• United States of America
• 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
• Washington, DC 20500

Dear America,

I’m submitting my resume for commander in chief. It’s really, really tremendous.

I'm a leader, I've always been a leader. I've never had any problem leading people. If I say do it, they're going to do it. That's what leadership is all about.* Look, I don’t want the presidency.* Very boring. I’ll let you know how I feel about it after it happens.*

Haters and losers say the presidency requires years of experience and an understanding of all the nuances.* You can’t trust them! Believe me. I will be so good at the military your head will spin.* I guarantee you there's no problem. I guarantee.*

We’re going to have to see. We’re going to see what happens. We’re going to have to see.*

Thank you Darling,

• 725 FIFTH AVENUE • NEW YORK, NY 10022 • (212) 832-2000 • FAX (212) 935-0141