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[TX] 6 year old son wandered out of elementary school and was picked up by a stranger. (self.legaladvice)

GI-Jew が 投稿

Son was picked up by his bus this morning as usual. Received a call around noon informing me that between being dropped off and his first class he wandered around the school, went to a book fair, and then left the school out a side door. Him and another child wandered through the surrounding neighborhood eventually getting into a car with a stranger who took them to another school and left them with the principal. After realizing the children didn't go to the school, the principal took them back to the correct elementary safely. My child was given and in school suspension and is in way more trouble at home.

Here is my concern. I don't understand how this was allowed to happen. As much as he made these decisions and is ultimately responsible for his actions, it seems like the school holds some responsibility for their safety.

I have a meeting with the principle. I want to know how this happened and what they are going to do to keep this from being a possibility again for my kids or anyone else's. This could have been a very tragic story had it turned out any differently. I'm worried that I may be met with some resistance from the principal and was wondering if I had any legal recourse if they tried to shift responsibility or not make changes to protocol.

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[–]ZanctmaoQuality Contributor 958ポイント959ポイント  (72子コメント)

A six year old should not be in that position. The suspension is BS. This is the school's fault, not your kids. You are right to be concerned. I'd raise this with the district.

[–]GI-Jew[S] 388ポイント389ポイント  (64子コメント)

That was my line of thought. Don't get me wrong, he is in trouble at home because he needs to learn how serious this is and how horrible it could have gone. But I don't feel like a 6 year old has the capacity and understanding of cause and effect and dangers of the world to be held accountable for his own safety.

I feel that there is an expectation of care when I put him in their custody every day. Again my main focus is to go to this meeting and make sure someone is accountable and that they took this seriously enough to adjust policy or punish someone for not following policy.

If I'm not happy with the meeting I need to know what I can do going forward.

[–]ZanctmaoQuality Contributor 302ポイント303ポイント  (37子コメント)

Escalate to the school district.

[–]NimbleLogicBro 191ポイント192ポイント  (2子コメント)

But make sure you are raising the right questions, they can dodge around "how did you let this happen?" Pretty easily. Try "why was it not noticed that my child was missing until he was returned?" And "aren't the teachers actively supposed to be keeping track of how many students they are responsible for?" Also ask them specifically what their system keeping track of students is, and make them be specific.

[–]FoilagedMonkey 34ポイント35ポイント  (0子コメント)

Call and demand to speak with the superintendent, take it to the top and make it loud.

Definitely don't settle for building level, they know of they fucked up and will likely try to down play their role.

Go as high as you can and make this known, safety and security should always be top priority for a school with children that young.

[–]GI-Jew[S] 87ポイント88ポイント  (32子コメント)

Thank you.

[–]LittleFalls 248ポイント249ポイント  (25子コメント)

I would try to pin down a timeline. Why did you not receive a call right when he went missing? Did his school even realize he was gone? Maybe call the other school to find what time the stranger dropped him off.

[–]GI-Jew[S] 153ポイント154ポイント  (19子コメント)

Thanks for the advice that's a great idea. They should have no problem giving me an accurate timeline because I believe it was all caught on cameras. They know exactly what his path was and which door he left through.

They didn't call any sooner because the teacher thought he was absent since he never made it to class. There was a book fair going on in the library and according to the principal that made things chaotic. Not exactly comforting.

[–]theneedfull 182ポイント183ポイント  (16子コメント)

My daughter just started public school. She missed a day last week because she was sick. I got a message that she wasn't at school like 15 minutes after the start of the day. Doesn't every school have something like that nowadays?

[–]GI-Jew[S] 137ポイント138ポイント  (7子コメント)

That's another great point. Something that crossed my mind but I forgot about. It's been a very stressful day. The last district they were in I would get a call within a half hour when they were home sick. At this school we don't get a call till the end of the day. This is something I will bring up that I would like changed in the meeting. If I was contacted knowing he should be there, we could've been on top of this much sooner.

[–]etchedchampion 82ポイント83ポイント  (6子コメント)

With today's technology there's absolutely no reason why teachers can't take attendance electronically at the start of class and have the system prompt a call home for any child that came up absent. It could be an automatic robo call, no one would actually even have to make it. Hell, they could text you or e-mail you. Or all three. Within 5 minutes of the beginning of the day.

[–]NighthawkFoo 48ポイント49ポイント  (1子コメント)

My kids' school can do exactly this. You can sign up for the "safe arrival" program, where if your kid doesn't make it to school on time, you get a phone call in the morning. I've been in the office and watched the secretary go down the list of names, calling each parent in turn. This isn't rocket science.

[–]TastyFace 21ポイント22ポイント  (2子コメント)

Money is a reason.

(At least, for not doing it with slick modern tech.)

[–]oosetastic -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This would be great, but I'm sure, like all things, it would cost quite an bit in startup.

[–]chloes1_1968 29ポイント30ポイント  (2子コメント)

That is what happens with my little one's school. Within 30 minutes I get a call both at home and on my cell.

OP, I would be more than a little upset about the school's failure to notify you. The events you're describing are frankly, terrifying! Your child should NOT be having any kind of suspension, as, at 6 yrs old they're not exactly capable of making sensible decisions.

[–]alice-in-canada-land 23ポイント24ポイント  (1子コメント)

My daughter's school still called up to last year. She was 14.

At the parent information class for her high school they made it clear that they no longer have "Safe Arrival" calls for kids who are absent once they are in high school.

So yeah - the school not immediately informing the parent that the kid was missing is inexcusable.

[–]navarone21 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

That is funny, because starting in high school is when I would really want my "safe arrival" Calls. That is when I started being a little shithead and dipping out of class from time to time.

[–]too_many_skin_tags 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

Mine does. They were even wrong twice.

[–]RainbowShowers 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

My school would call my house automatically if I was late, or did not show up to my first class and this was over 10 years ago!

[–]skiing123 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

I was in high school from 2006 to 2010 and had to rush home afterwards to delete any robo-voicemails if I late to school or skipped it entirely though never checked at what time they call

[–]HypnoticPeaches 23ポイント24ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is late, but an anecdote:

I remember book fairs in the library. We went as a class, regardless of whether or not we were buying anything. Especially at that age, there really should have been no point at which the child was unsupervised by either the library staff or the teacher.

[–]KageTachi 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Chaotic or not. Most public schools have a system that most any staff can check, and are supposed to check. The excuse of she thought he was absent is not right. That would mean she didn't do her roll call first thing. Every teacher in my school was required to call roll and then submit that to the online system before class starts

[–]FallenAngelII -4ポイント-3ポイント  (4子コメント)

Received a call around noon informing me that between being dropped off and his first class he wandered around the school...

It would seem he never made it to his first class, so they had no way of knowing the kid was ever at school to begin with. Unless the school makes it their mission to call parents if kids are absent without an explanation, it's understandable they didn't contact OP 'til after the fact since they didn't know he kid was missing 'til then.

[–]ieatcheese1 14ポイント15ポイント  (1子コメント)

Both elementary schools and the middle school I went to called within an hour if you weren't in school.

[–]FallenAngelII 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This dependent on country and school district (I have no clue about Texas). You likely went to elementary and middle school in the same school district, so of course they'd have the same rules and regulations. Other school districts probably don't contact the parents unless it's been more than a day (as in the child hasn't been to school in several days so they want to know why that is).

[–]shingdao 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

It would seem he never made it to his first class, so they had no way of knowing the kid was ever at school to begin with...

Except OP's son boarded the district's school bus in the morning and from that point on, until he is met by a parent or guardian at the school bus at the end of the day, he is the school's responsibility. The bus driver knew he was on the bus and presumably transported the child to school grounds so the school certainly has a 'way of knowing whether he was ever at school to begin with'.

[–]Casey_jones291422 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It would seem he never made it to his first class, so they had no way of knowing the kid was ever at school to begin with

Yes they did, they should know he wasn't in his first class. Teacher notices kid missing when taking attendance, calls the office asked if the parent called to mentioned they were sick, if no call the parent. It's not really that hard to do.

[–][削除されました]  (1子コメント)

[removed]

    [–]thepatmanQuality Contributor[M] 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

    Do not advise posters to call the media or to post on social media

    • Alerting the media to, or otherwise publicizing a potential legal situation creates additional risks and problems, and should only be done, if at all, with the counsel of a local attorney representing OP.

    If you feel this was in error, message the moderators.

    [–]GLaDOS_GLaDOS 84ポイント85ポイント  (5子コメント)

    This is absolutely the schools responsibility. In Texas, the school takes legal custody of your child and has very specific rights and responsibilities (such as they are allowed to discipline the child and are responsible for their well being). You have a lot of ammunition here as the school was clearly negligent in the care of your 6 year old.

    [–]GI-Jew[S] 53ポイント54ポイント  (4子コメント)

    I'm hoping to see everyone be apologetic and work with us to implement new procedures to keep this from happening again. There were no real damages, everything turned out okay, but it's still haunting me how badly this could have gone. I don't want any other parents to go through what we went through today, especially not any worse.

    [–]SunMoonTruth 41ポイント42ポイント  (1子コメント)

    They may not be apologetic for fear of broader liability issues and lawsuits. They will not want to admit culpability by being apologetic. Disciplining the 6 year old because they are incompetent is not a good sign. You may, as others have noted here, need to escalate this to the district.

    [–]WeylandTheDwarf 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I thought I read somewhere that saying "sorry" wasn't admission of fault. Am I mistaken?

    [–]whelponry 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Please understand that this may, in fact, be a systemic issue in that school whose symptom has now become apparent. The school district will absolutely circle its wagons and say and do anything to make you go away and make you feel good about it. Speaking on your own to them without an attorney is ill-advised at this point as you may inadvertently waive your rights in any civil action that may arise in the future against the school district. You can be absolutely sure they will have more than one person in the room when you request it, and you ought to know who those people will side with if subpoenaed.

    Please contact an attorney and have that attorney assess what action should be taken against the school district. All correspondence from this point on regarding this incident should be in writing through that attorney and sent by courier or certified mail. Do not make verbal contact with anyone in the school district regarding this matter without your attorney's advice, and any resolution will be in writing.

    Being nice can potentially cause this school district to endanger yours and/or other children through this school district's negligence. Please consider this in your future actions.

    [–]HildegardeBrasscoat 59ポイント60ポイント  (11子コメント)

    If it was me I would be demanding that the suspension be removed from his record, because as /u/Zanctmao pointed out, that's BS. This is on the school, not on a kid who's too young to understand that what he's doing isn't a lark.

    [–]SithLord13 14ポイント15ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Agreed. Please, please /u/GI-Jew fight that suspension tooth and nail. This was the school who screwed up. It's a teachable moment for your child (as to why he shouldn't do that in the future), but he shouldn't be punished for it. There's no way he comprehended that this was a bad thing.

    [–]kickshaw 15ポイント16ポイント  (0子コメント)

    This lack of oversight at the school sounds like a perfect opportunity for kidnapping by a noncustodial parent or anyone else the child goes with willingly.

    [–]wholligan 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I'm glad you seem level headed in how you plan to approach them. Maybe it was irresponsibility, maybe just good timing on your sons part. Its at least worth looking into to ensure the school is taking their responsibility seriously and that there was no breach of protocol on behalf of an adult.

    Also, I hate to give unsolicited parenting advice here, but please remind your son not to get into cars with strangers. After this experience, he may look at it as a perfecrly safe option. To me, this is the scariest part! No matter how kind they look, it could be dangerous. That person should have gotten out of their car and waited with the children until police came.

    [–]ieatcheese1 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    My opinion is he should be in trouble at home, not at school. He did something wrong but why wasn't the school insuring this didn't happen? I'd escelate to the school district as someone else said.

    [–]locopingvin 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Maybe contact your local representative? It'd be a way to instigate a change to the statutes, if need be.

    If you're going into a meeting with the school, keep in mind that Texas is single-party consent and the conversation may be recorded. The district and school is going to do everything they can to mitigate risk. Contacting an attorney never hurts, particularly if you think they're going to brush this under the rug.

    [–]bessann28 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    In loco parentis. Absolutely. Why did no one notice he was missing, and why weren't you notified that he was not at school that day? Don't they call if a child is absent? Something broke down and that is very disturbing.

    [–]SeattleBattles 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I agree that that the school is fundamentally at fault, but the kid made some very poor choices as well. Punishment is part of how kids learn to not make those kind of mistakes in the future.

    Just because it is understandable that a six year old would do that, doesn't mean there shouldn't be consequences.

    [–]chewp911 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Very glad this is the top reply

    [–]Machismo01 2ポイント3ポイント  (2子コメント)

    Agreed. I think the ISS is to establish a narrative of who's at fault. I think the principal or someone at that level will lose their job if it gets established correctly.

    [–]ZanctmaoQuality Contributor 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Nobody is going to lose their job. Certainly not the principal.

    [–]Machismo01 -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I disagree. If the policies and procedures are flawed and allowed this to happen or if cost reductions were implemented that allowed for this kind of safety gap, you bet someone would at the administration level too.

    [–]ZacksJerryRig -4ポイント-3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    School isn't prison. Children are supposed to be able to behave on some basic level.

    Don't restrict every child just because one can't follow simple rules.

    [–]HildegardeBrasscoat 98ポイント99ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I've worked in several elementary schools in several states and there is no point at which this is acceptable. Those children are supposed to be shepherded from the bus to the teacher's supervision, and at no point should he have been in a position to have the freedom to simply wander the school. They're trying to shift the blame.

    [–]Lethophobia 128ポイント129ポイント  (8子コメント)

    The public school is entirely liable for this. I find it hard to believe that he was given an in-school suspension. Your child is 6. The school district is responsible for your child once he steps on the bus to goes to school. Clearly someone at his school dropped the ball. I have an 11 year old son. If this happened to me, I'd have a lawyer on this in 5 minutes. You are lucky nothing seriously bad happened to your child. Try not to be too hard on your kid. He is 6 and it's the school that messed up.

    [–]GI-Jew[S] 58ポイント59ポイント  (6子コメント)

    I think they did the in school suspension because they weren't sure what to do with him. He also admitted he didn't want to go to class and decided he wanted to show his friend where he lived. He is 100% at fault and I'm using his as a learning experience for him. But I agree, he should've never been in a position to make this decision. He is 6. He doesn't have the ability to make smart adult decisions.

    I'm back and forth on getting a lawyer. I don't know what it would achieve.

    [–]kickshaw 129ポイント130ポイント  (0子コメント)

    He is 100% at fault

    The kid is at fault for deciding he didn't want to go class. The school is 100% at fault for allowing him to actually leave the building. Small children wandering outside unattended should have been noticed before he got out the door, let alone off school property.

    [–]pokeysrevenge 21ポイント22ポイント  (1子コメント)

    I would wait and see how the school handles it tomorrow before getting a lawyer.

    [–]SharpTenor 14ポイント15ポイント  (1子コメント)

    What it will achieve: 1. Making sure you are not swept under the rug and are taken seriously 2. Making sure your interest are protected

    [–]whelponry 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Exactly. Not one more word until an attorney has been consulted.

    [–]Bagellord 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Wait to see how the school and district react before you seek an attorney - may not be worth the cost/hassle. I would also avoid mentioning the possibility of legal action to them until you actually seek an attorney as it could put them on edge or refuse to work with you further.

    [–]Hatter79 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I would call bullshit on in school suspension. Discipline at home as you think appropriate, but this was completely the school's fault and they are trying to shift the blame. They are 100 percent responsible for the actions of a 6 year old, especially after he had already entered the school.

    You should tell them no on the suspension (in no uncertain terms) and escalate this to the superintendent. As a parent of a small child, I would rain down fire on that school, teachers and administration alike.

    [–]SharpTenor 20ポイント21ポイント  (1子コメント)

    A part of what you demand from the district may be a new school. If any organization lost my car- I would never return there. This organization lost your child. Can you ever really trust them again? Make sure that option is on the table for you- you need somewhere you can entrust with your child.

    [–]betany 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I agree. Even if you like their response and they develop new procedures, if it happened again, you would always ask yourself why you didn't switch schools.

    [–]lord_fashnu 6ポイント7ポイント  (2子コメント)

    At this school we don't get a call right when he went missing?

    [–]GI-Jew[S] 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

    No. The robo calls for absent kids come later in the day. It's one of the things I would like to see changed.

    [–]megabyte1 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    it's the same here; I don't get a robocall till about 5-6PM if my kid is absent.

    [–]freelance-t 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I would contact a lawyer or the police. I don't know what kind of lawsuit it would be (IANAL), but it seems quite possible that there is potential for one.

    As to the police, think of it this way: If it happened on a Saturday and the kid wandered out of your house while you were supervising him, and a stranger picked him up and brought him to the police station, you'd be in deep trouble. Especially if they brought him in and you were like "oh, he was gone?"

    I'm pretty sure at that point you'd be facing some kind of negligence or endangerment charges, or at least be dealing with CPS or some agency.

    So how is that different from the school? They were responsible for him, and they should face the consequences. If they don't, and this gets blown off, what happens next time when the stranger decides to take the kids somewhere besides back to school? This could have been way worse. The school should be held accountable.

    [–]InceptDate20160725 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

    He's a six year old. Please reconsider how you approach him on this. Your little boy doesn't have the capacity to understand how grave this could have been, and berating him over it won't help. He'll be frantically wondering how he can make his parents not be angry with him, and that's it.

    Explain the rules to him, and make him understand that you were scared, but I don't know if getting him into "way more trouble" is appropriate.

    [–][削除されました]  (1子コメント)

    [removed]

      [–]thepatmanQuality Contributor[M] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

      Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

      Do not advise posters to call the media or to post on social media

      • Alerting the media to, or otherwise publicizing a potential legal situation creates additional risks and problems, and should only be done, if at all, with the counsel of a local attorney representing OP.

      If you feel this was in error, message the moderators.

      [–]Jimbo_1_3_5 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

      I think you meant to reply to the teacher's supervision, and at no point at which the child goes with willingly.

      [–]dwar23 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

      This lack of oversight at the school insuring this didn't happen?

      [–]streetkiller 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

      You may also want to attend a city hall meeting and make other parents aware. Strength in numbers will help get those changes made.

      [–]Haani_ 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

      Something similar happened to my daughter in elementary school, it was between school and the after school program held in the cafeteria of the same school. For some reason my daughter decided to leave with a friend instead of going to the after school program and no one ever called to say she didn't show up there. I showed up to pick her up and was told she never showed up. Talk about panic.

      The principal bullied me into believing it was 100% my daughter's fault and the school had zero responsibility. As in, once the bell rings, whether the child leaves the building or not, their responsibility for the child ends. Including delivering them safely to the after school program within their own building. The principal literally stood over me with a pointed finger and waged it at me as she barked that I need to teach my child to follow directions better and took no responsibility.

      They will do everything in their power to shirk any kind of blame.

      [–]perfidius 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

      You might hate hearing this, but I tend to agree with your daughter's principal. As long as the student has the freedom to leave the school property once the bell rings, how is the school suppose to realistically ensure that every student goes to where they need to go or gets to where they're going safely?

      [–]fred2087 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

      I meant to reply to the original poster, not to be shepherded from the district may be a new school.

      [–][削除されました]  (1子コメント)

      [removed]

        [–]DaSilenceQuality Contributor[M] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

        Your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

        Do not advise posters to call the media or to post on social media

        • Alerting the media to, or otherwise publicizing a potential legal situation creates additional risks and problems, and should only be done, if at all, with the counsel of a local attorney representing OP.

        If you feel this was in error, message the moderators.

        [–]crashfrog -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

        I don't understand how this was allowed to happen.

        I mean it sounds like the school would have had to have fire exits staffed at all times to prevent him from wandering out of the building, and I don't know of any school that has the idle funding to hire people to sit at doors doing nothing all day.

        [–]AliceOxalis -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

        Why is your son in trouble at home? He's 6 years old, a baby! He probably got confused and lost and scared.

        [–][削除されました]  (4子コメント)

        [removed]

          [–]ExpiresAfterUseQuality Contributor[M] 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

          Bad advice. Removed.

          [–]shingdao -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

          There was clearly a systemic breakdown from the time your child left the school bus to when he exited the building and left school grounds. There are always (or should be) safeguards in place to prevent this very thing. 1st graders should always be accompanied from the school bus to the school building by at least one adult and often there are several including their teacher guiding them into the classroom once they enter the building. Under no circumstances should any child that young be permitted to 'wander' school grounds unsupervised much less be able to go out a side door and walk away.

          Secondly, the fact that you got a call from his school around noon when your child was AWOL for several hours is very concerning. As others have commented, the school should have contacted you withing the first 30 minutes upon recording his absence from class.

          These are the issues I'd raise in your meeting with the school principal. Keep in mind the school will be in damage control mode and will likely not willingly accept responsibility for this...you already know this to be the case since they have issued him an in-school suspension...this was not done to punish your child, it was done to cover the school's behind. I would elevate this to the Superintendent of the school district if you do not get appropriate resolution from school admin.

          [–]Cuzzzza -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

          There was a book fair going on in school suspension because they are incompetent is not a good sign.