The criticism is always not wanting to be a man’s mother and this is an interesting feminist oxymoron – literally any act of domesticity is construed not just as servitude on the part of a woman, but the necessity of it on the part of a man, or for men, reinforces the idea that men are all innately children in need of mommy’s services.

Spot on. It never registers that the "mess" which needs to be "cleaned up" is part of a grander design: to make things easy to access as needed. It's your home, after all. But since their world is all about appearances, if you make your home anything less than presentable to other people, you're suddenly this dumb fuck in dire need of someone like her to change your shitty diapers. Suddenly, your space becomes "our" space.

Another user here, a while back, spoke on a situation which is prototypical of this very issue. He'd lay his jacket over the armrest of the couch, and his woman (at the time) would hang it up in the closet when she found it. She would then simultaneously berate him for being a slob while patting herself on the back, the tired and self-congratulatory "what would you do without me" speech.

The jacket, of course, is there so that he can grab-it-and-go on his way out the door, instead of having to hunt for it in the closet and waste time if, say, he was late to work. Simple solution to a simple problem. But she can't very well be expected to pass up a perfectly good opportunity to nag, needle, and make a nuisance of herself over a non-issue, can she? Her ego needs a good polishing... and you need to be punished.