Having lived and worked in Thailand for many years I have acquired a somewhat different perspective on female psychology when it comes to love and money.
Happiness and love for a rural Thai family is deeply interconnected with wealth and financial stability because it provides them with social status and most importantly a lot of “face”. Face is a concept that is buried deep within every Thai person and most of their decisions are based on the gain and loss of face.
Saving face in Thai culture is probably the same as a Westerner or foreigner’s reputation. The idea or value behind saving face is nobody wants to lose face. For instance, most folks don’t want to be embarrassed or look like a fool. In Thailand, they just take it a little further – they will go so far as to tell you “yes” when they mean “no” or “don’t know.”
Think of saving face as Thai currency. It can help you get farther and soothe any problems perceived in the present. Because it’s also important for you to understand that Thai culture is a current culture, thinking of today because tomorrow is not here yet. If you lose face, if you lose your temper, your currency has lost its value.
This is important because when dealing with Thai women you need to always be aware of its implications.
When you enter in to a relationship with a Thai lady they are usually very upfront with what is expected of you i.e. the amount of money you need to be able to provide for her and her family on a monthly basis. This will inevitably come as a shock to someone not familiar with Thai culture and is the number one reason why most relationships don’t last beyond the first few payments. This is a lifelong commitment and the payments won’t stop ever until her family is all dead.
Fortunately this can be a quite reasonable amount that most of us can pay easily. However when news comes out she has landed a “rich foreigner” demands will come for money from everyone she has ever known. Sick uncles, cousins and friends alike will pressure not only her mother and father for money but also her. It can be for important items such as medications of frivolous items such as a new motorbike for her brother or a face generating car for her parents.
The pressure on her will be unbelievable which means that in turn she will pressure you. Few men have the strength and knowledge to successfully negotiate these kinds of requests.
You can have a happy marriage with a south east Asian women as long as you have the financial resources available to keep her family in a moderately delux lifestyle. Her family will then see to it that she remains a good and faithful wife in order to not lose their privileges. The girl’s mother and grandmother are key to this equation as they are the only ones who can truly control her. She will look to them for counsel, never you so astute men can use this knowledge to their advantage and raise any grievances with the spouse’s mother and let her deal with the unruly wife.
The interesting thing about having lived with and dated Thai women is that they behave and talk in ways western women have been conditioned from early childhood to never do. They are completely unashamed to talk about the financials of marriage and dating. It is in fact the most important item for them; love doesn’t even enter the top five.
This naturally makes for some amusing (and infuriating) situations for a westerner. In Thai culture you are expected to show your love and appreciation with gifts, the more expensive the better. Thai gold jewelry being the standard gift as this can easily be sold back to the shop for the current gold exchange rate. Thai girls love presents, it doesn’t always have to be something expensive as long as you sometimes buy expensive presents. Failure to buy something nice during valentines or any other numerous holidays will lead to a big fight where she cry about how little you love her. It doesn’t matter if you previously have spent big money on her, bought a motorbike, gold and iPhone. It’s what you purchase today that matters.
I lived with a girl for three years and she even stayed with me in my country after a lengthy VISA process. After she returned back home due to boredom she asked me to send her more money. I told her I was skint that month and that she had to wait. Every day she sent me messages about how poor she was and how little money she had and eventually got very angry that I didn’t find a way to send her more money.
Eventually she flat out told me that if I don’t send her money the next month when I get my salary we are finished because I don’t “take care of her”. That was after 3 years mind you.
I’ve also been told I’m “not a real man” for being unable to meet demands for additional money.
A great deal of the (Thai) women I have dated has seen the monthly stipend as law that I am bound to follow, and many of them have subsequently threatened to or outright left me when I didn’t agree to pay.
I was obviously a complete fool with my first Asian girlfriend (and it cost me dearly) but at the time I loved her deeply and I was convinced that I could make it work. I thought that by bringing her to my country I could teach her new values. But you know what they say about a Tiger and their stripes….
Another interesting fact is that due to “face” the Thais are notoriously unwilling to confront each other and risk losing face. This means that Thais will rather lie than lose face. As you can imagine this makes it almost impossible to get a straight answer out of a Thai girl when she gets caught doing something she shouldn’t. She will deny, deny and deny and ones confronted with hard indisputable evidence, such as a photograph or a credible witness she will not feel apologetic but instead she will get angry at the loss of face. She will demand to know who sold her out or how you acquired the photograph. The act of lying or even infidelity is not what she will be angry about; it’s that she got caught. She will make no attempts at masking this and will instead try to push you to reveal your sources or the method used to catch her. Any “sorry” she will muster will be strictly lip service that she has learned a westerner will want to hear.
One of the most important lessons I have learnt is that as a man you need to rule with an iron fist. I have observed Thai men’s interaction with their ladies closely and there are times when a slap across the face is not only warranted, but expected. Failure to rein your girl in when she is being unruly by “talking it out” will not only back fire but will make her lose all respect for you.
No other creature is as adept as finding and exploiting weaknesses as a Thai lady. Every argument is a shit test and another opportunity for her to attempt to assert dominance. As a man you must never give even an inch. It’s your way or nothing.
The Thais themselves are experts at avoiding conflict due to the concept of face and will often go to any length to avoid it but when it does happen, the men strike down hard and swift.
These days I have much more success in the area of SE Asian women as I have learned how to successfully manage their expectations and placate their egos without spending big money. Some expats say I take advantage of the ladies. That I string them along, but I have simply learned to play their game.
It has come to me lately that what I have experienced with Thai women is probably what western women would be like if you removed all pretenses. If there were no stigma associated with asking for or demanding money from men.
[–]AoriMVR 0ポイント1ポイント2ポイント (0子コメント)