About a year ago, a particular individual came to the attention of subredditdrama for starting a very heated argument about food service with heavy use of ***ALL CAPS, ASTERISKS, AND MARK-UP***********. Quick to ridicule the poster, the sub was unaware that their presence had been blessed by a legend, a digital behemoth, a woman who inspires fear and awe across the blogosphere:

*******SPRINGS1, PATRON SAINT OF RANCH*****************.

While it is unknown as to when springs1 sprung to the attention of others, the woman has been a mainstay in the blogging community for years. Her true identity is a mystery, but she is famous for her unrivaled passion and dedication to a single noble cause: getting food service staff to give absolutely perfect service. To achieve this goal, she imparts only the most excellent advice and critique, including but not limited to:

• Never ASSUME that somebody wants another round of the same drink or ask if somebody wants something specific.

• Don't draw nice messages on the check. (wastes time)

• NEVER ask if a customer wants their change.

• Bring condiments out ahead of time. (anticipate customers' needs)

• Don't make small talk before everyone orders. (they want their food as quickly as possible)

• Include everything pictured on the menu in a dish unless otherwise specified.

• Bring drinks that aren't from the bar out first. (so the customers that aren't ordering from the bar don't have to wait and suffer)

• Never bring ANY FOOD OR DRINKS to the table unless they were ordered. (including chips and salsa or water)

Unfortunately, the lazy waitstaff of the Internet have largely spurned her tips, instead motivated to spill ink on hit pieces, dedicated blogs, many, MANY arguments, mockery, and some fanfiction. Somebody even developed a translator in mockery of the great Ranch Maiden. However, servers are not the only ones who have been gifted with the wise words of springs1; like a superhero called to action, the woman seldom fails to appear whenever and wherever, regardless of the venue, when the topic of food service is discussed. A true devotee to the idea that everybody should know how to give good service, springs1 even drops into special interest forums unprovoked to spread her benevolent message.

As her honorific suggests, springs1 is famous not only for her dedication to food service, but also for her deep and enduring love for ranch dressing, which she mentions frequently in her posts. Too pitiful to understand the depth and complexity of this adoration, many have used it to launch their attacks upon the woman. Yet, despite the taunting and hatred faced by the Ranch Maiden, she tirelessly powers on in her righteous quest to improve the food service industry.