上位 200 件のコメント表示する 500

[–]Not_Me_But_A_Friend 4312ポイント4313ポイント  (153子コメント)

When the lust gives way to critical analysis of my chances.

[–]TinyTinCanMan 2710ポイント2711ポイント  (108子コメント)

A post-masturbatory perspective is the clearest perspective

[–]Vertriv 1248ポイント1249ポイント  (70子コメント)

"You know what I don't even really need sex or physical intimacy anymo- oh it's back again that was weird."

[–]Zavrii 234ポイント235ポイント  (13子コメント)

That feel when you make a dick inspired craigslist post where you will fuck anything not on a walmart scooter ( thanks for the standards mr. penis ) then after a few hours you give up and rub one out.

You read your post and go "Really? wtf was I thinking...." and delete it.

Then you start making another post in 2 hours...

[–]Siege-Torpedo 132ポイント133ポイント  (35子コメント)

I really wish it would stay gone. Interest in girls with my lack of social abilities is inefficient and painful.

[–]CanadaJack 14ポイント15ポイント  (0子コメント)

The JO test is an important one - if you want to talk to a girl afterwards, you're actually interested in her. If not, you're lusting for her.

[–]DabidoZ 3371ポイント3372ポイント  (99子コメント)

I'll only stop texting if they stop taking interest, e.g one word answers or 'haha omg emoji' you can tell they're having a better conversation with someone else

[–]saltedwarlock 2560ポイント2561ポイント  (55子コメント)

haha OMG 😂👏👌💯 Nice one!

[–]thescentofwater 107ポイント108ポイント  (0子コメント)

So true 😂😂😂 relatable😍

[–]adavila1870 137ポイント138ポイント  (8子コメント)

For me it was different and weird. We would text all day about everything but when I saw her in person she wouldn't talk to me. She also wasn't that interested in going out together so I stopped and she never texted back.

Guess she wasn't that into me

[–]suchbsman 54ポイント55ポイント  (1子コメント)

I had the same experience. I wasn't sure if they were just terrible at talking in person or they were just using me as their emotional fluffer. I think they just liked the attention and ability to vent at any time via text message but didn't want to be seen talking to me in person.

[–]BaconLondoner 163ポイント164ポイント  (14子コメント)

I do this sometimes, when they've asked me to do something and I can't think of what to say other than Ok!

[–]RickandSnorty 49ポイント50ポイント  (0子コメント)

Agreed if they never follow up with more.

I tend to send multiple separate messages in a response and sometimes I'm out, get through that "haha omg" thing, then get dragged into an hour long conversation and don't get a chance to give a full answer for a while.

I do that so I'm not being rude to the person I'm with in person

[–]sebrawr 12ポイント13ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is the god damn worst. Got match with a cute girl on tinder, asking her questions to get to know her better and all I'm getting is: "k", "lol", "yes", "haha".

LIKE WTF, after a while I just straight up asked her if she was a bot.

[–]scorchclaw 10ポイント11ポイント  (0子コメント)

you can tell they're having a better conversation with someone else

yeah that's usually how i feel with that stuff.

[–]RandomUsername416 952ポイント953ポイント  (28子コメント)

It began to feel like a chore.

She didn't seem interested in me like she used to.

I began to feel like texting her wasn't worth my time.

I decided I would respond to any text she sent but I would completely stop initiating conversation/questions (in part just so I could see what would happen) because it felt like I was doing it all. Haven't had a response since, and the above statements became more true than I wished...

[–]RemoteProvider 5985ポイント5986ポイント  (475子コメント)

Usually because they don't do anything to keep the conversation going. I shouldn't be the only one asking questions, etc.

[–]imMellow 2647ポイント2648ポイント  (139子コメント)

One-word replies, lack of interest in asking/answering questions, or just flat-out having nothing interesting to say. Nothing kills a conversation boner quicker.

EDIT: Some people who replied have to realize that my post was a bit ambiguous on purpose. There was no specific reason for the examples. Some individuals are just terrible conversationalists and that is the reason I stop talking to them.

[–]SpenceOrSpencer 1316ポイント1317ポイント  (121子コメント)

Boner aside, one-sided conversations aren't fun. It says that either the woman is playing the stereotypical gender game of "being pursued" (which is a game a LOT of people refuse to play, as our time is important to us), isn't interested in the guy but selfishly likes the attention, or is worried about being "rude" or is "letting him down gently" by coming across as marginally interested when she's not.

This is all said understanding that a significant portion of men (specifically men) are huge assholes on online dating in particular. But those of us who are respectful about the differing experience between men and women on online dating get screwed over by those assholes too, because a lot of women are worn down and defensive before we even start chatting, and might still think we're acting nice even after conversing for a while. It may be a lot to ask, but giving a man the benefit of the doubt if he isn't acting like an asshole would be nice.

Or I'm just ugly.

[–]Girlinhat 649ポイント650ポイント  (73子コメント)

Or that they have nothing to contribute. I've known people who literally go to work, watch primetime TV, then go to sleep. Like, they have nothing to say. You ask them 'what's up' and they say 'nothing' because they're literally just sitting there watching TV doing nothing. A lot of people are shockingly JUST NOT INTERESTING in the slightest, and it's depressing.

[–]Infinity2quared 656ポイント657ポイント  (39子コメント)

This is true.

It's also helpful to keep in mind that some people move in and out of "interesting" periods of their lives.

It happens. Generally it happens when your larger goals are being let down or put on the backburner by other realities... so you just kind of go into maintenance mode for a while. You want to be stimulated, but you're just passively consuming because you have nothing to produce.

Now this doesn't mean its someone else's job to make your life interesting again. But it can help to be understood.

[–]Kanegawa 173ポイント174ポイント  (22子コメント)

Well if I couldn't describe pretty much how my life feels before, I can now.

That's well put. I guess I'm in maintenance mode at the moment.

[–]Coffeezilla[🍰] 49ポイント50ポイント  (8子コメント)

I wish I could get people to understand this. I'm working my ass of and not doing much in my downtime to save money up because I'm working on getting my life to a good place, saving up and getting some essentials out of the way to have fun later. All the women who meet me are like "So you work two jobs seven days a week? What the fuck like don't you wanna have a life?"

[–]Khaymann 103ポイント104ポイント  (17子コメント)

Honestly, online dating is just a fucking weird experience. I've tried it myself when I was in Chicago, but eve there it was rough.

And I've seen the other side... my roomie in Chicago was quite pretty, and I saw her inbox on her two week jaunt into OKC... just a fucking blizzard of poorly written shit. For all she knew, there could have been a few gems in there, but she wasn't into slogging through everything to find them.

So I guess what I'm saying is, online dating for males, we're used to getting ignored, and having to put out an absurd amount of messages/effort into getting anybody's attention, and that has the unfortunate result of making a lot of guys into callous fucks online. (And I'd say the blizzard of shit has the same effect on the ladies).

It just sucks. At this point, I'd rather go put my thing down at a club or bar or a comedy show or something. Its just easier to see if you're getting anywhere.

[–]RocketPropelledHiFiv 1348ポイント1349ポイント  (222子コメント)

I noticed I was the only one initiating the conversation when I was on a dating site. I know they statistically women will get a LOT more message than men, but when you've cleared the weirdo message out of your inbox, surely you can reply back?

If I didn't message them, we simply wouldn't talk.

[–]riddles500 1115ポイント1116ポイント  (134子コメント)

Usually when I talk to anybody, after a week or so I will go a day or two without initiating. 9 times out of 10 that is the end of it, and I never hear from them again. I kinda feel bad about it, but I can't stand being the only catalyst.

[–]WannabeAmputee 340ポイント341ポイント  (27子コメント)

I'm in a similar boat. If she wants to keep talking to me, she will. If not, she won't. If she's expecting me to be the one who keeps a conversation alive it says a lot about how the relationship would go.

Fortunately I'm pretty chatty so keeping conversations going isn't difficult. It's the ones that reply with two words after I've written a paragraph that I don't bother chasing unless they explain to me why they're being brief. Maybe they're busy, maybe they've had a rough day, things happen. But if they're just plain not putting effort in to the conversation, I'm not going to either.

Just sucks when I feel like I'm getting along with someone but they're never the one to start a conversation. I just end up feeling like I'm bothering them.

[–]saymaestay11 39ポイント40ポイント  (4子コメント)

I'm married, 30s, and have this problem with almost all my friends. I'm nearly always the one who initiate texts and get togethers.

You might think it's because they don't actually like me, but they always reply, they always want to hang out (never making excuses for why they can't come), they always say how grateful they are that I initiate, and they even admit they're bad at initiating.

But still it drives me crazy. The brain is wired to monitor your status, and when you're always reaching out it just feels terrible -- it feels like you're a needy loser and are bothering them and making a fool of yourself. The brain craves reciprocation!

But I largely try to ignore that feeling and remember that it seems like 90% of people are just bad at initiating stuff these days. I feel like someone's got to do it, and make fun times happen, so it might as well be me.

[–]Log2 427ポイント428ポイント  (87子コメント)

I pretty much stopped talking to someone who I thought was a close friend because of this.

[–]mydogiscuteaf 229ポイント230ポイント  (71子コメント)

Shit, man. I'm going something similar. Could be my insecurity, could be not. Not too sure.

We worked together. We are pretty close. Our texting was everyday. She's in school now so it stopped... But it died down even before that.

I used to always know what her weekend is gonna be like. Not anymore.

Gave my anxiety. I guess my fault since she was my only support system. I've been better now. Specially the past week. I'm able to snap out of it when I think about how her friendshit has changed.

Edit: typo... I meant friendship.

[–]stegasaurusteeth 242ポイント243ポイント  (35子コメント)

Some people are simply bad at initiating conversations due to their own issues - anxiety, insecurity, etc. I'm not saying that makes the behaviour acceptable, just explainable. I have one friend who is like this. She straight up believes she is a bother and that you're not going to want to talk to her. Unless you message her first, and then she is sure that yes, you still like her today as well.

[–]Noxy_Random 139ポイント140ポイント  (30子コメント)

I'm exactly like this girl. I want to text someone and then my mind runs the whole: "He doesn't need me to bother him. What if I inconvenience him? What if he only responds because he pities me and doesn't really like me at all?" So I just wind up not doing it and then later on I'm like I really should have texted him. I'll do it tomorrow and there comes the whole process again. And when I finally do text him and he messages me back, I expect a "I never liked you, " confession. So exhausting.

[–]chevymonza 53ポイント54ポイント  (6子コメント)

There are moments in my life I think back on, and cringe hard, b/c I was being kind of a pest to somebody and not realizing it at the time.

Now, I'd rather talk to nobody and err on the side of caution.

That, or I'm simply too exhausted in general. Work and commuting leaves very little free time during the week, and on the weekends, it's catching up on errands and such.

[–]Log2 112ポイント113ポイント  (9子コメント)

It's certainly an eye opener that people sometimes don't care about you as much as you care about them. I hope you are doing better and got yourself more friends.

[–]Unique_Cyclist 49ポイント50ポイント  (8子コメント)

It's not really that people don't care enough. Not always at least. Some are busy. And tend to not find the time to text you. When you already sent them something it's a lot easier to simply reply with a simple follow up question. Other times, people are generally not the texting, IM'ing type and not used to messaging first to start with.

[–]Laceyfromcali 59ポイント60ポイント  (4子コメント)

Not to give out a generalized excuse but for me, I always feel like I'm bothering someone if I text first so I try to wait until they do. That way I know they have time to chat. It's a silly thing really and I have no idea why I feel that way but it's something I have a really hard time with.

[–]Decyde 137ポイント138ポイント  (7子コメント)

Yep. I had a friend who I always had to text first or they wouldn't ever talk to me. I just stopped texting her one day and 2 weeks later she was pissed off I wasn't texting her.

I just stopped talking to her outright as it was a stupid reason to get mad and I only knew her for 4 years.

[–]froschkonig 273ポイント274ポイント  (39子コメント)

This is the answer. When did it become the guys duty to carry 100% of the conversation at all times? Girls, try carrying the conversation sometimes. We want to talk about our day too.

[–]VeraciousBuffalo 248ポイント249ポイント  (11子コメント)

Bruh. If i get another 😂, followed by nothing, i swear.

[–]froschkonig 66ポイント67ポイント  (6子コメント)

Hahahaha fact. How about "good, you?" "That's fun." Then when you stop texting you get "where did you go? 😭😭"

[–]VeraciousBuffalo 41ポイント42ポイント  (4子コメント)

I feel manipulative scheming about it. I prefer to just leave it.

Edit: Update 1 hour later. Just texted a "k" response and she literally asked how my day was. Reddit psychologists at it again, haha.

[–]thegreattemperino 83ポイント84ポイント  (6子コメント)

I'm 28, never held a relationship for more than 6 months, and this is EXACTLY why. I don't want someone to take care of and check up on, I want a partner. I'm going to ask you how your day was, I'm going to ask what's on your mind if you look upset, and I'm going to comfort you when you feel bad.

I want someone to ask me how my day is going for no reason, I want someone to come to me and say "it's going to be ok" or "you can do this" when I'm upset. I have to do it, so do you.

My parents had a terrible relationship growing up and I was the oldest so I had to play mediator all the time, I'm fucking sick of having to be the strong one. It's exhausting. Then I get involved with all these girls who want me to "prove my loyalty," no, that's not how this works. You're not a prize for me to earn, we're either a good couple that cares for each other or we aren't, and if we aren't I wouldn't trade 20 chuck e cheese tickets for you.

I'm not putting you on a pedestal, I don't care what your dad told you, you aren't a princess, you aren't a delicate flower to be cherished and protected, you're my girlfriend. I expect you to act like it, and that means even contribution within your means.

Sure, sometimes you might need me to open a jar, and I might need you to wash the dishes, one of us might make more money and have to help the other out, but those aren't our roles in the relationship, our roles are to love each other and help each other when we can. Mutually.

[–]Jfonzy 3154ポイント3155ポイント  (17子コメント)

Wanted to see if she would make a post about it on reddit.

[–]PM_ME_LEGAL_PAPERS 888ポイント889ポイント  (23子コメント)

I'm initiating large amounts of conversation, because I want to get to know you better. Better than I know other "just friends". I'm also gauging your interest in me. If you text me out of the blue and/or reply within 30 seconds of receiving my texts, that's a good indication you like me. If you put forth zero effort, I won't spend nearly as much time on you.

You may as well ask "Guys that started taking girls out to ice cream every so often, why'd you stop?"

Because she'd just eat her ice cream, staring away from you, answering your questions with one or two words. Does that sound crazy?

[–]surnguy 1684ポイント1685ポイント  (44子コメント)

I did this for a year to a girl I like, but stopped because our conversation has gotten stale and it always circled around her and the shit that she likes to talk about, however, when it's MY turn to talk about myself and the shit that I like to talk about, not only would the enthusiasm drop it would be followed by one word replies. Not about that life mang

[–]applejackisbestpony 461ポイント462ポイント  (21子コメント)

Pretty much the same for me. She called or texted with the same shit every day, about work or friends or some new cosmetic product she wants to try. I'm ok with that, but The moment I try to change the subject she'd get angry, saying things like, "Yeah, but why are you telling me that? or "I don't care baby."

Fuck that kind of woman. I don't need to pursue a relationship that's all about her dumb bullshit.

[–]FrankiesOnVacation 154ポイント155ポイント  (7子コメント)

I would've hit her with the exact same responses. But I have the emotional complexity of a 7 year old so I can't speak as to whether or not it would've fixed anything.

[–]Rhysington 84ポイント85ポイント  (3子コメント)

Always remember who told the Emperor he was naked. It wasn't his guard, nor his advisory but the child.

[–]Nawara_Ven 12ポイント13ポイント  (0子コメント)

The child didn't know he had "Unlimited Power!" though. Any sensible person wouldn't have broached the subject after the whole Jedi massacre thing.

[–]LeftHandedCube 52ポイント53ポイント  (1子コメント)

I feel that. She was good about initiating conversation, and I'll admit, she did try to pretend she gave a shit about what was going on in my life, but we had run out of shit to talk about within a year and she was using me more or less as a diary or someone to keep her entertained when no one else would give her attention. Eventually I got bored of having to be interesting for her sake and I wasn't even sleeping with her anymore. I was playing the boyfriend to satisfy her emotional needs as she started to tell me about what ever hot guy she was hooking up with. It was good conversation practice though. I reckon I can entertain a brick wall for a solid week now thanks to her.

[–]PM_ME_YOUR__TOES_ 30ポイント31ポイント  (3子コメント)

Yeah, when girls do that, I call that "talking at you"

Not to you.

at you.

It's not even a conversation, they just want someone to hear what they have to say.

[–]ALWAYS_TELLING_LIES 3456ポイント3457ポイント  (249子コメント)

Because I started getting oen word answers instead of paragraphs.

EDIT: Thanks for making this my otp rated comment :) Also, I'm leaving the spelling, I'm human after all.

[–]huntish 1030ポイント1031ポイント  (25子コメント)

Ah. That stomach-dropping feeling of “Oh shit, I’m actually bothering them, and they are totally not into me in the slightest,”. Can't just go back to same way of texting again after that.

[–]penistakesthewheel 706ポイント707ポイント  (11子コメント)

"Fuck, am I being a creep?". That one sucks.

[–]pizzapopperw 258ポイント259ポイント  (3子コメント)

I'm glad I've never had to experience that feeling. I'm always being a creep- no need to ask myself about it.

[–]iamwonderr 27ポイント28ポイント  (3子コメント)

The only difference between cute and creepy is whether she likes you or not.

[–]RollingandJabbing 143ポイント144ポイント  (21子コメント)

Yup, know that feeling. It's like I can only work in short bursts of compatibility with others.

[–]fluentsyntax 151ポイント152ポイント  (20子コメント)

Short bursts of compatibility perfectly sums up my dating life in 2016

[–]itsoverthere89 474ポイント475ポイント  (36子コメント)

Same

[–]PM_Your_Labia_Pics 345ポイント346ポイント  (35子コメント)

K

[–]attemptno8 154ポイント155ポイント  (16子コメント)

The moment this happens I just assume she's no longer interested and cease communication unless they initiate it. It's also annoying when a girl messages you online with a decently written paragraph and then you do the same only to receive a few words in return.

[–]ALWAYS_TELLING_LIES 80ポイント81ポイント  (15子コメント)

Even worse if she's been your best friend for a decade, and, it just stops like that.

[–]StringlyTyped 15ポイント16ポイント  (3子コメント)

Happened to me. I was best friends with a girl for like a year. She had a boyfriend and she always advised me on pursuing girls. Then I got a girlfriend and she immediately ghosted on me. It was rather sad.

I always told her about the girls I was seeing and she was totally cool with it. It was a lot of fun. We even got together to pickup guys/girls. I don't know what about me getting a girlfriend made her disappear.

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 3067ポイント3068ポイント  (69子コメント)

It started with stories;
With words and a smile.
Awaiting your answers,
And reading a while;
Expecting perspectives,
By day and by night -
It started with talking,
And talking till light.

It started with hearts,
And it started, it seems -
With passion, perfection,
And half-finished dreams.
It started with hopes,
And with love-laden sighs...
And ended with silence,
And
One
Word
Replies.

[–]RocketPropelledHiFiv 98ポイント99ポイント  (4子コメント)

I stopped texting a girl entirely after she started giving me one word answers, haven't heard from her since.

[–]My_Names_Jefff 3166ポイント3167ポイント  (100子コメント)

Told me she wanted to be friends. She still wanted us to talk flirty because its fun. Just said fuck that

[–]SatSenses 1674ポイント1675ポイント  (18子コメント)

talk flirty because it's fun

Feels worse when she's already with someone. Seems like she just wants constant attention.

[–]TheCakeman999 557ポイント558ポイント  (4子コメント)

I can feel the emotional neediness from the other side of the phone.

[–]Evilperson69 146ポイント147ポイント  (0子コメント)

Seems like she just wants constant attention.

[–]Echoes_and_madness 571ポイント572ポイント  (23子コメント)

Brother. The ex and I split up and remained friends and she still talked dirty flirty with me but didn't want any sex. Like seriously, you can't do that.

[–]Goddamnpanda 48ポイント49ポイント  (0子コメント)

I knew a girl just like that. She was flirty with me and I liked the attention too so I just said "that's cool" and kept talking to her. I guess I was the one playing hard to get in this instance though.

[–]carrotosmosis 6329ポイント6330ポイント  (509子コメント)

I was always the one who was initiating conversations. I stopped initiating the conversations to see if she would and she never did, so I figure she just didn't care about me so I should just stop trying.

Edit: Thanks so much to the person who gilded me and the people who have replied to this. This is why I love, reddit; we get a sense of community and find out lots of people face the same issues as us

[–]SikkatheDeath 2419ポイント2420ポイント  (146子コメント)

I've had the same. A silver lining was that I realized how rarely people think about others which really helped me be more outgoing and come out of my shell

[–]all4hurricanes 705ポイント706ポイント  (121子コメント)

I tried this after a third date and just never spoke to the guy again, is that ghosting and should I feel bad?

[–]punchgroin 1111ポイント1112ポイント  (115子コメント)

Ghosting is the no response or late response to all communication. Especially when you talk, talk, talk, then "what are you up to tonight" gets no response.

[–]pennysln 547ポイント548ポイント  (110子コメント)

A guy used to do this to me. He'd be all for meeting up, even tell me what day he was free, then when I said I was also free, he'd stop replying. I think he liked the chase? I don't know. He pisses me off.

Edit: Clarifying that I think he liked to be chased, not that he liked to chase me. All he needed was confirmation that I wanted him then he was done with the conversation.

[–]manskins 713ポイント714ポイント  (52子コメント)

I liked this friend of mine lots when I was 17. I was staying about 4 hours away from him for the school holidays, and we would text and he would get all flirty and say "im not like the other guys" and "Im so into you, I would treat you so well". So anyway, I tell him that Im coming back home, and all of a sudden the texting stops. He does end up getting back in contact for the odd booty call though. Then one day he arranges to meet up with me that night. I get all dressed up and text him later asking where he is and as usual, hes all talk but no action. I decide that Im going to go into town that night (I had turned 18) and bring some random guy home just to piss him off. I did just that, and that random guy I brought home is sitting in the lounge as I type this, 5 years later in the house we just bought :)

As for the original guy - I have removed every part of him from my life. Good riddance.

[–]ACleverRedditorName 276ポイント277ポイント  (9子コメント)

Did you at least learn that random guy's name?! And 5 years is a long time for a one night stand. Send the poor guy on his way already!

[–]manskins 182ポイント183ポイント  (4子コメント)

He talks a lot about his wife and kids that are out looking for him, hes such a joker

[–]twobits9 608ポイント609ポイント  (25子コメント)

Um, did you... did you just confess to a kidnapping?

[–]TheNorthComesWithMe 112ポイント113ポイント  (2子コメント)

Ghosting is if you stop replying, not if you stop initiating conversations.

[–]FairweatherFred 842ポイント843ポイント  (98子コメント)

For a few people it wasn't just initiating, it was participating:

Her: So what have you been up to today?

Me: [double length text] how about you?

Her: I did [thing]. So what you up to now?

Me: [what I'm up to/if I'm doing something ask if she's seen it/tried it/whatever] You?

Her: Not much.

ten minutes later

Her: You're not very talkative tonight.

WTF am I meant to do with that? You want a conversation then join in.

[–]darthcoder 195ポイント196ポイント  (11子コメント)

I seriously think there's a "notification" sickness people have, when their phones go off. The rest is just fluff.

[–]Starky_D 31ポイント32ポイント  (10子コメント)

So damn true. I'm starting to hate having conversations over text more and more. Unless it's absolutely necessary, talking in person is so much more expressive and satisfying.

[–]lusciouslou 340ポイント341ポイント  (54子コメント)

That is literally my girlfriend. Sometimes I want to fucking scream.

Me: Yo good morning what's up?

Girlfriend: Nothing, hbu?

Me: Just got to work it's looking like it's gonna be pretty busy. Alright im going in, have a good afternoon

a few hours later

Me: Break time. people are the fucking worst. What's have you been up to?

Girlfriend: stuff

Me: What kinda stuff?

Girlfriend: Things.

Me: Okay breaks over going back in

a few more hours later

Me: Just got done was a loong day. what's going on?

Girlfriend: Nuffin

an hour goes by

Girlfriend: You aren't very talkative today.

She answers my texts with 1 word answers, and I'm not the one being talkative. How do I keep the conversation train rolling if I'm the only one shoveling the coal?

[–]Turtle_of_rage 99ポイント100ポイント  (15子コメント)

1 word texts are the bane of my existance. A conversation is happening and when someone asks "what you've been doing lately" you should reply with some sort of answer not "nothing" that isn't an answer

[–]SkyezOpen 98ポイント99ポイント  (3子コメント)

Stuff and things kinda sounds like "had a train ran on me by 4 dudes."

I kid, but really, holy shit that's infuriating.

[–]whiskeyinacoffeecup 380ポイント381ポイント  (108子コメント)

Man, I'm going through this right now with someone I talked to every day - they were becoming someone I really respected and looked up to and really valued their input and advice.

The past two weeks the conversation dwindled, then his demeanor changed, and then it was like pulling teeth to get an answer or they just didn't answer at all.

Last week I finally let it rest just to see if they'd text.

So far, nothing.

It just sucks so bad. I wish they'd have enough respect for me as a person to just say "yeah, we're done," than to just leave me scratching my head trying to figure out what the fuck changed so quickly.

Edit: I feel like I need to interject that this was a platonic friendship.

I have asked, they have not responded.

I know they are alive because of social media

[–]scroom38 136ポイント137ポイント  (60子コメント)

I had the exact same thing happen to me, except I'm a guy.

Dude... Pls... at least tell me why we went from talking for like, 5 hours a day for months, to not talking at all in the course of 2 days. :(

Edit: It may not have been months, but it was at least 3-4 weeks we talked every day. Sometimes people just click like that.

Edit 2: This was a while ago, the "not talking" thing stuck, and I've been over it for some time. I just brought it up because it was relevant.

[–]KaffY- 99ポイント100ポイント  (16子コメント)

Hey man I completely understand, was talking to this girl and everything was going great, would talk daily for hours etc and then it just stopped out of nowhere

It just leaves a hole in you

[–]osteomiss 165ポイント166ポイント  (20子コメント)

I'm a girl and have the same issue. If it's always me initiating...it's not worth it :(

[–]scroom38 109ポイント110ポイント  (14子コメント)

It hurts extra when you find someone that initiates back, you talk to them a bunch for a few months, and then they just completely cut off contact with no explanation.

Feels bad man.

[–]MrStump 76ポイント77ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah, I always hated the "Why didn't you text me?" stuff. Not "Why didn't you text be back?", they don't say anything. But felt like talking. And that it is somehow not their own responsibility to do something about their own desires.

Nope, nope, nope. I've got enough trouble trying to figure out my OWN day to day, I don't need to worry about someone else's.

[–]PM_UR_FEMINIST_TITS 1372ポイント1373ポイント  (74子コメント)

She was only interested in talking about herself.

Not even interesting things about herself. Just how much she hated her job and how much school stressed her out.

[–]Freezeboltpanda 347ポイント348ポイント  (32子コメント)

She probably had no idea she was being so dull

[–]jest3rxD 481ポイント482ポイント  (28子コメント)

Like 80% of my life is my job and school, after a while i don't have anything else to talk about.

[–]glitterrage 185ポイント186ポイント  (7子コメント)

I think the key is talking about it without always complaining.

Talking about work and school is interesting. It's how most of us spend our time. But you have to share stories people are actually interesting in hearing; "Wow so John sent out this memo saying X, and Cheryl went to HR because Y." "So this customer spilled her Sierra mist all over her five year old! I gave her an extra happy meal toy." Actual events. "So in class today my professor brought up Z debate, which I found really interesting, blah blah blah, what's your take on it?"

The thing that really makes someone dull is a constant loop of, "work is so stressful! I'm in class all the time! I'm so tired!" While sometimes in a relationship it's a relief to talk about these things, it's really hard on another person to constantly be your emotional dumping ground. Even talking about specific situations and why they caused stress is better than the blanket statements. Talking about school and work is great; constant complaining is not.

[–]pblood40 2492ポイント2493ポイント  (49子コメント)

My wife told me to stop

[–]saltedwarlock 633ポイント634ポイント  (15子コメント)

sounds more like an ex-wife to me, buddy.

edit: fuck i totally misinterpreted that

[–]effervescence1 329ポイント330ポイント  (9子コメント)

Haha yeah, it would have been an ex-wife if he didn't stop.

[–]saltedwarlock 235ポイント236ポイント  (7子コメント)

i totally thought he meant his wife just told him to stop texting her.

[–]Rebosar 69ポイント70ポイント  (0子コメント)

You aren't the only one.

[–]0Psmom 14ポイント15ポイント  (3子コメント)

I still don't get it.

Edit: I get it now... I think. The husband was texting other girls but the wife told him to stop

[–]goforajog 200ポイント201ポイント  (30子コメント)

I had a similar thing. Crazy jealous girlfriend made me stop texting a couple of female friends who I used to talk to all the time, they ended up getting super pissed off at my lack of contact or explanation, and we drifted apart.

Looking back on it now, I feel like if someone wants you to cut a friendship out your life just because they're feeling envious, you should probably reevaluate your relationship with that person.

[–]PenelopePeril 431ポイント432ポイント  (17子コメント)

To be fair I've stopped talking to a friend because my boyfriend was unhappy about our friendship. It was pretty clear, even to me, that my friend was interested in me romantically, but he'd never made a move and I was always very clear that I was with my boyfriend (we'd been together for over 10 years at that point so it wasn't like he could realistically hope it wouldn't last). I didn't want to lose my friend and my boyfriend didn't give me an ultimatum, but he explained that it made him anxious that I was welcoming a relationship with someone who clearly wanted more.

I thought about how I would feel if the situation were reversed and realized I would not want my boyfriend talking to a woman who was clearly attracted to him. Even though I trust him. I wouldn't like it. So I stopped initiating contact with my friend. It was probably shitty for him, but it was also probably good. He needed to move on. We still occasionally talk through facebook, but it's only a few times a year at this point.

At some point you have to realize that someone is going to get hurt. The alternative in my situation would be to ruin my 10 year relationship for friendship with a guy I only know through WoW. Or at the very least rub my boyfriend's face in the fact that I'm doing something intentionally that makes him upset, which is a pretty shitty thing to do to someone you love.

[–]Europe_1986 91ポイント92ポイント  (4子コメント)

I just want to say thank you for being realistic about that. My ex girlfriend always talked to guys that were clearly interested in her and she wouldn't stop. It made me extremely uncomfortable and that's what ultimately led to our break up

[–]Delkseypoo 128ポイント129ポイント  (0子コメント)

Word. Good on you for acting in the interest of a healthy relationship.

[–]Fr4ctured1337 35ポイント36ポイント  (4子コメント)

Well, unless of course your SO is confiding in the other person more than you.

[–]rossmosh85 358ポイント359ポイント  (16子コメント)

Lots of reasons:

  • Boring conversation
  • One sided conversation
  • You realize you're really not interested
  • Found someone more interesting
  • I'm an asshole

Some more unique ones:

  • Things are shit and I don't want to talk about it
  • Shits getting real
  • General insecurity about the future
  • Things aren't progressing well or the way you want
  • I don't feel like chatting and then get guilty for not responding. Then I have to come up with some excuse and I don't want to so I avoid you.
  • I'm an asshole

[–]EggOnToast91 299ポイント300ポイント  (5子コメント)

Takes two to make it work. If I get the feeling you aren't interested in making conversation I won't continue.

Also if I feel Im always texting first I'll just stop and see if you message first. If you don't that'd be why.

[–]Evening227 475ポイント476ポイント  (43子コメント)

Two things:

Boring.

One fucking word answers.

Favourite part was when I stopped messaging, she sent me a paragraph asking her why, I replied with 'idk emoji,' something she would always do to me; she didn't get it. e.e

[–]Wakkajabba 54ポイント55ポイント  (0子コメント)

Turns out I wasn't talking to her, I was just talking to her bank of emojis.

[–]cosmoboy 478ポイント479ポイント  (43子コメント)

She was slightly involved with a guy that didn't want to talk to or see her. I'm no match for that kind of game playing, so I dropped her.

*She's still a very nice girl, I just get tired of dealing with girls that want this kind of guy and then get upset when they aren't Prince Charming. Either live with what you get or actually go get what you want.

[–]pancakesimone 305ポイント306ポイント  (24子コメント)

I know a girl who legit breaks down over a guy who used her when she was younger, stopped talking to her for years, talks down to her like she's a child, and all kinds of bullshit. But the best part is, he joined the National Guard and had her come over to his house after he got back from basic. He pointed his gun at her head and laughed while telling her he could just pull the trigger right now.

I still hear how much she loves him and wants to be with him all the time. How he's the one person she truly loves.

He's a fucking disgusting human being.

[–]cosmoboy 93ポイント94ポイント  (7子コメント)

I know we guys do it to an extent too, but it just seems so prevalent with the ladies. This one, I met her through a friend that is doing the same thing. We went out and she complained that our mutual friend is in a relationship that will never work. Then she told me the story of the guy she is/was into and I told her she deserved better. That made me the bad guy and she didn't talk to me for 2 weeks.

[–]TheWinchesterFiles 419ポイント420ポイント  (21子コメント)

She finally got a boyfriend who knew I was trouble.

He told her; give him up as a friend or I'm gone.

I only spoke to her on the phone a couple more times, all after he eventually dumped her. I was on / off with her for 7+ years and then boom, cold turkey.

It was actually the best thing that could have happened because I would have been strung along for the rest of my life.

[–]psinguine 205ポイント206ポイント  (11子コメント)

I've been there. Am a guy, and at the time my closest friend was an attractive woman. Her high school boyfriend told her he was jealous of how well we got along, he felt that she shouldn't be closer to anyone than she was to him, and told her to cut me loose or he was gone.

Now it wasn't the first time they'd had it out. Previously when she'd done things like refusing to sleep with him, or service him and his friends (she was 15), he had broken up with her to punish her. Still coming around for what he wanted physically, but still "broken up". But she had a network of friends that supported her in tough times like those and on a couple occasions she had come so close to getting out.

That wasn't a good thing for him. So the latest push was one intended to eliminate friends. It wasn't the first cull, but I was the longest term friend and he'd finally decided he'd had enough of me.

I didn't even know. I just came to school one day and she'd moved her seat to the other side of the room and moved her locker to a different hallway. She saw me coming, she turned and walked away. A couple weeks later he was home sick from school and she approached me to explain what was going on.

I told her then that if he was forcing her to systematically cut her friends down until only he was left (which he was doing. There had been other rounds of culls.) then he was an abusive piece of shit and she needed to get out. For real this time.

She said that she had dedicated years to this relationship (she was now 17) and had put too much of her life into it to back out now. She had to make it work.

Recently, 10 years later, she has divorced him and out of the blue has reached out. She mentioned the divorce and asked if I was still married, still involved with my wife.

And it kind of struck me then that if not for what had happened all those years ago I probably would've stayed wound up so tight in her problems that I would've never had a wife and child of my own.

And perhaps even worse, she may have never divorced him. Not if she had someone to use as an emotional dumping ground.

[–]pancakesimone 69ポイント70ポイント  (1子コメント)

This hits home real close. Being so emotionally involved with a woman that you're blinded by everything else in life. I spent the last 2 years dating and then being best friends with a girl. We dated for about the first year I knew her, then we broke up. We eventually became friends again and stayed that way for about a year. I lusted after her, she occasionally almost broke up with her current boyfriend for me but ultimately in the end I just wasted a lot of time and precious parts of my life trying to win her back. Turns out she cheated on me when we were dating and then again on her current boyfriend. The night she told me that I had a long talk with her and then left. I haven't seen her since, it's been a few weeks now.

It hurts and it sucks (because truly, under all the bullshit, we were very good friends and went through a lot), but I'm finally free to be me and do what I want. It's amazing. I've learned how easy it can be to be sucked into someone's life and become dependent on them, I hope I never do that to myself again.

[–]Valleyofthekings 121ポイント122ポイント  (6子コメント)

Honestly, she stopped caring about our friendship. I have no problems being friends with girls, but I can't always be hitting you up. Show's how much you really value me as a person and care. And since she didn't, life has been better.

[–]mike4576756 119ポイント120ポイント  (8子コメント)

She literally started to reply with "haha, lol, nice, cool, ok, and k" only. Occasionally a longer sentence.

[–]SpooktorB 559ポイント560ポイント  (53子コメント)

Seriously, if someone is texting you more than 3 times an hour every hour, they are interested in you. They are going out of thier way of thier busy life to take time to text you. ESPECIALLY if they are sharing expeirence/picutres of what is goin on with them.

[–]sashonie 268ポイント269ポイント  (38子コメント)

You know what sucks? When you're interested but really shy so try this approach. And then when you do actually tell them you like them, you get a list of things you should have done instead.

[–]madeamashup 174ポイント175ポイント  (33子コメント)

So study the list and try again with someone else, it was kind of them to educate you.

[–]melten006 136ポイント137ポイント  (27子コメント)

I would love for someone in real life to tell me what actually works.

[–]xheist 64ポイント65ポイント  (19子コメント)

Having a partner is about sharing your life. Make yours a life people want to be involved in, and be generous in your sharing.

[–]ledzepplinjacko 241ポイント242ポイント  (10子コメント)

Sarah if this is you, I'm sleeping with your mum

[–]DotaXLeague 91ポイント92ポイント  (1子コメント)

A) I masturbated furiously and decided this was not someone I truly wanted to be talking to.

B) I was always the one to initiate conversation and realized this was not someone I truly wanted to be talking to.

[–]GhostOfGamersPast 643ポイント644ポイント  (21子コメント)

It's not random if there's a reason.

If it's All Day Erryday, he probably found a girlfriend who wouldn't string him along. "Friends", like, regular friends, often won't even chat exclusively daily, let alone all day daily. Most of my friends I chat with on our own Discord as a group, no private messages except maybe one of them once a week. The only person you tend to talk to "all day daily" would be a direct co-worker, your boss, perhaps a repeat client/customer or sales rep, and your Significant Other. If a single man is talking to a single woman "all day daily" and they aren't trying to sell something to each other, and aren't employed together, it's because he wants her to be his Significant Other. If it becomes clear she isn't...

Time has value. Opportunity cost, if nothing else. He cannot text someone "all day everyday" just for their own amusement, if he's courting a different woman and requires texting them that amount of time dedication. Doing two things all day everyday is much more time intensive than doing one thing all day everyday. Additionally, some women will put restrictions on communications of "their" man, at that, to not communicate at all, let alone all day everyday. While that's blatantly emotionally abusive, it's nonetheless accepted in our society.

Or, he could have died. People do that at random quite often. One every 1.2 seconds or so, last I checked. Check the local obits.

[–]anya_pd 198ポイント199ポイント  (9子コメント)

Or it's because they're looking and you're a good enough stand-in until they find someone they actually like. Note, this applies to women too.

[–]Vocabularri 10ポイント11ポイント  (1子コメント)

I feel this way about 98% of the people who've been in my life, even friends. I've been a place-holder or something new and shiny, and they all eventually move on to something newer and shinier.

I've always just wanted someone to choose me, because to them, there's nothing better waiting around the corner.

[–]bagoffoxes 69ポイント70ポイント  (1子コメント)

Every conversation on messenger with my friends goes as followed

Friend "You out?"

Me "yeah mate"

(Sometime later)

Friend "Start walking "wherever" now"

Me: alright

[–]DrWhiskeySmokes 76ポイント77ポイント  (0子コメント)

If im the only one putting effort in reaching out to the other then ill just move along because it isnt worth my time to hold that friendship. Its not like i would even want to fuck her or anything like that. I genuinely enjoy having casual female friends. But if im interested in her and she acts like shes interested but she doesnt want to solidify anything like playing hard to get (which frankly a huge number of women do) ill just drop it and move along, because ill feel like ive wasted time.

[–]Hsinhan 107ポイント108ポイント  (9子コメント)

One was because I was tired of being the one to always initiate conversation. I figured if she didn't care enough to start the conversation every now and then, she wasn't worth my time.

Another was because I wanted to date her but I guess she wasn't interested, so I dropped her. I have enough friends, so why invest energy into someone if I want more than friendship but they don't?

[–]Inebriatedwatermelon 36ポイント37ポイント  (0子コメント)

Started getting too attached when i was not getting the same feelings back. Easier to cut it off then to just ignore it

[–]goodshitcoach 17ポイント18ポイント  (2子コメント)

Oh good, I have something for this. I'm using a bit of a throwaway since some friends no my reddit username. Also, this'll be buried, but meh.

Anyway, you know how there's low self-esteem? Now, imagine that your confidence is so low that anyone you like is too good for you, even if they clearly reciprocate. You go on dates, you hit it off, but something gnaws on your thoughts. It's a voice saying that you can't do this because you're just going to end up as a disappointment as a human being because fuck you that's why. It's like being so worthless that you don't want to be a burden on others. So, you just ghost and try your best not to exist.

It's like I'm King Midas but everything I touch turns to shit.

[–]davidmobey 61ポイント62ポイント  (2子コメント)

Got busy. No longer interested. She was becoming offensive. Started seeing someone else.

[–]Mrinculta 60ポイント61ポイント  (8子コメント)

Because she tried to collect boy friends like pokemon.

[–]googlion 180ポイント181ポイント  (17子コメント)

This happened with a girl I went to school with, we would text all day and till the early hours of the morning. It felt nice having someone I could trust and who trusted me with her secrets many of which were very personal, I felt like I could trust her too and I did but opening up for me isn't easy. Unfortunately I felt that things were becoming rather too serious and personal, based on our usual conversations I would have had to open up about a lot of things in order to continue with these chats and I just wasn't ready for that.

There was another girl though who wasn't contributing anything to our conversations, I even point blank asked her if she wanted to continue chatting with me and she said she did but nothing changed, I was always the one initiating chats so I just stopped one day and haven't looked back since.

[–]CaptainShawerma 27ポイント28ポイント  (0子コメント)

Showmanship, George! When you see that you've reached a high-note, you walk out of there!

[–]tk8398 23ポイント24ポイント  (0子コメント)

A girl I had met in college and was somewhat interested in for a while, then kinda wasn't anymore. I kept talking to her for another year or so after that, but after a while I didn't like her very much anymore because she obviously lied about things a lot for no real reason, I finally stopped talking to her completely when she told me she was getting married, mainly because I was tired of the whole thing and it seemed like as good a reason as any.