So I know this isn't exactly the place I should post this kind of thing but you guys are probably the only people on earth who would have a chance of understanding me. I also feel pretty uncomfortable and effeminate talking about personal and emotional shit. However, I feel like I need to tell someone so I can get some help on some things. I'll most likely delete this after a few comments.

This was an experience I had in 8th grade. I'm 21 now but it still bothers me to this day unfortunately. What happened is that a girl i liked found out that i liked her (however I now realized that I did in fact love her). And the only person I can blame is myself since Im the one that told people (boys and girls). I know you guys complain about manginas and guys that pussy foot around women well I was actually that guy that pussy footed around women. I also feel that I'm the only guy that will ever admit to this lol.

Problems arose after she found ouy that I liked her but the thing is is that I was too afraid to talk to her so I just never did. And avoided her as well as other girls for the rest of middle school and highschool. I guess I was hoping she would reciprocate somehow and talk to me but she didn't. The reason was mainly due to my appearece and my bad skin with gross shit growing out of it. Also due to actual fear because I new I messed up but didn't know how bad of a situation I actually put my self in. I also knew she would say no so if I asked her out I didn't want to get rejected.

Through highschool we just walked past each other and when I had to talk to her she just gave me the silent treatment. It got worse later. It got worse later when she started going out with my frivends and taking them to prom and shit even though she didn't know them well.

You guys probably think im a complete dumbass by now and I kinda am. I was in remedial English as well as math. Buy still some how maneged to get into a good university, the same one this girl got in unfortunately.

By the time I got to college she got worse. She became more manipulative and its clear she is trying to destroy me. So it really is true, that if you are too open and emotionally honest women will do what ever it takes to screw you over.

This all probably sounds like a really pathetic thing but I feel like the most pain a person can experience is when they cause pain to themselve. If some one calls attacks you some how you have right to be angry but when you do something that causes yourself pain you can only take it our on yourself.

Anyways I'm not sure if guys can really give me advice. Maybe I'm just seeking g validation. I tried to talk to my therapist about this and it was clear by the look on his face that he just though I was pathetic.

It's amazing how something with no I'll intent. so innocent stupid kinda fucked up my life. I'm guess I'm just upet I freely gave my soul to the devil. And in doing so made my self a social outcast at the same time losing my respect. I feel broken.