We had two cats prior to a few months ago. Our latest son is learning to crawl and eventually walk, eats everything. So the second cat who was pissing everywhere had to go. As a last resort, he was sent to my friend's place, where we hoped his stress would release and he'd be content. Alas, my friend has to redo some of the flooring now.

Now, the two remaining options were bring the cat home and wait to find a foster home, or take him to the vet. I don't believe in killing a healthy cat without giving it a chance, so the vet was no option for me, and I've told my wife as much. I'd rather let the cat go out and get feral in the countryside. Not in the city. During winter, the cat is very likely to perish. We didn't agree.

So I picked up the cat from my friend, and as I'm driving towards home with him, I think I could take him to my studio and try one last time for myself to get him house proof.

On the way home, I stopped and the cat got out. So now for all intents and purposes, I've done what I'd earlier said I'd rather do. For the last week, I've been going back to where he ran off, trying to find him. Posters, talked with dog walkers etc.

The lying about it comes thus. My wife found a bag of cat food at the trunk of our car, asked me what's going on with the cat. I immediately sprang into action, and lied that I'd taken him elsewhere from my friends place, and that I didn't need to leave the food there. Later, she asked me where did I take the cat, and I told her I took him to "where cats that no one will want go to". Meaning the pet cemetary, kitty heaven. Frankly, by my letting him get away, that's what I've done. But it gets even better. She wanted to know how the cat died, so I told her I put him to sleep and buried him into a field.

Now if the cat walks home, or some local sees the cat and posts onto facebook about it, my lies will unravel.

I understand I'm agonizing over something that has a very good chance of not ever coming to issue. But if I don't get this right and it does come back to bite me in the ass, I'm setting a fucking ridiculous example. Not only lying about my wrongdoings, but also trying to cover them up. Not to mention that if it were the other way around, I'd be furious. Bad leading.

Clearly I'm protecting my ego with everything I've got. And I have no idea to what end, except that she will be angry. With good reason, I believe.

So once I do tell her that I lied about the cat being dead, things are going to get interesting. I fully believe that this is what I should do, and should've done to begin with. But now I'm questioning and second guessing myself. Will I fuck up again, if I do this? And if so, where's the fuckup? Where's the covert contract? I've managed to get her pissed before, gotten the odd asshole every now and again, and they've gone down well as usual. But this is something big. This is not me teasing her until she feels I'm a dick messing with her.