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Basic QuestionHow to deal with sickness (self.askMRP)

BreakfastTurtle が 投稿

The wife gets sick once every two months. I know this is probably a good opportunity for something, but I feel like I blow it every time. If I come home with aspirin and hot soup, I'm her on call nurse. If I come home with nothing, expect wild sex, and leave her to deal with it on her own, I'm a douche. Also, she's shit at dealing with it on her own. She's normally good with diet, but when she gets sick she reverts to comfort foods, which exacerbate the problem.

Best I can tell, she does exaggerate symptoms for extra sympathy. But she does get a fever or nasty phlegm, so the sickness isn't fake. I want to show that I can and will provide in times of need, but without assuming a servant boy role.

All advice appreciated.

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[–]TheFamilyAlphaPro-Masculine Evangelist 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

Like you would a child.

Let them recover but not become a weakling who milks it. Also, remove comfort foods, her body needs proper nutrition not processed bullshit.

[–]bangorlol 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

To add to this: Vitamins, Airborne tablets, Vick's, chloraseptic spray, some cough drops, tissues, and a humidifier.

Combine that with some pseudoephedrine (Mucinex D is my go-to) and she'll be over it pretty quick, or at least have manageable symptoms and no excuse to do shit for herself.

[–]CountpudyoolaMod / Red Beret 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

My wife is sick, tired <insert whatever complaint> so often it is ridiculous.

If you can tell she's really ill. Be nice. Be empathetic. But that doesn't make you into a servant. Unless she's bed ridden, it's good to get up and get around. Let her get her own aspirin or soup if it's becoming an expectation.

For me if it's just a generic "oh my stomach hurts" or "headache" or "SOOO tired" I just consider it white noise.

It's why planned sex is a hilarious mcguffin with a frequently ill wife.

Some recent examples: Week before last she was dressing up as essentially a Victorian street walker for Rocky Horror picture show. I saw the outfit and told her she'd definitely be modeling that for me the night before she got to wear it in public (Friday).

Thursday I'm feeling randy and initiate "But I though we were set up for tomorrow" soft no. "Why wait for tomorrow what we can do today?" (common saying of mine now).

Whaddya know , Friday she's ill. (seems legit, but I don't care because we had sex the night before).

Next night she gets into it with party goers and friends and ends up crying till 3 because she had such a shitty time when she had high expectations. Stay up a while. Hard no after she calms down. No biggy.

Next day possibly expecting a comeback...but still no covert contract or expectations on my end , just on my radar...she's got an upset stomach. I think at this point she's expecting her dangle of sex after trick or treating <PROMISE literally her words from the hard no the night before> for the next night to suffice. And offers me a foot rub.

Nope. Upset stomach? If she's offering a rub I'll take it somewhere else. Actually worked in her favor as it takes less effort than feet.

Guess what happened on Halloween? Nothing.

Do I care? Nope. I merely noted the "promise" as before it would have upset old covert contracty beta me.

It's why you initiate WHENEVER YOU WANT AND HAVE TO DROWN OUT THE NOISE.

If it's not obvious if she's really ill... it's just how she "feels" that moment. It should affect you 0%.

I know I fixated on sex here as my recent illness/examples revolved around that. But it's how I treat any activity in regards to a frequently ill spouse.

I'm sure a lot of it is valid. It's nothing you can plan around or always cater to.

[–]pikadildo 2ポイント3ポイント  (8子コメント)

What exactly does your servant boy role look like?

[–]BreakfastTurtle[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (7子コメント)

Bringing hot soup to her on the couch? I guess basic motherly nursing shit.

I haven't been doing anything for her just yet. I want to help, but I don't know how to without appear weak.

[–]pikadildo 2ポイント3ポイント  (6子コメント)

Seriously? Get your lady a damn bowl of soup. What's weak about that?

[–]CasperTFG_808 0ポイント1ポイント  (5子コメント)

Because it turns into attention seeking behaviour.

My wife was sick all the time, she was sick more than she was healthy. It was attention seeking behaviour, it may have started out as true sickness but when I took care of her she liked it and eventually colds lasted longer and became debilitating that I needed to do everything for her.

This was before my RP days but I finally had enough, when she was sick I took her up to bed. When she said but I just want to snuggle with you on the couch and watch TV I said then you are not truly sick get over it. We even had a drunken talk about it in front of her parents and both her parents came out and told her that she is sick all the fucking time she is always complaining that she is sick.

I would remind you of the old saying "Your wife is the most responsible teenager in the house". Treat her exactly as you would a sick teen. Is she faking to get out of school? If you don't feel it's legitimate question it. Then provide what they need and get them up to bed with no TV or electronics, you need rest to feel better. Just like a teen they eventually learn that being sick sucks and they don't get special treatment.

[–]pikadildo 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

How many bowls of soup can she eat though? lol

If your wife is so starved for your attention that she needs to resort to attention-seeking stunts, what's there to withdraw when she's actually misbehaving or disrespectful?

[–]CasperTFG_808 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

Much longer story but the TLDR of my BP behaviour. I was not getting sex so amped up my Beta servitude. when I still didn't get sex I withdrew everything so she was starving for any attention. Now I try to consciously give attention "be attractive and charming" especially to promote good behaviour and withdraw it when there is bad behaviour.

[–]pikadildo 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

Did your changes affect her malingering?

[–]CasperTFG_808 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

When I started treating her like a sick child yes. When she told me oh this hurts that hurts I think all these things are wrong with me I sent her to the doctor. Seems like a waste of taxpayers money but after several tests the doctor told her there is nothing wrong with her and told her to read a book "mind over mood". So basically I passed the buck.

She still gets sick but it's more realistic now. I didn't even realize what I was doing back then was TRP I just had enough of her acting like a child and automatically treated her like one.

[–]pikadildo 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Oh, I misunderstood. I thought you were saying you solved it by increasing non-provoked attention.

[–]RCMasculinity 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Been there. Still trying to figure out this one. Seems to me that there's got to be some balance. Simply ignoring someone when they are legit sick in bed is lower than whale shit and def NOT taking care of one's family.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

I feel like it's always better to lean more towards asshole than nice guy. My girl was sick recently and I helped her out a little by getting a box of tissues and some nyquil on the way home, but I mostly just teased her for being a drama queen and for snoring at night and keeping me up. A lot of girls use sickness as a shit test, so I treat it as such. It's pretty easy to tell if she just feels a little under the weather or if she is full blown sick as shit. My rule is that if she has the energy to mope and complain and whine about being sick, she has the energy to take care of herself. If she's knocked out in bed all day not saying much at all then I'll bring out the Mr. Nurse shit. Just use some amused mastery and A&A and make sure you don't fall for her compliance tests.

[–]saint_chalet 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

There's a place between being a servent and a douce. Be there.

That places nurses her back to health using strong nutrition and insisting on her getting rest. If that's not helping, get her into a doctor.

Being kind isn't being beta. It's being kind. Same as you'd do for your kids or other family members. It's not an opportunity for anything. Just be kind.

[–]deadsandsushiNAWALT -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Why can't she get her own food? I take care of myself and never miss a day of work or the gym being sick. If I did, I could feed myself. Are her arms broken?