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21[M] in need of advice (self.pedofriends)

pedo_throaway が 投稿

I'm in love with my 11 year old neighbour (she's so damn beautiful) I'm 21 years old and live alone.

She came into my life several years ago and has helped me through my depressions and anxieties. I'm a 5'3" manlet but decent looking and have had depression until this girl came into my life. After a few months her parents got used to me and I'd fix/setup their computers and shit. This girl would always come over so we'd chill and I'd help her with homework, walk the dog with her and we'd watch movies and play vidya together.

She's the most popular girl at school, all the boys want her but she chose me. I couldn't be more happy. We've talked about each other and she said she'd love if we lost our virginities to each other in the future. We're already each other's first kiss and we're a couple but for obvious reasons we keep it a secret.

I just don't know how I can keep it up... Every time she comes over we'd be cuddling on the couch and eventually start kissing... I'm scared if one day someone walks in and finds us out.. Should I tell her parents of my feelings towards her? They're very understanding people.

Please help me... I can't stop loving her... I can't get enough of her... Her smell, her kisses, her whole body and when she lies ontop of me and looks into my eyes while resting on my chest... I love her so fucking much. I can't live without her. I don't know what to do.

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[–]lolidaisuki 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

I'm quite envious of you. You better not fuck this up.

You might want to discreetly find out about their opinions on paedophilia. I hope you'll be able to stay together with her your whole lives.

[–]Justinisnotmyname 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

Or rather their opinions of him dating with their daughter. Their general views of his hebephilia (she is 11 and sounds like she is not prepubescent anymore) doesn't matter because people do make excepts. They might allow him to date her.

[–]lolidaisuki 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

of his hebephilia (she is 11 and sounds like she is not prepubescent anymore)

Generally 12 is considered to be the age where most girls start puberty. I think their general views on such things matter if they are very strong.

[–]Justinisnotmyname 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Girls start puberty sooner. Puberty starts when girls begin to delevop breasts, which can happen as young as 7, definitely before 12.

[–]Stoneodin 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Call Chris Hanson.

[–]mikegarafolostraight; 5-12+ -2ポイント-1ポイント  (1子コメント)

It's fine for you to be attracted to her and want to bang her. But keep that all in your head man.

[–]throwawayfighterlove 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

It clearly isn't fine because he plans on acting on it or he at least struggles with it.

[–]dismalcrux 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

A 11 year old girl is not equipped to deal with you.

A girl that young is not able to cope with or provide what a man your age will want and need to sustain a relationship. You will probably say that you can wait for her to get past school age, but she's already been groomed to the point of wanting you to take her virginity.

Everything you do will have an affect on her. She will worry about you and try her best to care for you like a girlfriend should, as far as she knows. But she can't do that, because she has to focus on school and is just too young. I'm positive that you will encumber her too much and distort her view of relationships/older men.

Tell her parents. They might sympathize with you, they might not. I don't know them. Regardless of what they say or what "society" says, you need to forget about this fantasy of being with her and focus on yourself. She did not cure your depression, she keeps you preoccupied. If she leaves you organically, she will have to deal with the fallout of a grown man who's world has just been shattered. She is NOT your emotional crutch, so end this as soon as you can.

[–]SecretPerson1234 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Id be careful about what you post online man. Like use a throwaway account registered to a throwaway email at a library computer with a false identity... sucks not being able to turn to anyone for help with this, I get it.

[–]Firinael 12ポイント13ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is sick. Get help and stay away from her.

[–]frossenkjertenon-exclusive GLer AoA 10+ 0ポイント1ポイント  (7子コメント)

This is very, very painful for me, because you're living the dream. But I agree with everything shadowflamephoenix said: and even if she's ready, and you're willing to take that most desperate leap of faith... hold, please. Consider: even if she loves it now, bears no ill will toward you later, and is the exception to 'the rule'; she will have to go around, for the rest of her life, knowing that her first was with a pedo. Would you want her to go through life with that burden? Would you? Please, don't let your emotions drive you to anything she's not ready for.

[–]stanza_g 1ポイント2ポイント  (5子コメント)

she will have to go around, for the rest of her life, knowing that her first was with a pedo

That's why he should take his time? Because of "the burden" of her first time being with a MAP? No. If he's going to hold off on sex it shouldn't be for that reason. If they truly have a special relationship, and he gets across to her that he truly loves and cares about her, then it isn't going to matter if he's a "pedo" or whatever. Sure, society can completely reshape your view of a past relationship. But she's 11, not 6. Her view of this relationship (especially if they remain close) will be much fresher and clear around that age than earlier.

Now, should he explain to her that being with him poses these risks and these stigmas and this and that? Yes. But is it not more risky for him if they got caught? Is it not more of a "burden" on the rest of his life?

I'm not saying he shouldn't take her future social dealings into account, but that's something that should be discussed with her.

He should explain with her the taboos and the risks of being together. I completely understand you're thinking of looking out for her future self, but if there's communication between the two of them it won't be this big BURDEN because there'll be no doubt. She'll know that he loved and cared about her very much. She'll know he's not a "pedo" but a sweet and kind person that she shared an extremely special bond with.

That said, I still do think it would probably be a better idea to wait on the sexual front, but not due to the social stigma she could have later on. They've already kissed. She's already carrying the "burden of her first kiss being with a pedo" lol

[–]frossenkjertenon-exclusive GLer AoA 10+ 1ポイント2ポイント  (4子コメント)

The emotional paralysis that comes from a combination of empathy and internalised self-loathing...

[–]stanza_g 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

Emotional paralysis? Who, her? How? Empathy? For who? Internalized self-loathing? From her? You're assuming that she'll feel these things.

[–]frossenkjertenon-exclusive GLer AoA 10+ 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

No, me. I am emotionally paralyzed; I suppose I didn't make that clear.

[–]stanza_g 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

ohhh okay. well, hey you shouldn't hate yourself for your attraction. you can't change it and there's nothing wrong wrong with it as long as it doesn't hurt other people. i just think we should try to look at OPs issue from different angles. there's already enough people in here saying that he needs to immediately get out the girl's life and/or kill himself. i just feel like a good amount of US wouldn't do that and it's not fair to him to completely pass off judgement when he's just trying to get some advice.

this is obviously a really tough situation.

[–]frossenkjertenon-exclusive GLer AoA 10+ -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Like I said, it's extremely painful, and he's living the dream.

[–]h-cho 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

you are so delusional

[–]stanza_g 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

that's some thorough advice right there. i'm sure it's appreciated.

[–]Girllvr 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

I've actually been in a very similar situation, and while it seems amazing in the moment, there is no happy ending available for these types of relationships, at least in this day and age. If you really care for her you need to leave.

[–]jewishsupremacist88 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

is this for real

[–]stanza_g 1ポイント2ポイント  (7子コメント)

It seems to me like you both enjoy having each other in your life. Talk to her about the risks of this relationship and make sure she understands it. Obviously, this COULD end very badly. I mean, worst case scenario, someone finds out and you go to jail for x amount of years and the rest of her adolescence (and beyond?) is marred by this one really really really bad experience. Best case scenario you remain close and don't necessarily interact sexually but remain in each other's life in a meaningful way. To be honest, when it comes to the emotional aspect of the relationship, I'm all for it. I don't think there's anything wrong with simply being close to her and you two being in each other's life if you make each other happy in a meaningful way. The physical component? It's not up to me to decide. Ultimately it's your decision. I don't think you should ever push her to do anything she isn't comfortable doing or doesn't want. You have to keep in mind a few things regarding this relationship, because the stakes are high, but really, on a sexual front, waiting is your safer option. To me, remaining close and sharing a bond with someone that benefits you both is infinitely more important than any physical aspect of a relationship. You're in a tough position, though. I can hardly tell you what to do but to think really hard about it.

[–]jawrsh21 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is too fucked up, shes 11 there no way she can give consent because ages only a child. Also how tf died that reward out weigh that risk

[–]embahGLnon-exclusive GL AoA ~3-9, bi for adults 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

I think stanza said it better than I did. I think my response sort of suggested if parental approval was there, you should continue slowly on the sexual front which is not the case. I'd really suggest just not going there period. The emotional bond if obtained/maintained can be amazing with no sex needed.

[–]LoliconLevelWishes that iLolis could be bought at the nearest Apple store 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

are you an Indonesian, /u/embahGL ?

[–]embahGLnon-exclusive GL AoA ~3-9, bi for adults 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

No, I am not sorry. I chose this name because it's like embers of a fire and it is an acronym for aquatic levels in a lake (just took an environmental science course this summer).

[–]stanza_g 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I actually didn't see your comment, embah. Must've slipped under the radar amidst the comments telling OP to kill himself.

I think my response sort of suggested if parental approval was there, you should continue slowly on the sexual front which is not the case.

I think there could come a point where sexual contact could be on the table in the relationship but I'm not saying that should be anytime soon.

But throwing that aside for a moment...in general, if the parents knew of the relationship, that would make for a healthier dynamic. If the parents were aware of it, the amount of secrecy and paranoia would obviously decrease. But THAT said, I don't know if it's a good idea or not to tell the parents of the relationship. I don't personally know any of the people involved.

[–]un-lovable 10ポイント11ポイント  (2子コメント)

It's already gone too far. Talk with her about it. Explain that it just isn't meant to be and she should be with boys her own age. There is no way it will ever work out, and the longer it goes on the more hurt it will bring to you and her when the problems arise. If you lack the self control to keep your relationship with her in the friend zone, then do the right thing and remove yourself from her life immediately.

As the adult, you need to put a stop to it now before something happens that you both regret later on. Regardless of rather you both want the relationship or not, you are the one with enough maturity and foresight to see just how dangerous it is. It CANNOT work in the society that we live in. Even if you don't get caught (which is highly unlikely) the imprint that a complicated relationship like this can have on the emotional and sexual development of an impressionable child cannot be predicted. Don't fool yourself into believing that it will work out just because she wants it. She is 11. She doesn't fully understand the gravity of the situation.

[–]PantsuWitches 3ポイント4ポイント  (10子コメント)

You need to move.

Doing anything less isn't enough at this point. You're going to destroy your life. You don't have the self-control or the willpower to follow the law if you stay there.

[–]embahGLnon-exclusive GL AoA ~3-9, bi for adults 2ポイント3ポイント  (2子コメント)

Ya, I would suggest to her that you both talk about it with her parents. Keeping it a secret is a bad idea. If they are understanding, you can proceed and she has great parents who she can consult. If they freak out, there's limited danger (I would think?) since you've only kissed until now. Being open about situations like this is how they would become accepted. Just don't make it a race to lose your virginities. Hmm, also since she's your first kiss, you've not really been in a relationship. Could you seek advice of others that know both of you? As Ferdinand says, heartbreak and other emotional concerns is where the issues lie, so above all, talk with her, but I wouldn't proceed keeping things a secret.

Out of curiosity, are you primarily minor attracted, or did things just fall into place with her and you're considering her age to be reasonable?

[–]jawrsh21 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Op mentions thus to her parents he's getting his ass beat.. He needs to move

[–]presbitalien 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Out of curiosity, are you on a sex offender list?

[–]FerdinandFichten2g 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

You're in a very difficult situation, albeit one I'm sure many of us here are envious of (at least in fantasy).

No matter which choice you make it seems like something could turn ugly. Her heart could be broken, or you could end up in jail (which would also leave her with heartbreak).

I don't know what advice to give you in general, but she's probably old enough to understand your worries on this. Perhaps try to have a serious conversation with her?

[–]aperson1729 7ポイント8ポイント  (1子コメント)

Sorry, but this can't possibly end well. Depending on her to 'fix' your depression will only make you miserable. The fact of the matter is in your position I feel that it is very likely that things will escalate to a crime that you definitely do not want to commit.

From your words it sounds to me like you're really lonely and you're hooked on the affection that this girl is supplying. I can understand how this can feel so tempting but it isn't a real solution. It's only temporary, she likely won't stay attached to you forever. You need to break this off for your own good.

[–]IlIlIIIlIlIivgb 10ポイント11ポイント  (0子コメント)

involve her parents

[–]Pizzachu1 -2ポイント-1ポイント  (3子コメント)

That doesn't sound like a bad problem to have. I don't know what advice to give you, I've never been in any situation remotely similar.