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How to stop child support? (self.legaladvice)

Southdiver が 投稿

5 years ago I had a son born. Me and his mother were not married and we decided to make everything fair we should start child support since neither of us was ready to get married. We kept it civil and got married TO EACH OTHER a year ago. I have just kept paying the CS bc it came straight out of my check. I haven't had a problem paying it since we got married bc she uses it to pay bills and other things. Now, we are looking to get a loan and buy a house.

My question is, how do I stop the child support? We don't have any loans out now and are debt free. I also dont want my child support payment looking like I owe dept to the bank. I owe no back child support either.

We live in Alabama.

TLDR: We both married each other and the child support is no longer needed as both incomes are shared. How to go about stopping dept of child support?

Edit: Sorry guys and gals I wanted to add that we wrote up a letter explaining the situation to the judge about 6 weeks ago and have not received a response. We was told we would hear from the judge in 2-3 weeks time on his decision.

Edit2: I just want to say that I love you all and how much I really appreciate this community. Everyone here is giving some of the best advice we have gotten and the help everyone is giving is incredible. Y'all are AMAZING! Thank you to everyone and I'm still around if you have some insight or questions. I have alot more stuff to look into thanks to r/legaladvice

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[–]--MyRedditUsername--Quality Contributor 103ポイント104ポイント  (8子コメント)

You need to file a motion with the court that ordered the support

[–]Southdiver[S] 43ポイント44ポイント  (7子コメント)

How do I go about doing that? Do I call the clerk and tell her I need to file a motion to stop the child support?

[–]--MyRedditUsername--Quality Contributor 63ポイント64ポイント  (5子コメント)

An attorney would be best. Some places have pro se clinics, for people without attorneys. But yes, file (not call) something with the clerk.

[–]Southdiver[S] 29ポイント30ポイント  (4子コメント)

Thank you for the input. Would it be best to use the same lawyer that handled everything in our case?

[–]--MyRedditUsername--Quality Contributor 35ポイント36ポイント  (3子コメント)

Probably, but it is a pretty straightforward thing that any attorney that practices family law could handle

[–]Southdiver[S] 12ポイント13ポイント  (2子コメント)

I also should add that we wrote a letter to the judge about 6 weeks ago explaining the situation and have not received a response.

[–]Internet_GhostQuality Contributor 42ポイント43ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's not going to go anywhere. The judge doesn't have the ability to stop child support until the matter is heard before the court. There's procedure that has to be done.

[–]giraffe_taxi 15ポイント16ポイント  (0子コメント)

You should not expect one. Filing formalities are in place for a reason. Writing a letter to a judge does not satisfy those formal requirements, and your letter will not be acted upon.

[–]RealRickSanchez 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

There's rules for filing with the court. But pro se l, you could just write something up. You have to have a legal header. Like Google your county and state with "civil legal header." Some stuff should show up.

Then you would write "Petition to Cease Child Support"

Write, "plaintiff is pro se."

Then you would give a citation to the relevant law. Something along the lines of state family law # 7q91939

And it will state that child support is given in these circumstances and not in these circumstances.

You write why your circumstances fit into the no child support area of the law.

Then you sign your name and date it.

[–]_My_Angry_Account_ 729ポイント730ポイント  (14子コメント)

I think this is the first time I've seen a father wanting to stop paying child support for a legit reason on this sub.

You get an upvote!

[–]Southdiver[S] 173ポイント174ポイント  (3子コメント)

And you cant get a straight answer at the desk clerk or who ever they send you too either.

[–]Runethane 95ポイント96ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'll post here for visibility.

You will need to file an appropriate motion - and you might need a lawyer to help you. I don't know if child support cases can be adjudicated based on agreement by both parents without any court interference (except for simply abolishing a previous verdict) in Alabama, but in many states it requires at least some investigation as to why the consent to abolish child support is given by the parent receiving it.

The reason for that is that while you may find yourself before a judge who will handwave this, you also might fight yourself before one who will need some convincing. The reason for that is that while you know perfectly well what your situation is, the judge may not know that and try to protect the financial well-being of a child. You would be surprised how many fathers reunite with mothers of their children only to abolish child support and disappear. That is of course not the case here, but a judge doesn't know that and may need convincing - some judges that adjudicate family law cases for too long find it hard to trust people. Few wrong words and you may have a hard time explaining your situation (though you seem more than capable of explaining it here, doing so in front of a judge might be different).

If you don't struggle financially and can afford a lawyer (this is a really simple case, you shouldn't have to sell your soul to get professional help on this) I wouldn't risk it. I've seen far to many obvious, simple cases like this going haywire because of overzealous judges who think there is a conspiracy whenever a father and mother of a child don't actually need the court to settle their stuff anymore.

[–]BullsLawDanQuality Contributor 28ポイント29ポイント  (1子コメント)

Your situation is unfortunately unusual, that's why they don't know.

You and your now wife did the right thing by the child time and again after finding yourselves in what was probably a less than perfect situation. Good job on your efforts to make a solid family for yourselves.

[–]joedafone 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

In the UK, one of the many issues the IT project to collect child support suffered was that it was impossible for it to understand that a couple had reconciled and therefore the case needed to be closed - seems to be a recurring theme internationally.

[–]thesimen13 22ポイント23ポイント  (7子コメント)

Not wanting to pay for someone else's child (which is a case that has been posted several times) is not a legit reason?

[–]GreekYoghurtSothoth 14ポイント15ポイント  (0子コメント)

Mostly in those cases the father hasn't started paying child support, so they can't stop.

[–]FireHazard11 25ポイント26ポイント  (4子コメント)

That is a valid reason, but most of those cases I've seen on here happen because the guy legally took responsibility for the child without knowing it wasn't his. The law doesn't care about whether the legal father is the biological father, if the guy physically signed the birth certificate or if he is married and didn't get a paternity test soon enough then the fact that he's not the biological father doesn't matter, he's now the legal father and has all of the rights and responsibilities of being a legal parent.

[–]ryeoldfashioned 14ポイント15ポイント  (3子コメント)

Umm, being tricked into believing you're a father and then later learning you are not is certainly a valid reason for asking for advice on how to end child support. Just because the state coerces some men into continuing to pay does not mean their search for a legal solution is invalid or immoral.

[–]FireHazard11 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

True, it's just that most of the time the answer is "You're SOL unless the biodad decides to adopt the kid."

[–]surly_elk 10ポイント11ポイント  (1子コメント)

Believe it or not, we more frequently get the REVERSE question here:

A man has raised a child as his own for years only to find out in the break up that the child is not genetically his. However, in every other respect, this is his child, and he wants to continue to raise this child as his child and have protected access to this child. And luckily for him, generally, as the legal father, he does have legal rights to the child, despite it not being his own.

In a case of a parent who truly has taken responsibility for a child, genetics mean very little. Ask any step or adoptive parent. Most men are good people and will try not to completely abandon a child they have heretofore raised.

When we DO see questions on how to get out of CS for this reason, it's usually because the father has no or a very limited relationship with the child and the only parental role they have assumed for the child is a financial one.

[–]ryeoldfashioned 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well the hilarious ones are "I offered to pay for the abortion but she wouldn't get one, its not fair I didn't have a say in having a kid, how do I get out child support".

[–]thatwasntveryraven 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Then that would make the person not a father and the post you replied to would still be correct :)

Of course, if the person had other children, then it wouldn't...

[–]rubiscoisrad 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Username doesn't check out...but I may be projecting my happiness onto you.

[–]ChemPossible 21ポイント22ポイント  (3子コメント)

Is it through the court or support enforcement?

[–]Southdiver[S] 22ポイント23ポイント  (2子コメント)

We went though the court to have it started so everything would be legal and to make sure I wasn't paying to much or to little. So, I'm assuming the court? Not sure. How could I find out for sure?

[–]swalsh411Quality Contributor 17ポイント18ポイント  (1子コメント)

Ask your payroll department for a copy of whatever they got that started the payroll deduction.

[–]Zbignich 43ポイント44ポイント  (7子コメント)

I'm thinking about the hearing...

Why do you want to stop paying child support?

She got married...

So what? You are still the father!

But her husband is willing to pay for the child's expenses.

How do you know that? I will have to call him to court.

Well, I'm the husband.

[–]captainAwesomePants 28ポイント29ポイント  (6子コメント)

Aren't you the former husband?

Yes.

Okay, then I'll need to ask the new husband.

That's me.

But I have a record here saying you've divorced your wife?

Indeed.

I must warn you, Mr. Who, I will not tolerate comedic misunderstandings in my courthouse.

[–]Snezz1e 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

When buying a home the support payments would look like debt payments for you but assuming you buy the home jointly then the payments your spouse receive will count as income nullifying most of the negative effect to your debt to income. Also considering that you have no other debt, DTI probably won't matter unless you plan to buy a really expensive home in relation to your income. Unless the state is charging some kind processing fee for each payment, paying a lawyer may not be worth it in my opinion.

[–]Southdiver[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

There was only one processing fee and that was with the first payment. I have not had one since. Ill be speaking with my bank next friday and will have a better idea of how it will work and if it will matter that much. We aren't looking for an expensive house but a home isn't on the cheap side either. I've applied for a loan before when I was looking for a new truck and Im pretty sure the CS played a part in it. I was still able to get a loan though. I did not buy a truck and I'm glad I didn't. I'd still be paying for that thing lol.

[–]Thefakeblahman 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

Funny enough, my wife and I just went through the same thing.

What I did was call my case manager with our state child support office and he asked that we send a letter (written and signed by my wife) stating that we were married and living together. After we did that he did a phone call to my wife to confirm it was her that wrote it and then the child support payments stopped.

Mine was court ordered by my state (I'm in Washington State) since my wife and I weren't exactly together at the time. If you had any paperwork sent to you, there might be a case number and/or phone number to contact your case manager.

I hope this helps!

[–]Southdiver[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thank you we will look into that.

[–]AwesomeSister 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

Unfortunately you will most likely have to go through a lawyer and it could end up being a bit of a hassle. This is because there are some deadbeat dads who will reconcile with the mom long enough to get her to cancel child support and then vanish. Even though that's not your intention, because it does happen the court needs to be sure that's not what you're up to. The fact that you're legally married now should help streamline things considerably because you wouldn't be able to just skip town so easily.

[–]y0itsallen 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

If your wife isn't on any kind of public assistance, couldn't she have a Stipulation & Order drafted. Stipulation would state that mother wishes to terminate the child support order as family is now intact. Both parties sign. Get it filed with the court and provide the filed copy to your employer, thus terminating the garnishment?

[–]Southdiver[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't know how any of this works. If we can do it ourselves we would like to. If it is going to be a hassle then we will just hire a lawyer to handle it, which I think is the best route unless what you are talking about is correct. Does anyone know?

[–]Hightimes95 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

http://www.alabamalegalhelp.org/resource/how-to-change-a-child-support-order

This seems like it would be what you are looking for. It seems you have two full out two forms linked to on that site and file them. A judge should be assigned to the case and if both you and your wife go and ask that the child support payments be canceled, then the judge should cancel them. The fact that you and your wife got back together and are raising your child together should be enough to cause the judge to simply review the changes to the child support, get both parents consent, and then approve the changes.

The judge may want to talk to your child in order to get his opinion on the matter, though I doubt that due to this universally benefiting the child the judge will want to speak to your son. I had to talk to the judge assigned to my sisters and I's custody to see who I wanted to live with. Though due to you wanting to cancel child support payments due to remarrying your wife and wishing to advance your relationship I suspect the judge will not need to talk to your son and only requiring your wife's consent to cancel payments.

The best of luck to you in resolving this. The hardest part will be the paper work/filling the claim in the appropriate court, but that link makes it seem fairly straightforward. If you need help filing the paper work, consider getting a consultation with a lawyer specializing in child support or custody, that you and your wife go to together, they should point you in the right direction, or be willing to file it for you for a fee.

[–]Southdiver[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

So, we should file a new support order? This is where I get confused bc it says nothing about stopping it only changing it. Which in a way means the same thing and not the same thing. Thank you for that link though.

[–]Hightimes95 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Not sure if it applies to your case,as it's loosely similar and happened in Florida.

Tl;DR: There may be a judge assigned to the child support ruling/case that should have the ultimate ruling regarding child support, visitation, and/or custody. Could try looking through your court records regarding the child support for the judges name and contact them. They should be more than willing to help as they normally have the child's best interest at heart.

When my parents divorced there was a judge assigned to the case. The judge approved the splitting of assets decided previously by my parents, but was mainly concerned about visitation/custody and child support, including permanent residence for official documents and insurance plans for my sister and I.

It was agreed my parents would have split custody 50/50 and there would be no child support. Years later I decided to stay full time at my moms and change my residence to her house due to the local high school being an A school. To get the original ruling regarding custody and residence changed my parents had to talk to the judge. They agreed my mom would take full custody with unlimited visitation for my father and my father would pay $1000 a month in child support to pay for my vehicle costs.

The judge had to sign off on the change of custody and child support changes. even though both of my parents came up with and agreed to the terms prior to contacting a lawyer to draw up the agreement and going before the judge assigned to their divorce/custody/child support case.

You may want to look at the document you should have gotten from the court regarding child support and/or custody for the presiding judge's name and phone number. Try and call them, they should happily help you settle the child support payments or talk you through it, as they typically prioritize the child's interests and would love to help.

[–]Southdiver[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

All I got from the court was a court order. I even had to pay to get a certified copy of the order and it was a little hassle to get that. All they did was print off the same court order and put a pretty gold stamp on it. I may be mistaken but I got no name of the judge or a number, been so long ago I don't remember. I'm still looking though everything we have and trying to find the right documents online to get this done. It is a little confusing bc of the complexity of different documents and bc I don't quite understand some things.

[–]pdxchris 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

yeah, if you are buying a house, you need to get that child support shut off because it will lower your credit score. A lower credit score can mean higher interest rate.

[–]I_divided_by_0- 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This isn't even close to right. CS on it's own does nothing to your score, it's if you're delinquent in a state that reports it on your credit when it becomes a problem.

[–]ccualumni 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Can you qualify for the loan if you are paying the child support? If so, just do that

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[–]Hightimes95 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

The way I interpret it as a young adult with no training in law and am by no means a lawyer, is that even though you want to cancel payments you are technically changing the support payments to zero.

I googled a bit more about child support in Alabama and found this guide.

http://www.dhr.alabama.gov/documents/CS_Guide.pdf

Read page 4 for names of agencies involved in Alabama child support, page 6 subsection modification, page10 subsection review and adjustment, page 11 subsection cooperation, and page 12 subsection how to get help.

It looks like one number you should call for general help is 1-334-242-9300. Call Monday – Friday between 8:00 a.m. and 4:30 p.m.

I would highly recommend finding a lawyer specializing in child support or child custody that is local to you either for a free consultation and general help or to pay one to help you file the appropriate forms to cancel child support payments. I can't say for sure whether a lawyer is necessary, but my parents said it helped deal with the bureaucracy of it all and was worth the money.

Possible solution

Thinking about it you may have to or want to change the custody of your child to reflect your marriage and thus joint raising/cost sharing of your child. I think someone else mentioned taxes, and you may have to prove that you share financial burden for your child. Easiest way I can think of to prove that you share finances and custody with your wife is if you jointly filled your taxes as a married couple this year or will next year as well as providing a copy of your marriage certificate.

This link will help you change custody to reflect joint custody if you need to or want to. As far as I can tell if you change custody of your child to a joint custody (no clue if right wording) between you and your wife/the child's mother, the child support payments will be canceled or changed to a zero dollar payment. Once again I would ask an actual lawyer if this is necessary.

http://eforms.alacourt.gov/Do%20It%20Yourself%20Forms/Request%20to%20Change%20the%20Current%20Custody%20or%20Visitation%20Order.pdf

[–]I_divided_by_0- 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not a lawyer but a mortgage broker. As long as you both are on the loan they will cancel each other out. For buying a home purpose you will have to document them (and they will find out because you'll need to provide 30 days worth of paystubs) but it gets canceled as an offset of debt (well, not 100%, since CS is not negative income, it's a liability, so the math on that gets complicated and it depends on your income compared to how much the CS actually is.)

Bottom line is it shouldn't matter as much and right now is just more paperwork for you, be ready for it.