Dear Mr. Trump,

I'm sure you've had better weeks. I'm guessing based on how you're feeling this week, your net worth is down to -$10 billion.

It is well known that you enjoy ranking women on a 1 to 10 scale, with 1 being butt-ugly and 10 being gorgeous-as-fuck. So how about we play a ranking game?

Yeah? You still down? No? I don't give a fuck.

Let's change it up and rank you. Yes, let's rank you Mr. Trump.

Just on looks alone, you are a 2.

1. Your face is orange as fuck, as if you use Tang Orange Powder mixed with mustard as foundation. Frankly, it's disgusting you look like an orange with a mop top. Oh I'm sorry, that was an insult to all oranges out there.

2. Now let's look at that body of yours. Actually, let's not. You're fat. It's disgusting. You look like a piece of lard.

3. You boast about your hands, but the average male hand size is 7.44 inches. But your hands measure 7.25 inches. You have small hands. Stop trying to say otherwise.

But that's just based on looks alone. If combined with your personality and the shit that comes out of that excuse you call a mouth, you rank a -916 billion.

Do the rest of America a favor and keep running your campaign into the ground. I can't wait for the HBO movie based on your failure of a campaign.

Regards,

Cap