We’ve got a problem with fat people in America. Specifically, the fact that fat people are the most racist group in the country. Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with fatness. I know plenty of healthy, well-adjusted fat people. So for the purposes of this article, it should be noted that I don’t hate fat people for being fat. I hate them for being racist.
Fat people are the number one appropriators of cultures they don’t identify with. Taco Bell, Olive Garden, and KFC are just a few examples of the foreign cultures fat people mock with a wanton disregard for their origins. And while minorities are running from police, fat people are blissfully unaware of the physical exertion required to outrun taser leads.
Now, a liberal may try to confront you on this by slyly claiming that “not all fat people” are racist. In this case, just remind them of one thing:
Donald Trump is fat.
Of course you and I both know he’s just big-boned, but liberals have already convinced themselves that Donald Trump is both (a) fat and (b) racist. He’s obviously neither of those things, but when arguing with the stupid you need to lie a bit sometimes. (Sadly, however, many of Trump’s supporters are fat and thus the primary reason for the negative image of Trump’s otherwise healthy, tolerant demographic.) Other notable examples include Paula Deen and Walt Disney, both fat racists.
Now, just because all fat people are racist does not mean that all racists are fat. For example, Hitler was a very fit man and he is arguably the gold standard for modern racism. However, the white sheets worn by the Ku Klux Klan are clearly one-size-fits-all. This is because rednecks are fat and, by association, racist.
The clothes worn by fat people require more fabric and thus, more work for third world country sweatshop laborers. Fat people then claim that these clothes should cost the same as smaller, more efficient models. This is effectively a demand that foreign minorities be paid less. Racist.
Regardless, money is no object for fat people. This is because it is expensive to be fat. To afford that much food requires an income roughly equivalent to the GDP of a small country, one that most likely profits from the suffering of minority labor. That’s obviously racist. It is well-known that most rich people are white, fat, and racist.
But this goes beyond just your everyday racism. As Donald Trump mentioned in the first debate, fat people are hackers. Being good with computers, many fat people find jobs in the tech industry which, as you know, is dominated by white males. Therefore, fat people are also sexist.
Much in the same way that racists deny being racist, fat people often deny being fat. They’re likely to respond to negative headlines about other fat people defensively, saying things like “why does it always have to be about weight?” They will rationalize their fatness (and their racism) by saying there are plenty of other people who are fatter (and more racist). But we know the truth. Fat people view other fat people as the most beautiful race. This is because they have created an Aryan ideal of a fat America with Ronald McDonald’s complexion. The only people who love racists are other racists, so fat people must be racist.
Obviously, some of my examples are more “fat prejudice” than “racism”. Just because you happen to meet a fat person every day that hates minorities doesn’t necessarily mean that they are all as bigoted as that. But, if it looks like racism, talks like racism, and waddles like a fat person, then they’re probably racists.