Background: I'm a former firefighter (CA) with PTSD. My fiancé and I have been together for seven years. We lived in New York, the incident happened in Pennsylvania.
My boyfriend and I had been residing in Queens. He worked retail while I was not healthy enough to work. I instead was in intensive treatment five days a week for physical and mental injuries suffered in the line of duty at my former career, he was my sole support. Part of my condition is intense flashbacks, anxiety, and dissassociative rage attacks. Think Toby Maguire in the movie "Two Brothers" where he's smashing the kitchen with a crowbar, PTSD is hell. In the worst of my episodes, I'd thrash in a hyperreal flashback, he'd try to hold me down to restrain me and get struck. It was terrible and I'm destroyed that I laid hands. However, this was not domestic abuse, no charges were ever filed, we always got me straight to a hospital and followed our crisis plan. Episodes were always reactive and not aggressive.
Treatment was making headway in 2015 and I was able to work in bouts. I was sexually assaulted by a coworker and completely shut down. Because I never pressed charges, he accused me of wanting it and cheating on him. We worked through it and tried to save the relationship. I was completely incapable of intimacy.
He got involved in an extracurricular activity that resembles mixed martial arts in full medieval armor (I call it extreme LARPing). In January, I had an anxiety attack, and instead of following our crisis plan, he straight hauled off and beat me senseless. We both calmed down, reconciled, no charges were filed. I took pictures. In April I had another anxiety attack, and he beat me up again to the point where I almost died. The background on that incident is that I had an anxiety attack, he tried to walk out on me, I leapt in the door crying for him not to leave, he right-crossed me hard and I grabbed onto him, I ended up grabbing his hair but I was not pulling, he forced me to the ground beating me ruthlessly as I was crying that I couldn't let go due to my body being locked in an anxiety attack, he bashed my head against cabinets, punched me, kicked me with steel-toed boots and smashed my face with a steel dog bowl. All of this locked my body in terror. He was able to end the attack by speaking in a lowered tone of voice and discontinuing his thrashing enough to let my hands relax and help me ease them out of his hair. He left and I jumped in a cab to the airport.
Immediately I got accepted into a PTSD treatment program that used Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, and it worked to eliminate symptoms over the course of three months. My boyfriend and I were in constant phone communication still trying to save our relationship. He insists that he had a right to hit me because women fight with him up at his medieval martial arts club and because I stood in the door preventing him from leaving. I have the texts. We were planning on reconciling again anyway. When treatment ended he became vicious over the phone about my return, which sent me into a suicidal depression and I ended up on an involuntary psychiatric hold. When I was released I returned to New York on my own and found another woman living with him in my apartment (they weren't there on my return). I met up with him three days later in public and confessed that I wasn't angry, and we STILL agreed to try to reconcile with time. He saw me the next day at home and we were intimate, however he became so overstressed that he quit his job and left New York to stay with family in PA. I have the texts. I remained in NYC to try to work for the last month of the lease. He came to visit me on weekends.
When the lease ended, I moved back to his hometown with my own family. He told me he was going back up to NYC one last time for a tournament and to get our belongings. He came to visit me beforehand and told me we would work on each other slowly. We texted affectionately all that night. The next morning he informed me from NY that he was bringing the other woman down to PA to live with him.
I freaked!
I admit I had a complete symptomatic mental break, I texted frantically crying and yelling, I msged her on Facebook threatening to "find her," profanities were thrown back and forth, I threatened suicide and ended up on a watch under the care of a licensed professional experienced in combat PTSD. I later apologized crying and desperate. I asked for my clothes back and he said he would "put them in a bag and throw them in the street," then he full-blocked me from all contact. I jumped in a cab and went to his house in PA to get my clothes in a panic. His brother came out threatening me, I called police and showed them pictures of the incident from April. The police had no jurisdiction and escorted me off the property. I went to his father's house to try to talk to his dad, and his brother drove there continuing to threaten me and had police escort me out of town on an illegal 24/hr ban. I explained my situation to the officer in the car and he told me he would have handled the situation differently if he knew beforehand.
Dazed and bewildered, I called his medieval martial arts club explaining (without naming him) that he'd become abusive after beginning their sport, and if they could please explain their mission statement to me. I wanted to know what they were teaching him up there that ruined our family. They wanted to expel him but I didn't name his name.
Six days later I was served with a summons for a PFA hearing. He'd attempted to file a Protection From Abuse order on me and been denied, but was granted a hearing. His sig was dated six days after the incident. He claimed that he'd left NY because I'd been physically and mentally abusive toward him in psychotic episodes and he was afraid of me, where the truth is that he left because we'd been intimate and he got overwhelmed (txt). He claims that I am mentally unstable and am not recieving treatment, though I am in treatment and have been for the last six years. We haven't been in contact for ten days. Before cutting off contact, he screamed at me that this is for "being with that scumbag Russian," and he also sent my cousin the same text that he was enraged that I had "been with that Russian." I have not returned to his house or tried to reach out to him.
What's true is that I did make written threats in the heat of the moment, but I apologized for them less than an hour later and clarified that they weren't death threats or violent and I was just very emotional and shocked. I'm still shocked. I did lay hands reactively in the heat of a PTSD episode but the last time that happened was three years ago and treatment has been working. I'm trying to have a lawyer fly out to help me Pro Hac Vice, I know he has an attorney and he's viciously trying to get me out of the picture not because he's afraid of me, but because he's mad that I called his club and so he can be with his side-project. Lawyers have assured me that he doesn't have a strong case and was even denied a PFA on the spot, but I'm still very worried and scared.
To summarize, my SO of seven years beat me, cheated on me, told me we were reconciling for months, planned to come get me, and moved in with the other woman less than 12 hours later. I couldn't handle it and broke, now he's trying to punish me for perceived infidelity and revenge.
Is he merited in his demands and will the court look favorably on him?
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