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Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know

How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around

As Donald Trump’s poll numbers continue to fall, many wonder how the GOP presidential nominee can turn his campaign around before Election Day. Here are some ways Trump aims to regain his footing

‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow

NEW YORK—Quickly running into his bedroom and slamming the door behind him after hearing public criticism of the statements he made regarding the family of a fallen Muslim-American U.S. Army captain, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly threw himself on his bed Tuesday and asked himself “Why can I never seem to say the right thing?” while weeping into his pillow.

Trump Campaign Ponders Going Negative

NEW YORK—Saying they weren’t afraid to take the gloves off for the general election if need be, the campaign team for Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly considered the possibility Monday of pivoting their strategy and going negative.

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.

Highlights Of Melania Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech

America’s Finest News Source presents the key moments from the address of Melania Trump, wife of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, delivered on the first night of the 2016 Republican National Convention.

Curt Schilling Just Going To Assume He Has Speaking Slot At RNC

MEDFIELD, MA—Despite not receiving a formal invitation or any other signal that he had been tapped to speak, former Major League Baseball pitcher and outspoken conservative Curt Schilling reportedly just went ahead and assumed this week that he’ll be addressing the audience at the Republican National Convention.

Secret Service Rooftop Sniper Team Depressed By Sprawling View Of Cleveland

CLEVELAND—Shaking their heads as they looked out at the vast expanse of urban sprawl and blighted neighborhoods spreading out in all directions, members of a Secret Service sniper team positioned on a rooftop outside the Republican National Convention were reportedly left deeply depressed Monday by their view of Cleveland.
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Who Is Gary Johnson?
Who Is Gary Johnson?
Newly Redesigned HillaryClinton.com Allows Users To Fully Customize Issues Page To Suit Own Preferences
Newly Redesigned HillaryClinton.com Allows Users To Fully Customize Issues Page To Suit Own Preferences
Clinton Debunks Rumors About Health By Telling Audience Exact Day She Will Die
Clinton Debunks Rumors About Health By Telling Audience Exact Day She Will Die
Dirty, Bearded Vince Foster Bursts Through Doors Of Clinton Fundraiser
Dirty, Bearded Vince Foster Bursts Through Doors Of Clinton Fundraiser
Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them
Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them
Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop
Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop
Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?
Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?
Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?
Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?
Trump Spends Entire Classified National Security Briefing Asking About ​Egyptian ​Mummies
Trump Spends Entire Classified National Security Briefing Asking About ​Egyptian ​Mummies
How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around
How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around
Giddy Tim Kaine Presses Face Against Campaign Bus Window As Horse Trailer Drives By
Giddy Tim Kaine Presses Face Against Campaign Bus Window As Horse Trailer Drives By
I Spend Every Waking Moment Holding This Fragile Facade Of A Person Together, And I’ll Do The Same For America
I Spend Every Waking Moment Holding This Fragile Facade Of A Person Together, And I’ll Do The Same For America
Melania Trump Stumbles Upon Dozens Of Husband’s Haunting, Macabre Self-Portraits
Melania Trump Stumbles Upon Dozens Of Husband’s Haunting, Macabre Self-Portraits
Trump’s Prefrontal Cortex Admits It Can’t Possibly Filter All Impulsive Comments Coming From Rest Of Brain
Trump’s Prefrontal Cortex Admits It Can’t Possibly Filter All Impulsive Comments Coming From Rest Of Brain
Details Of Trump’s Economic Plan
Details Of Trump’s Economic Plan
‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow
‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow
Trump Campaign Ponders Going Negative
Trump Campaign Ponders Going Negative
Residents Of Philadelphia, Cleveland At Least Relieved They Can’t Host Another One Of These Fucking Things For Few Decades
Residents Of Philadelphia, Cleveland At Least Relieved They Can’t Host Another One Of These Fucking Things For Few Decades
What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns
What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns
DNC Honors Historic Nominee By Dropping Broken Glass Shards From Ceiling
DNC Honors Historic Nominee By Dropping Broken Glass Shards From Ceiling
Hillary Clinton: ‘Young Girls Should Have An Equal Opportunity To One Day Feel Power Coursing Through Their Body’
Hillary Clinton: ‘Young Girls Should Have An Equal Opportunity To One Day Feel Power Coursing Through Their Body’
Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd
Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd
Hillary Clinton: ‘When I Was A Child, Most Special Interest Groups Wouldn’t Even Consider Donating Large Sums Of Money To A Woman’
Hillary Clinton: ‘When I Was A Child, Most Special Interest Groups Wouldn’t Even Consider Donating Large Sums Of Money To A Woman’
Chelsea Clinton: ‘My Mother Will Shape This Country Into A Strong, Independent Young Woman’
Chelsea Clinton: ‘My Mother Will Shape This Country Into A Strong, Independent Young Woman’
Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech
Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech
Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot
Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot
DNC Speech: ‘I Am Proud To Say I Walked In On Bill And Hillary Having Sex’
DNC Speech: ‘I Am Proud To Say I Walked In On Bill And Hillary Having Sex’
Trump Sick And Tired Of Mainstream Media Always Trying To Put His Words Into Some Sort Of Context
Trump Sick And Tired Of Mainstream Media Always Trying To Put His Words Into Some Sort Of Context
Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 4
Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 4
Bound, Gagged Joaquin Castro Horrified By What His Identical Twin Brother Might Be Doing Out On DNC Floor
Bound, Gagged Joaquin Castro Horrified By What His Identical Twin Brother Might Be Doing Out On DNC Floor
Obama: ‘Hillary Will Fight To Protect My Legacy, Even The Truly Detestable Parts’
Obama: ‘Hillary Will Fight To Protect My Legacy, Even The Truly Detestable Parts’
Tim Kaine Clearly Tuning Out In Middle Of Boring Vice Presidential Acceptance Speech
Tim Kaine Clearly Tuning Out In Middle Of Boring Vice Presidential Acceptance Speech
Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center
Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center
Biden Regales DNC With Story Of ’80s Girl Band Vixen Breaking Hard Rock’s Glass Ceiling
Biden Regales DNC With Story Of ’80s Girl Band Vixen Breaking Hard Rock’s Glass Ceiling
Biden Chokes Up While Describing Hardworking Americans Who Can Only Afford Shitty Ditch Weed
Biden Chokes Up While Describing Hardworking Americans Who Can Only Afford Shitty Ditch Weed
DNC Speech: Clinton Campaign Thanks Volunteers For Killing Millions Of Gnats In Hillary’s Bus
DNC Speech: Clinton Campaign Thanks Volunteers For Killing Millions Of Gnats In Hillary’s Bus
DNC Speech: Clinton Campaign Thanks Volunteers For Killing Millions Of Gnats In Hillary’s Bus
DNC Speech: Clinton Campaign Thanks Volunteers For Killing Millions Of Gnats In Hillary’s Bus
Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 3
Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 3
Biden Busted In DNC Parking Lot Selling Bootleg ‘I’m With Her’ T-Shirts
Biden Busted In DNC Parking Lot Selling Bootleg ‘I’m With Her’ T-Shirts
Highlights Of Bill Clinton’s 2016 DNC Speech
Highlights Of Bill Clinton’s 2016 DNC Speech
Highlights Of Bill Clinton’s 2016 DNC Speech
Highlights Of Bill Clinton’s 2016 DNC Speech
Who Is Tim Kaine?
Who Is Tim Kaine?
Convention Crowd Really Hoping Bill Clinton Breaks Tension With Joke About How Terrible He Looks
Convention Crowd Really Hoping Bill Clinton Breaks Tension With Joke About How Terrible He Looks
DNC Speech: Could This Democrat Testing Out Phrases And Sounds Be The Future Of The Party?
DNC Speech: Could This Democrat Testing Out Phrases And Sounds Be The Future Of The Party?
Baby-Faced, Muscular Jimmy Carter Tells Democratic Convention The Future Of Medicine Is Bright
Baby-Faced, Muscular Jimmy Carter Tells Democratic Convention The Future Of Medicine Is Bright
Highlights Of Bernie Sanders’s 2016 DNC Speech
Highlights Of Bernie Sanders’s 2016 DNC Speech
Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot
Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot
Highlights Of Michelle Obama’s 2016 DNC Speech
Highlights Of Michelle Obama’s 2016 DNC Speech
DNC Speech: ‘It’s Howard Dean, Motherfucks!’
DNC Speech: ‘It’s Howard Dean, Motherfucks!’
Pro-Sanders Phillie Phanatic Places Masking Tape Reading ‘Silenced’ Over Honker
Pro-Sanders Phillie Phanatic Places Masking Tape Reading ‘Silenced’ Over Honker
The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Bernie Sanders’s 2016 DNC Speech
The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Bernie Sanders’s 2016 DNC Speech
Supporters Aggravated Bernie Sanders Didn’t Use DNC Speech To Get Voters To Act Against Their Own Self-Interest
Supporters Aggravated Bernie Sanders Didn’t Use DNC Speech To Get Voters To Act Against Their Own Self-Interest
Voice Coming From DNC Sound System During Sanders Address Clearly Hillary Clinton’s
Voice Coming From DNC Sound System During Sanders Address Clearly Hillary Clinton’s
‘Fear Not—She Means You No Harm,’ Says Elizabeth Warren, Revealing Docile Hillary Clinton To Crowd
‘Fear Not—She Means You No Harm,’ Says Elizabeth Warren, Revealing Docile Hillary Clinton To Crowd
Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’
Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’
Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 1
Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 1
Revelations From The DNC Email Leak
Revelations From The DNC Email Leak
Clinton Assures Tim Kaine She’ll Continue Serving As President In Event Of Her Death
Clinton Assures Tim Kaine She’ll Continue Serving As President In Event Of Her Death
Highlights Of The 2016 RNC
Highlights Of The 2016 RNC
The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Donald Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech
The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Donald Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech
Trump: ‘Remember, This Is Your Last Chance To Get Out Before This Goes Any Further’
Trump: ‘Remember, This Is Your Last Chance To Get Out Before This Goes Any Further’
‘Low-Energy Jeb,’ Whispers Jeb Bush Sitting Alone In Dark Watching Televised Trump Speech
‘Low-Energy Jeb,’ Whispers Jeb Bush Sitting Alone In Dark Watching Televised Trump Speech
Trump Takes Moment To Thank All The Fear In Audience For Making This Night Possible
Trump Takes Moment To Thank All The Fear In Audience For Making This Night Possible
RNC Speech: ‘Fuck, We’re Really Just Letting This Fucking Happen?’
RNC Speech: ‘Fuck, We’re Really Just Letting This Fucking Happen?’
RNC Speech: ‘Fuck, We’re Really Just Letting This Fucking Happen?’
RNC Speech: ‘Fuck, We’re Really Just Letting This Fucking Happen?’
Barron Trump Sprints Off Convention Stage In Tears After Missing Note During Clarinet Solo Performance
Barron Trump Sprints Off Convention Stage In Tears After Missing Note During Clarinet Solo Performance
Who's Speaking At The RNC: Day 4
Who's Speaking At The RNC: Day 4
Highlights Of Ted Cruz’s 2016 RNC Speech
Highlights Of Ted Cruz’s 2016 RNC Speech
Highlights Of Ted Cruz’s 2016 RNC Speech
Highlights Of Ted Cruz’s 2016 RNC Speech
RNC Speech: ‘Students Should Stop Taking Handouts And Find Their Diplomas In A Lake Like I Did’
RNC Speech: ‘Students Should Stop Taking Handouts And Find Their Diplomas In A Lake Like I Did’
The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Mike Pence’s 2016 RNC Speech
The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Mike Pence’s 2016 RNC Speech
Trump Accidentally Fires Off ‘Boring Mike Pence’ Tweet During VP Speech Before He Can Stop Himself
Trump Accidentally Fires Off ‘Boring Mike Pence’ Tweet During VP Speech Before He Can Stop Himself
Pence Tells Emotional Story Of Longtime Friend Who Was Aborted After Second Trimester
Pence Tells Emotional Story Of Longtime Friend Who Was Aborted After Second Trimester
Newt Gingrich: ‘It’s An Honor To Address A Crowd That Shares My Utterly Bizarre And Unhealthy Obsession With Hillary Clinton’
Newt Gingrich: ‘It’s An Honor To Address A Crowd That Shares My Utterly Bizarre And Unhealthy Obsession With Hillary Clinton’
Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech
Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech
Pregnant Women Asked To Leave Convention Hall During Ted Cruz Speech For Safety Of Developing Fetuses
Pregnant Women Asked To Leave Convention Hall During Ted Cruz Speech For Safety Of Developing Fetuses
RNC Attendee Excited To Find Out What He’ll Get To Boo Tonight
RNC Attendee Excited To Find Out What He’ll Get To Boo Tonight
RNC Speech: ‘If We Don’t Elect Trump, Our Enemies Will’
RNC Speech: ‘If We Don’t Elect Trump, Our Enemies Will’
Highlights Of Chris Christie’s 2016 RNC Speech
Highlights Of Chris Christie’s 2016 RNC Speech
Who's Speaking At The RNC: Day 3
Who's Speaking At The RNC: Day 3
Nate Silver Ages 40 Years After Accidentally Using Polling Projection Model On Self
Nate Silver Ages 40 Years After Accidentally Using Polling Projection Model On Self
RNC Speech: Trump Invites Young Couple To Make Out
RNC Speech: Trump Invites Young Couple To Make Out
The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Chris Christie’s 2016 RNC Speech
The Onion’s Full Coverage Of Chris Christie’s 2016 RNC Speech
‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech
‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech
Paul Ryan Delivers Impassioned 10-Minute Pained Facial Expression
Paul Ryan Delivers Impassioned 10-Minute Pained Facial Expression
Chris Christie Emits Loud Sob As Paul Ryan Asks Crowd Whether They Worse Off Now Than They Were 4 Years Ago
Chris Christie Emits Loud Sob As Paul Ryan Asks Crowd Whether They Worse Off Now Than They Were 4 Years Ago
RNC Speech: Trump Invites Young Couple To Make Out
RNC Speech: Trump Invites Young Couple To Make Out
Who's Speaking At The RNC: Day 2
Who's Speaking At The RNC: Day 2
Highlights Of Melania Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech
Highlights Of Melania Trump’s 2016 RNC Speech
Trembling, Pallid RNC Attendees Undergo Second Day Of Firearm Withdrawal
Trembling, Pallid RNC Attendees Undergo Second Day Of Firearm Withdrawal
Highlights Of Rudy Giuliani’s 2016 RNC Speech
Highlights Of Rudy Giuliani’s 2016 RNC Speech
Highlights Of Rudy Giuliani’s 2016 RNC Speech
Highlights Of Rudy Giuliani’s 2016 RNC Speech
Curt Schilling Just Going To Assume He Has Speaking Slot At RNC
Curt Schilling Just Going To Assume He Has Speaking Slot At RNC
Police Outside Convention Hoping For Opportunity To Take Swing At George Washington Impersonator
Police Outside Convention Hoping For Opportunity To Take Swing At George Washington Impersonator
Secret Service Rooftop Sniper Team Depressed By Sprawling View Of Cleveland
Secret Service Rooftop Sniper Team Depressed By Sprawling View Of Cleveland
Cleveland Ukrainian Museum Pulling Out All Stops To Prepare For Onrush Of RNC Visitors
Cleveland Ukrainian Museum Pulling Out All Stops To Prepare For Onrush Of RNC Visitors
​Report: All Standing Between Trump And Presidency Is Nation That Made Him Billionaire Celebrity
​Report: All Standing Between Trump And Presidency Is Nation That Made Him Billionaire Celebrity
Trump Thinking Of Beginning RNC Speech With Sexist Tirade He Was Saving For Special Occasion
Trump Thinking Of Beginning RNC Speech With Sexist Tirade He Was Saving For Special Occasion
GOP Establishment Relieved After Conventionally Abhorrent Beliefs Make Way Onto Presidential Ticket
GOP Establishment Relieved After Conventionally Abhorrent Beliefs Make Way Onto Presidential Ticket
Trump Campaign Selects Mike Pence As Concrete Reminder That This All Really Happening
Trump Campaign Selects Mike Pence As Concrete Reminder That This All Really Happening

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Election 2016

More Election Coverage

Who Is Gary Johnson?

INFOGRAPHIC September 15, 2016

Former New Mexico governor and Libertarian Party presidential candidate Gary Johnson is gaining some traction in the polls as an alternative to the two major-party nominees. Here’s what you need to know about Johnson:

  • Birthplace

    Aleppo, Syria

  • Marital Status

    Independent

  • Personal History

    Lost both parents to government oversight at the age of 8

  • Beliefs

    Things you adamantly agree with mixed with horrifying things you would never consider

  • Hobbies

    Skiing, cycling, wasting everyone’s time

  • Greatest Strength

    Not enough time left in election cycle for him to build up as much ill will as other candidates

  • Greatest Challenge

    Convincing Trump voters that he has some pretty crazy ideas for America too

  • Accomplishments As Governor

    Went on to run for president of the United States

  • Former CEO Of Company Named “Cannabis Sativa Inc.”

    Christ, Yes

  • Voter Demographic He Is Courting:

    Anyone with the emotional wherewithal to read an additional seven to 10 news items about the 2016 election

  • Supporting Him A Good Way To Round Out Identity For Freshman Year Of College

    Sure

  • Chance Of Being Elected:

    Roughly where Donald Trump would be if this were a normal election

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