Throwaway cuz I don't want it on my main account. I don't think any of my friends or family even know what Reddit is so I am pretty detailed in my story.
Wow this ended up so long I'm sorry for the wall and rambling I'm a little shaken up. Below is he background of our dating relationship when she cheated. Below that is what she confessed to if you want to skip the background.
BACKGROUND:
So my wife and I went to high school together but she was a class below me but we didn't really know eachother it was a bigger high school with each class with about 400 students. Fast forward a few years I am fresh out of a horrible relationship filled with cheating (not by me), break ups, and paternity tests (que "you're not the father dance"). Well once the baby was born I made my successful escape from the toxic relationship and went out with old high school friends and ended up meeting with another group including my now wife. We met talked laughed and I told her my crazy soap opera story of my past relationship and we hit it off.
We started dating shortly after meeting and she was effectively my rebound. We dated for two months, I was unhealthily clingy and she ended up breaking it off with me. We went our seperate ways no contact for two months. I got back to normal me that was okay being single and shook off that pesky clinginess.
After two months of being broke up I sent her a happy birthday text she invited me to meet up with her friends for her birthday celebration. Alcohol plus sexual tension equals waking up in her bed the next morning. We take things slow and start easing back into a relationship. Started going to church together I'm a life long Christian and she was very new but very interested in it. We grew stronger together in our faith. Things are going great for a few months until she gets in touch with an ex. A guy she dated for years but she cheated on him for most of their relationship with another ex. (She told me about this cheating and I understood that we all have shitty pasts)He was her close friend and he was always pining for her to get back together with him. I told her it made me uncomfortable that they talked all the time and I don't think it's healthy to have past romances in your life when seeing someone new (that's just my opinion if you disagree that's fine too it your prerogative). Especially since my ex cheated on my and got pregnant with her ex. She disagreed and she didn't want a man to control her life, I understood explained to her that this won't work for either of us. I don't believe in ultimatums so we talked about how we felt about it. She still wanted to be able to keep in touch with exes so I broke it off with her. After about a week she gets dinner with said ex and he goes into how great their life and kids are going to be together and she has her epiphany moment hat I was right he wasn't interested in just being friends. She calls me we get drinks and she apologizes and we are back together. She cuts all exes out of her life and we continue.
Now the fun part we are in full swing of our relationship starting mid may going to church, family vacations, extremely healthy and happy relationship. Even today we both brag about how good our break ups were for our relationship(by the way we had both slept with other people during said break ups we were both upfront and honest about it and there hasn't been any animosity because, well, we were broken up). By august we are taking about marriage and even went out to pick out rings. September comes along I get a great paying job and I can afford a ring but we find out we are pregnant. It was an accident but we both agreed to keep it. Life is amazing we end up moving in together, get married with a small wedding in the mountains and have our son the following year. Wife gets baptized and we are now pregnant with second and last child who was planned.
CONFESSION: We are laying in bed two nights ago and she is giving me a massage. I work a manual labor job so I get pretty sore. We are just having normal old married conversations and my wife gets uneasy and says "I have something I need to tell you...". Great here we go is all I can think in my head. She spends about 10 minutes prefacing what she is actually going to say and by that time I had already deduced what she was going to say. Essentially back during the summer after our last break up when everything was amazing she had gone out after work with a co worker/old flame to get drinks. They wound up at a park started making out and led to sex (yes at a park) which she stopped (yeah I know that's what they all say but at least I didn't get the it was only kissing line). She then texted him later that never to never contact her again. Which according to her he agreed but then tried again a couple months later when she was early on in the pregnancy and she told him the same thing again and blocked him everywhere.
I've been in the sub long enough to know the questions to ask. I told her before asking that if there were any lies from her on out our marriage is over.
-Are you sure it was only once and you actually stopped it shortly after starting? Yes. -No contact since you last blocked him? Yes. Another other instances of cheating in our relationship? No. -Why are you telling me now since I seemingly never would have found out? Because it's been weighing on my heart and I can't push it out of head anymore. -Is there anyway our son is not mine (particularly hard question given my past)? No it was in June we conceived in September. -How do I trust you'll never do this again? Since the moment I stopped him during sex I realized that I'm being the same messed up girl I was before. Since that mistake I have given my life to Christ and vowed to be a better person and mom. I have made huge strides in becoming who I am now my biggest mistake was not telling you then and lying about it until now.
To her credit she never once blamed me, minimized, or got upset at me. She asked if she needed to sleep on the couch. Since then she has been understanding apologized profusely and talks about it openly with me with out defending or blaming.
I have always been outspokenly against cheating especially with my past relationships I've been cheated on a lot before. I never put up with it and the only time I did was just to find out if a baby was going to be mine then I broke it off. She assumed I would divorce her after she told me. My problem is, is that my faith doesn't allow it. I love the shit out of her still. We have had an incredible marriage and amazing communication. If she would've cheated in our marriage I would be gone and she knows as much. I know to those of you that aren't religious this seems crazy but I made a vow and I have to honor it. Real Christianity is all about how everyone is broken and makes mistakes and we can always be forgiven and that we are supposed to love everyone even those who hurt us and have grace for others like we get from God. The fact that it was before marriage does actually make it easier to swallow. I've told her that this will take serious time to get over especially the broken trust. The countless times she has said I've never cheated on you and never will.
She has been very patient and understanding. We've also been doing the whole hysterical bonding thing. Had sex 4 times in the 24 hours since the confession. She has an individual counselor already, she had extreme emotional abuse her entire childhood. We have already had marriage counseling scheduled cuz we've been wanting to find one before baby #2 so we can keep our marriage maintained with the stress of another baby (2 under 2).
Question: What am I missing? I know it's hard to see the whole picture when you're in the frame. Reddit is good at poking holes in flawed stories. What else do I ask? Has anyone else been through this? For those christians out there any good readings or biblical advice?
EDIT: The cheating was well past a month after getting back together. I just want to make that clearer.
tl;dr
Wife cheated one time when we were dating during the best months of our pre marriage relationship. Confessed over two years and two babies later because of her faith and guilt. Need advice from people who have been here before or christian advice on how to handle this.