Wife is an emotional mess

ohsnapt · 1日前

So you torpedoed your happy marriage, a woman who adds value to your life beyond sex because....why? You read some stuff on the internet and assumed thats what she wanted??

Improving yourself. Good

Being a dick who doesnt care about her, playing silly games. Bad

Also telling her "you go kid." Wtf is this" casablanca?" Why dont you tell your wife you dont want her to go fool

Worst_Patch1 · 1日前

Wow. You had a happy marriage and you just destroyed it due to following information you found out online?

Why?

even if TRP WERE the truth rather than a bunch of randoms' ravings/shitpostings why follow it when you were already happy?

The point in self progress is to keep everything that was going okay going whilst improving upon it.

So you were to make you AND your wife happier. Lifting and better fashion would help that, of course, and maybe developing other skills.

But literally being an awful person when she married a considerate and non-"alpha" guy?

sucks to be her, feelsbadman.

BluepillProfessor · 1日前

If sex was fine before then why are you withdrawing time and attention?

Blow ups like this can be handled easily. Take her in your arms and be the oak. You have literally managed to secure defeat from the jaws of victory. Don't turn back into her beta pet but lead her to a better place. She wants you to reassure the hamster. Why are you reluctant?

anythinginc · 2日前

What attracted her to you in the first place? Just an easy going paycheck? I don't think it was that bad if she could suffer through fucking you non-starfish 2-3X a week. Are you still doing attractive things? Fun things? Make her tingle?

followed by a week of enthusiastic dirty sex 5-6 times.

I guess so, but when this happens, it needs to ease her dread. She needs to learn that when she is sweet and feminine and sexually available, she gets her comfort, she gets her stress and anxiety relief. To get enthusiastic dirty sex 5-6 times a week takes tingles. So you're not giving yourself enough credit there. That's how you give her some beta. Good sex should make you easy going and comfortable for awhile, make you show emotion and be concerned with her emotions for awhile. The problem men have is we let a little sex go a long way in forgetting our mission and self-improvement. Right? Taking it back to dating...when she's fucking you, you stick around and take care of her and are concerned with her emotions...when she's not fucking you and adding value, you are gone and emotionally unavailable. You have dated, so you've lived this dynamic before.

Kinda reminds me of recent advice:

Right now, she doesn't care, she's just comfortable. You can keep on being an autistic faggot until she's uncomfortable enough to actually want to leave, go back to being your comfortable self, or quietly unfuck yourself, realize divorce is an option you can handle, build your frame, increase your SMV, and learn to bring the tingles and up the levels of dread until LVL 10/11/12/Divorce and/or she begins to come around. You can see the difference right? A comfortable mediocre man (at least to her perception) making her uncomfortable enough to be okay with leaving him...versus an exceptional man being himself and having a frame she want's to live in and she has to fuck and add value to keep him around. And sadly, here is the thing, she might love being comfortable. The existential dread required for sexual urgency is just too great for some women, and if yours gets too high she'll just implode, let you leave, and find somebody else to be comfortable with. You won't ever know until you: >>unfuck yourself, realize divorce is an option you can handle, build your frame, increase your SMV, and learn to bring the tingles and work up the levels of dread.

So is she imploding? Are you an uncomfortable mediocre man. What level dread you on? 6? Are you using pickup/game on your wife? I guess so and some weeks it works well and some weeks it doesn't. Maybe that's part of the problem. You're at 6 and just starting to game your wife, so you both "know" you're not the person who could be fucking better, but you're treating her like you could be fucking better, and the cognitive dissonance is causing emotional problems.

Something else missing: Vision/Mission. Do you make long term plans with her? Let her know that you want her in your life? I'm reminded of

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/374wln/what_we_talk_about_when_we_talk_about_dread_13/

Dread pitfalls, hamster mazes etc...does any of that apply to you?

"You are just not present in this relationship. You are so busy in your world improving yourself, and you do it with finesse. I am becoming an emotional mess and I just wanted you to care for my emotions. I am becoming a zombie and can't function when I sulk after you just ignore me or laugh at me or leave the house. I will not ask for it anymore. You could have just understood it, but you never did anything about it all these months....RIGHT NOW

So what happened recently? Red Pill wisdom is a woman doesn't have enthusiastic dirty sex 5-6 times a week and then leave...unless it is a no-strings-attached relationship and she finds a better alpha or beta or alpha provider elsewhere depending on what her hypergamy needs at the time.

I feel like I just shotgunned this instead of a laser, but wisdom says comfort test since she was using lots of "I". The wisdom about comfort tests is that you don't have to "comply" i.e. be a beta...but you should give her some comfort right now. You have to go on living your awesome life that women would want to be a part of like she didn't just say that and mention divorce...but do something comfortable too...like tell her to meet you for dinner tonight at a place she can't refuse, be charming and attractive and comfortable, don't say I love you unless she does, don't be a beta bitch, don't say she can't leave you, but be engaged and concerned with her emotions. She shit tests you and fucks you pretty good on occasion and gets your dick hard..that's not a bad woman, maybe not the woman you want her to be, but it's the woman you married. You bitter about that? That's unattractive. Don't be bitter and disengaged tonight. You've got good frame it seems, and it is okay if she doesn't want to live in it, but is this frame really you? Or are you being extra hard ass? She married a comfortable man, you can still make her comfortable without being beta, you still want her in your life, you said it, own it, that's part of your frame, but don't be beta begging her to stay. You are improving, and you can live without her.

She may just want some comfort and assurance, and nothing has worked so far, not fucking you 5 times a week (though that should have worked a little), not adding value outside of sex (that should work a little too), not working out and looking sexy and getting your dick hard (that should work too) not letting you laugh at her and walk away, nothing has made her feel secure and comfortable like the fat paycheck she married did..so she pulled out some big guns to get some comfort out of you. Back to the beginning, what made her marry a fat paycheck? Comfort...and being a fat paycheck buried in her frame and feelz was comfortable enough...now that you're a budding alpha provider you're gonna have to come up with new ways to show her that she's on solid ground and make her feel comfortable and that your new frame is a place she wants to live in. Back to the middle: ""You are just not present in this relationship [right now]" So be present and comfortable a little [right now]. This went a lot of places but came full circle I think.

12Mucinexes · 1日前

Lmfao, that's what you get for falling for this Red Pill manipulative bullshit you dumb fuck.

ApatheticAnarchy · 1日前

So you marry a woman who makes you happy, who you apparently make happy. At 2-3 times a week, you don't feel like you're getting the sex you deserve and feel disrespected. So instead of trying to work with her, your wife, your supposed partner for supposed life you... follow the advice of a bunch of strangers on the internet who proceed to convince you to stop treating your partner like a partner, but someone who owes you something and should be mentally manipulated into giving it to you.

So you change yourself entirely from the person she thought she married so you could look like a big man to internet strangers. Bait and switch.

In the end, that is going to be the story of your marriage. That you put a board of opinions of internet strangers above the relationship with your wife. That when you realized that you were wrong, and it was apparent that it was clearly your fault, instead of realizing that and trying to correct it, you doubled down and went back to those internet strangers for more advice and consoling.

You will do this again and again. Your biases will continue to become self fulfilling.

bogeyd6 · 2日前

You are getting inconsistent results because you are doing this for all of the wrong reasons. This post is 99% about her and how you are living in her frame. Then she hits you with the biggest shit test / gas lighting of all and you fail. There are reams of posts you could search for this. Ok, so you put in about 5 months of half assed wrong type of work for all the wrong reasons. Don't really be surprised when it doesn't work out. If I do all the maintenance but don't put diesel in my truck, then my truck will eventually stop running. Can I then be questioning the engineers at Ford because now my truck doesn't start? No. I need to fill up with some diesel.

For all the shit I just gave you, you have managed to do some good things for yourself. You have been lifting, losing weight, and getting your look back in place. Women go through a range of emotions as they see you improving. Mostly I have always thought they are angry that they are going to have to improve, but mostly like the end result when their hypergamy is satisfied. As your SMV begins to match up and then outpace her SMV this is when things are going to get much much easier.

Ok but what the fuck can I do right now you are probably thinking? Put the hammer down son, and nevermind them brakes. Treat that as a shit test, because it is not a comfort test. She says this morning to guage your reaction and elicit compliance from you. 95% of the time she will back down and start with the better behavior. Therefore, you keep improving yourself and you keep getting results for yourself. If a bitch wants to walk, you have to be willing to let them walk. As you get to be a better man, your next plates/ltr's wont be plagued with the same problems.

I don't know if you have kids or not, but if she goes to her sisters house. Go talk to several attorneys and start preparing for divorce. Believe me, if there are no kids involved yet, right now is the time to get out. MRP doesn't claim to save marriages, in fact it's quite the opposite.

Bread_Pilled · 2日前

Lifting, dressing well, reading, focusing on his career and finances - these are all good qualities. They help develop a frame. They increase confidence. While it is important to put oneself first, it is not advised that a married man solely focus on himself, and ignore his spouse. To maintain a healthy relationship, one cannot be purely alpha.

Consider that there is more to a marriage than just you. Displaying care for your loved ones is significant, for reassurance can go a long way It is important that this be done in a masculine manner. Do not come off as needy. Rather, appear you care for your spouse just as a father would show he cares for his daughter that is going through a hard time.

I leave with a rhetorical question: How have you shown your spouse that you care about her? What has been done to bring your spouse into your frame? Is she involved? Does she share your vision? Or have you been so absent that she truly believes you have already checked out of this relationship?

The_Litz · 2日前

5 months can be a very long time or it can be a very short time. In the context of MRP, it is short. The RP journey has a start and no finish. It is a lifetime of being the best you can be, so basically you are at the very beginning of your journey.

5 months feelz like a lifetime of suffering in a relationship she no longer controls.

So the point is, she has not had an ounce of beta comfort for a long time. She is actually bewildered and unshure of where in the world she stands.

Have you shared your vision for the family with her? Does she know she is part of your future. Does she know she is welcome in your future?

The best practical advice I can give is to make her understand that you don't need her to be happy, but that you choose her to be your wife.

Do not go full beta on her. It will undo all the progress you have made. Add a little beta over time.

What I found to be a good source for beta comfort was the book 5 Love languages. Use it with caution, if you follow it as intended by the author you will become a beta pussy. Don't do that.

AND FINALLY.....

Let her go. Have the mindset that you can replace her. Once you have that abundance mentality you will be able to give her the comfort she seeks without the fear on your side that you are sliding back into betadom.

red-pill-man · 13時間前

Wow. This post got blue pill brigaded.

WhiteTrashKiller · 2日前

"I have finally come to accept and internalise that she will never come around into my frame."

"I truly think that I have not yet become her alpha and I never might."

"She is neither getting her beta me back nor the tingles from me. So its best for her to get out."

You are touching on a belief I usually reference with every "I am improving, yet my wife is still not responding". Hence the Filet Mignon!

You are hamburger! You are still meat, but you will never be Filet Mignon. Sure you can be made into many different things. You are useful in many different dishes, but in terms of sexual appetite and taste she wants the Filet and you'll never be. What I mean by this is, If you start a relationship with a SMV imbalance you can never hope to achieve what you're seeking. She settled for you, didn't hunt for you, put her everything out there to lure you in.

Even in the beginning, you didn't get her best so why would you get her best when you improve? You may get a short rebound, a mate guard for your resources, but overall you a most likely better off starting a new relationship where you are only known as an Alpha. This is why these relationships that started as Alpha and slipped can recover, but those other instances always have the same responses. He is owning it, has a social outlet, makes good money, is at 12% BF, yet she doesn't respond, why? Because she will always see you as the Beta, in fact she may be pissed at your transformation. She didn't want this version of you, she wouldn't have picked you at your Alpha peak if the relationship started this way in the first place.

Continue to improve, but understand she will never give you her best. At most she may return to a level when the relationship started, but you being a different version of yourself now, it would provide little satisfaction since it would still be below your standards...

Good Luck!

screechhater · 2日前

"I used to have a huge gut entering marriage, which is now replaced by a V shaped hard core."

Your words, but if you were fun and alive, and you now are on the MRP death march, pouring a drop of alpha on the dick and a gallon on the attitude with a total "retard abundance mentality" you are alienating her. Is this how you would like to be treated ?

Yes, "go" was the right, but when she wants some comfort and put down the barbell, Rambone

TheFamilyAlpha · 1日前

You're fat, losing your startup, & call your wife kid at a moment where she says you say the wrong things.

This is not MRP, this is you going OFP and calling it MRP.

You don't need to read the sidebar multiple times to man up.

You act like a man.

You acted like a fuck & now your wife wants out.

Unfuck yourself.

FistFullOfBitches · 2日前

If she really was that much higher SMV, she probably married you with a very fem-primarynarcissitic view of what the marriage would be like. Her statements "I just wanted you to care for my emotions." and " I am becoming a zombie and can't function when I sulk " are both so typically female (all about ME, all about FEELZ) and so typically unhealthy (YOU are responsible for how I feel!) it's almost textbook.

So now you're changing and she doesn't understand. If she really does add significant value to your life, make sure you sprinkle some "beta" in the forms of positive feedback - be vocal in appreciating what she adds so she feels a little more comfort, and like Litz says, include her in the vision.

It sounds like you may have been going a little hard-line on her over the last bit with not enough comfort/tenderness/positive einforcement and that alienates her more. Your "if you want to get out please do so" tends to reinforce this in my view.

OTOH, only you know what things have been like, and if you haven't actually been cutting her out 100%, and have been mixing in some leading and comfort, then I can see how your bolded hypothesis holds.

cheeseandhoneyy · 2日前

You have a confidence and mission problem - your mission in life revolves around becoming HER alpha rather than THE ALPHA, and that i suspect is coming very strongly as sprinkling alpha around her so she is calling your bluff -

all of that calm talk that you're interpreting literally is just a giant "I know you're trying to impress me to get the reins back in this relationship but you're just not capable". You yourself don't believe you're capable so why would she?

You have strong oneitis.

What sort of things do you do together? do you game her?

SexistFlyingPig · 2日前

She uses the most vague, emotional language to describe what she thinks she wants you to do differently. This is a power play on her part. She says that she wants you to care for her emotions.

Your description of her is all kinds of fucked up. She's genuinely unhappy that you are improving yourself. It makes her feel that she can't control you. Until she comes around to thinking of you as the leader of the house, things are only going to get worse.

It's good that you've been working on yourself. Maybe now it's time to take the next step and lead. I don't know enough about your relationship to be able to offer suggestions as to what this would look like.

What would the relationship look like if you were leading and she was following? Does that image match with your view of yourself and your view of her personality?

DarkAges1 · 2日前

Improve yourself, for yourself. Be happy with your improvements. If she stays with you, fine. If she doesn't, fine. Commence plate spinning.

Westernhagen · 2日前

I've been getting the same sort of feedback: "you are not present, you don't love me, you don't care about me, you just decide what you want to do and then you go do it." But at least she hasn't asked me to care about her feelz.

One question is whether SHE is "present" or not. As BluepillProfessor said the other day, "Dread does NOT work with a woman who is completely checked out or who already has another man! She might even be happy you found somebody else. Dread works on the anxiety of losing you. If you are already gone in her mind Dread doesn't work." I suspect that's where I am, or pretty close to it.

If she is checked out, what do you do? Increase the "relationship comfort"? Or is that going to get the same reaction that a man to whom she's not attracted gets when he tries "comfort building", i.e., ewww creepy beta is being creepy?

Griever114 · 1日前

Literally this entire victim puke is about your wife. None of us gives two shits about your pathetic excuse for a wife and her "feelz." So i DARE to say, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE SO FUCKING MUCH. You are asking and relaying posts about how to play the nice card/mean card regarding your wife. You are asking for ways to deal with you wife.

You are still in step one. EMBRACE STEP ONE.

STFU, LIFT, READ and stop worrying about her. You are completely in her frame and worrying about her.

AT THE VERY MOST, re: your wife, you should be awesome and invite to to do awesome things.

askMRP

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