That I have been struggling with fucking horrible stomach/gastrointestinal (I know at least one of those terms apply) problems that I developed in my sophomore year of high school (I'm now a junior in college). And that said problems have had a lot of control over how I live my life. That my high school life wasn't as good or memorable because these problems were often holding me back in some way and that I often think about how my life would have been different if I never got these problems. Maybe if I didn't have these problems I would have been able to hang out with my friends more often. Maybe I would have been motivated to actually read that damn Driver's manual, get a license and maybe my own car (to be fair though this one may have more to do with laziness and my ADHD). Maybe I would have gone on dates. Maybe I would have had a girlfriend. Maybe I would have had sex and not end up a 20 year old virgin. Maybe I would have tried to move beyond just being friends with that girl I started to develop feelings for in senior year. Perhaps we would have entered a relationship. Maybe she would have been my girlfriend. Maybe she would been my date for Prom. Maybe we would have kissed. Maybe we would have done more than that. Maybe I would have felt love in a way I never really experienced, not then and not now either.

Perhaps it could have ended on a bad note? Maybe things just don't work out and we break up. Or more likely, her having to move back to France (she was French) after graduation would cause the relationship to end. On the other hand she did say to me she was going to come back. So maybe we would have maintained a long-distance relationship for a while until she came back to America and we reunited. Maybe we would have maintained a relationship to this day. Or not. Maybe we still would have broken up. But no matter which way things went or how long they went for, in the end I would have had the experience of being with a girl I loved so very much.

But I never had anything like that. And I'm going to be frank and say I'm starting to consider ending it all, not only because I feel I can't live my life like this but also because I'm in my third year of college, with one more year left if things go as intended and I can't help but look back at the past and the regrets and missed opportunities and how if I didn't have these stomach/gastrointestinal problems things could have been different.

I'm sorry if I went off on a bit of a tangent. OP's question just made me want to let this all out.