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submitted by anxiety_issues_suck
Hey guys I got some really good feedback to my post that made talking to my girlfriend a lot easier and I'm so happy so I thought I owed those posters an update!
After reading all the comments and reflecting on our relationship I decided the recent lack of sex was not the problem but just the symptom of a much greater issue, my girlfriend's stress. Like I said in the original post, I was weary to bring these issues up because I did not want to add additional stress to my girlfriend's situation, she has enough to worry about right now.
I had mentioned that weekends are her least busy times and that is when we get things done around the house and hang out with friends. Some users said we should focus less on being social and more on ourselves, and someone else suggested that I try to get more done during the week so we can relax more on the weekend. So on Thursday and Friday I got up early and did everything we needed to do this weekend, cleaned the whole house, did our meal prep (something we usually do Saturday) and got all the laundry taken care of. We're finishing our basement and this weekend was going to be the carpet, so I went to Lowe's and bought everything Thursday and banged it out alone on Friday.
She noticed the whole house being cleaned Friday night and was really relieved that we didn't have to take care of it this weekend. On Saturday we got up and that was when she realized I had taken care of the carpet and everything else. It was awesome, she was giddy with excitement because she pretty much had nothing to do all weekend. So I asked what she wanted to do and it was stereotypical Fall couple stuff; went and got pumpkins and mums for our porch, went and got some new Fall decorations and candles and then just hung around the house being lazy. While I worked out and walked the dog she did a bit of work to get ahead so she wouldn't be as busy this week. We ate dinner and since we were in a Fall mood we watched Hocus Pocus.
On Sunday we slept in for the first time in ages... well first time for her, I sleep in all the time, don't judge me. We continued the fall theme and went apple picking. We came home and I made an apple pie. She started doing some work but after about a half hour she said screw it, went for a run and then came home and relaxed. We went to her mom's for a big Sunday dinner and when we got home I decided it was time to talk to her about her unsustainable stress situation.
I told her I loved her and was in it for the long term but that I was worried about her and that her current situation wasn't healthy. She started crying, she thought I was sitting her down to break up with her! She knows that the way she's working isn't healthy but she didn't think it would go on this long. She kept thinking to herself "just a few more days and I'll get into a flow...just another week..." and before she knew it it's been 3 months and she's still pulling her hair out. I wasn't going to talk about the lack of sex but she brought it up and apologized. She said her problem isn't the lack of a sex drive/attraction but that she's just exhausted all the time.
After we talked, I gave her a big hug, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex! woo! It's Columbus day today so we both are off and it happened again this morning, double woo!!
Some people had suggested I say we schedule some times to hang out which I was against, but my girlfriend suggested something very similar. Saturday night is now the night we make a point to have sex. It used to happen naturally a couple times a week, but with her new schedule that probably isn't going to happen. Saturday night is now our designated night to stay in and make dinner or go on a date with just the two of us and then go home and have sex haha.
So in conclusion, I'm going to take care of more of the housework so our weekends are less busy and we are going to make it a point to have sex at least once a week. We used to divide it pretty equally but I have a hell of a lot more free time during the week than she does. Also, communication communication, communication. I was thinking this was the beginning of the end, and after a few days and one honest conversation I think everything is going to be just fine.
tl;dr: Busted my ass last week to get all our housework/responsibilities taken care of before the weekend. Hung out and had a great weekend together. Discussed our situation Sunday night, we figured out a system that will work, and then we finally had sex! I'm going to shoulder more housework/random crap during the week so we can relax together on weekends.
all 10 comments
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[–]dorothy_zbornak_esq 15 points16 points17 points  (1 child)
Great update! Glad to see you taking initiative and both of you communicating. And yay for sex!
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[–]DiTrastevere 5 points6 points7 points  (1 child)
Perfect. Brilliant. Communication porn.
I'm saving this post to return to on particularly depressing days. Well done, OP.
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[–]skyscan1 3 points4 points5 points  (2 children)
That is great news and a good update. I would tell you to be cautious. I had a deadbedroom for many years and the talk you described happened between my wife and I many times. I ended up doing many chores and hiring help to do those that I couldn't do in an effort to reduce stress to help our sex life. Eventually my wife would gravitate back to little to no sex. The next time I did bring up the issue of lack of intimacy my wife would have one more thing that caused her to lack a libido. Keep focused on the positive but I am concerned that you didn't have any intimacy Saturday or Sunday until after the talk. Those two days were stress free and she didn't offer sex even though during the talk she admits to thinking it was a problem.
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[–]anxiety_issues_suck[S] 7 points8 points9 points  (1 child)
We've had a great sex life for years right up until recently, I don't think this is a dead bedroom situation, more just a bump in the road. I'm still optimistic that it will all work out, but I'm not naive enough to think I'm completely out of the water yet. It will take time and effort on both our parts and I think we're both committed to fixing the problem. I guess time will tell!
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[–]skyscan1 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
That is great. Keep the communication up between the both of you. I made the mistake of burying my feelings and not communicating well with my wife. Best of luck.

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Comments, continued...

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[–]Leightcomer 0 points1 point2 points  (1 child)
Good for you, OP! There's nothing sexier than a capable man.
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[–]anxiety_issues_suck[S] 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
stop it you're making me blush
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