Donald Trump Nicknames
This page contains the best Donald Trump nicknames that I have been able to find, and a few that I came up with myself. Trump nicknames range from A to Z, from Agent Orange to the Zen Master of Hate. Nicknames for Trump have been coined by Glen Beck, Samantha Bee, Joe Biden, Charles M. Blow, Dana Carvey, Graydon Carter, Hillary Clinton, Stephen Colbert, Garrison Keillor, Jimmy Kimmel, Bill Kristol, Bill Maher, Michael Moore, NBC, Trevor Noah, John Oliver, Rosie O'Donnell, Martin O'Malley, Sarah Palin, Dan Rather, Marco Rubio, Nate Silver, Jon Stewart, USA Today ... and even The Donald Himself and his first wife, the former Ivana Trump!
Cannonball! Donald "Trump of Doom" enters the American political waters, causing a mass Exodus ... but can he really walk on water as his fervent and fervid disciples believe?
Related pages: The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Insults, The Best Donald Trump Limericks, 2016 Republican First Presidential Debate, Is there a Republican War on Women?, The Donald Trump Bible, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Ted Cruz Quotes, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, Trump Trivia, Donald Trump in his Own Words: Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Donald Trump Halloween Ideas
Top Ten Donald Trump Nicknames
The Donald Ivana Trump (she first used the term in a 1989 Spy Magazine cover story)
Lord Voldemort Rosie O'Donnell
Golden Wrecking Ball Sarah Palin, who was not trying to be funny!
Short-Fingered Vulgarian Graydon Carter (a nickname Trump hates because he seems to think it implies that he is under-endowed "down there")
Tiny Hands Trump, Babyfingers Trump and Pixie Fingers Trump Michael R. Burch (nicknames based on Graydon Carter's nickname above)
The Most Fabulous Whiner after Donald Trump described himself to CNN's Chris Cuomo as the "most fabulous whiner" who keeps "winning by whining"
Fuckface von Clownstick, Man-Baby, Comedy Entrapment and Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole Jon Stewart
The White Kanye ― Bill Maher
Trump of Doom Michael R. Burch (first used in a Facebook post on September 11, 2015)
Agent Orange Anonymous
Number one, with a bullet: THE ANTICHRIST by God and the Hebrew prophets; when they spoke of "the Trump of Doom" and a "little horn" were they speaking literally? (For a YUGE slew of 666 connections, see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Would Donald Trump create an American Holocaust by deporting 11 million people, including multitudes of completely innocent children and their mothers? Is Trump the second coming of Adolph Hitler? Yes, nicknames like Hair Hitler and Hair Furor are amusing, but are they also accurate, and perhaps prophetic?
New and Rising Trump Nicknames
News flash: The fossil of the strangest dinosaur yet have been discovered, and the bizarre creature has been named after you-know-who. Trumpasoreass Rex was an orange-hued alpha predator with a highly unusual modus operandi. Because its hands were tiny, dainty and of no use in battle, Soreass Rex would whine and whine until its victims slit their own throats! The ghastly beast would then gorge on their carcasses. Now its namesake is doing the same thing to American voters!
Just in time for Halloween, what could be scarier than a man with these nicknames: Trumpenstein, The Great Trumpkin, Pumpkin Hitler, Hair Hitler, Uncle Fester, Uncle Grope-Fester (Josh Marshall), The Hulking Duke of Darkness (Garrison Keillor), Poor Little Rich Boy (The New Yorker), Human Molotov Cocktail (Michael Moore), Human Hand Grenade (Michael Moore), Grotesquely Decomposing Pumpkin Pulp, Jack-A$$-O-Lantern, Ugly Billionaire Nitwit (Garrison Keillor), The Dangler (Dan Rather), Damien Trump, The Creature from the Black Lampoon (Michael R. Burch), Count Hackula, Count Dreckula, The Posh Wear Wolf, The Dainty-Fingered Dandy, The Grim Groper, The Grimy Reaper, Orange-Tufted Imbecile Intent on Armageddon (Michael R. Burch), The Mountebank (J. Robert Smith), Bizarro Bozo, Trump Troll, Cracked Pot, The Orange Blob, King Dong, King Leer, The Shambling Sasquatch (Michael R. Burch), Lurch, Spittle-Mouthed Snarler (Gina Barreca), Orange Amoeba (Ana Navarro), Sith Lord Trump, Baron Von Muchengropen
Here are two new Trump nicknames that may warrant an explanation: Donald Droit du Seigneur and Droit du Donald. In medieval times, droit du seigneur was the "right of a lord" to have sex with a subordinate female. The lord didn't need to obtain the female's consent, nor could her husband or family defend her honor. Now we have learned from his own mouth that Baron Trump fancies that this ancient privilege is his, because he's a "star."
Third presidential debate nicknames: Sweet Little Baby Trump (Alec Baldwin), Libel Bully (American Bar Association), The Big Lummox (Garrison Keillor), Rigger Mortis (Michael R. Burch), Donald de Rigueur (Michael R. Burch), The Bid Rigger, Fat A$$ (Stephen Colbert), Brexit-Plus (Donald Trump), The Swamp Drainer (Kellyanne Conway), The Supreme Sexist (Barbara Res), Poster Boy for Narcissism (Dr. Cιsar Chelala), Putin's Puppet (Hillary Clinton), Putin's Poppet (Michael R. Burch), Comrade Trumputin (Michael R. Burch), Unhinged Self-Adoring Demagogue (New York Daily News), Wall Choke Artist (Hillary Clinton), Sweaty Upper Lip Sniffer (Ron Fournier), Master of Disaster (CNN), Dangerously Paranoid Child Brain (Chauncey Devaga), Trump the Usurper (J. Robert Smith), Controversy-Addicted Wingnut Trump (John Earls), Loss Leader (Michael R. Burch), The Nasty Woman(izer), Hamster Hairpiece, The Fearful Earful, The Mad Hombre, The Prophet of Mosul, Crackpot (Bernie Shine), Deplorable Donald, Hillary's Punching Bag, Humpty Trumpty
Humpty Trumpty called for a wall.
Humpty Trumpty had a great fall.
Then all the Grand Wizards and Faux PR men
couldn't put Trumpty together again.
Michael R. Burch
You may not realize it, but Trump is quite the stand-up comedian, either a Master of Irony or The King of Unintentional Comedy:
Trump said I want to debate Hillary very badly. And he certainly did, three times!
Trump said John McCain was a war hero only because he got caught. Trump, on the other hand, is a brilliant military strategist who cleverly avoided getting caughtby not serving!
A vet gave Trump his Purple Heart, something Trump said he had always wanted and never thought he would geta functional heart!
Trump's family name was Drumpf. Sounds like one of the Seven Dwarfsand that would explain his teeny-tiny hands and corresponding appendage!
Trump feels entitled to ridicule the handicapped. After all, he has his own physical challengeshe constantly has his foot in his mouth and his head up his ass!
Trump was absolutely correct to have a crying baby removed from one of his rallieslike any good businessman, he needed to eliminate the competition.
Trump has been called ignorant, tasteless, tactless, thin-skinned, fat-headed, immature, narcissistic, racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, vindictive, cowardly, petty, pampered, disingenuous, deceitful, disgusting and dangerous, as well as a bully, a braggart, a bigot, and a bore. Thats so unfairhes a boor, but certainly not a bore!
The jokes above were taken from a Bernie Shine collection on Huffington Post.
Oldies but Goodies: Financially Embattled Thousandaire (Gail Collins), Angry Creamsicle, Orange Julius, Captain Chaos, Fearmonger-in-Chief (Rolling Stone)
Other new and rising nicknames: Racist Clementine, Under-Endowed Dick Tater, Double Downer, Rabble Rouser, Republican Rapture Inducer, Thin-Skinned Crybaby, The Predictable Endpoint of Rabid Republicanism, Toxic Fungi (Charles M. Blow)
Republicans sowed intolerance and in its shadow, Trump sprang up like toxic fungi.―Charles M. Blow
Rising after the second debate and Trump's "groping pussy" revelation: Bushman, Bushmaster, Bush Baby Fingers, Boldfinger, Creep Throat, Inside Scoop, Octopussy, Snatch Snatcher, Snatch Snitch, Frisky Frisker, Full Frontal Assault, Pussy Posse, Der Groepenfuehrer, Jack the Gripper, Great White Grope Dope, Serial Feeler, Twat Twit, Alpha Molester, Demander-in-Chief, A$$aulter-in-Chief, Sexual-Predator-in-Chief and Groper-in-Chief
Also rising: Tic-Tac-Dough, Tic-Tac Attack, Rikki Tikki Tacky and Ticky-Tacky Trump ...
Take a Tic Tac and grab them by the pussy is the closest thing to a "plan" Donald Trump has described this entire election!―Samantha Bee
BTW, it's amusing that Rudy Giuliani is now Trump's surrogate, defending him from accusations of sexual assault and other improprieties by scores of women, when in a 2000 "Mayor's Inner Circle" video, Giuliani in drag had his "breasts" schmoozed by The Donald, after which Giuliani slapped his face and called him a "dirty boy." Obviously, Giuliani was well aware of Trump's reputation for grabbing and groping women without bothering to ask for their permission! Trump's outrageous behavior was a running joke among alpha males in his circle. In 1993, fellow bad boy Howard Stern asked Trump directly: So you treat women with respect? Trump answered honestly: No, I cant say that either. And hundreds of chauvinistic public statements and tweets by Trump confirm that he doesn't treat women with respect, or minorities, or anyone that he considers "weak" or "overweight" or "unattractive."
Also rising after the second presidential debate: The Surreal Donald Trump, Sniffles, Whiny Wheezer, Hillary's Shadow, Fruit of the Loom, King Leer, Lurch, Trumpenstein, The Shambling Sasquatch, The Abominable Showman, Yellow Yeti, Spongedon Squarenuts, The Mad Shambler, Donnie Darko, Vanilla ISIS, The ISIS Candidate, The Boychurian Candidate, Putin's Gambit, Trumpageddon, Trumpocalypse, Orange Prometheus Unchained, Barbarian at the Debate, Paul Ryan's Worst Nightmare Come to Zombie-like Life
Also rising, after Trump threatened the viability of the Republican Party: Party Pooper, Ryan's Nope, The Suicide Bomber, The Egoistic Assassin, Blitzkrieg Bozo, Liberals' Best Friend
Also rising: Misogynist-in-Chief and Chauvinist-in-Chief, due to Trump's statements such as these made on the Howard Stern show ...
Trump told Howard Stern that it was okay to call his daughter Ivanka a "piece of ass." They discussed the size of her breasts and her "voluptuous" body.
In a 2002 appearance, Trump called 30 the "perfect age" for a woman. "Until she's 35," a co-host interjected. Trump agreed, calling 35 "check-out time."
In a 2006 interview, Stern asked Trump if he would "bang" 24-year-olds. "Oh, absolutely," Trump replied, "I'd have no problem."
Stern then asked Trump if he had an age limit. "No, I have no ageI mean, I have age limit. I don't want to be like Congressman Foley, with, you know, 12-year-olds."
Trump was later accused in a lawsuit of raping a 13-year-old girl while she begged him to stop.
Trump told co-host Artie Lang that he had had sex with a threesome of women, estimating their collective weight at 375 pounds.
When asked about threesomes, Trump replied: "Haven't we all? Are we babies?" So according to Trump, only "babies" don't have sex with multiple women in the same bed.
In a 1993 appearance, Stern said the difference between Trump and other wealthy men is that he satisfies the women he sleeps with. "And I couldn't care less," Trump replied.
In a 2005 episode, Artie Lang asked: "Give us the first letter of the country [in the Miss Universe contest] you had sex with." "How many letters are there?" Trump asked in return.
Co-host Robin Quivers asked if sleeping with contestants was a conflict of interest. Trump agreed: "But, you know ... you tend to think about the conflict a little bit later on."
Trump then bragged about "inspecting" the beauty contestants in their dressing rooms, where men were not allowed. This was presumabley his "privilege" as the contest owner.
Stern complained that some of the contestants were more educated than "hot." Trump replied: "They had a person who was extremely proud that a number of the women had become doctors, and I wasn't interested."
Stern approved of Trump's approach, saying: "I'd rather have a retarded hot woman than a slob who's a doctor."
How did Donald Trump come to be such a prick? According to Barbara Res, one of his highest-ranking female employees: He got too famous. He started believing his own shit. He got way too famous and, you know, people were telling him he was great and he was buying that. He started thinking that he walked on water, he really did ... Now, I dont think he respects anybody. I dont think theres a person alive that he respects, because he thinks hes God. We can see this when the know-nothing Trump claims to know more about ISIS than American generals, and when he says that he likes soldiers who weren't captured, when he himself avoided the Vietnam War with a series of deferments, including the ultimate rich boy ploy, "bone spurs." Trump thinks his shit doesn't stink, but in reality he is a Smelly A$$.
What the Heck: Make It the Top Twenty-Five Donald Trump Nicknames
Mr. "Art of the Deal" Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book, which he considers to be second only to the Bible)
John Baron and John Barron pseudonyms created by Donald Trump, apparently so that he could pose as his own publicist and brag about his sexual exploits to reporters
Humble Donald Trump's ironic choice when asked to provide a Secret Service codename
Tangerine Tornado SNL's Church Lady (Dana Carvey)
Cheeto-Dusted Bloviator, the Angry Cheeto, Cheeto Jesus and Cheez Whiz
New York Pork Dork because Trump and his companies have taken so much "pork" from federal, state and local governments
Dire Abby Michael R. Burch (because he gives relationship advice like Dear Abby, but his message is invariably dire)
Hair Hitler and Hair Furor puns on Herr Hitler and Herr Fuhrer
Gossamer-Skinned Bully Graydon Carter
Orange Anus Rosie O'Donnell
Chicken Donald and Fascist Carnival Barker Martin O'Malley
Darth Hater
Forrest Trump
Damien Trump after the Antichrist figure in the Omen movies
The Antichrist God and the Hebrew prophets (see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Honorable Mention: Donald Drumpf (his German family name), King of the Whoppers, Vanilla ISIS, Mr. Wiggy Piggy, The New Furor (pun on Fόhrer), Whiny Little Bitch (Bill Maher), Donny (SNL's Church Lady, played by Dana Carvey), The Fomentor (Trevor Noah), Humpty Trumpty, Big Donald (coined by Marco Rubio), Pig Donald (a variation coined by feminists), Snake Oil Salesman (Rosie O'Donnell), Mein Trumpf, Orange Julius, The Combover Kid, Short-Fingered Totalitarian, The Presumptuous Nominee (Hillary Clinton)
Jimmy Kimmel called Trump "Job Security" because he is making the careers of late-night comedians by providing them a never-ending source of rich comedic material. Trump has given new life to SNL, for instance.
A number of Trump nicknames are related to fascism, such as "Hair Hitler" (a pun on Herr Hitler) and The New Furor (a pun on Fόhrer). Are such accusations warranted? Well, Hair Hitler talking about Muslims does sound a lot like Herr Hitler talking about Jews. Here's what one prominent American Jew has said on the subject. Abe Foxman, former National Director of the Anti-Defamation League, says that Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump urged supporters at a Florida rally Saturday to raise their arms in a Nazi salute to him. "As a Jew who survived the Holocaust, to see an audience of thousands of people raising their hands in what looks like the Heil Hitler salute is about as offensive, obnoxious and disgusting as anything I thought I would ever witness in the United States of America," Foxman told The Times of Israel.
Nicknames for Trump's "Movement"
Twilight Zone Dan Rather
Grope-a-Dope
Fifty Shades of Orange
Trump Dump (#2)
Thurston Howell Bowel Movement
Hair Hitler and the Aryan Stupormen
Donald Duck Dynasty
Republican Rapture
Stockholm Syndrome
Trump Slump
Red-to-Blue Dawn
Trumpocalypse
Donald Trump Campaign Slogans and Parodies
Win one for the Groper!
GOP now means "Grab Our Pussies!" Bill Maher parody
Trump 2016: Somebody's doing the raping! Jon Stewart parody
Trump 2016: Somebody's doing the raping! OMG, it's The Donald! Jon Stewart parody update, by Michael R. Burch
Make America great again, for every pawn! Michael R. Burch parody
Make America grope again!
Make America grate again, so that minorities will migrate again! Michael R. Burch parody
Make America gyrate again: grope pussy!
Make America gripe again!
Make America WHITE again!
Stand by your con man! Michael R. Burch parody
Speak loudly and carry a big shtick! Michael R. Burch parody
We have nothing to fear but Mexicans, Muslims, Mormons, women's body fluids, facts, science, gay couples, transgenders, and anyone who is not a lily-white male Christian heterosexual!
Get a grip: grope!
Clean up America: DUMP TRUMP!
A horrifying and destabilizing betrayal of the norms of American politics. Dan Rather
Republican Rapture
Trump Slump
We have just begun to grope!
Wait and see what happens! (Or flee to Canada if you have any sense!)
Dumpster fire!
Fun for all, and all for fun: grope pussy!
Trump Chumps: Because thinking is hard!
Comb over to our side!
Golden Wrecking Ball Sarah Palin (not a parody)
Kellyanne Conway Nicknames
Wrongway Conway Michael R. Burch
Conway Twit Michael R. Burch, pun on Conway Twitty
Conway Twitter Michael R. Burch, pun on Conway Twitty
Nutter Consigliere Jim Newell
The Mercenary Jim Newell
Vichy Stephen Romanenghi
Birther Diverter Michael R. Burch
Yet Another Unpaid Trump Contractor Michael R. Burch
Melania Trump Nicknames
Slovenian Sphinx Maureen Dowd
Pussy Bow because she wore a "pussy bow" to the St. Louis debate, after her husband's comments about groping "pussy" went viral
Double Agent Christen Clifford, suggesting that the "pussy bow" was a feminist rebuke of her husband's pussy groping
The Superglamorous Stepford Wife Andrι Leon Talley
Other Trump Family and Associate Nicknames
Ivanka Trump Nicknames: Ivanka Wanker, Ivanka Spanker, Proxy Wife, Nordic Goddess, Norwegian Wood Inducer
Donald Trump Jr. Nicknames: Don, Don Jr., Dunce Jr., Ponyboy, Chip Off the Old Blockhead
Tiffany Trump Nicknames: Tiff, Wild Card
Barron Trump Nicknames: Mini-Donald, Little Donald
Eric Trump Nicknames: Eric the Red, Eric of Orange, Alt-Right, Mr. Roboto
Nickname Given to Donald Trump by Eric Trump: Humble Trump
Trump Family Nicknames: Children of the Corn, The Stepfordians, Poor Little Rich Kids
Mike Pence Nicknames: Hoosier, Cuddles, Sixpence None the Retcher, Silver Faux Fox
Chris Christie Nicknames: The Cookie Monster, The Kooky Cookie Monster, The Illsbury Dough Boy
Nicknames Given by Donald Trump to Other People
Donald Trump claims that he has an "instinct" for nicknames, but the list below shows a decided lack of wit, intelligence and originality. Trump may be a master of the low-brow insult, but anyone can find a cheap insult and fling it around. Trump's nicknames are as bankrupt as his casinos and his many other failed businesses like Trump University, Trump Vodka, Trump Ice, Trump Steaks, Trump Airlines, Trump Magazine, Trump Mortgage, Trump Network, Trumped!, Trump New Media, Trump on the Ocean, Tour de Trump, the New Jersey Generals and Trump: The Game.
"Gold Diggers" (women in general; on the day of Trump's wedding to Marla Maples, he told Howard Stern that "vagina is expensive" and they laughed about it later on Stern's radio show)
"Real Killers" (smart women in general; according to Trump the smart ones put on an act, pretending to be "feminine and needy," but are in reality "real killers")
"Beautiful Pieces of Ass" (Trump's dates and presumably his wives)
"Nice Tits, No Brains" (Marla Maples, Trump's second wife)
"Grotesque" (Bette Midler)
"Loser" (Cher)
"Bimbo" and "Crazy Megyn" (Megyn Kelly)
"Cunt" and "Shit for Brains" (Jennifer Lin)
"Slob," "Big Fat Pig," "Disgusting Animal," "The Beast," "Disgusting both Inside and Out," "Real Loser," "Dumb," and "My Nice Fat Little Rosie "(Rosie O'Donnell)
"Disgusting" (Elizabeth Beck, after she requested a time-out to pump breast milk for her baby)
"Disgusting" (Hillary Clinton, for taking a "potty break" during a debate)
"Schlonged" (Hillary Clinton, for losing the Democratic presidential election nomination to Barack Obama)
"Dog" and "Unattractive Inside and Out" (Arianna Huffington)
"Face of a Dog" (Gail Collins)
"That Face" (Carly Fiorina, whom Trump said could not be considered for the presidency because of her looks; but what about his, then?)
"Miss Piggy" and "Miss Eating Machine" (Alicia Machado, for gaining weight after winning the Miss Universe contest in 1996; she was a teenager at the time and Trump body-shamed her)
"Miss Housecleaning" (Alicia Machado, presumably because she is Latina and housecleaning is what Latinas are good for, according to The Donald)
Trump's comments about women are disturbing and confirm a long-term pattern of bullying, body-shaming, fat-shaming, face-shaming and verbal abuse. Here's an excerpt from a Slate article:
Before entering politics, Trump criticized Bill Clinton not for mistreating women, but for failing to find hotter mistresses. He once called [Paula] Jones a loser and said of the [Monica] Lewinsky scandal that people would have been more forgiving if Clinton had slept with a really beautiful woman of sophistication. Trumps message in bringing up Bills adultery now is the same as the right-wing slogan he retweeted last year: If Hillary Clinton cant satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America? His belief that Bill Clintons affairs reflect badly on Hillary demonstrates something key to his psyche: For Trump, the only salient distinction when judging a womens worth is whether she is fuckable or unfuckable. The fuckable/unfuckable schema is so deeply rooted in Trump that he cant fully grasp that not everyone shares it. Consider how, the morning after Mondays debate, he defended himself from Clintons accusation that hed bullied former Miss Universe Alicia Machado for her weight. Speaking to Fox and Friends by phone, he said, [S]he gained a massive amount of weight, and it was a real problem. On Wednesday night, speaking to Bill OReilly, he continued to paint himself as the victim of Machados sudden-onset unfuckability, suggesting that he deserves thanks for trying to save her job. I did that with a number of young ladies, he said. Look what I get out of it. I get nothing.
If this concerns you, there is more information at Donald Trump's War on Women.
Nicknames Given by Donald Trump to Other People (Continued)
Rapists (Mexican immigrants)
Low Energy Jeb (Jeb Bush)
Lyin' Ted (Ted Cruz)
Little Marco (Marco Rubio) ... later clarified by Trump as "Liddle Marco"
Lightweight Choker and Choke Artist (Marco Rubio)
Psychopath (Ben Carson)
1 for 38 Kasich (John Kasich won 1 of 38 states in the Republican presidential primaries)
Crooked Hillary, Lyin' Hillary and Rotten Hillary (Hillary Clinton)
Crazy Bernie (Bernie Sanders)
Goofy, Goofus and Pocahontas (Elizabeth Warren)
Corrupt Kaine (Tim Kaine)
Neurotic Dope, Wacky and Crazy (Maureen Dowd)
Highly Neurotic (Debbie Wasserman Schultz)
Mentally Abused (John Kerry)
Baby (Barack Obama)
Mr. Tough Guy (Joe Biden, after Trump said that he would "love" to fight the 74-year-old vice president)
Trump Hashtags
#DumpTrump #NeverTrump #PantsOnFire #DirtyDonald #KingOfCorruption
All Donald Trump Nicknames A-Z in Roughly Alphabetical Order, with Our Favorites in Bold
70-Year-Old Toddler Charles M. Blow and Samantha Bee
Agent Orange Anonymous
Agent of Deranged Change
Alpha Molester Michael R. Burch (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
America's Black Mole John Oliver
America's Burst Appendix Samantha Bee
Amnesty Don Joe Scarborough (after Trump said that he was "softening" his stance on illegal immigrants)
The Angry Cheeto
Angry Creamsicle Stephen Colbert
Antichrist (see Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?)
Art Deal and Mr. "Art of the Deal" Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book, which he considers second only to the Bible)
A$$aulter-in-Chief Michael R. Burch (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
A$$hole
Baby Fingers Trump Michael R. Burch
Bag of Toxic Sludge
Baldfaced Crier
Barbecued Brutus
Barbarian at the Debate Charles M. Blow
John Baron Donald Trump (a pseudonym he used to brag about his exploits in the third person)
Barrel-Shouting Meatball Donald Trump Chris Hardwick
The Big Cheeto
Big Donald Marco Rubio (revised to Pig Donald by feminists)
The Bigoted Billionaire
The Bilious Billionaire
Birther Maniac
Blowhard
Boiled Ham in a Wig Jon Stewart
Boldfinger Michael R. Burch
The Boychurian Candidate Michael R. Burch (a pun on "The Manchurian Candidate")
Bratman
Bribe of Chucky
The Bouffant Buffoon Michael R. Burch
Bully Boy Mike Rubio
Bumbledore
Bush Baby and Bush Baby Fingers Michael R. Burch (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Bush Basher
The Bush Beater
Bushman Michael R. Burch, after Trump bragged about groping bush to Billy Bush of Access Hollywood
Bushmaster
Butternut Squash Trevor Noah
Cancer in a Wig Trevor Noah
Captain Bluster
Captain Chaos NBC News
Captain Crunch
Captain Outrageous Michael R. Burch (a pun on Captain Courageous)
Captain Tantastic
The Chaos Candidate Jeb Bush
Cheddar Boy
Cheez Doodle Maureen Dowd
Cheez Whiz John Oliver
Cheeto-Dusted Bloviator jezebel.com
Cheeto Jesus Rick Wilson
Chicken Donald Martin O'Malley
Chimp-PAN-Zee
Cinnamon Hitler Trevor Noah
Chickenhawk Because Trump evaded serving in the Vietnam War, but portrays himself as a war hawk ("the most militaristic person on the planet")
Clown Prince of Politics
Comedy Entrapment Jon Stewart
Commander-in-Grief
Conspiracy Commander-in-Chief
Con-Dike Gold Rush
Corn Husk Doll Cursed by a Witch Donald Trump Chris Hardwick
The Cowardly Lyin'
Crybaby Prima Donald
Crybaby Trump Jeff Kanew
Creep Throat Seth Meyers
Daddy Warbucks
The Daft Draft Dodger
Dainty Donald
Damien Trump
Damn Turd Pol anagram
Dangerous Donald Hillary Clinton
Darth Hater
Darth taxeVader Michael R. Burch
DDT
The Debate Hater
Decomposing Jack O'Lantern Jon Stewart
Deeply Disturbed Fuzzy Orange Goofball
The Definer because according to The Donald, he defines other candidates, after which they quickly become political trivia questions
Dehydrated Orange Peel Libby Inman
Demander-in-Chief Michael R. Burch
Der Groepenfuehrer
Der Trumpkopf
Diaper Donald Kevin Cavanaugh
Dickhead
Dickhead Dongle
Dingbat Donald
Dire Abby Michael R. Burch (a pun on "Dear Abby" because Trump frequently tweets relationship advice to other people, but it's usually dire)
Dishonest Don
The Disruptor
The Dick Tater
DJT
Dodgy Donald CrumblingSlowly
The Don
Don the Con
Don Dementia
The Donald Ivana Trump (she first used the term in a 1989 Spy Magazine cover story)
Donald deGonad
Donald the Deadbeat Dan Rather
Donald Dingbat
Donald Dipshit
Donald Dodo as in the famously stupid dodo bird
The Donaldmeister
Donald Doom
The Donimator
Donald Drumpf John Oliver
Donald Duck
Donald Duck Doo-Doo
Donald Ducknuke
Donald Dump
Donald Gonad
Donald the Menace
Donald Tax-Duck John Joseph Ribovich
Don Goner
Donnie Darko
Donny SNL's Church Lady (Dana Carvey); also his boyhood nickname
Donnybaby
Donnyboy
Donnybrook
Don of Orange
Draft Dodger Don C. Reed
Dr. Strangelove
Duke Nuke 'Em
Dumbelldore
Dumbo Grace Taylor
The Dumpster Pun on Trumpster and the "Dump Trump" slogan)
Dump Tump Grace Taylor
Ego Maniac
The Emperor with no Balls Graffiti found on naked statues of Trump
The Emperor with no Clothes
Evil Gloria Reed
Itty Bitty Ball Trump
Failed Mail-Order Meat Salesman Ashley Feinberg, sticking a satiric fork in Trump Steaks
Fascist Carnival Barker Martin O'Malley
Feral Shouting Meatball Donald Trump Chris Hardwick
Field Marshall Trump
Fifth Avenue Freeze-Out (for trying to deny disabled vets the right to street vend on Fifth Avenue)
Financially Embattled Thousandaire Gail Collins
Flat Top Trump's boyhood nickname
Flipper
Flip Flopper
The Fomentor Trevor Noah
The Fomentalist
Forrest Trump
Fragile Soul Ted Cruz
Frisker-in-Chief
Frisky Frisker Michael R. Burch (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
The Frontrunner
Fruit of the Loom for oddly looming over Hillary Clinton at the second presidential debate
Fuckface von Clownstick Jon Stewart
The Germinator (Trump hates to shake hands, fearing germs)
Genghis Cant Michael R. Burch (because unlike Genghis Khan, the Donald can't rule the world, making his promises mere cant)
Gentle Donald Ted Cruz
The Greatest Charlatan (of them all) Brent Bozell
Golden Calf of Doom
God Jay Leno
Godzilla, with Less Foreign Policy Experience Stephen Colbert
Golden Wrecking Ball Sarah Palin
The GOP's Unhinged Front-Runner Robert Schlesinger, managing editor for opinion at U.S. News & World Report
Government Expander Glen Beck
Gossamer-Skinned Bully Graydon Carter
Grandpa Fucko Kyle Bunch
The Grand Wizard of Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory Murfster35 on DailyKos
Great Orange Hairball of Fear Michael R. Burch
Grope Dope
Groper-in-Chief Nicholas Kristof (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Halfwit Tweet Twit
Hair Apparent pun on Heir Apparent
Hair Furor pun on Herr Fόhrer
Hair Hitler pun on Herr Hitler
Head Twit
Herr Fόhrer Trump
Herr Trump
The Human Amplifier
The Human Combover
The Human Corncob Erin L. Cody
The Human Bullhorn Jim Newell, in Slate
Human-Toupee Hybrid Stephen Colbert
Humble Donald Trump's ironic choice when asked to provide a Secret Service codename
Humble Trump a nickname given to Donald Trump by his son Eric Trump aka "Eric the Red"
Humble Cow Pie because he's full of shit about being "humble"
Hurricane Donald ― Jeff Singer
The im-POTUS
The Inane Interjector
Immigrant-Bashing Carnival Barker TIME Magazine, quoting presidential candidate Martin O'Malley
In-Vet-Irate Liar (for claiming to "support" vets while trying to sweep them off the streets)
The ISIS Candidate
Jack the Gripper Michael R. Burch (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
John Baron and John Barron Donald Trump pseudonyms
John Boehner's Tanning Partner in Crime Michael R. Burch
John Miller Donald Trump (a pseudonym he used to brag about his exploits in the third person)
Job Security (for Comedians) ― Jimmy Kimmel
Kelly's Zero (pun on [Megyn] Kelly's Heroes)
Killer Klown from Outer Space (the title of a "b" movie)
King of Debt
King Leer
King of the Oompa Loompas ― Justin Baragona
King of Sleaze
King of Spin
King of the Whoppers USA Today, Christmas Day, 2015
King Trump
King Tut Because his insults make billions of people go "Tut, tut, tut!"
King Twit
K-Mart Caesar
Lady Fingers Trump Don C. Reed (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Liberal Lip
Liberal Wannabe Strongman David McIntosh
Little Donnie Sissypants
Little Dutch Boy
Long Dong Trump
Loosin' Donald Ted Cruz
Lord Dampnut anagram
Lord Voldemort Rosie O'Donnell
Lurch
Machado Meltdown Hillary Clinton
The Mad Shambler
Maladroit Savage Spiraling Out of Control Charles M. Blow
Man-Baby Jon Stewart
Mango Mussolini
Master Debater
Meathead John Joseph Ribovich
MEGA-low-maniac Michael R. Burch
Mein Furor Murfster35 on DailyKos
The Michelangelo of Ballyhoo TIME by David Von Drehle in his cover article on Trump
Mogul his Secret Service code name
Moneydiaper McStupid Nick Musgrave
Mr. "Art of the Deal" Donald Trump (taken from the title of his 1987 book)
Mr. Brexit Donald Trump (perhaps because his political currency is about to be devalued?)
Mr. Chickenhawk Because he's a coward who portrays himself as a war hawk
Mr. Firepants
Mr. Inappropriate
Mr. Boinker Oinker
Mr. Macho Bernie Sanders (who perhaps gave the lily-livered draft dodger too much credit)
The Man of Steal (made in China) after Hillary Clinton pointed out that Trump hotels have been built with illegally-imported Chinese steel
Mr. Meticulous Trump's military academy nickname, given because he folded his underwear into neat squares
Mr. Wiggy Piggy Because he's such a male chauvinist pig, and that hair!
Mussolini's Taint Kyle Bunch
Narcissistic Human Airhorn Chris Hardwick
The New Furor Pun on Fόhrer)
New York Dork
New York Pork Dork Michael R. Burch (because Trump's companies have feasted on government subsidies and tax breaks)
No More Donald Elizabeth Warren, in a tweet
The Only Plausible GOP Nominee Bustle
Orange Anus Rosie O'Donnell
Orangeback Gorilla After trying to physically intimidate Hillary Clinton in the second presidential debate
Orange Bozo
Orange Caligula Victoria
Orange Clown
Orange-Hued Self-Immolator
Orange Julius A pun on the fruit drink chain (emphasis on fruit) and Julius Caesar
Orange Man
Orange Manatee Stephen Colbert
The Orange Messiah
Orange Moron
Orange Omen of Doom
Orange Slug Rosie O'Donnell
Orange-Tufted Imbecile Intent on Armageddon Michael R. Burch
Orange-Tufted A$$hole Michael R. Burch
OranguTAN
Panda Hair Elizabeth Harris Burch
Pander Hair Elizabeth Harris Burch
Peripatetic Political Showman The Fiscal Times
Pile of Old Garbage Covered in Vodka Sauce Trevor Noah
The Puerile Sophomoric Sniveler Charles M. Blow
Pig Donald a variation of Big Donald, coined by Marco Rubio then adapted by feminists
Political Gutterball Michael R. Burch
Poor Donald Hillary Clinton
Poster Child of American Decline Robert Spencer
POTUS WRECKS Michael R. Burch
The Predictable Endpoint of Republicanism Charles M. Blow
Prima Donald
Puffed Up Daddy
Pussy Posse (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Putin's Gambit Michael R. Burch
Putin's Pet
Queens' Reich Trump hails from Queens NY, and sounds like the second coming of the Third Reich
Queer Orangutan
Rabble-Rousing Demagogue John Cassidy in The New Yorker
Republican Rapture Inducer Michael R. Burch
Rome Burning in Man Form John Oliver
Ronald McDonald Trump-Bozo Michael R. Burch
Sack of Gilded Lunchmeat Kyle Bunch
Screaming Carrot Demon Samantha Bee
Scrooge Grinch McGrump Michael R. Burch (first used Christmas Eve, 2015)
Scrooge McTrump
Serial Feeler pun on "serial killer" (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Sexual-Predator-in-Chief
The Shambling Sasquatch Michael R. Burch (after Trump shambled and lurched around the stage in the second presidential debate, as lampooned by SNL)
Shitler
Silver Spoon Donald Don C. Reed
The Silver Spoon Scion Charles M. Blow
Snake Oil Salesman Rosie O'Donnell
Sniffles After the Donald sniffled like a cocaine addict during the second presidential debate
Sociopathic 70-Year-Old Toddler Samantha Bee
The Sophomoric Sniveler Charles M. Blow
The Spin King
The Spinster and The Sinister Spinster Michael R. Burch
Stubby Baby Fingers Trump Michael R. Burch
Stuporman Since Trump's superpower is putting people to sleep and making them dream that he has magical superpowers
The Swamp Draining Lizard-Man-Toddler
The Talking Yam
Tan Dump Lord anagram
The Tanning Bed Warning Label
Tangello Fruit Roll-Up Stretched Over Cat Litter Donald Trump Chris Hardwick
Tangerine Jesus
Tangerine-Tinted Trash-Can Fire Samantha Bee
Tangerine Tornado SNL's Church Lady (Dana Carvey)
The Teflon Don Michael R. Burch
Tepid Trumpeter
TelePrompTer Trump Mark Sumner
Thin Skinned Orange Peel
Terroristic Man-Toddler Charles M. Blow
Tic-Tac-Dough Michael R. Burch
Tic-Tacky Trump
Tie-Coon (because his menswear line includes ties)
Timid Trumpster
The Tiny Fisted Emperor Murfster35 on DailyKos
Tiny Hands Trump
Tricky Trump
Tricky Don Trump After Tricky Dick Nixon
T-Rump
Trumpalump
Trumpamaniac
Trumparius Nate Silver, from "The Age of Trumparius"
Trump Card
The Trumpet Trump's boyhood nickname
Trump of Doom Michael R. Burch (first used in a Facebook post on September 11, 2015)
Trumpdozer TIME Magazine
Trumpelthinskin Murfster35 on DailyKos
Trumplestiltskin
Trumpenstein Murfster35 on DailyKos
Trumpinator Soopermexican
Trumple-Doodle-Doo-Doo
Trumpledore
Trumpletoes
Trumpling Dildo
Trumpmeister
Trumpocalypse Markos Moulitsas on Daily Kos
Trumpster
Trumptastrophe Chris McKay
Trumpthechumps
Trump the Grump
The Tufted Taliban
Twat Twit Michael R. Burch (see Donald Trump's War on Women)
Twitter-Drunk Donald a Bush aide
Twitter Flitter
Twitter Spitter
The Twitter Terror Michael R. Burch
Two-Bit Caesar Bill Kristol
Two Pump Trump Troy Ramos
UNA (Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole) Jon Stewart
The UNA Bomber
"The uniquely underqualified and overblown king of bragging and whining" The New York Times
Unreality King
Vanilla Isis Pun on Vanilla Ice
Venom-Drenched Regurgitated Slimy Orange Hairball Michael R. Burch
Vet Evictor For staging a benefit for veterans after trying to sweep disabled vets from New York City streets for more than a decade
Voldemort ― Rosie O'Donnell
Walking Punchline
Walking Talking Human Combover Michael R. Burch
Weak Donald Trevor Noah
The Wedgie from West Palm Kyle Bunch
Whiny Don
Whiny Donald
The White Kanye ― Bill Maher
The Winning Whiner Donald J. Trump explained how he "wins" by whining in an interview
World's Greatest Troll FiveThirtyEight Politics
Xenophobic Sweet Potato Donald Trump Chris Hardwick
YUGE Asshole
YUGE Liar
Zen Master of Hate
The Best Descriptions of Donald Trump (or at Least the Most Colorful)
Fuckface von Clownstick. Jon Stewart
The world's greatest troll. FiveThirtyEight Politics
Peripatetic political showman. The Fiscal Times
Cheeto-dusted bloviator. jezebel.com
I am the most fabulous whiner. I do whine, because I want to win. Donald Trump describing himself on CNN's "New Day" to host Chris Cuomo
John Boehner's tanning partner. Michael R. Burch
Trump is "the GOP's unhinged front-runner." Robert Schlesinger, managing editor for opinion at U.S. News & World Report
Trump "has moved from rabble-rousing to demagoguery, or something even uglier." U.S. News & World Report, quoting a John Cassidy article in The New Yorker
Trump is an "immigrant-bashing carnival barker." TIME Magazine, quoting presidential candidate Martin O'Malley
Venom-drenched regurgitated slimy orange hairball. Michael R. Burch
The Great Orange Hairball of Death and Destruction. Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump is a walking, talking Human Combover sent to earth to seek revenge by Hitler's Moustache. Michael R. Burch
Donald Trump is the Cowardly Lion's enormous Orange Hairball of Fear brought to life by the Wicked With of the West. Michael R. Burch
Other Nicknames
Sarah Palin Nicknames: Sarah Barracuda (her high school nickname), Sarahcudda, Caribou Barbie, Half-Baked Alaskan, Moose-o-lini, Weepin' 'n' Wailin' Sarah Palin, The Wasilla Gorilla or Gurlilla or Gurlzilla, The Roughed Rogue, The Original Material Girl (because she provides Stephen Colbert so much comedy materiel), Klondike Kardashian, Klondike Dike, Blunder Woman, Sarah Stoopid, Bible Spice, Whore of Babble-On, Boor of Babble-On, The Wasilla Hillbilly, The Wasillabilly, The Tundra Twit, Sarah Failin', Failin' Palin, Bailin' Palin, Half-Governor, The Moosiah Pit Bull in Lipstick (according to herself), Ramboner, Rambette, Trumpette, Saint Sarah of Wasilla, Sarah Pipeline, Sarah Punchline, Vampy, The Killa from Wasilla, The Quitter from Wasilla, Money Boo-Boo, Sarah Shakes-Spear (because she is so warlike and compared herself to Shakespeare when she coined a new word, "refudiate"), Sarah Crosshairs, Sarah Triggerfinger, Mama Grizzly, Palin-Drone, Chick Cheney, Sarah Stalin, Snark Shark, Moose MILF, The Alaska Disasta, Snowjob Squareglasses, Post Turtle, McCain's Bane, FrankenPalin, Northern Overexposure, Nightmayor, Miss Iquitarod, Irate Ingrate, Miss Wonker Bonker, Sarah Scareya, Lady Gagya, Sarah Sarin, Tri-Sarah-Tops, Sarah Snowgrifter, Sarah Snowjob
Ann Coulter Nicknames: AnnThrax, Ann the Man, Coultergeist, Beltway Barbie, Cuckoo Coulter, Tranny Annie, Goebbels with tits, Rush Limbette, Mann Coulter, Chairman Ann, Ann Coltrear, Ann Cunter, That Conservative Female Douche, Jew Perfecter, Man-Hands, Banshee, Wicked Witch of the West, Ann Hitler, Uber Bitchette, I-don't-care-about-the-Jews Barbie, Psycho-bitch, Just plain stupid, Colt 34D (allegedly her bra size, but a man would have to drink a helluva lot of Colts to want to be sure)
Joe Arpaio Nicknames: Wyatt Twerp, Boss Hogg, Big Pig, The Maricopa Madman, Captain James Tiberius Jerk, Colonel Klink, Officer Loco, Wiley E. Peyote, Lawrence of Insania, Tonto, Prickzilla Queen of the Desert
Jeb Bush Nicknames: Tortoise (given to him by his brother, George W. Bush), Low Energy (Donald Trump), Zero Energy (a Trump supporter), Everyready (Jeb's retort to Trump when asked to pick his Secret Service code name), Veto Corleone, The Bushmaster, Bush League, Jeb, Jebbie, Gator
Chris Christie Nicknames: Christie Kreme, The Illsbury Dough-Boy, Cookie Monster, Big Boy (George W. Bush), Pork Chop, Pork Dork, Porky Pine, Porko Vallarta, Don Qui-Hefty, Enormes Pantalones, Boca Rotund, Dios Meatball, Cinco De Mayonnaise, Lap-Bandito, Chiportly, Gringo Con Carne, Dos Neckis, The Love Gov, Pufferfish, Trueheart (his choice for a Secret Service code name)
Ben Carson Nicknames: Crazy Ben Carson, Eli (his Secret Service code name), One Nation (his choice for a Secret Service code name), Dummy (his nickname as a child)
Carly Fiorina Nicknames: Chainsaw Carly (for all the jobs she cut at HP and Compaq), Golden Parachutress (she got $21 million after cutting other people's jobs), The Anti-Hillary, Secretariat (her choice for a Secret Service code name)
Mike Huckabee Nicknames: Huckster, Huckleberry Spin, Huckmaster General, Huck Upchuck, Huck Fuckabee, Brother Smother, Tax Hike Mike, Triple Wide, Duck Hunter (his choice for a Secret Service code name)
John Kasich Nicknames: Pope (he wanted to be the pope as a boy), Unit One (his choice for a Secret Service code name), Unit Two (his wife's alternate suggestion!)
Mitch McConnell Nicknames: Fuckface McTurtlebitch, The Turtle, Dick Turtle, Mitch the Snitch, Mitch the Bitch, Mitch the Snitch-Bitch, Koch Addict (Michael R. Burch)
Rand Paul Nicknames: Mr. Nerdy Perm, Mr. Poodle-'Do, Justice Never Sleeps (his choice for a Secret Service code name; he later called it "one of those nicknames you try to make happen and miserably fail")
Paul Ryan: Lyin' Ryan, Lyin' Paul Ryan, Small-Ball Ryan
Scott Walker Nicknames: The Desperado (in his high school yearbook), Niedermeyer (after an overly aggressive ROTC leader in the movie Animal House), Scott Balker, Harley (his choice for a Secret Service code name)
Ted Cruz Nicknames
Teddy Bare (see the picture immediately above)
Ted Scruz (after allegations that the "devout Christian family man" had affairs with five women, including a prostitute)
Felito (his full name is Rafael Edward Cruz and Felito means "little Rafael")
Fidelo (Cruz's father supported Fidel Castro and the communists who took over Cuba)
Little Fidelo (ditto)
Castro's Revenge (ditto)
The Cruz Controller and Mr. Cruz Control
Mr. Cruz Missile (because he promised to carpet bomb the Middle East with nukes to see if the sands will "glow" at night)
Duke Nukem (ditto), Dr. Strangelove (ditto), The Mad Carpet Bomber (ditto) and The Dune-a-Bomber (ditto)
The Fireman (after he told little Julie Trant, a three-year-old, that her world was "on fire")
Mr. Pants-on-Fire (ditto), Mr. Firepants (ditto), The Human Torch (ditto), Calgary Flamepants (after the Calgary Flames hockey team; Cruz was born in Calgary, Canada),
Honorable Mention: Stinky (due to reports of body odor issues), Pepι le Pew (pun on body order and a church pew), Booger, Cudchewer Cruz, Chewbacca, Ted Carnival Cruz and the Creep Cruzettes, Calgary Cruz, Wacko Bird (John McCain), Proud Wacko Bird (Ted Cruz), Creature from the Black Lagoon, Pall Bearer (due to his uncanny resemblance to Paul Bearer, the funeral parlor manager of pro wrestling's Undertaker), The Fourth Dorkman of the Apocalypse (after George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann), Revenge of the Nerd, El Presidente, Dirty Syrup Gulper (Jon Stewart), McCarthy Jr. (he even looks like Joe McCarthy), Cohiba (a brand of Cuban cigars was Cruz's choice for his Secret Service code name), Holy Cruzader, Tricky Ted Cruz (after Tricky Dick Nixon), The Cruzinator, Ted "Smug Mug" Cruz, Lyin' Ted (Donald Trump), Tailgunner Ted Cruz, Boozin' Ted, The Cuban Mistress Crisis (after allegations that he had affairs with at least five women, including a hooker), Boozin' 'n' Oozin' Cruz, LustTED (a pun on TrustTED), Oinker Boinker, Randy Ted, Casanova Cruz, Pervy Ted Cruz, Cootie Cruz, Rato, Obstructer in Chief
Marco Rubio Nicknames
Top Ten Marco Rubio Nicknames
Marco Starko (see the picture immediately above)
Marco "Dough Boy" Rubio (because he's now a bit chubby and rakes in tons of Republican establishment dough)
No-Show Rubio (*)
AWOL (ditto) and Absent and Unaccounted For (ditto)
The Absentee Ban-Lord (ditto)
Rube and Young Rube
Water Boy
Lightweight Choker and Little Marco (Donald Trump)
Captain Thirsty and Captain Thirstypants
Rubio the Unready
Honorable Mention: Marco Poll-Low, Gator (his choice for a Secret Service code name; oddly this is what George W. Bush called Jeb Bush; how unoriginal!), Marco Mussolini, The Cuban Cherub, The Chubby Cherub, Marco "Weak as a Baby" Rubio (Donald Trump), Narko, Snarko, Sharko, Marco Sharknado, Easy Mark (Donald Trump), Marco "Come On In" Rubio (Donald Trump), The Michael Jordan of Republican Politics (I dunno, this seems like a streeeeetch to me!), Cuban Rube, Young Rube, Qubics Rube, Rolly-Polly Rube, The Chameleon (because he changes political colors so often), The ConSWERVEative (ditto), Mr. Foamy (because he allegedly attended foam parties at gay bars), Stud Muffin (because he was studly but put on weight), Mr. Sound Bite, Mr. Talking Point, Broken Record Rubio, Robot Rubio, Mr. Roboto, Marco Android, The Fox (because he's shifty like a fox, and Fox News obviously favors him as does the Republican establishment and its money), Rupert's Rube (ditto), Party Boy (ditto), Play Dough Boy (ditto)
(*) On an appearance on the NBCs Today Show, the ever-earnest "No-Show" Marco Rubio said: No, in fact the majority of the job of being a senator is not walking on to the Senate floor and lifting your finger on a noncontroversial issue and seeing which way youre going to vote the majority of the work of a senator is the constituent service to committee work, that continues forward unabated. But as The Huffington Post pointed out: Rubios point about committee work is a bit odd given his absence from the Senate Foreign Relations full committee and subcommittee on which he serves. According to a Politico review of his record from 2011 to 2014, Rubio missed 52 of 106 hearings on both panels.
Marco Rubio is not the most conventional conservative alpha male dresser, perhaps. I don't claim to have "gaydar," but really! Do conservative alpha males dress like Marco Rubio? To me the entire metrosexual ensemble screams "gay," from the high-heeled boots to the preppy blue blazer. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, or being gay and running for president, or even being a snazzy if somewhat effete dresser, but doing "all the above" on an anti-gay platform seems positively weird! Keep the gay wardrobe, Marco Rubio, if it suits you, but please drop the anti-gay agenda! You're not fooling anyone, not even us straight arrows, with that outfit!
Marco Rubio was arrested in a Miami park know for gay activity, with a roommate who produced gay porn! On Wednesday, May 23, 1990five days before Rubio's 19th birthdaya police officer was dispatched to Alice C. Wainwright Park, according to a Miami police report. The park was known for prostitution (gay and straight), drugs and drinking. A full account of what led to Rubio's arrest is not available because the court file has been destroyed, according to Miami-Dade County court clerk's records. According to the police report, Rubio and two other teenagers were arrested. One of them, Angel Barrios, owns several coin-operated laundries in the Miami area. The City of Miami later filed to enjoin Angel Barrios from using his residential property to distribute gay porn. In the case of the City of Miami v. Angela Barrios, Regla Barrios and Barrios Investment Group, "Angel Barrios, et al" were instructed to "cease operations" of a business that "produced pornography for distribution over the internet." The case was abated as a result of a federal lawsuit filed by the owner, Barrios, and his tenant, Flava Works. The City prevailed. Angel Barrios has a LinkedIn profile which lists his coin-operated laundries and the Barrios Investment Group enjoined from distributing porn. Flavaworks.com is still operational online and is quite clearly a gay porn website. Rubio dedicated an intimate senior yearbook quote to Mr. Barrios and the two shared a townhouse together after graduating from high school. So, in 1990, Marco Rubio was arrested by the police in a parked car, in a dark and secluded park with a reputation as a gay cruising spot, with a young man whom he lived with after high school, and who went on to be involved with a gay pornography studio. What does it add up to? Perhaps nothing provable. But it certainly raises interesting questions.
Top Ten Presidential Nicknames
Honest Abe, The Great Emancipator, The Rail-Splitter (Abraham Lincoln)
Tricky Dick (Richard Nixon)
Martin Van Ruin (Martin Van Buren)
Old Rough and Ready (Zachary Taylor)
The Rough Rider (Teddy Roosevelt)
Old Hickory (Andrew Jackson)
The Gipper, The Great Communicator, Dutch (Ronald Reagan)
The Beast of Buffalo (Grover Cleveland, who allegedly fathered an illegitimate child when he was mayor of Buffalo)
Slick Willy, Bubba (Bill Clinton)
Dubya (George W. Bush)
Honorable Mention: Silent Cal (Calvin Coolidge), Father of His Country (George Washington), American Cincinnatus (George Washington), The Sage of Monticello (Thomas Jefferson), Unconditional Surrender Grant (U. S. Grant), Give 'Em Hell Harry (Harry S. Truman), King of Camelot (John F. Kennedy), No Drama Obama (Barack Obama)
Donald Trump Follower Nicknames
Hemorrhoidal Has-Beens Samantha Bee
The Branch Trumpidians
The StormTrumpers
Trumpites
Trumpkins
Trumpettes
Trumpnecks
sTrumpettes
Trumpeters
Trumpeteers
Trump Chumps
Trumpkins
Re-flub-lycans
Sheeple
The KKK
The Motley Crew
The Chosen Eew!
Donald Trump Debate Nicknames (continued)
Here are the top ten new nicknames for Donald Trump after he ran home sobbing from the upcoming debate, afraid to answer tough questions by Megyn Kelly:
Prima Donald
The Vet Evictor (for staging a benefit for veterans after trying to sweep disabled vets from New York City streets for more than a decade)
Timid Trumpster and The Dainty Donald
Crybaby Prima Donald
Kelly's Zero (pun on Kelly's Heroes)
Donald deGonad
Master Debater
The Debate Hater
Little Donnie Sissypants
Vanilla Isis and The Tufted Taliban
Dishonorable Mention: Baldfaced Crier, Tepid Trumpeter, Trumpling Dildo
Related pages: The Best Donald Trump Puns, The Best Donald Trump Insults, 2016 Republican First Presidential Debate: Winners, Losers and Impressions, Is there a Republican War on Women?, The Donald Trump Bible or The Gospel According to Trump, The Best Ted Cruz Jokes, Conservatives Who Support Gay Marriage, Ten Reasons to "Fire" Donald Trump, Ted Cruz Quotes, Donald Trump: 666 Mark of the Beast, Marco Rubio Nicknames, Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?, Donald Trump Violence Quotes, Trump Trivia, Donald Trump in his Own Words: Fact-Checking Trump, Donald Trump Funny Campaign Slogans and Parodies, Donald Trump Halloween Ideas
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