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The hardest thing about MGTOW (self.MGTOW)

solseeking が 投稿

I'm a long time lurker and still finding my way after divorce from a complete nutjob ex-wife.

The hardest thing I've found about MGTOW is that men who go their own way must find validation of their beliefs, personhood, and physical self in something other than women.

This was a foreign concept to me for most of my life, as my worth was closely tied to the validation I received from women. If we want to be powerful men, we must learn to generate validation of ourselves from within, and for many, me included, that's not an easy feat.

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[–]project_mayhem_ 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

it sucks you had to go through whatever it was. it's good that you've found this place.

I suggest you focus first on modifying your behavior. your thoughts will organize themselves around your new habits. the old kneejerk responses in certain situations will start to slip away. your appetite for tearing down other men to build yourself up and to serve women against your own interest will evaporate. you will replace the illusions they gave you with meaning you decide for yourself. right now, it feels like you won't. right now, you feel like you are probably crazy for even reading what somebody called project mayhem on the MGTOW sub says. that's normal and even good. just take stock of what you need to do to survive day to day and be content. stay away from women and you will start to feel better.

some here will suggest having relationships with women, and merely avoiding emotional and legal entanglements. I am not one of these, though I don't hold it against them. however, for now, absolutely don't even be alone in a room with a woman. your mind isn't right at this time.

[–]solaceFromSolitude 2ポイント3ポイント  (2子コメント)

I have always found validation in many other things than women even long before I went my own way. I am a trained scientist. I need no validation from other people for my opinions. I base my opinions on the fruits of research of myself and others. I know the limits of my body from cycling and hiking. I have done some lifting in the past which also greatly helped discovering my physical limitations.

I think finally I could make the step into going my own way by the various negative things I experienced in personal relationships with women. At first I thought I was the crazy one for feeling hurt or mistreated by their behaviors. I thought my feeling of being exploited was out of place. It took a while to grow a spine and start saying: "No."

I think it was then that I could truly and more objectively determine what role any woman could ever play in my life. It turns out without female weaponized validation, I was happier and more emotionally stable.

You will get through your troubles. You will find your source of validation. It is a difficult feat, but you will manage just fine. How much validation does one actually need? I am pretty sure your need for validation was inflated by women using validation as a means to control you. Once that is gone, you will see validation of the self in small things.

[–]User-31f64a4e 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

It turns out without female weaponized validation, I was happier and more emotionally stable.

Exactly! When validation comes from women, it's always conditional.
This is also true of parents; see page 8 of this pamphlet.

[–]solseeking[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Pure gold: "female weaponized validation"

[–]Suprtrmp 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

can confirm bro, I also divorced a nut job, and also went through depression, and the whole nine yards. Hold on! All of it will pass, for me it wasnt easy, but I made it, you are spot on, changing your validation format is hard since it is embedded on your programing, later on it gets even better, in time you will not need much of personal validation, you just wont give a fuck

[–]victor_knight 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This might be of some help to you.