MOSCOW—Admitting he had become disenchanted with the entire process, 21-year-old Russian hacker Misha Yurasov told reporters Thursday he was starting to feel like he has no impact whatsoever on the U.S. presidential election.
Former New Mexico governor and Libertarian Party presidential candidate Gary Johnson is gaining some traction in the polls as an alternative to the two major-party nominees. Here’s what you need to know about Johnson
NEW YORK—Evading staff members and giggling uncontrollably while darting between cubicles, a wound-up Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine was reportedly running around Clinton campaign headquarters Wednesday night in his favorite pair of footie pajamas.
BROOKLYN, NY—Saying the new interface will help voters learn more about the candidate and her platform, campaign sources confirmed Wednesday that HillaryClinton.com, the official website of the Democratic presidential nominee, is now fully customizable, allowing visitors to change Clinton’s stance on any given issue so that it reflects their own political beliefs.
WASHINGTON—Expressing regret over its reckless decision to infect the Democratic presidential nominee, the virus causing Hillary Clinton’s pneumonia was reportedly terrified Monday after remembering what the Clintons were capable of.
WASHINGTON—Saying he got butterflies in his stomach the minute he learned they’d both be involved in drafting the legislation, congressman Jerry Bremner (R-NC) told reporters Tuesday he was excited to be working on a bill with an intern he has a huge crush on.
A recent speech by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticizing the “alt-right” movement and its support of Republican nominee Donald Trump has shone the national spotlight on the ideologically conservative group. Here’s what you need to know about the alt-right
PENSACOLA, FL—Addressing recent allegations that she is physically unfit to serve in the Oval Office, Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton, 68, debunked rumors about her health Monday by telling the audience at a campaign rally the exact day she will die.
COLUMBUS, OH—Clad in a tattered suit as he limped through the Hyatt ballroom toward the stunned Democratic presidential nominee, a dirty, bearded Vince Foster reportedly burst through the doors of a Clinton campaign fundraiser Monday to confront his former law partner.
‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters
WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.
AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.
Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.
As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know
NEW YORK—Sitting down with officials from the Office of the Director of National Intelligence to discuss a range of foreign and domestic threats facing the United States, presidential candidate Donald Trump reportedly spent the entirety of his first classified national security briefing Wednesday asking about Egyptian mummies.
As Donald Trump’s poll numbers continue to fall, many wonder how the GOP presidential nominee can turn his campaign around before Election Day. Here are some ways Trump aims to regain his footing
LIMA, OH—Pointing at the vehicle and shrieking with delight, giddy Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine reportedly pressed his face against the window of his campaign bus Wednesday to gawk at a passing horse trailer.
PALM BEACH, FL—Saying she was still coming to terms with what she had seen several days earlier, Melania Trump told reporters Monday she was left deeply shaken after discovering a secluded attic room in the Mar-a-Lago estate filled with haunting and grotesque self-portraits painted by her husband.
NEW YORK—Saying it was completely exhausted and overwhelmed by its strenuous workload, Donald Trump’s prefrontal cortex admitted Thursday it was simply unable to filter through the torrent of impulsive comments coming from the rest of the presidential candidate’s brain.
WASHINGTON—Saying he will be shocked and saddened by the statements of his party’s presidential nominee, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan told reporters Thursday the comments Donald Trump will make over the next several months are “highly regrettable.”
WASHINGTON—Knocking gingerly on the Oval Office door before poking her head into the president’s daily intelligence briefing Thursday morning, Secretary of the Interior Sally Jewell meekly asked those in attendance if there was anything she could do to help stop ISIS, White House sources reported.
NEW YORK—Quickly running into his bedroom and slamming the door behind him after hearing public criticism of the statements he made regarding the family of a fallen Muslim-American U.S. Army captain, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly threw himself on his bed Tuesday and asked himself “Why can I never seem to say the right thing?” while weeping into his pillow.
NEW YORK—Saying they weren’t afraid to take the gloves off for the general election if need be, the campaign team for Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly considered the possibility Monday of pivoting their strategy and going negative.
PHILADELPHIA—Following the conclusion of the Democratic and Republican National Conventions held in their respective cities over the past two weeks, residents of Philadelphia and Cleveland reportedly voiced their deep sense of relief Friday that at least they wouldn’t have to host another one of these fucking things for several decades.
Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public
PHILADELPHIA—In a stirring, heartfelt address Thursday night at the Democratic National Convention in which she laid out her vision for the future of the United States, presidential nominee Hillary Clinton stated that every young girl in the country deserved “an equal opportunity to one day feel raw, unbridled power coursing through her body.”
PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.