I know this isn't the right place to post this but I know theres a lot of "incels" here looking for advice in terms of their problems. I just wanted to share my story in the hopes that it might help somebody.

I dont really know how to start this but ever since I was a kid, I was always branded the "fat kid" in school, this continued all the way to the end of junior high. The experience of being bullied for most of your youth really has a detrimental effect on your self esteem, I felt like a complete waste of space, and in light of that I really shut my self out of everything, I just spent most of my time indoors, pushing people away. I eventually made some friends around grade 11, It was pretty good, I actually felt good, but those years of feeling worthless really stick with you. This sounds great right? well I fell into all the "incel/pua" crap and for the next two years, I always pushed this hatred of women and people on these guys, at first it was just innocent to an extent, I didn't truly believe it, but over time it completely consumed my personality. I genuinely hated people, I was such a miserable fuck to be around, I hated myself so much all I saw myself as was a "kisses virgin", they put up with this crap for awhile but eventually they all cut off contact with me.

Instead of taking this as a hint that maybe I should change for the better, In my mind I was now a "Kisses friendless 20 year old virgin". I started drinking nearly every day, bombed all my classes in college, and got kicked out, for this my parents started loathing me. I just did my thing, drink all day until I pass out, wake up with a hangover, rinse and repeat. I had completely given up on myself. This is where it gets really dark, I won't go into detail but I made an attempt on my life and ended up in this hospital for three months.

This is where it gets better, In the hospital I was placed under a confinement order, This meant I had to complete therapy in order to be released, After staying under hospital supervision with treatment for 30 days I felt so much better, when I got back out I didn't start drinking again. The following 6 months I really tried putting the pieces of my life back together, and I have to say every day I wake up, Im happy to be alive. I picked up a full time job, managed to make some friends. and by stopping drinking over the past 6 months Ive managed to loose 40 pounds.

Looking back though, It was never about women, It was really a sense of self hatred, not feeling like you're worth anything to anybody, just wanting to fit in and be happy like everybody else. I just want to say to anybody going through anything similar in their lives, don't worry about how you think people perceive you, just focus on being happy, find a passion in your life, focus on school, travel the world. I honestly wish I had realized this earlier, and had not wasted so much of my life being miserable, thats the only thing in upset about now, so much wasted time. Ive got a lot of making up for lost time to do, but you don't have to.