COLLEGE PARK- After recent Trump controversies, Terps for Trump have decided to cling to their last female member in the same way an "all lives matter" person says they have "a black friend" when they're accused of being racist. At first, when the female member started showing up to Terps for Trump meetings, the male members reportedly thought she was lost.
"We just weren't really sure if she got confused about where some other club was meeting, you know like a baking club or something." One of the members has informed us that she is now the only female member left because the others got "too sensitive." "I don't know what happened. I think Trump said something else about Rosie O'Donnell being a bitch and they decided they didn't like him anymore. To be honest, I just liked him more. I think we need a president who is willing to call out Rosie O'Donnell for being a bitch."
"She's really awesome," said Terps for Trump member Chad Braddley, when he was asked about the last female member." For obvious reasons, we don't let her vote at meetings, but she keeps coming back anyway." He then continued, when he probably should have stopped there, "She's like a hot little sister." When our interviewer asked why he felt the need to say that, he responded, "Cause she's hot but she won't sleep with any of us; no one really knows why."
After Trump had reportedly called Miss Universe, "Miss Piggy," some of the members of Terps for Trump had gotten suspicious of their female member's true intentions. They said that it was great to have her support and her ability to make "kick-ass pies," but it was also hard for them to "trust something that can bleed for five days each month and live." The members then proceeded to test her loyalty until they felt she had proven herself.
Now, they are jumping through hoops to keep her on the Trump side of this election. Chad divulged that they have been trying to hide the newest Trump (anti-female) scandals from their last female member, so that she will stay in their club. Terps for Trump said that they secretly blocked her from seeing any of Trump's tweets and have tried to keep her away from any type of news all together.
"It's a lot harder than you think. Trump's so cool that he's literally everywhere in the media with people trying to spread hateful lies about him."
When we asked how the last female member felt about Trump's most recent "grab her by the pussy" scandal, she replied, "He said what?"
At press time, we have reason to believe that Terps for Trump may no longer have any female members.
Photo source: Will Klajbor