me. I truly do not know why
when I was born my parents resented me on impact. I was a mistake, a fact they routinely remind me of to this day (I am 30 and still live with them because of abuse warping my nog). they have treated me poorly my entire life and convinced everyone else in my family that I am a monster, an outcast
I was confined to the basement from the start. there are certain rooms in the house I am not allowed in. I have a list of ten rules I've had to abide by for as long as I can remember, rules as crazy as telling me what I can and cannot talk to my own parents about. there is a rewards system where I am basically given money and privileges if I stay out of their hair enough
but my parents have literally tortured me for stepping out of line too much. I am given meals separate from everyone else. there have been days, weeks, or even months where they cut the power to the basement as punishment. I have shit in a bucket more times than I am proud to admit. I mean I sneak out all the time and have had jobs and friends and stuff here and there, I still managed to go to school and all that (not college though), but they make me feel worthless and treat my sister like gold
my life is hard and troublesome and I want to die every day. and they have broken me to the point that I cannot hold a job or a friendship because I have no idea how much of their hatred of me is justified. I have no idea how much of myself I can give to others. I go all out or clam up. I lash out online because it is the only place I have power. I am a disaster