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Please take 30 seconds to enjoy seeing Ted Cruz transform himself into a sad, sad little man as he phone banks for Republican Get Out The Vote efforts in Fort Worth, Texas, Wednesday. You’ll notice he doesn’t actually say one name: The one plastered on campaign signs all over the walls behind him. That’s right — he doesn’t mention Rep. Joe Barton even once. Or that Trump guy, either. We guess, after his kicked-dog endorsement of Trump, he is trying to get back that one moment of integrity at the Republican Convention.

Photojournalist G.J. McCarthy, who shared the clip, noted that Cruz did not have “much luck getting a live human on line while making calls.”

McCarthy said Cruz left the same voicemail a few times.

“Hi, This is Ted Cruz calling. I was calling you to encourage you to come out and vote on Election Day,” he begins. “This election is critical for the direction of our country, and I urge you to come out and support freedom and the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.”

Texas voters: “Todd Cruise? I don’t know any Todd Cruise.”

Needless to say, Twitter had all kinds of fun with the video:

sad-ted-cruz-tweets

And with his final transformation into another version of the Chris Christie hostage video, Ted Cruz now has produced a perfect image for anyone running against him in the 2020 primaries.

sad-cruz-closeup

Even in his moment of humiliation, there’s simply something about that face you want to punch. Happily, our commenting rules preclude us from saying that.

Update: OK, Yr Editrix just found this one, which is far too good to overlook:

sad-cruz-tweet-2

[G.J. McCarthy on Twitter / The Hill / WaPo]

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  • Pinkham’s Law

    OT: 9:54 am – Columbia, SC just started getting our first rain from Matthew. I hope all the Fla Wonkers are safe & dry!

    • eddi

      We are about to encounter some turbulence. Fasten your seat belts and return all trays to the upright position.

      Hang in there folks.

  • Blacktop Cadence

    Why in the fuck is he so shiny?

    • arglebargle

      Why in the fuck is he so shiny shitty?

    • Dr.Zoidberg

      He’s covered in a thin layer of protective mucus to keep from drying out.

    • eggsacklywright

      Reptile lube.

    • mardam422

      That’s his dignity leaking out.

      • Astraea

        Facts not in evidence!

    • eddi

      Ted without his makeup is one of those morning after nightmares.

    • GHERKINS OF TRUTH!

      The blind mole rat covers itself in tears to protect itself from aggression.

      Can we assume the naked mole rat does the same?

  • dslindc

    Did he also leave the message in his native Canadian?

    • Deplorable Ron

      I wonder how many people answered, ‘Wait, is this Ted Cruz? Take off, eh?’ and hung up on him laughing hysterically.

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    It’s nice when Karma takes care of the face-punching for you.

  • Me not sure

    “No, Mr. Harrelson , I’m now certain that it was my dad and not your’s that killed JFK.

    • Oneofthebobs

      One of the four trumps?

      • Me not sure

        Har!

  • arglebargle
    • mardam422

      “I’ve got just the thing, right here, Mr. Douglas. A great candidate, a Republican candidate. Best candidate ever. And all it will cost you is a little piece of your soul.”

      • eddi

        “And 50 bucks.”

    • Fartknocker

      Damn it, I just ruined another wireless keyboard after projectile spewing iced tea. Well done arglebargle.

      • arglebargle

        Thanks, but I wasn’t the first to notice it.

  • Dr.Zoidberg

    Hello, this is person calling for candidate. Will you do the vote for candidate?

    • mardam422

      Maybe they could edit in the name for him.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        “[Ted Cruz’s voice] Hello, this is Ted Cruz. I’m calling to encourage you to vote for [another person’s voice] Donald J. Trump [Ted Cruz’s voice] this November.”

        • revenant

          “…uh, cut_sa_mers name her. uh, here”

  • Vagandarian the Librarian!

    Hahahaha! Karma is a Bitch, Mr. Cruz.

    I love this sad face pic, maybe a bit too much.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Yeah, ok. They need to take that guy’s belt and shoelaces.

    • Oneofthebobs

      My inner libertarian says we let him keep them.

  • Oneofthebobs

    Could one of the people who thinks Ted Cruz is a really smart guy please explain how he worked his way up to this high position?

    • Blacktop Cadence

      Well, Christie is already the guy who gets the fast food and picks up the dry cleaning, so what else is there?

  • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

    Simple miscommunication. I think this is what God really called him to do.

  • coozledad

    “Cruz did not have “much luck getting a live human on line while making calls.”

    “Booty call from Ted Cruz” leaves most people at room temperature.

    • revenant

      if your “room” is a meat locker

  • TJ Barke

    Such a principled conservative.

    • eddi

      Well he is principally conservative.

  • Indiepalin

    Ted Cruz goes to the doctor. The doctor gives him his diagnosis. Ted says, “I want a second opinion!”

    • RumAddled

      Well, I don’t like your tie.

  • mardam422

    That picture of Ted with the pursed lips is epic. It’s like he know that with every word he speaks a little more of his soul leaks out of his mouth along with it.

    • Major_Major_Major

      “His soul”, assumes facts not in evidence.

  • Scooby

    Karma is a bitch Ted.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Related: Variety reporting that Ted Cruz will star in remake of classic suspense movie Dial M for Mortification.

  • JVisconti

    While trying to stay relevant, I guess Ted is just not Dancing With the Stars material.

    • vivian

      He cut off his own left foot so he could only take steps to the right.

  • Belasaurius

    hahahahahahhahahahaha

  • Gayer Than Thou
  • Cheesus Crust

    Nothing like the walk of shame being caught on camera for the whole world to see.

  • Taco Treg

    Watching Ted get publically humiliated soothes my soul and puts a bounce in my step.
    If that makes me a bad person, I’m okay with that.

    • Blacktop Cadence

      It’d only make you a bad person if you thought this about a person or a dog or cat or something. You know, something with a soul.

  • Scooby

    This is the first time ever I am glad Tug Cruz even exists.

  • Deplorable Ron

    Karma is a bitch, isn’t she, Teddybear?

  • memzilla

    It’s like watching someone who’s been drained of both integrity and self-respect. Someone who would have lost his principles, if he had had any to begin with. Hey Ted, that telemarketing script in front of you? IT’S A COOK BOOK!

  • Spotts1701

    He may look sad, but I bet his lizard brain is trying to develop schemes to exact vengeance. They won’t work, of course. But he will scheme.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Geez, Ted, if your public humiliation is inevitable, at least you can relax, smile, and enjoy it.

  • Ikimizi

    “Yes, ma’am, I do think Donald would be a great president.”
    -Lyin’ Ted

  • Deplorable Ron

    Cruz: This election is critical for the direction of our country, and I urge you to come out and support freedom and the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.
    On the phone: Thank you, Mr Cruz, I will definitely come out and vote for Ms Clinton.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The only thing left is for Orange Don to , uh, “mark” Sad Ted Cruz. The humiliation will be complete.

    • vivian

      He marked him all during the primaries. He mocked him and then he marked him.

    • therblig

      where do we send the asparagus?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    https://media.giphy.com/media/OPrFgQI8pSwM/giphy.gif

    They are. Indeed, this Democrat has wet himself.

  • Astraea

    Joshua Malina on how The West Wing might treat the rise of Trump:
    JM: The three-ring circus we are being treated to may be best handled by the people who make Veep. Can you even treat seriously what we’re seeing on a daily basis from the Trump campaign? I’d love to see what Aaron Sorkin would’ve done with this, but it’s certainly beyond my conception.

  • beatbort

    This is one I’d like Bad Lip Reading to get hold of.

    • Deplorable Ron

      What could they do that would be any worse than what Calgary Ted is doing to himself?

  • blondeiq

    He’s the baby daddy?

  • azeyote

    i don’t think this was the answer from god that daddy cruz was praying for –

    • Deplorable Ron

      Wanna bet?
      – God

    • YoBunnyBunny

      God works in mysterious ways…

    • Pinkham’s Law

      “God always answers prayer. It’s not always the answer we want to hear, but he always answers.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “Hi, this is Ted Cruz…I’m looking for Amanda Hugenkiss.” *throw your tomatoes at Gayer Than Thou*

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Ha!

    • ImGoingBacon

      “Is a Mr. Hunt there? First name Mike. Oh wait, that’s me! Never mind”.

  • Deplorable Ron

    That pic? The one with the Colin Jones tweet? That’s the face of a man who has just realised that THIS is where his entire life has led.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    One last one, for now: Ted Cruz is all…

    http://i.imgur.com/J3ou8fO.gif

    • eddi

      yes.

  • therblig

    one of my mom’s favorites:

    “Something had happened, a thing which years ago had been the eagerest hope of many, many good citizens of the town. And now it came at last: George Amberson Minafer had got his comeuppance. He’d got it three times filled and running over. But those who had longed for it were not there to see it. And they never knew it, those who were still living had forgotten all about it, and all about him.”

    • eddi

      Magnificent.

      • therblig

        ISWYDT

        • eddi

          You’re welcome.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “I hate making calls when I’m constipated”.

    • puipui

      So… always?

  • Fartknocker

    I give the Canadians kudos for dropping this shit stain – party loyalist goat fucker on the US. As a Texan, this article and the look on that repugnant fuck face made me smile.

  • TheGrandWaz00

    He was just put off by the snacks at the phone bank.
    http://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Cruz-lip-booger-300×194.jpg

  • Major_Major_Major

    This gives me a warm feeling to the core, like sipping Laphroaig by the fire while a heavy snow falls outside. I never thought Ted Cruz would ever have that effect.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    I’m saving the schadenfreude for clips of him giving Trump a pedicure.

  • Joe Beese

    Sometimes words are unnecessary. You can just sit back, look at the picture, and let the feeling of contentment suffuse you.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “Yes ma’am…I KNOW I sound like I have a Buick Skylark up my ass…”.

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    “All my bad choices have led me to this.”

    • eddi

      Sweet, sweet justice.

  • bubbuhh

    OT or mebbe not Humane Society launches ad: Trump presidency a ‘threat to animals everywhere’

    The Humane Society Legislative Fund (HSLF) announced its endorsement of Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and the launch of a new attack ad against Trump on Wednesday.

    “One ticket has a clear, compelling record of support for animal protection, while the other has assembled a team of advisors and financial supporters tied in with trophy hunting, puppy mills, factory farming, horse slaughter, and other abusive industries,” HSLF President Michael Markarian wrote in a blog post.

    “The names that Trump’s campaign has floated for engagement on Interior and Agriculture department issues are a ‘who’s who’ of zealous anti-animal welfare activists.”

    http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/299626-humane-society-legislative-fund-backs-clinton-launches-ad-against-trump

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Not to mention douchebro sons flaunting endangered animals they’ve slaughtered in Africa.

    • TJ Barke

      The man has supposedly never had a pet, so of course he doesn’t give a shit about animals.
      Ffs, they were pissing and moaning about dog food being regulated. He doesn’t even care whether or not their food is safe.

      • eddi

        He doesn’t give a shit about people. Animals aren’t even on his radar unless he has to have someone kick one out of his way.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Never had a pet…that SURVIVED!

        • TJ Barke

          I read on the internet that he has tortured countless animals to death…

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Many people are saying the same thing.

    • Thiazin Red

      I saw that Olbmeran segment on pets, and I seriously can’t imagine Trump caring for an animal, or letting the kids have a pet.

  • Belasaurius
  • Do you think Ted has to share the ball gag with Chris Christie or did Trump buy him his own?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Donnie made them buy their own gear.

      • anon_the_great

        Beat me to the gag. SWIDT

  • DerrickWildcat

    Please sir, may I have some more?

  • anon_the_great

    In defense of the poutine shart; who here LIKES phone banking?

    • TJ Barke

      Cally seems to.

    • vivian

      I think Ted would prefer the withdrawals to the deposits.

    • borninatrailer

      Rachel from Cardholder Services?

    • Señor ThatMexicanKing

      I do phone work and I don’t like it.

    • JVisconti

      Wells Fargo allows you to check the accounts you didn’t know you had by phone.

  • elviouslyqueer

    That video is just one gigantic 30-second “Bless His Smarmy Little Nonexistent Heart.”

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Care for a scoop of ice cream on that rhubarb pie, Ted?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Give him credit for being effective – one look at his miserable mug, and you really do get the urge to go out and support freedom and the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

    • eddi

      As usual the Rebs set a goal that only their rivals can achieve.

  • janecita

    His wife is probably so pissed at him right now!

  • I just have to imagine Cruz as Stu Pickles here.
    “Ted, what’re you doing?”
    “Making stump calls for Donald Trump.”
    “It’s four months after you refused to endorse him at the RNC! Why on earth are you stumping for Donald Trump!?”
    “Because I’ve lost control of my life.”

    • eddi

      Because he wants RNC support in 2020 for a rerun. And they won’t back anyone who didn’t join them in suffering for Trump.

      • Señor ThatMexicanKing

        We win, we ALL win. We humiliate ourselves, we ALL humiliate ourselves.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Shorter Ted Cruz phonebanking:

    https://cdn.meme.am/instances/400x/29538118.jpg

  • FZsdaughter

    wow, the schadenfreude is strong with this one, hehe!!

    • Deplorable Ron

      The Cruz Missile abrogated any rights to shame a LONG time ago.

  • The Witch of Endor

    No ma’am it was not a booger. What do you mean “what was it then?” It WASN’T a booger and I did NOT eat it.

  • Into the basket with you, Teddy.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wife: What are you wearing, “Ted Cruz from Texas”?

    Cruz: Uh, khakis. Oh, and an American flag lapel pin.

    Wife (*shoves phone back at husband*): She sounds hideous.

    Husband: Well, he’s a lizardperson, so…

  • jesuswasablack

    Yes my Father did kill JFK and yes my wife is butt-fuck ugly!
    https://www.commentarymagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/ted-cruz2.jpg

    • Astraea

      lol, “courageous.”

  • Astraea

    My face actually looks a lot like that right now, trying to get some numbers to match up and wondering how the hell I got myself into this career and how I can get the hell out.

  • Vagenda 21 (Royal Ugly Dude)

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
    *gasp* HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HHA HA
    That is all.

  • CountryClubJihadi
  • Callyson

    I urge you to come out and support freedom and the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

    Sure thing, Ted!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a5d42bc84ca40f811bf07b4f61ca0508e366e3234331acf14e21ece41b43135d.jpg

  • Courser

    That’s pretty much how I feel about phone banking. I can support a campaign, but I tried phone banking once (for Sen. Michael Bennet) and OMG! I cannot do this thing. Believe it or not, I only talk to people on the phone a couple time a week. Seriously, I go days without a phone call and that’s fine by me. Calling strangers? Not happening.

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