Donald Trump is not so egotistical. Sometimes he actually goes off the record to brag about himself.
And he promises that, if elected President, he would not change the name of 1600 Pennsylvania to the Trump White House or build a bronze and glass tower over the West Wing.
He would probably stock the joint with supermodels, though, and keep the hot tub President Clinton installed on the South Lawn.
''We would have a lot of fun,'' says the man who always seems to be having fun, except when ex-wives or bankers pester him for gazillions.
Once The Warren began toying with a Presidential run, could The Donald be far behind?
Never underestimate a guy who pulls himself out of a $9.2 billion hole. Why should his legacy be a skyscraper that casts a shadow on the U.N. when he could cast a shadow on the world?
''To be blunt, people would vote for me,'' Mr. Trump says. ''They just would.'' Why? ''Maybe because I'm so good looking,'' he banters. ''I don't know. Larry King calls and says, 'Do my show. I get my highest ratings when you're on.' ''
The man is pure id, no trepidation, no guilt, no P.C. restraints. (As a friend of his says: ''He transmits; he doesn't receive.'') His only fear: ''I photograph short. I'm 6 foot 3.'' In a landscape of black-and-white candidates, he's Technicolor.
The rakish plutocrat thinks he could do better with the working class and minorities than ''my own people.'' He says: ''Rich people who know me love me. Rich people who don't know me hate me. The working man loves me.''
And how would the famous ladies' man do with the women's vote?
''I might do badly,'' he kids. ''They know me better than anybody else. Women are much tougher and more calculating than men. I relate better to women. I go out with the most beautiful women in the world. Certain guys tell me they want women of substance, not beautiful models. It just means they can't get beautiful models.''
He does not think Americans would mind a twice-divorced playboy in the White House. ''Actually, I think people like it,'' he says about his racy love life. ''It's a fantasy.
''Of course, if necessary, I could be married in 24 hours,'' he adds. ''It would be very easy. Believe me.''
Mr. Trump has a new book, ''The America We Deserve.'' Everyone else is mistaking a campaign for a book tour, so why not mistake a book tour for a campaign?
Jesse Ventura, who doesn't want the jagged-edge Pat Buchanan to be the Reform Party candidate, is wooing Mr. Trump, a registered Republican who describes himself as an independent tilting liberal on social issues. The two men met 12 years ago when Mr. Ventura appeared in Wrestlemania at a Trump casino-hotel in Atlantic City. Now all politics is Wrestlemania.
Things Trump told me:
On Pat Buchanan: ''He's medieval.''
On Bill Bradley: ''He puts me to sleep. And he was the architect of a tax plan that cost many more billions than it saved. He suffers from a lack of common sense. He didn't run again in New Jersey because the polls were showing him in deep trouble, not because of any great moral reason.''
On Al Gore: ''Highly underrated.''
On W.: ''He escaped from the drug issue, but his answers didn't give people a lot of comfort.''
On Bill Clinton: ''He handled the Monica situation disgracefully. It's sad because he would go down as a great President if he had not had this scandal. People would have been more forgiving if he'd had an affair with a really beautiful woman of sophistication. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe were on a different level. Now Clinton can't get into golf clubs in Westchester. A former President begging to get in a golf club. It's unthinkable.''
On the Clinton Chappaqua house: ''Very overpriced. I could have gotten him that house for $600,000 less.''
On Ken Starr: ''Starr's a freak. I bet he's got something in his closet.''
On Hillary: ''The concept of the listening tour is ridiculous. People want ideas. Do you think Winston Churchill, when he was stopping Hitler, went around listening?''
On Rudy: ''He's made New York the hottest city in the world. If he gets beaten, it's virtually unfair. Hillary should run in New Jersey.''
On Tina Brown's Talk: ''The magazine looks terrible. Elizabeth Taylor on the cover? Crazy. At least they didn't use a current picture of her.''
On plastering the name TRUMP all over the General Motors building: ''It's only on there five times. But I haven't done the back of the building yet, on Madison Avenue.''
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