I know we have all suspected Cruz, but a lot of people, you wouldn't believe how many people, great people, are telling me that Trump is actually the zodiac killer and framed Cruz for it. You wouldn't believe what they're telling me.

Unlike Trump, I'll tell you. Consider the facts:

• The killer named himself in a 13-character cipher. What has 13 characters? "DonaldJTrump!"

• Trump graduated from college in 1968, mere months before the killings started.

• Ted Cruz was born two years later in 1970.

• Time travel was not discovered until 2487.

• Trump conveniently received a draft deferment that prevented the Vietnam war from interrupting his killing spree.

• Investigators have, to this date, failed to decipher all of his cryptograms. Remember haters and losers, Trump's IQ is one of the highest. If police had the best words, they'd have solved them by now.

So which is more likely, that Donald Trump is a serial killer, or that Ted Cruz is a time-travelling lizard-person who faked his own birth? I rest my case.