum attention to world events, voting against the usurpers every chance I get, but otherwise, I'm out.
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 5:55 AM on November 10 [10 favorites]

1. I want to thank MetaFilter for being here throughout the election. It gave me a place to read and contemplate thoughts with people who share my views.

2. I am shocked and heartbroken.
posted by INFJ at 6:00 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

My Twitter interface is entirely in French this morning. This sometimes happens in Maine where we are so close to Quebec, but there is something strangely soothing about it. I want to see lots of pretty words that mean nothing to me.

I worked yesterday but I was in a bad headspace and had Friday off, so I burned a day to chill at home. Now I'm sitting here ripping old DVDs and drinking tea. It is very quiet.

I can't believe that a man who came to my town specifically to stir up hate and fear about our refugee population is now in charge of the country. I was eating lunch out yesterday because I was in such a daze that I left my bag at the kids daycare. A big school group walked by with a bunch of preschool kids holding onto a rope, mostly black, the girls in hijab. One of them saw me in the deli window and waved, just another sweet innocent kid like my own.

Fuck, man.
posted by selfnoise at 6:29 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

I'm just really tired. I'm glad you guys are here.
posted by limeonaire at 6:36 AM on November 10 [7 favorites]

Back at work today and Jesus, is it hard to care. Sure there are Trump voters here, and probably a lot more "eh, whatever" who either didn't vote or thought it didn't matter.

I just deleted a lot of really dark things I want to say but you know, why make others feel worse. Let's just say that if I didn't have a kid, I'm not sure I'd be sticking around, and that I feel a lot of guilt over bringing my poor kid into a world that was much shittier than I ever knew.

Going to the dr. next week to get back on antidepressants. I'd rather feel numb than feel this way.
posted by emjaybee at 6:52 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

Author Greta Christina posted this yesterday:

Ordinarily, when I'm grieving, the fact that the world keeps ticking along as if nothing had happened has felt aggravating, baffling, surreal, even insulting. Like the Auden poem about wanting all the clocks to stop: my world was devastated, how could people just be walking down the street? I didn't realize until today that, as aggravating as this was, it was also comforting. My world was falling apart, but the rest of the world was there, and I could return to it when I was ready. I didn't realize how comforting that was until today, when that comfort disappeared. It is the world itself that I'm grieving.

And I think what keeps hitting me is the weirdness of going back and forth between those two states. Grieving along with everyone, and then overhearing a woman at my gym complaining that her take-out order took too long and that counter staff was rude to her at a local restaurant, as if that were the biggest problem she'd ever have to deal with. It's jarring, on top of the grief and anger and sadness and dissociation.
posted by lazuli at 6:56 AM on November 10 [9 favorites]

I stayed plugged-in until I could no longer stand it, then put on my headphones around 2:45 AM and wrote out a long response to the changed world in that kind of fevered typing that comes when something arrives in my head without warning.

I woke up after a fitful hour of sleep that I finally earned after a night of stomach-churning surrender to the misery feed, only to find my beard oddly wet, and my t-shirt, too. I climbed out of bed in the dark, staggered into the bathroom, and hit the light.

My beard was saturated with blood, and my shirt was soaked all the way around the collar. I spat out dark blood, feeling around my mouth until I found where I'd bitten a gash into my tongue in my sleep out of tension, then washed myself up, balled up the t-shirt in a sink full of cold water to soak out the blood, and immediately retreated to the comfy chair in my living room where I sit when I'm inclined to just sit and listen to music and watch the dog sleeping with the kind of magical distance from the world that only dogs can find.

I felt angry, and scared, with my heart pounding in my chest and in my ears, almost loud enough to drown out the music I picked out specifically because it always brings me home…and it was not bringing me home.

On his way into work, my boyfriend stopped in, and we sat and talked for a few minutes. He's only just figured out who he is, or at least who he can be, well into middle age, and I am what can be fairly described as stark raving mad crazy about him, but I worry, because he's from a family dominated by religious men in a deeply conservative state, and I've been gradually coaxing him out into the light like someone trying to rescue a lost dog from a storm drain. He's already dealing with a lot of fear and uncertainty, and as the guy who dreams of building a family with him, I'm dealing with it, too, and I lived through the misery of being a gay teenager in the middle of the fucking Reagan Memorial AIDS Epidemic™ and it wasn't half as scary as the thought of losing what seems an awful lot like the love of my life to the hurricane of stupidity and hatred that's storming towards my region.

He left and my heart was pounding, and then, blissfully, it just stopped, because a lifetime of being bullied and never getting what I need means I've built huge circuit breakers into the software of my being that know when it's all too much and just slam closed like metal bars crashing against terminals and leaving the whole inside world conspicuously silent. I sat in my comfy green chair, changed the playlist to just Eno, just the safe space that exists when I put on Thursday Afternoon, and sat there, empty and trembling until it was a decent hour to pick up my tablet and start writing to friends I knew would be in the same boat. We chatted, we cried, we shared resources, all of us with our freak flags suddenly lurid against the waves of grey, and if I could not physically be with my own kind that day, the internet would have to suffice.

I have been walking eight to ten miles a day lately, but I stood on my porch, looked out into the misty grey where the rain was rolling out, and said fuck it.

I was scheduled to attend a board meeting for my workplace, but instead I sent around an email saying I just couldn't do it, that I wasn't feeling well, and had gotten no sleep, and was too keyed up and angry and sad to sit through a long meeting of droning report deliveries, and thus skipped, for the first time ever, my board meeting. Many of the board members texted me to see how I was doing, and I said "Not good, but tomorrow will be better," or "I'm feeling dead inside, but tomorrow will be better," or even "Fuck this fucking election, but tomorrow will be better."

Then, I waited out the day, walked the dog in a listless walk that had me slowing down like a wind-up toy running out of spring, came home, crawled into bed fully dressed, and was asleep by eight.

I woke at 1:15 AM, dressed to go for a walk, stepped out on the porch with new music in my headphones, looked around, said fuck it, and came back in to smoke some pot, spooled up my current favorite song on repeat, and danced wildly in my underwear in darkness lit only by a string of Christmas lights in the shape of hearts, which I hung up years ago to remind myself that, in spite of everything, my faith in love is still profound, until I was sweaty and worn out, after which I ate three Nutty Buddies and curled up in the nest of my duvet to wait for morning.

And today is tomorrow, and I am still shaking, and still scared, and nervous that I will not be up to the task that awaits all of us with hearts and souls and dreams of a better world, but I lit a candle and recited the silly mantra I've been reciting for a while now:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Only I will remain.
posted by sonascope at 6:58 AM on November 10 [17 favorites]

Thank you for this thread, emjaybee. I couldn't hack the conjecture in the main thread.

I work in politics in DC (for an explicitly nonpartisan org), so it's been...whooooo. I spent Tuesday night at the big watch party at our local gay club, fully expecting to celebrate something awesome with people who had as much of a personal stake in things as I did. Instead...I paid way too much for an Uber to the suburbs at 1AM. Skipping work isn't really optional in my line of work - we had meetings on the calendar to debrief on the election and start planning the future, but the future didn't look at all how we expected. We got a stern talk from the CEO and our communications people about how we need to watch what we say, professionally and personally. I wound up managing to put all of my personal feelings in a box for the workday so we could sit in the dark and silence and write. The Metro was eerie all day; people were even quieter and more subdued than normal. I haven't that sick and horrible since...maybe 9/11?

I did get a chance to watch the concession at home with some whiskey, and that was helpful. This has been horrible for me for three reasons - the professional disaster it will be for the cause I work for, the disaster it will be for the world, and the incredibly devastating personal loss of not electing our first female president. Sitting and really crying over that beautiful, graceful concession speech was very healing for me - as was then giving large amounts of money to EMILY's List and Running Start. I woke up this morning with a clear head and the sense of pure, incandescent rage that I'll need to do the kind of advocacy fighting needed in the months and years ahead. I found that listening to The Roots' rendition of "My Shot" from the Hamilton Mixtape on the subway was also a good backdrop for that.

This weekend, I'm going to try and make plans spend some time with people I like, hopefully somewhere beautiful. And I'm going to look into the local UU churches - I need to find a stable community to be a part of, and that's something I've neglected for too long between my giant commute and my stressful job and my married-person inertia. I'm not religious at all, so any other suggestions, especially specific to the Northern Virginia area, of where I can get some regularly scheduled fellowship and organizing are welcome. I downloaded Headspace. I haven't done a great job with self-care, my mental health, my physical health, my social life, a lot of things, and I think I owe it to the world to be on top of my game to fulfill my duty to everyone to fight every racist, xenophobic, bigoted, misogynistic, hateful thing about to come our way.
posted by bowtiesarecool at 7:00 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

Hi everyone. I haven't spent a lot of time on MetaFilter the last couple of years, although I'd pop in once in a while and wonder why I hadn't. I don't have a great answer, but I now have a great reason to finally take a step back from Reddit's toxicity (I don't think it's all bad, there are some great communities there, but you can never escape it completely) and return to a place that despite some periodic angry shouting matches is almost completely loving. I've uninstalled Facebook and Twitter and Reddit from my phone, and hidden the bookmarks on my desktop. This is a break I've probably needed for a while and this is the best reason to re-engage with positive forces.

The past 36 hours have been bewildering and surreal and disappointing and scary, and that's coming from an upper-middle class straight white man. I stand to lose very little personally from a Trump presidency, but I've got a wife and a young daughter and non-white and non-American and non-straight friends I'm incredibly concerned about. I spent an hour yesterday trying to convince my sixty-something Navy veteran father that all was not lost, which was probably the worst and best and strangest moment in our relationship. I'm not sure I believed myself or if it worked.

But I do know that I'm not leaving this country because I love it, and I'm not giving up on it yet. I'm not angry at people who voted Trump. I thought Michael Moore's words on these voters on NBC on Tuesday night were enlightening -- they didn't all like Trump or his racism or sexism, huge numbers of them felt they needed to see non-iterative change in this country and that he's more likely to blow up the system than Hillary was. I think they're right, I just hope that the system can be put back together in a way that's better. We'll see.

(And I concede that whole last paragraph somewhat reflects my Privilege.)
posted by Plutor at 7:08 AM on November 10 [7 favorites]

It's a small thing, and a small action, but, after reading this article about the symbolism of the safety pin after the Brexit vote, I'd love to see folks in the US adopt it as meaning that the person wearing it is an ally for PoC, Immigrants, LGBTQ, and others who might fall under the boot of Trump policies or abuse by Trump supporters.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 7:22 AM on November 10 [8 favorites]

I want to point out two comments from Sublimity that are helping me immensely right now:

The original comment:

Here's a mantra that's worked really well for me when I can't cope: Improve, Appreciate, Connect, Protect.

Doing anything that fits into one of those categories is replenishing--shores up yourself as a person who has value, is capable. Those actions don't have to relate in any way to your stressors. Improve anything: put on socks if you're chilly, take out the trash, straighten the books in your bookshelf. Appreciate anything: the light through the window, your best friend's sense of humor, your lovely collarbones. Connect with anyone: send a text to a friend, call your aunt, make a Facebook comment, have dinner with a buddy. Protect anyone: your pet from fleas, your coworkers from a grumpy outburst, your garden from weeds.

Election thread follow up comment:

Regarding self-care: I've written several times on AskMe about the best coping technique I know: Improve, Appreciate, Connect, Protect. I'm practicing it this morning and it helps, it really does.

An action in the "protect" category is... sharing the best coping technique I know. If you have friends who are completely at a loss, I invite you to share this with them, too.

So - for anyone who hasn't seen these - I encourage you to think on this concept when needed. I found it very helpful when getting back to sleep last night, and am so thankful to Sublimity for sharing it.
posted by hilaryjade at 7:26 AM on November 10 [6 favorites]

I'm numb enough to have words right now. I didn't have that yesterday. I should have taken the day off, but I couldn't, especially since I'd taken off on Tuesday to work the election. So I sat at my computer, snot and tears all over my face, still in the clothes I'd worn to my precinct and just grateful that I can work from home. I may actually be coming down with something. I'm not sure how to tell the difference between a cold and nausea and pain and sniffles from too much crying right now.

And what I keep coming back to is how lucky I am. I'm white and straight-passing and employed and in a deep blue state and if things do go bad I have a family who'll step in to take care of me. I'll probably be ok. I have so much dread for a female friend in Texas who's married to an immigrant woman of color, and it's only a fraction of what her family is dealing with right now.

I wish I could be someone who's ready to fight today, but I'm not there yet. I'm still working on showering and feeding myself and crying less. I may not leave the house until Saturday, when I have to teach for five hours. That's going to be rough. But I think Sunday I might go to the local UU church.
posted by Akhu at 7:29 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

Welcome back Plutor.

Two deeply flawed candidates ran. I knew that whichever one won I would be quite concerned for our country's future. I just did not know how that would feel. It does not feel good.

I have met both Hillary and Donald, each on several occasions. Trump may not be a classic politician, but he certainly knows how to play the part in person. He is very engaging and will look you in the eye and listen to you when you meet him. Hillary is also different in person than on stage. She is actually much more relaxed and even funny when you talk to her one on one in small groups. She seems so stiff and scripted on stage. (Bill actually remembered me from the first time we spoke and that is truly amazing as I am far from memorable or famous or anything other than a guy going about his daily business.)

I choose to look at the positives. One, the system worked. One may not like the outcome, but the American people as a whole went out and voted. Two, there is a better than zero chance that Trump actually shakes up the establishment. I think that is why Hillary lost. She is the poster child for establishment politicians. I think a lot of people don't care what either of them stood for, they just wanted to stir the pot of the bureaucracy. Three, Trump will probably tee it up for whomever replaces him in 4 years. The next person will be welcomed with open arms as a change from Trump. Might even lead to bipartisanship. (On reread, the positives are more luke warm than positive.)

Regardless, it is a sobering, somber time in which we live. Stay warm. Stay safe.
posted by AugustWest at 7:30 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

Tenseness-terseness ensued...

What with my
*job interview on the 8th (the prep. was pretty intense, and I was inwardly super-tense, [but have reason to be optimistic so yay]),
'the election night (European time zone, so we went to bet like at seven in the morning, shocked),
*the to-be-dried tears of American spouse yesterday (yup. Married the in-house co-mefite in August),
*and my hardy but (I heard this on the 7th) in-pain and in-need-of-acute radiation mom nine hours by car from here,
I have now developed what looks like a pinched nerve or even slipped disk in my neck. Started during the interview (ka-zongg), hasn't gone away in spite of me using the usual trickery and routines. So now it's ice bags and heat alternating and not much sleep soon for the third night in the row.

If anyone has a trick for unclenching rock-tense neck muscles, let's have it, plz..
posted by Namlit at 7:30 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]

I really need people on the left to stop saying that it's going to be okay. Case in point Conan Obrien in his monologue about we've been through this before as a nation and we'll get through this.
It's like a lie you tell children to calm them down and it's transparently false. We've never been in this position before, where one man and his supporters aim to do tremendous harm to the globe and have the capacity to do so
posted by angrycat at 7:31 AM on November 10 [24 favorites]

Namlit try chewing gum
posted by angrycat at 7:33 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

Hi, everybody. I hesitated about posting this, because it's so self-centered and tangential and ME ME ME, but to hell with it. I need to vent somewhere or I'll start screaming.

I was devastated by the Trump thing, of course...but I might have been able to adjust if it were just the Trump thing. This too shall pass, no matter how horrible it is, I keep trying to tell myself...but of course it's not the only thing.

See, I'm an American living in the UK for nine-plus years now, and my current visa is running out. It's a Tier 4 student one, and my program ended months ago. I've basically been trying to find work since June, and I've had a grand total of two interviews because a.) no one wants to sponsor, and b.) my CV looks a little weird, what with interrupting an IT career to go back to school for something unrelated.

All our friends are here. Mrs. Example's job is here. Our cats are here. So Mrs. Example and I have been frantically engaging an immigration lawyer, spending money we don't really have, to file a sixty-plus page application for further leave to remain to buy us some time while I keep scrambling to find a job that'll sponsor me...and if that gets turned down before I find something, we're going to have to move back to Trumpmerica, with no existing homes to go back to (we'd have to impose on her parents), no jobs, and no health insurance.

This would, of course, despite Mrs. Example's reassurances, be all my fault.

So, a lot of fetal positioning and dehydration-level tears this week, and late on Tuesday I found myself on the edge of a train platform waiting for the next one, when the thought came into my head that it would be so easy to just take that one last...little..step. I didn't, obviously.

That's not the bad part, though. The bad part is that without realizing it, just for one tiny little instant and without my consciously doing it...my leg tensed.

I'm slightly better now, but...yeah. Any UK people want to sponsor a person with an entire magazine rack of issues who's weirdly into computational stylistics and Elizabethan drama?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 7:33 AM on November 10 [6 favorites]

Honestly, the most upsetting thing so far was hearing Bob Garfield and Brooke Gladstone fight with each other on yesterday's special "what now" edition of "On the Media."

Please, Bob and Brooke, don't fight. I can't take it right now.
posted by maxsparber at 7:37 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

Thanks for sharing your eloquence, sonascope. I read that in the cadences of MLK and it fit perfectly.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:42 AM on November 10

I am like a ghost moving through the world right now.

Yesterday I was completely raw.

I told my mother I needed space from my father and brother (who voted for him) and wouldn't be attending a birthday dinner this week. She proceeded to do her narcissistic best at berating me for 3 hours until my sister stepped in (without telling me) and yelled at her for 45 minutes. My mother's rants consisted of telling me how I'm killing her. I'm killing my father. I've never understood my brother and I'm not as smart as I think I am. My grandmother called but I didn't pick up, because my mother learned her guilt from the one who bore her. I haven't heard from anyone since about noon yesterday, but I am certainly persona non grata in my dysfunctional family right now. I don't care.

I am spending Thanksgiving (which I hate anyway) at a restaurant with my sweet husband and his elderly mother.

Last night, I spent an hour on a conference call with HIV activists from all over the country starting groups to work out where we go from here. I cancelled my Nordstrom and Macy's cards and wanted it recorded that I wouldn't spend a dollar there until they dropped Ivanka Trump. I am working on putting together a list of boycotts. I am trying to get some work done for a women and PrEP event we're putting on in a month.

I am hugging my dog. I haven't eaten in 36 hours.

I am so grateful for MeFites.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:42 AM on November 10 [14 favorites]

day two and i don't feel any better. the feelings of doom, dread, and disappointment are all still here.

this country (and probably the planet with it) is lost. i am looking at my options for leaving but i'm terrified of being stuck here.
posted by entropicamericana at 7:43 AM on November 10

I worked from home yesterday because I couldn't bear to face coworkers (some of whom I'm sure voted for him). I spent more time on social media than I should have. It's a double-edged sword - I get support from others, but I'm also seeing all the horrifying things that are already happening (attacks) or are about to happen (systematic abolishment of civil rights and agency funding). I started having chest pains in the evening and closed the laptop to drink a beer and (re)watch LOST (plane crashes and nonsensical plots are less horrifying).

I got a goodly amount of sleep but I woke up crying this morning. Found out a trans friend had been called a f*g and punched in the face (probably unrelated to Trump, but still...). Everything is horrible and the only thing that keeps me from taking a bottle of pills is my determination to fight, my obligation to be there for my friends, and my probably-unadoptable cats.

Last week I won $500 on a lottery scratch-off ticket. Tomorrow is my birthday so I was going to blow it on something nice for myself. Instead I'm going to write a $500 check to the ACLU and/or Planned Parenthood.
posted by AFABulous at 7:50 AM on November 10 [13 favorites]

I'm very sad, very angry and very sorry for my friends south of the border, and for all of us. I am a Canadian, somewhat insulated from the worst of what many of you are facing. I still have a horrible feeling in my stomach, can't eat properly and am filled with dread. I know many of you are much closer, physically and emotionally to what is happening and I send you strength.

My family, friends and colleagues are equally horrified, so I have the luxury of many people with whom to commiserate, to strategize and to take strength from myself. My partner, children and I had been planning a winter holiday trip to DC, but, remembering how shocked I felt when George W. Bush was elected the second time I hadn't yet made any bookings. We will not be taking that trip. Washington DC is not where we want to be right now. Later, perhaps. There are many things we enjoy when travelling in the USA. But as a queer, liberal family, not right now. No way.

I have backed away from the news, backed away from social media, and I'm limiting my time here for a while as well. I can't and won't stick my head in the sand forever. But for now it feels important to take some time to play boardgames with the kids, read fiction, take walks and enjoy those I love.

I teach college students and part of what I teach has to do with media literacy so I'm also reworking lectures. I discuss rhetoric, reality tv and visual media and I want my young students to connect the dots between - among other things - the "war on drugs", Rodney King and citizen journalism, The Apprentice, Mark Burnett and this election. Post truth politics is frightening. I feel like one thing I can do is to keep pointing it out to the next generation, making them look critically at the messages they are receiving and that they will receive. I've seen a few comments about people being afraid to bring children into the world. I understand the sentiment. However, raising and educating thoughtful, intelligent, compassionate youth is a concrete action that gives me hope.
posted by Cuke at 7:59 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

I'm definitely on the anger part of coping now. I was at work yesterday and it took me two hours to write an email. Luckily, I don't have very much on my plate right now (new job), but I don't know how much I'll be able to get done today, either.

I've been reaching out to people - my mother, my brother, college friends, old internet friends, old coworkers, just checking in. Making sure people have someone to talk to. Telling them that I love them and will support them and that I'll try to help them in any way possible.

I've been working on a spreadsheet of organizations that will help, taken from the links that other people have been sharing and other aggregates, categorizing them and noting what their scope of coverage is. My plan is to take either donate a few hours or $10 (or the equivalent in supplies) to one of the orgs every week. It's small in scale but sustainable.

I keep on thinking of this saying (and this is probably a poor paraphrase, feel free to correct - I'm a horrible Jew) "You alone will not be able to complete repairing the world, but neither are you allowed to desist from working for it." Things are going to be fucked, yeah. But that doesn't mean that I'm absolved of the duty to fight to make it better, however I can. It's not about having hope, not really. It's about sitting aside and watching this happen, but working with others against it.

Again, I'm new at this job, so I didn't really know what I was walking into when I walked into work yesterday. A woman a few cubes down from me was crying and shaking with anger because she has a queer daughter, while another was trying to console her by telling her that nothing was really going to happen on that front. Another coworker told me, when I mentioned that it had been a long night, that "A lot of people stayed up to watch what happened, and those people felt a lot of different things. And not everyone felt bad things. And that's okay, she isn't going to judge anyone by how they feel on this day". Which has to be the most Minnesotan way of saying that they voted for Trump ever. And I know the woman a few cubes down overheard.
posted by dinty_moore at 7:59 AM on November 10 [4 favorites]

The normalization that is taking place already is destroying me. Friends are talking about fighting back, running candidates, resistance. One friend posted about the White Rose resistance group in Nazi Germany. This was supposed to be inspirational. Most of the White Rose members were executed after show trials. Before the election my sister who lives in Uganda told me that everyone who lived through the lead-up to the Rwandan genocide next door recognized the rhetoric of Radio Télévision Libre des Mille Collines in Trump's speeches. All I can think is that it's madness to talk about elections and petitions and that we should be heeding the lessons of history and getting out now. But I have no education and it is unlikely that I can find any other country to let me in, even if any country felt safe right now, which none does in the age of Le Pen and Brexit and Geert Wilders and the Golden Dawn. So it feels like there are no options at all.
posted by enn at 8:02 AM on November 10 [6 favorites]

dinty_moore: you got it right. The quote is technically "You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it."
posted by Sophie1 at 8:04 AM on November 10 [8 favorites]

One thing that is kind-of helping is the many indignant, angry but unbowed women of color on Twitter that I follow. I'd rather feel anger than despair, at any rate.
posted by emjaybee at 8:04 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

I've been truly amazed and humbled by the number of women coming out as survivors of rape and sexual assault publicly on facebook or twitter and expressing what it means to them that Donald Trump was elected. I'm not ready to join in because I've already accidentally upset my mom by talking about sexual harassment I've experienced, but I want to say that here, I'm angry on all of our behalfs and even if I'm not willing to share my personal experience in an obviously public place, I'm using it as some of my motivation to make sure that we all stay safe over the next four years.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:16 AM on November 10 [10 favorites]

I am having eating problems as well. Thank for weed or I wouldn't have eaten a bite. Even so, eating was about as fun as colonoscopy prep
posted by angrycat at 8:20 AM on November 10

I am working on putting together a list of boycotts.

I would be very interested in seeing this list.
posted by _Mona_ at 8:21 AM on November 10 [7 favorites]

I've surprised myself by how deeply I am grieving. I sat outside while my son slept in his pram and stared through the snowfall at bare trees and a gray sky. Wave after wave of grief washed over me.

I thought back to my first winter living in the US, 2002-3. I was an exchange student at Hampshire College (where, if you don't know it, the average political stance of the students and faculty is a little bit to the left of Chairman Mao). In an effort to make sense of the wider society around me I started to read the New York Times and New Yorker at the library and both were full of war fervor. The same went for the news on television. Trying to follow local politics I found that Mitt Romney was heading for victory in the gubernatorial race, a man who seemed to me like a devil in human form (how quaint that feels now). The national politics were even worse. The people I had made friends with initially, a mix of fellow international students, geeks, poets and artists, weren't so engaged politically that they would talk at length about politics.

The day after the awful 2002 midterms I noticed a couple of my friends had joined a group of students I didn't know in the dining hall. I heard they were discussing the results and found out they were politcal activists, a mix of Dems, Greens and other flavors. Many of them became some of my closest friends and taught me most of what I know about American politics. One close friend told me that while there was much wrong with the political system, it had successfully kept extremists from gaining power. I always doubted it, but I couldn't disprove it and the idea always gave me a bedrock of hope. Well, that's gone.

I lived most of the first decade of this century in the US. Despite the horrible 2004 election, I felt all the time that the country was moving in a direction of hope and light, and the election of Barack Obama confirmed me in my belief. That's also gone.

I haven't been able to call or write to my friends in the US. I just don't know what to say. I haven't been much able to write anything in the last few days. But yesterday I did ask an American who's a fellow student of Finnish if he wanted to meet up for a movie soon. There wasn't much thought behind it but reaching out seemed right in the moment. I've also decided that tonight I will write some of my American friends to offer...well, my condolences, really. I don't know what word is more appropriate. Commiserations, maybe.

After my son was born I mostly withdrew from political activism. I think I need to get back to that. My image of America broke on Tuesday, maybe even my image of humanity. But I'm not ready to give up. I owe too much to too many.
posted by Kattullus at 8:22 AM on November 10 [9 favorites]

My coping thoughts include:

Take away his name. Refer to him as "the president-elect," and later, unfortunately, as "the president." When speaking of most of 2016, call him "the Republican candidate." He cares more about his name being in the news than the title he just won. He wants the title - but he wants it in front of his name, not to just be the 45th in a long series of other guys who've done the same job.

My kid's school sent out an email - on the list they use to announce science fairs and field trips - about the election.

How can all the young people who are afraid of the future, believe the platitudes that we tell them? How can they believe that things are getting better. People are more inclusive. Unfair practices in policing, housing, voting, employment are being unveiled, and no longer tolerated. Be yourself. You don't need to be afraid to be who you are.

The only way our youth can believe these things to be true is if we continue to work for and model equity and inclusiveness in everything we say and do. We must continue to support human rights in all spheres. We must show kindness and caring to our neighbors as well as to strangers. We must combat racism, bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, xenophobia, and discrimination in all forms. At least then, we can say that it is true here--in our home, in our school, in our community.

And then she apologized for talking politics on the list, but I don't care - it's a small school, and if there are any people on staff who support the president-elect, I want to know about it so I can either move my kid out of there, or minimize her contact with them.

I live in the SF Bay Area; people who aren't shocked and horrified by the election are rare. I went to downtown Oakland last night, marched for a while, chanted a bit, left when things started to get agitated. Some guys were tearing boards off a building under construction for a street fire. When it became obvious they weren't going to stop after a couple 4x8 slabs of plywood, the police started to move in, and I decided that was my cue to head home.

Tonight I'm going to the Kickstarter Superbacker gathering in SF, and I'll bring my copy of Donald of the Dead, which showed up last week. (Husband promptly grabbed the #TRUMPOCALYPSE bumper sticker for the van; I'm now very glad he did.)

I want to get through this with humor and a fierce devotion to the values that form the core of the future I want to live in.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 8:24 AM on November 10 [10 favorites]

Grief is good for my waistline. There are donuts in the break room and I can't even look at them, let alone eat one.

I'm swinging between grief and anger and eventually it'll just be anger. And I'm pretty much cried out for now.

This is how I fall asleep: I imagine that Hillary won and I'm watching her acceptance speech on TV and then I imagine the inauguration. I convince my brain that the worst didn't actually happen and then I'm able to quiet it down and go to sleep.
posted by cooker girl at 8:28 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

Most of my friends have been sexually assaulted or raped, and I spend a lot of time reminding them (and myself): I believe you, and it wasn't your fault. I believe you, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't my fault. What they did to us, it wasn't our fault. I believe you and I'm sorry.

So this is the most soul-destroying thing for me. Abject, devastated, overwhelmed... nothing comes close to describing how I feel now that America has told us, once and for all, that no one believes us, and that it was our fault after all. I honestly don't know how to live with the weight of it. I am very well-versed in the effects of internalized misogyny and patriarchy but I cannot get my mind around any of this at all.
posted by amnesia and magnets at 8:33 AM on November 10 [7 favorites]

Currently arguing on FB with a friend who wants me to understand Trump voter pain as justification for voting for him/why they're not really racist.

Trying to explain I am more concerned with 20 million people about to lose healthcare, and many other bad things that likely/certain to happen, that I am standing with my friends who will be hurt by this event. Not sure I'm getting through. He really wants to just be able to be a moderate "both sides are flawed" guy but my friend, there is no middle ground anymore. Really hasn't been for a while.
posted by emjaybee at 8:34 AM on November 10 [8 favorites]

_Mona_ - I will post it when I have compiled a little more. I'm updating in my profile for the HIV actions and I'll add the boycott list there as well.
posted by Sophie1 at 8:36 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

Yeah I'm having sexual assault ptsd right now.
Remembering the rape and how my rapist taunted me when he wasn't indicted
posted by angrycat at 8:38 AM on November 10 [9 favorites]

I don't know if it means anything or if I did a good job, but this FPP was me trying to help folks get through this. I'm grateful we still have some of our finest protest singers with us, even if I'm heartbroken we need them now maybe more than we have in decades.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:38 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

I was reading another system I used to be very active on, and am now far less active on now that I found MetaFilter. A couple of guys, both straight white men, were bloviating about how ill-advised the protests last night in NYC and elsewhere were. "He's our President now, like it or not, and this just looks petty" and "the time for protesting has passed now," -- stuff like that. I completely lost it at them both. Just more of the same from the ruling class -- sit down and shut up, you're doing it wrong, we're going to police how you process your feelings.

I don't really have much more to say than that. Just...I've had it with that shit. I don't know what good that does me or anyone else, or exactly what I'm going to do with it other than rage at people like that in phosphor, but I've had it.

The only thing that gives me any hope at all is that I live in a very non-white, very non-Christian neighborhood --I'd say that 80% of my neighbors are people of color and at least a quarter of them are Muslim -- and seeing them putting one foot in front of the other, seemingly without fear, gives me some hope. (I'm white.) I can't know what they're feeling or thinking, of course, but to my eye, they're going about their lives.
posted by holborne at 8:45 AM on November 10 [6 favorites]

I really need people on the left to stop saying that it's going to be okay.

I'm sorry for my comment above. Exactly correct, I've been trying to talk myself out of despair, wanting to find ground for hope in abstractions that are counterfactuals, at this point. Stupid and insensitive - I'm really sorry.
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:49 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

I am finding myself in so much denial, like I am having a hard time with anything that even acknowledges this. Stupid stuff even - like, my pic on Twitter is some version of Trump-won't-be-President-fuck-him, and I can't even open up Twitter because I see my picture and I know I have to change it, know I can't make a single tweet with it still up, and yet changing it requires acknowledging that this is real, and I just can't, because this can't be reality, this has to be all some weird elongated dream state that my anxiety is creating, we can't have done this.
posted by corb at 8:50 AM on November 10 [7 favorites]

Yesterday, I'm pretty sure I had a low-grade panic attack going all day. I still can't really look at the news or the analysis of 'what went wrong'. I've been trying to do things that are good for me (eating, playing music, reading, housework) and trying to put one foot in front of the other. Today, I will be visiting my campaign colleagues; going forward, I will be keeping in touch with other local activists who value my humanity and work. I've never felt such a need for positive community.

My loving partner has been so attentive, especially when I've been crying or staring off into space. I feel and see the stages of grief being played out in front of and within me.
posted by Excommunicated Cardinal at 8:51 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

I'm functional today, because I have to be. Kid needs me, I'm still fighting the mortgage company to make them give me my insurance money so I can finish restoration from the destruction this spring, my cats and dog insist on snuggles. Husband is very supportive, which is nice. Pretty much, the serpents are the only things not demanding attention.

I am still devastated. Kids at my son's school were chanting build the wall yesterday. My son got in between a maga bully and a girl in hijab. I have phone calls in to the principal, the district administrator, and will be a presence at the school board. This shit will not stand.

I spent some time yesterday looking at beachfront property in belize, but I'm well aware that it's not an actual possibility. And even if it is, I owe it to my friends of color, and quiltbag friends, and Jr high girls in hijabs, and women facing death sentences for getting pregnant to use my privilege to be an unafraid voice.

I went into hiding online after gamergate turned it's sauron eye towards me, but no more. Fuck them all and their domestic terrorism. They are bullies and halfwits, and i have no fucks in my garden to give.

I am a menopausal woman, and I will bring the wrath of a thousand hot flashes. They will drag this country into Gilead over my dead body. (It may be fair to say that I've hit the anger stage in the grief process.)
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 9:12 AM on November 10 [16 favorites]

Everything manifested as a wicked headache yesterday (following a night of no sleep and feeling as though I was going to vomit at any second), so I was barely functional as I went about my workday. Luckily, it was mostly really quiet in the office, and people kept to themselves, so no one could see that I was in tears for most of the day.

After some ibuprofen and muscle relaxers, I went to bed early and got a good night's sleep. I woke up today feeling almost normal, and ready to fight. I signed up with my local branch of the Pantsuit Nation, and I'm hoping that we can channel this rage and actually DO something.
posted by MsVader at 9:15 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

I really feel for you folks dealing with Trump supporting family members and co-workers. My own family is all pretty far to the left, but my wife's family.... They live some distance away and we had no plans to visit for the holidays, but I know they are going to expect to see us in the summer. I don't know if I can handle that. Tomorrow I'll have a meeting with a co-worker who made a point of telling me last week that she was voting for Trump. She had seemed like a nice, inoffensive sort of person. It's impossible to see her that way now.

On the other hand, I wouldn't have picked up the "Hamilton" soundtrack if it weren't for the Metafilter election threads. I guess that's the silver lining?
posted by maurice at 9:22 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

On coping strategies:

Give yourself permission to do whatever self care you want but under normal circumstances you would never do. I ate half a pie for breakfast this morning and give ZERO FUCKS. I don't even care that I'm telling you guys about it. Dinner the other day was liquor poured on ice cream. It's okay. I can't eat like this the rest of my life but I can do it for a week while I pick myself up. So can you. Watch a trashy show you would never want to admit. Wear socks with holes in them. I'm serious! It is okay to have all your fucks tied up in our impending apocalypse and nothing else non-critical.

It is the only thing keeping me even halfway sane right now. So I recommend it strongly.
posted by corb at 9:25 AM on November 10 [23 favorites]

Namlit, what helps me with the neck is -- I hope I describe this in a way that's coherent -- is to do that thing where you roll your spine down so that your head and arms wind up just hanging down all floppy, and staying like that for a while. I'm sure there's a yoga name for it, but I don't know. I carry all my tension in my jaw and neck and that helps a lot. I also find it helpful to do this shoulder stretch, but with the extended arm bent 90 degrees at the elbow instead of parallel to the floor.
posted by holborne at 9:25 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

Watching the election returns, I started to get anxious when Virginia wasn't turning as quickly as I'd expected. That blossomed into a full-on panic attack right as the documentary film crew showed up. I probably look like a horror show in all their footage. On the plus side, the cat can now say she has been in movies.

Yesterday morning I had to text my life coach and get ok with the fact that I was not in a space mentally to grade the papers I said I would have graded by class time. I cried a little. Taught classes. Then I wiped out on a slippery construction ramp, banged up my knee, scraped all the skin off of the top of my foot, and tore my pants. I bled a lot, guys.

So, I went home, had my husband go to the store and get me first aid supplies and ice cream, and then I called my dad and cried about how I tore my favorite pair of pants. I cried overly much about those pants, so I think I was still crying over the election.

Today is better. I am making plans for my future. I am going to get healthier and stronger. I am going to travel to Asia and not be worried the whole time. I'm making a plan for the upcoming year to be a better person and no awful prick of a president is going to take that away from me. Also, I had to wear sneakers to work today, because putting my foot in a dress shoe was not happening. So I'm super comfy right now.

Looking on the bright side.
posted by chainsofreedom at 9:28 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

I'm somewhat insulated being a Canadian but I just wanted you to know me and my friends are devastated. I spent most of yesterday starting conversations about it "how..i don't even...why". Some of my friends too sick to talk about it. Wondering as well how they will tell their children. Their girls. As much as a Canadian I'm loathe to say it but the President is still a ...the leader of the free world is still a thing and the election of a rapist is blowing a lot of us survivors up. I don't know where you go from here and I just wanted to say the rest of the world is grieving with you and struggling to explain as well. And raging. The signs of women protesters on twitter were hopeful to me. Seeing young women stand up and say "This rapist is not my president" was heartening.

I cried yesterday on and off hearing of trans suicides happening. As a person who discovered they were trans later in life the fact that youth figured it out so early and were brave to be who they are (when I'm still in hiding most of the time) and to have people use the president as an excuse to bully is horrific to me.
posted by kanata at 9:29 AM on November 10 [8 favorites]

I'm functional today, because I have to be. Kid needs me

Yeah, this is about where I am, and I think where my husband is too (also we need each other); I'm trying not to talk about my daughter too much because I recognize that can get tedious fast but she's basically all I can think about and all that's keeping me sane because Losing It is not an option for me at this juncture. If we didn't have her, I think my husband and I might start down a nihilistic self-destructive path together because we're both filled with despair, but we brought her into the world and we have a responsibility and my love for her is about the only thing keeping me together.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:30 AM on November 10 [7 favorites]

On a ridiculous note: I know I should be ashamed about making comments about anyone's appearance, but I felt such relief yesterday when, after agreeing with my mother that the little Trump son is a cute kid and we hope he got some sleep that night, that we both found the older Trump sons recoilingly unattractive and difficult to look at. (Also, as we talked about Melania, I was actually really surprised & relieved that she remembered & cared about the nasty comments Michelle Obama got about her looks and her body.) I was relieved her Trump devotion didn't extend to finding the Trump sons attractive. So I guess that's the common ground we're working with, and the extent of my heartwarming story about bridging the political divide.

This was after I'd been put in the uncomfortable position of defending Paul Ryan and Reince Whatever for resisting Trump and not helping him, so I was desperate for a conversation that wasn't so bleak.

Another thing about that: my mom and I are both POC, and I've spent years struggling with her conservatism. I gave up on trying to argue with her ride-or-die birtherism--despite the fact people regularly assume she's not an American citizen, too, despite the xenophobic and racist treatment she and my father have experienced, she so happily took it as fact that Obama was not a citizen. I know that what I see as vile, hurtful beliefs--that anything other than colorblindness is racism, that intentions are magical and people who mean well should be forgiven, that individual agency is the only & every thing and so institutionalized racism does not exist--while central to their own assimilationist survival in a racist world, has been weaponized into hatred. I know I'm being gaslit when I'm told what I "know" from my degree & grad work in political science is just liberal brainwashing, that my experiences are not reflective of real racism because I've bought into "victim culture" because I'm kind but naive. (BUT OH MY GOD have I heard so much about how Trump supporters have been terrorized, belittled, and oppressed, so scared to express their true beliefs, and my mom is so proud of herself that Fox News commentators are agreeing with "something that even [she], just an uneducated house wife" can see that it's why Trump won. But please, tell me more about how liberal elites are exploiting identity politics!)

It's a lot of psychological damage to take on, dealing with so much racism inside and outside my private life. How do other POC deal with this? I have some family members and friends who believe otherwise, so I have a support system, but I keep mentally circling back to my parents, unable to resist obsessing over it. I thought I'd made peace with having disappointed my parents by not becoming the unholy love child of Stacey Dash and Michelle Malkin, and that I can't shift their beliefs and get them to have empathy and understanding if they don't see their own experiences (or believe me when I talk about mine) in the context of white supremacy. I thought having and showing empathy for how they developed their own beliefs--their own unshakeable beliefs in their own individualism and their own personal agency--is crucial for their own sense of self, to explain their own success in life. But there's no movement toward the center, toward respect and empathy for me. There's no movement toward believing that other POC's individualism and personal agency causes them to believe different things, such as institutionalized, systemic racism. The only reason I believe what I do is because I'm naive and softhearted, and also that I've been spoiled and brainwashed.

They're really happy now that their worldview has been validated~, and I'm just so furious and disappointed and sad because the psychological damage comes from all sides. I actually agree that I'm kind and softhearted and naive. Seeing the alternative, seeing the abyss of hate and fear surrounding us now, I wouldn't want to be otherwise. Now I'm struggling through giving up my fantasy of their beliefs shifting, and focusing instead on protecting and fighting the good fight alongside others who need it and who want it and who know it.

Thanks for the company throughout this election and now the aftermath, Metafilter. I can only imagine how terribly lonely and more awful I'd feel without you. (And any Mefites dealing with similar stuff, feel free to memail me your venting, now or anytime in the future, for as long as the future exists, at least. I'm here for you.)
posted by mixedmetaphors at 9:34 AM on November 10 [4 favorites]

I careen between anger and fear. I'm scared for people I love. Took yesterday off and spent most of the day on long-distance phone calls with people I love. Recommended. Also we're trying to focus on what we're grateful for. One of the things I'm grateful for is Metafilter, which I've been reading since before 9/11 and have always appreciated for bringing me information and views I might not be aware of otherwise. Now I'm appreciating it in a new way for the community. Thank you.
posted by Lyme Drop at 9:36 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

I offered breakables for breaking on my local "buy nothing" group.
posted by aniola at 9:40 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

I've spent most of this year grieving. My oldest brother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in March and he died a few weeks ago and while the grieving process feels much the same, there are two things that actually make this harder for me, the first is the shock, being able to prepare helps, but this, both thinking about the past when I was certain of a different outcome or thinking to the future and the new reality we live, is just destroying me.

The other thing is that when someone close to you dies, generally people try to be kinder and gentler to you, at least for a little while, but not with this, half the country wanted this outcome, even some of my friends and family and I can't take it, I don't want to see them or hear from them and it's making me feel very isolated. Which is another reason I am so grateful to this community.
posted by doublenelson at 9:43 AM on November 10 [4 favorites]

I went into hiding online after gamergate turned it's sauron eye towards me, but no more. Fuck them all and their domestic terrorism. They are bullies and halfwits, and i have no fucks in my garden to give.

I am a menopausal woman, and I will bring the wrath of a thousand hot flashes. They will drag this country into Gilead over my dead body. (It may be fair to say that I've hit the anger stage in the grief process.)

Can I join you in the No Fucks Given garden? Obviously that's where we do the farming on Crone Island. Our garden isn't bare, but we don't give our fucks for free... you have to earn them. These wannabe despots and whining bullies have not earned my fucks.

We can be the Sisterhood of Crones Against Brutality, the SCAB that stands between the wound and the rest of the world. We don't need to be pretty or delicate, and yeah, there's gonna be some scars, but we can do our best to keep things from getting worse.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 9:48 AM on November 10 [7 favorites]

I haven't felt like coming out of my room. I was already battered and broken by life. I'm embarrassed that the election of Scut Farkus is a life-threatening wound for me, but there we are.

I at least managed to get dinner on the table last night. I was wise when I laid in an extra groceries last week. I can't face going to the store. Perhaps tomorrow.

I am lost and hopeless and feel very alone indeed, but I love y'all.
posted by ob1quixote at 9:49 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

a mantra that's worked really well for me when I can't cope: Improve, Appreciate, Connect, Protect.

I appreciate that. I've been shoring myself up by a few things

1. The Internet Archive went out of their way to tell all their employees "We are safe"
2. I have always thrived better as a member of the resistance

Last night we had a "neighborhood family meeting" where about thirty of us drank and moped and talked about what we could do for each other and for this new world. It helped. The sun and the trees and the birds don't know who is president and spending some time with them can help.

People who want to just vent/rant, my email is always open. I'm not always a great conversationalist, but I will listen and I will not judge.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 9:55 AM on November 10 [8 favorites]

The other thing is that when someone close to you dies, generally people try to be kinder and gentler to you, at least for a little while, but not with this, half the country wanted this outcome, even some of my friends and family and I can't take it, I don't want to see them or hear from them and it's making me feel very isolated.

Not that it makes up for everything that's gone wrong here, but I'm starting to feel like I am becoming so much more appreciative of the contacts I do have, the people who are good and kind and want to make the world a better place for people other than themselves, the people who hurt but are willing to reach out and share their hurting with others so we aren't all alone--that is mattering an extraordinary amount to me right now.

I am so thankful for everybody who is sharing their stories here, and in other threads, and the people who are able to open their homes up to others for the holidays, and even the people who are just reading this and thinking supportive thoughts.

I know that not everybody is going to be okay, certainly not in the short term and probably not in the long term. But I am going to do everything I can do to be okay, and to help everybody that I have the capability to help, and if we all do that, I hope it will be enough.
posted by Sequence at 10:00 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]

My partner has started talking about how Trump voters are not all racists, they're just angry about being talked down to and insulted for so many years by people like, say, me Democrats, and how the Dems screwed themselves in this election. He sounds angry too. He says we don't know what will really happen despite Trump's big talk; plans are one thing, reality another. I think that Trump and his supporters have spent months telling us who they are and I see no reason not to believe them. I feel like he doesn't respect my fear and sadness and sense of betrayal.

I feel like this election was a rejection of almost everything I believe. I know my partner is more conservative than I am (most people are) and I generally respect his positions despite our disagreements but this is really hard.
posted by swerve at 10:02 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

One bright spot that's given me some hope is the discovery of this petition that's up on WhiteHouse.gov: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov//petition/employ-electoral-college-avoid-donald-trump-presidency

I am still in shock, though. It's too much of a farce for my brain to process it all yet.
posted by Hermione Granger at 10:05 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

I want more than anything to move to another country - any country that's decent - but I am not "useful" because I'm a secretary, so nowhere wants me. I would go anywhere and do anything to get out, but not being marketable means that I'm not of worth as a human being.

I'm white and straight and middle-aged and boring, so no one is actively coming after me here, but I'm one paycheck away from being homeless at any given time, and without the ACA I won't have any guarantee of mental health care that's remotely attainable. It's hard enough as it is -- and being a woman (though no longer young enough or slim enough to be "visible") just got a whole lot harder.

The Supreme Court he puts in is the Supreme Court I will have until I die. Up until yesterday, I thought I would see a liberal court for the first time since I was politically aware.

I fear for my friends of color, and my LGBTQIA friends, I fear for immigrants who aren't from white countries, I fear for Jewish people... I fear for anyone who presents as anything other than what people looked like in 1950s sit-coms. I fear for the country and the the world.

I've been doing a lot of throwing up.
posted by chonus at 10:24 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

she's basically all I can think about and all that's keeping me sane because Losing It is not an option for me at this juncture.

She is at some risk of being smothered by me, though. I'm trying to just look after her and care for her, but sometimes that takes the form of clutching her tightly while whispering "you're still perfect, you're still perfect, daddy loves you so much."
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:29 AM on November 10 [6 favorites]

2. I have always thrived better as a member of the resistance

I like the sound of this.
As a straight white guy, I've never had to resist anything, but son of a bitch, these days, I just want to be a part of something bigger than myself, something better, something I can work toward leaving this little blue marble better than I found it for my two kids.
I'm an old dude, and I grew up reading Doonesbury, and consider myself (proudly) a Bleeding Heart Liberal. I have visions of Walden Pond, Bobby Kennedy, Bernie Sanders, ACT UP, The Black Panthers, Gulf War protests, Vietnam War protests, and a million other random images in my head, and I just want to help.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 10:37 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

At times like this I read Pema Chödrön

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
posted by night_train at 10:38 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

The sun and the trees and the birds don't know who is president

Maybe not the sun. But I greatly fear that the trees and the birds are about to learn what it means to have big business in charge of all branches of government.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:44 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]

As a straight white guy ... I just want to help.

Congratulations, you can! Most of the people who voted Trump in will not listento anyone not in your demographic category, regardless of what category/ies they themselves belong to.

One trick my husband has used:
When talking about some person on the news, or some friend he's met recently, mention race. "I was at the store and some white guy in line behind me was trying to figure out if cucumbers go in stew..." or "the white woman who does the weather on Channel 7 said something about rain this weekend..." and so on. Make race visible in conversations, even when (especially when) that race is white.

This can get you all sorts of weird reactions. The bigots are deeply upset by it and don't know why. (Answer: it's because they're no longer the center, no longer the "assumed default." Don't tell 'em that.) It will get confused reactions from liberals, and almost universally positive ones from people of color, who will see it for what it is: reframing the topic of race so that whiteness isn't the base assumption for "human."
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 10:47 AM on November 10 [22 favorites]

Bright spot gone: petition removed.
posted by Hermione Granger at 10:54 AM on November 10

reframing the topic of race so that whiteness isn't the base assumption for "human."

Holy shit, I like that.
posted by Mooski at 11:00 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

The first thing that has actually made me feel....um, good, I guess, since Tuesday night.

I received a suggestion that instead of holiday gifts this year, especially for those with Trump voters in their families, make donations to organizations in their name (or at least wrap a little note that says you donated).

I'm donating the money I would have spent on gifts for my father and brother to http://everytown.org/.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:11 AM on November 10 [6 favorites]

I am currently in red Virginia and surrounded by people who either don't care or who made this happen. I can't even openly care, or talk about this, except to friends who are hundreds of miles away.

I have absolutely no idea what to do. Half of me thinks that I'm going to take my mother and sister and drag them kicking and screaming to Israel now, before it's too late, and the other half thinks you have to stay and fight. But fight what? Literally everything is going to break. How do I decide what to try to help? Climate change? Immigration? Human rights? I don't know how you fight everything. And I don't know how to walk around knowing that at any given time at least half the people around me just happily destroyed every bit of progress we have made as humans and as a country, for decades. The fuck do you do?
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 11:12 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]

This isn't a new presence of hate, this is hate being more visible. It's more directly harmful, but it's not new.

Many people may have thought the fight was further along than it is. Realizing that there's still so much fighting left is shocking, but it doesn't make the actual numbers change.

So, now that it's clear there's so much to do, what do you do?

How does one fight hate?

There are a lot of resources on this, built on the experience of WWII, apartheid, and the civil rights movement

My limited knowledge of Christianity includes some memorable Bible passages about defeating hate. Religious teachings have some very useful tools to offer. Defeating hate and empowering the powerless is a big part of why Christianity became so widespread and Christian nations became so strong, so religion's lessons shouldn't be ignored.

You don't defeat hate with more hate. You don't defeat it with fear. You don't defeat it by hiding. You don't defeat it by reacting without thinking.

You defeat hate with love. You defeat it with extravagant gestures showing the power of your love.

You defeat hate with words. Loud and soft, public and private.

You defeat hate with truth. Not with half-truths, not with selective truths, but with the truths that live under all the shaded words and avoidant spin and mean things you can't say. Find the real truth, the buried kernels that we don't even think about, and that truth is the important truth.

You defeat hate with strength. Not brutal strength. Not the strength that oppresses others. The strength that only you have.

You defeat hate with knowledge. This is what we have more than any other civilization in history. We will probably have to fight to preserve it, and to preserve the channels by which we can currently access such an incredible amount of knowledge.

If you want to know what to do, you can now do a search for "how to fight hate" and get a lot of ideas. If you want to know what to do, you can now quickly send a message to a friend and ask what she needs, or what he's planning, or whether they will help you. You can research the needs in your community, whether that community is geographic, familial, artistic, professional, or value based. You can get help formulating a plan.

The power you have is enormous. Feel your feet. Feel your hands. Feel your eyes. Feel your breath. Feel your mind. Understand how much you have learned. Take inventory.

One more thing: when you start feeling your power, it's still important for powerful people to show and live the kind of world where you want to live. You don't fight hate with hate. Even if hate is coming from people like you, it's still hate and will still make the world terrible.

Lots of people feel powerless right now. That won't last. Say it from the beginning, so nobody misses the message: don't fight hate with hate.
posted by amtho at 11:12 AM on November 10 [5 favorites]

But fight what? Literally everything is going to break. How do I decide what to try to help? Climate change? Immigration? Human rights? I don't know how you fight everything.

In our household list program, where we keep grocery lists and ideas for weekend outings, has lately appeared a folder called "Family Activism." That folder contains a list called "Groups/People to Help" that covers most of humanity, at least between the items labelled "All PoCs" and "Women." Somehow that wasn't enough to win a democratic election, but at least we've got a list so when I'm feeling powerless I can take a step back and say "okay, what can I do to help these specific people?"
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:16 AM on November 10 [3 favorites]

I have absolutely no idea what to do. Half of me thinks that I'm going to take my mother and sister and drag them kicking and screaming to Israel now,

My husband and I had the same thought. But that would be Appointment in Samarra; the middle east isn't going to be any better or safer than here with Trump in charge. If that's the alternative, I may as well stay where my friends and family are.
posted by holborne at 11:17 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

I'm not at all on board with normalizing this unacceptable outcome, but last night I finally got some sleep and I woke up with some determination about policy objectives (besides flipping the House and Senate in 18 and the Presidency in 20). And I am drawing strength from the reality that HRC won the most votes. When California is all counted, it will be by a lot.

1. We have to all be very, very vigilant and protective of our minority citizens.

2. Time to dump the electoral college. This is the second failure to reflect the will of the majority of the people in recent history.

3. If income inequality -- i.e., lack of true economic opportunity -- and lack of educational opportunity were not baked into the U.S. system, Trump could not have won. We absolutely must address these fundamentals in workable policy proposals.

4. We need to take aim at gerrymandering and limitations on the ability to vote in a concrete way, starting now, not at the next election. We have to demand policy proposals, including non partisan district drawing, extended voting times, and accessible voter ID in the states that require it, starting now. And I think voter registration should be a big drive, starting now, as well.

5. Everyone needs to look around for realistic potential candidates at all levels.

This election is deeply frightening and it has shaken my faith in this country in a big way. But not all the way. I think it is also a clear wake up call to all of us to address our political deficiencies.

This place has been a huge source of strength and comfort to me. It, and thinking of all of you, gives me determination to fight to prevent another outcome like this.
posted by bearwife at 11:21 AM on November 10 [6 favorites]

New petition up on Change.org is gaining traction. My parents and I are sponsoring ads for it. Feels like the only thing we can do right now.
posted by Hermione Granger at 11:26 AM on November 10 [1 favorite]

...I'm back, and mostly done with the sixty-goddamned-page application. I just wanted to say after depressing you all with the train thing that as shitty and horrible and godawful and depressing as this week has been....well.

Okay, part of the application encourages/requires you to document any work/academic/social ties to the UK, so I put out an appeal for support messages from people we know at about ten this morning.

It's just about 7:30 PM here now, and sitting in my inbox are something like 25 messages from people I know talking about how and when they met me and how long we've been friends and how I'm an asset to the UK in general...and one of those is from my former thesis supervisor, who is kind of a Big Deal in his field. That's just for me. Mrs. Example has probably another twelve or fifteen letters from her coworkers and employer basically saying how great she is and that the office would fall apart without her. (Oh, and one of those messages is from someone who lent us money for part of the legal fees to do all of this, completely unasked.)

I'm going to need one of those boxes they use for manuscripts to ship all this off in. Some things are actually still pretty okay.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 11:26 AM on November 10 [2 favorites]

Half of my state and probably three-quarters of my neighbors said amen to an America that takes hating the other as an everyday value. I don't know what to do with that other than grieve.

Even so, I can follow state and local politics and call my representatives, shop and donate locally, and continue to raise my children to hold justice, diversity, kindness, tolerance, and learning dear. And I'm going to keep these words close to my heart:

"We plant the seeds that one day will grow.

We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.

We lay foundations that will need further development.

We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.

This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.

It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning..."
posted by MonkeyToes at 11:39 AM on November 10

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