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[–]thepatmanQuality Contributor 16ポイント17ポイント  (54子コメント)

Is he merited in his demands

Based upon your narrative, yes, he's very merited. You admit to harassing him, harassing his new girlfriend, threatening his new girlfriend, coming to his house, coming to his father's house, calling his friends, et cetera et cetera.

You can certainly go present your side of the story at the PFA hearing. But be aware that you do not, at all, look like an innocent victim here, and you need to correct your behavior.

[–]darpaconger 11ポイント12ポイント  (4子コメント)

If I were this guy I'd be seeking a PFA too, because:

  1. You sound like a nut. A nut would call someone's medieval martial arts club to get their mission statement. A nut refers to having a lawyer fly out pro hac vice.

  2. You admit you made written threats and physically assaulted him.

On the one hand if he can demonstrate your abuse, he might get a PFA but PFA's apply to household members, which you are not. On the other hand, he sounds like a nutjob as well. You're both lucky you're not up on charges for assault and battery. And if somehow he gets a PFA against you, so fucking what?

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (3子コメント)

  1. The lawyer is a family member who offered to fly out Pro Hac Vice.

  2. I called because the abuse started right as he started his martial art, and I suspect a correlation. HE abused ME, not the other way around.

I don't want a PFA against me because I don't deserve one on my record and didn't do anything wrong.

[–]retroverted_uterus 7ポイント8ポイント  (2子コメント)

I don't deserve one on my record and didn't do anything wrong.

YES YOU DID. The sooner you accept that, the easier this will be for you.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (1子コメント)

The threats were wrong but I was under emotional duress, I believe the judge will see that. Name ONE other thing I did wrong. I never assaulted or harassed anyone.

[–]retroverted_uterus 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Drove to his dad's house, drove to his house, called his gym, just to name a few. If you were under such emotional duress to justify threatening him then you shouldn't have been capable of driving.

[–]KBbean 9ポイント10ポイント  (2子コメント)

Op, "I have PTSD" does not mean you get a free for all on your actions. Maybe your ex has PTSD from all the times you attacked him (which of course, wasn't your fault at all).

Everything you did after "I freaked" was wrong. EVERYTHING. And you did harass him and his friends and family. I'm sorry you are unable to see that. Just because other people may react similarly in that situation does not somehow make it ok. If I were him and you did this, after months of attacking me, you'd bet your ass I'd be scared that you'd hurt me or my gf.

Your ex sounds like an asshole. But you're in a lot of denial over your own issues and your own accountability. "I was having an anxiety attack" is not an excuse for your behavior. well it can be, but for that excuse to fly you'd need to be so mentally unstable that you should be placed in a psych ward. Please continue to get help, because so far your treatments don't seem to be doing a good Job.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (1子コメント)

I never ATTACKED him! He attacked me! The worst that happened again was that when he held me down, I thrashed to free myself and he got struck. But he would haul off and beat me when I started hyperventilating! How am I the aggressor here?!

[–]KBbean 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't think we can go over this again. I'm sorry you don't seem to understand. I really am because it's going to put you at a huge disadvantage in court. I'm done with this thread. There is no use trying to give advice to someone who is incapable of getting her head out of her ass.

[–]goinrcn44h 9ポイント10ポイント  (20子コメント)

HO-LEE-FUCK-BALLS!!! get better, get away, get on with your life far away from all of it. no amount of "reconciliation" is going to surpass this level of baggage. You have to move on ... for your own sanity

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (19子コメント)

I intend to but I don't want a PFA, he can frame me for violating it and the record will follow me out of state. This is ruthless, I never pressed charges on him all those times he was violent toward me, and now he's trying to get rid of me for revenge.

[–]NoThereIsNone 12ポイント13ポイント  (18子コメント)

Just because you didn't invoke the law against him doesn't mean he's wrong to invoke it against you; there's no "I accept your illegal behavior" covenant. You did what he's saying you did.

If you have a lawyer, that's the best person to advise you right now anyway; listen to him or her.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (17子コメント)

But he's saying I assaulted him and harassed him. It's not illegal to go to his house and pick up things that belong to me, but he refused to give them to me. His story is all backwards, he's the one who assaulted ME, and I have photos and texts to prove it. He was viciously verbally berrating me the entire time I was begging over text to come get my belongings. He's doing this in an attempt to keep my things, and seek revenge. If he were truly afraid he wouldn't have waited six days to file a PFA.

[–]NoThereIsNone 9ポイント10ポイント  (16子コメント)

You did harass him--it's in your own report. That's why he's saying it. It's not backwards; it's the part of the story that's relevant to his request for the PFA.

I think you're not getting that it's not okay to harass him no matter how abusive he was. He doesn't forfeit his right not to be harassed. The fact that you chose not to report his physical abuse doesn't protect you from wrongs you subsequently commit.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (15子コメント)

Define harassment? Legal def is abusive behavior, not normal behavior. I wasn't going up to his father and cursing him out. I'm allowed to approach people civilly. My existence doesn't constitute harassment.

[–]NoThereIsNone 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

You're not actually always allowed to approach people civilly, and you're definitely not allowed to make written threats, whether you apologize or not.

Ultimately, I think you're spending way too much energy trying to win your case here and this isn't where it's being heard. Talk to your lawyer.

[–]angelaelle 2ポイント3ポイント  (13子コメント)

Repeated, unwanted contact with another person who has made it clear they do not wish to be in contact with you is harassment.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (12子コメント)

But there was immediate danger to my personal possessions if I didn't go to him immediately and get them before he threw them out! I still have no clothes.

[–]angelaelle 4ポイント5ポイント  (11子コメント)

"Immediate danger" to material objects? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Forget about that stuff, it's all replaceable. Go to Goodwill and pick up some clothes.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (10子コメント)

That was everything I owned! Over $5000 worth of quality clothes! Not "good will" clothes. My god I can't show up for a job in a trucker shirt.

[–]ChemPossible 7ポイント8ポイント  (4子コメント)

Holy crap, he's absolutely merited in getting a PFA. Based on your own narrative, it sounds as if you need long term hospitalization. It's NOT okay for you to attack someone, even in "the throes of an anxiety attack"--that means you need to be closely supervised for you own and others' safety.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (3子コメント)

I NEVER attacked him! The worst that happened was that he would attempt to hold me down and restrain me, and I would have flashbacks and thrash, to which he would get struck. This happened three times. I never "attacked" him. Oh my gosh we went straight to the hospital after every incident.

[–]KBbean 10ポイント11ポイント  (1子コメント)

All of your responses seem to indicate that you are completely blind and/or in denial to your own actions. That's scary. Please get some more intensive help before your life is completely ruined by doing things you could have stopped.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

HE could have stopped, I couldn't have. When someone jumps in a doorway, you say the proper response is to haul off and right-cross them?

[–]NoThereIsNone 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

You say yourself you grabbed his hair. Pulling or not pulling is immaterial.

[–]promnesiac 8ポイント9ポイント  (3子コメント)

Your ex sounds like a real piece of work, and it's obvious you need to be away from him. But god damn, using "I was having an anxiety attack" as an excuse for your behavior is absurd. Lots of people have PTSD and anxiety and don't turn into harassing crazies, so cool it with that excuse.

You don't need your belongings. You need to cease all contact with him. He's a bad guy, that was a bad relationship, you have to move on. That you can't see that is somewhat concerning.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (2子コメント)

I am not a harassing crazy. Can anyone not see that he set me up for this? This is insane how everyone thinks it's okay for him to hit me, throw away my belongings, and call the police on me when I try to go get them.

[–]promnesiac 9ポイント10ポイント  (1子コメント)

Wait just a goddamn minute. Not a single person said it was ok for him to hit you and throw your shit away. I cannot tell you how irritating it is when posters here resort to emotional hyperbole when they're losing an argument, but that's neither here nor there.

What everyone is saying is that your behavior in response to him could be construed as harassment. Personally, I think it's shitty that he'd call the police. I mean, every move he made was shitty. But legally speaking (which is, ostensibly, why you're here) he might have a point. What he did before/how he "set you up" -- none of that is relevant.

Things aren't always 100% fair.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

But what can I do in this situation to protect myself now? I have proof that he's doing this not to be protected, but to be malicious. After every bad time, we always took care of each other and if he was truly injured and afraid he would have left a long time ago. He understood my disability and was a social worker himself. Now he's attempting to be vicious because of perceived infidelity and I want to protect myself.

[–]KBbean 5ポイント6ポイント  (3子コメント)

Op, when not one person has said your actions were ok, you should listen. And really open your eyes to everything. Because your current attitude is not going to get you any points in court. Courts look for someone to be remorseful. To own up to their actions and realize they fucked up. To make an honest effort to show that you will no longer get in touch with ahyone from that person's life. That you will continue with intense therapy. That you're sorry.

Based off everything you've said here, all someone is going to think is that you're crazy and a threat to your ex.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -5ポイント-4ポイント  (2子コメント)

This is the Internet, and Reddit, I think they'll take any opportunity to berate anyone when they can. I am confused because everyone here thinks I should be thrown in jail, while the court didn't even grant him a temporary PFA and said the police action against me was actually illegal. Who am I supposed to believe?

[–]KBbean 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Because what the court says makes ZERO sense. You trespassed the second you stayed on property you were asked to leave from. Trespassing is illegal. Perhaps you misrepresent the facts to the court. Or perhaps they misunderstood.

And actually, I don't think he has enough for a PFA. If you lived in the same state? Yes. But at this point, it's a little overkill to expect that you're going to keep crossing state lines to cause him or his loved ones harm. But that's why you get a hearing instead of it being automatic. Don't fuck it up. Don't give the court the impression (like you've done here) that you are incapable of controlling your actions. Make sure you have documentation that you're seeking regular and consistent help. Don't make the courts think "yes, she does seem unstable enough that she will cross lines to harm him".

As for jail. No one thinks you belong in jail. People are saying your PTSD isn't a get out of jail free card. It's a "get out of jail free card and go to a mental institution where you will still be a convicted criminal". And no one is saying you deserve that now. What people are saying is that your "get out of jail free" mentality is dangerous and the longer you keep it up, the more likely it will be that you do something that sees you getting locked in a mental hospital.

[–]Lehk 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Seems like you assaulted him numerous times.

Insanity is a potential defense against criminal charges, not against a restraining order.

[–]ThrowawayPFA123[S] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Define assault. Assault is when you are the perpetrator in a violent act, I never assaulted him.

[–]smewchies 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

OP, you lost your shit. Get an attorney and have the return of your things arranged through them. You can't avoid the PFA, accept it. See a shrink, you are not managing your anxiety attacks, this is not appropriate social behavior. Block him entirely and forget he exists. Move on. Become happy.