This is probably not healthy, right? Anyone else in a similar spot?

cyanocobalamin · 1時間前

I like the deathbed rule.

You project forward in your imagination to the time when you are 90 years old dying in a hospital bed, looking back on your life.

Are you happy with you did or did not do?

Will you be happy with only the accolades you got at your office?

Will the people in the friendships you have now come to see you? Will you care?

The Tinder women will not be there. Will you care?

Will the Tinder women still be coming for you when you are 50, 60?

People who write books about the dying process say that professional achievements don't matter much, unless you cure cancer or something.

It is the personal interactions and relationships people have had.

RamboTaco · 1時間前

I don't see anything wrong with your lifestyle. People will always say something no matter the situation. Do what pleases you....

Tall_LA_Bull · 1時間前

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. I was/am very much like this. Then my dad got cancer, and boy was it sure nice to have my girlfriend around to lean on. Everything works, until it doesn't. Everything is fine, until it isn't. "Companionship" isn't the only kind of support a person can need during their life.

nankerjphelge · 27分前

There's no one size fits all solution for every person. If you are happy, then you are happy. If you don't feel like you're missing anything in your life, then there's your answer.

The only "risk" if it could be called that, would be that your perspective or feelings change later in life, when suddenly your choices of potential life mates are much slimmer or less appealing.

But that's life. Even if you find someone today, there's no guarantee you won't break up or get divorced 15 years from now anyway. And there's no guarantee you will still be happy with your life as it is currently 15 years from now either. So you just have to roll the dice and do what works for you here and now, rather than get yourself into a relationship just because you think you're supposed to or you're afraid of missing out in the future.

nrvale00 · 41分前

We are roughly the same age and live approximately the same lifestyle though I'm maybe not quite as comfortable as you financially (can't get my own house : #californiaproblems) and, by preference, not quite as socially involved. What you describe sounds perfectly fine and reasonable to me.

The one thing area where it sounds like we might be a bit different is that I was married when in my 20s. It didn't work out and was a brutal divorce at the time but now I'm glad to be free of that relationship. I then spent about 6 or 7 years anxiously playing the dating game before coming to the realization that I was spending a lot of time and energy and wasn't getting much for those efforts. I no longer actively date, through I neither avoid it if I meet someone in my normal course, and use the free time and money on hobbies (super into motorcycles) and hanging out with buddies and I'm undoubtedly happier and more fulfilled in those relationships than I've been in any past romantic relationship.

I'm hesitant to give advice but here's my thought progression when I was sifting through this: Does the desire come from actually wanting to settle down with a woman? Is it because you feel peer pressure to do so? Does it come from some sort of existential anxiety -- "If not, what's the point?" Are peoples' comments "Do you want to die alone?" actually scaring you?

I came out of that with the conclusion I was only running on the dating treadmill because it was the expected default path toward settling down.

Furthermore, and for me this was the most important point, when I took my older male relatives and friends as data points it was clear that the guys who were happiest, seemed the most fulfilled, and had led the most interesting live:

had either been married, maybe had a kid or two, and gotten divorced at or around 40, so still somewhat young, and now spent their time being active and hanging out with their buddies.
Stayed single and also stayed active and maintained solid friendships.

So, if you aren't a guy who is cut out to be a family man/farmer/breeder/choose your own term, meh, its not the end of the world. If the older guys I know are any indication, its perfectly possible to lead a happy life with no permanent romantic relationship or a series of short-term fun-based ones so long as you build and maintain a good network of friends and stay active.

Sorry, that was longer and more ramble-y than I intended but its early here (no coffee yet) and your question spoke to me.

Good luck.

cyanocobalamin · 1時間前

My problem is that I can't see any reason to have a woman around other than sex

Why do you need a reason?

If there is a health issue, answering that question for yourself would reveal it.

xoxoyoyo · 1時間前

there are no rules, you make your own. if you are happy with your life that is all that is necessary. for others they enjoy the companionship of having another person in their life and then the process of raising a child can enrich a life tremendously. These things need "work" though. Some people do it to fight the "emptiness". But you may not have this.

whyyes-yesiam · 39分前

I'm in a really similar situation. 32/F, great career, good life, good friends, no crazy drive to get married, and to top it off I am raising my son alone and the thought of a step parent or step kids is a scary one because I have heard so many horror stories from people who had step parents/siblings that were awful and cruel and I don't want that for my son.

However, when I think about when he leaves for college and goes off to conquer the world and make his own way and my parents pass away, I'll be alone. I have two basic thoughts on the matter (as of right now!) The first is that after he is raised and off to college I could meet and marry someone. The major flaw in this process is that my partner would be largely a stranger to my son and that might cause a lot of it's own problems. The second is to meet and marry someone now, but to go slowly and see to the best of my ability that I marry someone with a kind heart that can love my son for who he is as well as loving me. Conversely, if he has kiddos that I can and do love them and treat them like a child I have actively chose to love rather than an accessory to a marriage I wanted.

Ultimately, the thing driving me to a relationship is not the here and now, because I'm really happy and self sufficient in the here and now. However, 20 years down the road or even 40 years down the road I would like to have a partner in crime go on adventures with and take care of me when I'm sick and help me/join me in enjoying grandkids.

ALSO as a woman, with the election tomorrow, if the world blows up into chaos I need someone to switch off taking watch at night while I sleep /s sort of.....

geeked_outHyperbagel · 31分前

Hi OP. Check out my comments for more details, but I'm basically the asexual version of you. Great career, great health, solitary hobbies, light socialization on weekends when I can tolerate it. I love my life and will strive to continue my routine as long as I can hold out. No need for pets or kids or girlfriends or wives here. It's not a path for everyone, but if you're happy - go for it until it stops making you happy.

Good luck!

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