It might be weird to fear something you aren't even in a situation to experience, but does anyone else have a phobia of cheating? The fact that humans do this and even the technical not cheating but cheating behaviors such as thinking about others as hot, flirting etc actually traumatize me. I remember being a kid and listening to people trying to pass some of that shit as normal and mature, and it always filled me with rage. I realized that you can't trust anyone completely. I guess I want what people would define as "unhealthy" mutual obsession over some shit relationship where you're just a person good enough to settle for.

The whole lack of loyalty and fleeting emotions and attraction make me sick. Cheating makes physically sick, just hearing about it.

Cheating is one of the most cruel thing you can do to a person, and it's done to someone whom you're supposed to love. And even though people will agree that cheating is bad, most of them do it and excuse it, or stick to arbitrary definitions of what cheating is so you can be betrayed in every way but if there's no sex they say there's no cheating.

This is part of the reason why I am not actually looking for a relationship. I'd be what normies call a pathologically jealous controlling partner. But not really because it's no use to me to have to stress so much every day to prevent being treated like shit, it should come naturally and without any urging or fights. I don't want to have to ask for a decent and respectful treatment, it's degrading to think that the only thing keeping her from talking to a "friend" or an ex is trying to avoid an argument with you. By that point you're already mentally cheated on.

Fuck that.